Guy I was dating for 3 months had boyfriend the entire time

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2011 6:38 AM GMT
    So I found out today the guy I had been seeing for 3 months has had a boyfriend the whole time. His boyfriend is older (and not that attractive) and seems to have a lot of money. I feel so used and hurt and stupid too for not having found out sooner.

    He told me that he cared so much about me, that he wanted me to meet his family, called me his baby boy, would text me that he missed me, said he felt so empty when I wasn't around etc. etc. I used to sleep over at his house and of course we had sex a lot.

    Towards the end I noticed he was starting to push me away and I couldn't understand why. He told me that I treated him like a hooker and that he didn't think I really cared about him (Now I think that maybe he feels like a hooker but not because of me but because of the old guy he's with for the money).

    He was the one who broke it off with me and said it wasn't going to work out. I was crushed obviously because I had never felt so strongly about someone before. Now here I found out later that I was totally played. I don't know what to do now. I have thought about texting him or just talking to him the next time I see him out (I have never actually seen him out with his boyfriend, ever. He never talked about him obviously). Ahh I'm so hurt. But at least I know the truth now about why things didn't work out and it wasn't my fault. Anyway, sorry for venting. Just had to get it off my chest. Ahh why does love have to hurt so much.
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    Jan 07, 2011 7:08 AM GMT
    How did you find out he was seeing someone? was it a friend who told you or what?

    Sorry to hear this happened, but it's better that you found this out cause he was a deuce bag. Can't really say much about love other than hopefully you'll find it with someone a whole lot better than this guy.
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    Jan 07, 2011 10:48 AM GMT
    Yeah, just look at it this way. The guy did you a favor. Heartache hurts, but you'll come around to get over it. That guy is not worth your time and feelings.
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:27 PM GMT
    U know what im glad u got that shit out bruh....its hard to find a good man fuck a mr right....but let that stop u from being a good man...its just on of life's lessons....lets learn and grow.....he will miss you bruh trust....stay up
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:29 PM GMT
    Oooops sorry......DON'T let that stop you from being a good man....damn fingers lol
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:30 PM GMT
    That sucks that you got played. That is never a good feeling. I've been played a lot when I was younger.

    Do you feel a little bit better after venting at least?
  • denswim

    Posts: 3

    Jan 07, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    wow that happened to me this summer.. Dated a guy who was still in a relationship with his older "ex". I was pretty creeped out by the whole thing once i found out. I actually met his entire family when went to the family reunion.. didn't realize he slept with his "ex" the few days before I flew in.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 07, 2011 1:47 PM GMT
    Very sorry to hear about your situation. As tough as it sounds, take it as a lesson learned. Real world lessons can sometimes really hurt. I'd suggest you deal with the hurt (and what you are doing here is dealing with it, so congrats) and move on. Don't overanalyze, don't plot revenge and
    if you do talk to him, don't get sucked up in his excuses. Move on, you deserve better.
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    Man i am sorry to hear that its so sad,i can just truy to imagine how you fell right now.
    A big hug from me man
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    Jan 07, 2011 1:54 PM GMT
    Love and Heartache can be a bitch!.....icon_sad.gif but, move on; Like everyone says here in your post: "He aint worth it". A Cheater like him in the end will always crawl back once he gets what he deserves for cheating on you in the 1st place(karma!)..icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidVery sorry to hear about your situation. As tough as it sounds, take it as a lesson learned. Real world lessons can sometimes really hurt. I'd suggest you deal with the hurt (and what you are doing here is dealing with it, so congrats) and move on. Don't overanalyze, don't plot revenge and
    if you do talk to him, don't get sucked up in his excuses. Move on, you deserve better.


    This is great advice^^. Just have to cut ties with the dude and move forward.
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:24 PM GMT
    When I was 21 or 22, this guy swept me off my feet. He was the second man I ever dated. He showered me with affection, would show up with flowers, etc...and then I found out he had a partner of 10 years. I was in love with him and it hurt and it was difficult to break it off but I finally did. I felt terrible about what I did to his partner and wound up having a very long conversation with him. My ex (his partner) was at the apartment while we were talking and we sent him into the bedroom. He kept coming out and would ask if we were finished and we'd say, "No! Go back in the bedroom!" I don't suggest doing this, but it helped us both figure out what we were feeling and get past all of the hurt and anger.
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    sanddunes saidHe told me that I treated him like a hooker and that he didn't think I really cared about him (Now I think that maybe he feels like a hooker but not because of me but because of the old guy he's with for the money).

    Naturally my own personal experience is not statistical evidence, BUT...

    I've observed that when a gay guy starts accusing me of faults I really don't think I have, I begin to realize they are his OWN faults. In psychology it's called "projection" and I believe it's rampant in the gay community.

    A person subconsciously recognizes some flaw he has in himself but he rejects it. Instead, he projects it onto another person, in order to criticize his own flaw through a surrogate. It's a well-known phenomenon.

