Sometimes things just suck.

  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jan 07, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    I am really depressed these days. I have been at my job now for 8.5 years. I had my review last Monday. I went from 8 years of almost all 5's and a couple 4's to mostly 3's and then was told my job will be eliminated in about 6 months or less. Here is the back ground my boss is a redneck that likes to drink a lot. We have meeting at 3pm and he brings in two cases of beer. Nothing gets accomplished because the guys I work with end up getting buzzed and the conversation goes from work to titty bars, the best strip joints, getting laid, what beer everyone thinks is best, etc. I am not exaggerating. Yesterday I had to keep reminding my boss what we were originally talking about and what he wanted to make sure everyone knew about. He was buzzed and couldn't remember. At 5PM I change and go to the gym. A couple times he has said in the past that George thinks he is too good to party with us or George isn't a team player. At my review, this was in a bar. I said is my ratings down because I don't hang out and drink with you guys? He said no, I said you know I am about my health and taking care of myself. Also I don't drink and drive. He said it wouldn't hurt you to have a couple with us. I said, yes it would. I go to the gym every night. It would definitely affect my workout. If I didn't workout I would still me driving home for 45 minute buzzed. I really don’t want to do that. I told him that I really like and respect everyone. He said well there are a few things. You don't really participate in our meetings. I said how can I? I am not into titty bars and pussy I could talk about gay clubs and cocks but you guys would freak on that. He was oh no, I don't want to hear about that. Anyway I am 53 about 30,000 in dept and scared to death. Times are hard, it is hard enough to find a good job as it is but it is worse the older you get. I am so in debt because when my mom got sick I took care of her and I also had to take care of her debt. I have had to get emergency surgery for a couple of my dogs. It all adds up. I hate that I am in debt but I don't regret anything I did. I don't use charge card anymore. If I can't pay for it with cash, I don't do it. Anyway I am hating life right now. Thank God I have Norm and my dogs. I am not sure what I would do if I didn't. I am worried that if I loose my job we will loose everything. He can't afford my bills, his bills, the house and everything else. Unfortunately I think things are going to happen a lot faster. Every day they are getting on me for anything they can find. Today I was chewed out because one of our technicians didn't have his time in on Dec 22nd. Come to find out he did, it was under PTO. There were a few other things they got on me for as well. I don't know what I ma going to do. I had my resume updated today and I have already sent it out for a couple jobs.
    It is making me sick in my stomach. Sorry about all of the rambling. I just had to get it out of my system. I can't talk to my partner about how I feel. He is just as upset as I am. Sometimes I think it doesn't pay to be a good person. I go to work on time every day, I don't call out, and I haven’t taken a lunch in years. I eat while I work. I volunteer for things they need done. It isn't worth it when I see a lot of the people I work with come in late, take long lunches, a lot of cigarette breaks and they have never gone out of their way to do anything extra and they are treated wonderful. Ok I am done. Again sorry!
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    Jan 07, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    Oh. I'm so sorry to hear about this. Life does suck sometimes. And I know my words may not mean much (i mean coming from a 24 yr old -what could I possibly have been through that enttiles me to give advice-most likely nothing consequential).

    All I know is that every day is a blessing, and hard times make us appreciate the good times ahead in store for us.

    Cheer up icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    I was going to say I can relate but I've never reached that level of debt before myself. If anything when it comes to money I try to identify as soon as possible the risks and try and evaluate my options. As far as work is concerned being a team player is not about talking the same social language as your colleagues but being able to effectively communicate the task at hand which I'm sure your aware of so I think your boss has it all wrong.

    Your dedication to your job sounds fine but I don't think everyone else is as dedicated to the job as you are.

    As for your gym lifestyle, I say enjoy it but don't let it rule things or be an excuse for something else. There are other ways to stay healthy and going to the gym is usually just an escape not an excuse.

    To be honest it sounds like you really need to get a new job, it is like the whole social construct of where you work isn't right for you.

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    Jan 07, 2011 12:58 AM GMT
    Um that was a really long run-on paragraph with lots of numbers. Can someone please give me a shortened RJ version?
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidUm that was a really long run-on paragraph with lots of numbers. Can someone please give me a shortened RJ version?


    * Disconnected from work and colleagues because colleagues are tit lovers and boozers
    * A bit in debt because of helping family
    * Very dedicated to work and fitness
    * Limited time left in his current job which has been seen as declining in appreciation

    I think they are the highlights.
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    always someone asshole with no heart, just mouth, dragging around these threads............

    George, I'm really sorry for the shit wagon that has unloaded on you brother. Contrary to what you feel, you and Norm DO need to sit and talk things out....that is a major part of a relationship - to be there and lean on each other.

    Try to focus on the positive, right now you are buried in the negative and the more you concentrate on it, the deeper hole you will dig....Look at the prospects ahead of you, your job experience, your past reviews. On another bright side, something is moving you to leave this part of your life behind you. Follow the lead and look at it as a positive, leading you to an even better job and situation.

    Six months from now you will look back and chuckle at how you got your shit in a knot over nothing....You're old enough to remember all those times that you did, and most of them turned out ok.......stay strong George....good thoughts and a hug to you and Norm......Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    vetteset saidalways someone asshole with no heart, just mouth, dragging around these threads............

    George, I'm really sorry for the shit wagon that has unloaded on you brother. Contrary to what you feel, you and Norm DO need to sit and talk things out....that is a major part of a relationship - to be there and lean on each other.

    Try to focus on the positive, right now you are buried in the negative and the more you concentrate on it, the deeper hole you will dig....Look at the prospects ahead of you, your job experience, your past reviews. On another bright side, something is moving you to leave this part of your life behind you. Follow the lead and look at it as a positive, leading you to an even better job and situation.

    Six months from now you will look back and chuckle at how you got your shit in a knot over nothing....You're old enough to remember all those times that you did, and most of them turned out ok.......stay strong George....good thoughts and a hug to you and Norm......Keithicon_cool.gif
    ^^^Words of wisdom...
    *hugs*
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    sydney_cider said
    JAKEBENSON saidUm that was a really long run-on paragraph with lots of numbers. Can someone please give me a shortened RJ version?


    * Disconnected from work and colleagues because colleagues are tit lovers and boozers
    * A bit in debt because of helping family
    * Very dedicated to work and fitness
    * Limited time left in his current job which has been seen as declining in appreciation

    I think they are the highlights.


    Ahhh, I'm in the same boat. Psychologically your main options to resolve cognitive dissonance are:

    1. Change your attitude (try to like your colleagues)
    2. Change your external surroundings (switch jobs)
    3. Rationalize your situation (drugs to help you cope)

    #2 is the best bet.

    However I understand this is difficult with your age bracket...as opposed to a hyper eager recent college graduate which every company is looking for...even I escape that demographic even though I'm just 6 years older than what they want. I really have no real solution to this situation. It's depressing as fuck and all I can do is relate. icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    Hugs.
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    Babe....


    All the shit you talk about........

    Doesn't matter a God Damned thing..........


    Those people you work with?,,,,,,,Pfffffft............nada.....


    Hang Tough, man...... Please.........


    Like they say, When a door closes, a window opens....just remember to keep walking past those open windows......


    You'll be all right, man...........please......have some faith and confidence in yourself.......icon_wink.gif
  • Crucializer

    Posts: 389

    Jan 07, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    I am in a similar situation except I have no man to comfort me. Things jus seem shitty all around.

    My heart goes out to you.
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    Work and progression at work often relate more to how you "fit", than your skills. There is a reality in a lot of firms that is similar to the situation you have described.

    People want to spend time with "like" people, your boss could feel that you think you are better than him and the others because you openly condemn how he operates.

    Who cares if he got loaded and didn't get to the point the meeting was about, if he is the sole owner, he can waste his time and yours, because he pays you.


    PS - giving you six months notice provides a lot of time to find something else, he didn't have to do this.

    I'm not saying the situation isn't shitty, but there is reality and the fantasy of "fairness", life isn't fair.
  • timmytwister

    Posts: 169

    Jan 07, 2011 5:05 AM GMT
    Sorry for your situation, guy. If your description of the situation is accurate, it sounds like the boss and/or other guys have just decided that "you don't fit in." Brutal. And its illegal to fire you for that reason - although management will make up some other reason, making it next to impossible for you to contest a dismissal.
    On the other hand, sometimes management just has to cut someone due to a downturn; so they may focus on the easy target(s) first - the ones that make them feel the least guilty.
    I suggest that you prepare for leaving that job. Quietly look for other jobs, phone friends & contacts, search job sites, whatever. Keep being a good employee. And DO YOUR HOMEWORK before you go. Make sure you know exactly how much severance you are owed. Make sure you have management's reason(s) in writing. Do not cause a scene. Look into unemployment benefits. Contact professional associations you may belong to. Keeping a cool head will not only help to ease you out of this bad workplace, but will help you find a better one.
    There is a reason this is happening to you. It is because you should not be there; there is a more fulfilling place for you. Trust me!

    One more thing: go to monster.com and look through their advice articles. A wealth of information on all sorts of workplace situations.

    good luck,
    Timmy
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    Jan 07, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    You're already doing what you need to do by sending out resumes and looking for another job. It sounds like a place you would want to rid yourself of anyway. Drinking at meetings and having your review in a bar? Where do you work, the real estate office in Glengarry Glen Ross? Sorry you are having such a difficult time, but things will get better.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 07, 2011 9:05 AM GMT
    Congratulations. You'll be heading off to a better job where they appreciate your work skills over your drinking skills. Start looking for a new job, IMMEDIATELY.
  • metta

    Posts: 39104

    Jan 07, 2011 9:47 AM GMT
    Start job searching now. Get your resume ready. Start thinking about what kind of job and company you would like to go into with your experience.
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    JAKEBENSON saidUm that was a really long run-on paragraph with lots of numbers. Can someone please give me a shortened RJ version?