    When he calls you a hooker it sounds like HE'S the hooker. HE'S the one cheating, as I understand this, not you. Just sorry you had this experience. icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:30 PM GMT
    Sounds typical of South Florida...drop the hot guy for a guy with money.
    I wish I could keep count of the guys who'e tried to get with me because they "think" I have money just cause I'm a pilot.
    I'm like "dude, I ain't gonna be your sugar-daddy, so gtfo." icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    I'll probably get some flack for this...

    Personally, I'd go and knock some of his teeth out! Not only did he use you, he's using someone else, and lying through said teeth!

    Yes, I know, violence doesn't solve anything, but hey! Some people need to learn lessons the hard way. Not only would you get the satisfaction of releasing anger, he would have to explain why he's all beat up to his "bf". And if he charges you, just say he tried to rape you, or something of the like. After all, he did say he felt you treated him like a hooker, make that statement true (as in pimps beat their ho's)!
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:39 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about you situation. Well one thing is now you see what people will do for money. Don't worry, like everyone was sayin, you deserve better!
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Remember: before diving in, do your background checks / discovery.

    Be happy it happened now, rather than later. Why would you want to have prolonged something with a guy who is a dirt bag? Good riddance. Next item.

    It wasn't love. It was a hope for love. It was a FLING.
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    Jan 07, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    Man that's gotta suck. Well better later then never. The situation seems to have taken care of itself by removing itself from your life. The guy did you a favor and even though it seems like he tried flip the script on you please realize that in all of this you still come out smelling like roses.

    The guy you were dating is obviously a douche for ruining a good thing and just not being honest. In short, he was a coward and has his feelings mixed up. I say hold your high and move on past this. You did nothing wrong and you shouldn't feel like you did.

    I'm sure it does hurt to feel betrayed and used but some good did come out of it because now you've learned something even though it was at your expensive.

    Best of Wishes to you buddy on your next adventure and when dealing with other in matters of the heart don't be afraid to be aggressive and ask certain questions like "Are you single" and follow through on checking out the validity of their answers. It's not criminal and anyone secure and honest won't be offended.
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI've observed that when a gay guy starts accusing me of faults I really don't think I have, I begin to realize they are his OWN faults. In psychology it's called "projection" and I believe it's rampant in the gay community.

    A person subconsciously recognizes some flaw he has in himself but he rejects it. Instead, he projects it onto another person, in order to criticize his own flaw through a surrogate. It's a well-known phenomenon.


    It IS well-known, so I'm wondering why you are defining it for all of us? icon_cool.gif

    To the OP: Sorry to hear - sometimes things are in your control and sometimes they aren't. You weren't to know he was seeing anyone else without micro-analyzing his life (which probably would have destroyed the relationship anyway). Cheer up! icon_exclaim.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:42 PM GMT


    God that's really terrible.

    What a scumbag. Although one thing you have to nderstand is that guys that cheat are liars through and through, they get so used to lieing that they can say almost anything and pretend to mean it. I'd even go as far as to say they become detached from reality and the emotions of others.

    Haha bitter me? no. Old scars from a long time ago.

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    Jan 07, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear of this. You deserve better (and you'll almost certainly get it).
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    Sorry for the heartache pal.

    I don't like the idea of a "background" check. Has this crazy suspicious world lead us to this?

    Hard advice to follow but I guess looking forward you can take things really slow when you meet the next dude. It's tough when your young and hot not to fall into bed immediately with each other, then start learning about our lives.

    Just take it a little slower next time. You might be able to see some warning signs before you get in too deep.

    Oh, and yes, this will probably happen again to you but you'll be smarter, wiser, and not as easily fooled the next time.

    Get back out there. Don't waste time mourning and moping around. You can't make up for lost time.....It is gone.

    Good Luck.
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    Jan 07, 2011 5:16 PM GMT
    What a total douche bag! I'm sorry that happened to you, and that you had to go through the heartache, but look at it this way; what hurt you only makes you stronger. icon_smile.gif You don't need to spend your time on him, because there is a guy thats so much better out there.
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    Jan 07, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    He's a jerk.

    However, you may be excused for externalizing your anger a bit and characterizing, essentially, this jerk's boyfriend as old, ugly and rich...just to make it seem like the only reason he did this was because he had a sugar daddy.

    Playing it a bit more neutral...the guy that should be really hurt badly is the "old, ugly and rich" guy (who I suspect is not that old, not that rich and not that ugly). He was there first, and apparently had a committed relationship with your cheating friend.

    I'd have a lot more sympathy for him....if I were you. You both were snookered by this guy.

    Another explanation (besides the "old, ugly and rich" one) is that your cheating friend found out, stupidly, that he really did love his actual boyfriend.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jan 07, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    Good for you for a using this forum to vent. You deserve it.

    Go get tested (you are not likely the only guy he is cheating with and the old man might be getting some on the side too) and then find yourself a great man that will treat you right.