    Shortened RJ version of your post: You're a dick.



    To the OP: It does pay to be a good person, and an alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature. If he actually ranked you lower because of you're not drinking, then HE is the one who is out of bounds. Can you speak to someone higher up than him? Everyone answers to someone... If not, what everyone has said about prepping to go is good advice. You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. I tried to hang in at a job where I (a recovering alcoholic myself) was told that I couldn't keep the job unless I drank. Should have left right then.... but I was stubborn, and tried to fight through it. Didn't work. Eventually it was keep the job or keep my sobriety. Out I went. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I was eventually put in a job where my drinking was not a factor and my talents were fostered.
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    Jan 07, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said[...]
    To the OP: It does pay to be a good person, and an alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature. If he actually ranked you lower because of you're not drinking, then HE is the one who is out of bounds. Can you speak to someone higher up than him? Everyone answers to someone... If not, what everyone has said about prepping to go is good advice. You do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. I tried to hang in at a job where I (a recovering alcoholic myself) was told that I couldn't keep the job unless I drank. Should have left right then.... but I was stubborn, and tried to fight through it. Didn't work. Eventually it was keep the job or keep my sobriety. Out I went. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I was eventually put in a job where my drinking was not a factor and my talents were fostered.


    Good for you.
    Having to drink in order to be liked/accepted at a job is just an excuse. If you (both) were to have participated in drinking with them they would have found some other excuse to complain about you and your not attempting to be part of the team. Working with dreadful people is futile unless you excel at their games of politics (so they proverbially kiss your ass), are compensated satisfactorily for your efforts, and accrue the experiences that other companies will kill to have.

  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jan 07, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    I just want to thank you guys for all the great advice and the pep talk. It is just what I needed. You are all correct; it is time to move on. I can't do anything about my boss because it will just turn around and kick me in the ass. I have already been there. I went to the owners of the company who then went right to him and told him exactly what I said. Now he is finding anything he can to get on me with. Yesterday he was all over me because one of my technicians didn't have his hour’s ion for Dec 22nd. I looked and his hours were in but they were not billable hours. He took a PTO day on the 22nd. After he was done yelling, I asked him to look at my screen and explained that he was on a vacation day. He just said Oh and turned and walked away. Please don't get me wrong. I don’t have anything against drinking. I do at times, but I will never drink and drive and I will not drink before my workouts. You guys really are the best!
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jan 07, 2011 8:47 PM GMT
    I got depressed for about 10 minutes on Christmas eve - I could write a similar story.

    Christmas morning I woke alone and drove my ass down to soup kitchen and delivered meals to people whose lives really suck a lot more than mine. Most were alone - not just right then - but every freaking day.

    Later that day finally surrounded by my kids and family I was buoyed by going out and helping others at a time when I otherwise would have been home alone and depressed with my current reduced income.
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jan 07, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    Hey Lance, Good for you! I know what you mean. I do stuff like that all the time. There is nothing like it. It really does open your eyes. For the month of December I bake almost every day. I make lots of deliveries to the AIDS clinics, Ronald McDonald house, and shelters. I have been doing for 20 years. It totally warms my heart and they look forward to it. I was a week late with a couple places this year. When I made the deliveries they were so happy. They said they were afraid I forgot them this year. I have been very blessed in my life. Thanks for the reminder. I also volunteer at one of our pet rescues. I collect supplies and I walk the dogs . It isn't much bit it is the best I can do for now. I am feeling better already. Thanks! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    My heart goes out to you as well. That's a very unfortunate situation. Sure hope it changes in the upcoming year!
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    Jan 07, 2011 9:46 PM GMT
    Damn dude. What kind of work do you do? The company you work for is a nightmare. Never heard of bringing beer to work, talking about titty bars, etc. Weird. Hope you get back on your feet soon. Wishing you the best.
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    Jan 08, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    George there is the old tale of the man who complained to his creator about the load of troubles he was carrying each day. His creator agreed to take all his troubles away for one day, on the condition that he choose a load to carry following the day. He agreed....On the day, the Creator took him to a large room filled with sacks each labelled 'Troubles" and told him to pick out a sack to carry. There were huge sacks, some ten times his own size, some twice his size. He looked around the room and saw a very small bag less than half his size and turned to the creator; " I'll take that one" he said, pointing....the Creator laughed and said "you have just chosen your old bag of troubles, small in comparison isn't it.....

    Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Jan 08, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    Oh man, that sucks, i can totally relate. Except in my case my last job fired me on the spot. Seven months later...

    But while youre still there, like what everyone else said, find whatever job you can land quick. The rest will follow.
    Good luck!