Insecure in my sexuality, or just insecure?

  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Jan 07, 2011 9:17 AM GMT
    So my friends and i were just at the gay club.

    I'm already beating myself up for this, but a really cute/hot guy was flirting with me and sort of touchy and asked me to dance in a round about way (long story), but I declined.

    Now I'm thinking why I said no. I liked him. I don't enjoy dancing from the get-go, I usually just go to clubs with my friends to get out there and have fun. I don't want to waste this guy's time though by agreeing to dance when I'm just plain awkward (I have rhythm, but I'm just not touchy feely which comes across as uninterested) so I just say no.

    I really don't know if I say no because I'm insecure in my sexuality, or just insecure in general...thoughts? similar experiences?

    thanks guys.
  • tony_boost

    Posts: 390

    Jan 07, 2011 9:36 AM GMT
    i don't think its because your insecure in your sexuality, more just being shy in front of a hot guy icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 11:04 AM GMT
    tony_boost saidi don't think its because your insecure in your sexuality, more just being shy in front of a hot guy icon_razz.gif

    agreed, doubt I'll ever go to a club cause yeah I can't dance at all icon_razz.gif at least you have rhythm maybe get a friend to teach you that stuff so next time he asks you'll be prepared
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 07, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    Lots of people would choke in the presence of a hot guy. I've regretfully declined before. I wouldn't read too much into it, you'll get there.
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    Jan 07, 2011 12:46 PM GMT
    You turned down a chance to get laid by a hot guy? Dude, I pity you. icon_razz.gif

    Sounds like insecurity in general...not insecurity about your sexuality.
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    The dancefloor is like a battlefield. If you are single and with your friends, you could go out there just to boogie and enjoy yourself, but somebody may try to boogie with you when you dont want to. And the other side of the same coin means you are scouting for boys yourself. But when you score one, you feel territorial, and you may not always know if you are hitting on somebody taken.... coz they are all dudes!

    Still, I`m not afraid of the dancefloor, I have been told I dance very straight, and I guess that means I am a good dancer... but I have been out with girls before who show interest in somebody at the bar, then go to dance and when they discover they have been hitting on a half-broken marionette, game over, then comes the awkward process of detaching yourself.

    Anyway, my point is, if you are a good dancer, go for it. If you think you are a terrible dancer, joke about how turned off he will get when he sees you (at least he wont think that YOU think you are good).

    Personally I prefer just to talk to the guy, and let the dancing come without an invitation, more like a "join us if you feel like it" kind of thing, otherwise it feels like a date, you know, where you sit across eachother from a table and "interview" eachother. Get me?
  • justinlee86

    Posts: 501

    Jan 07, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    hmmm....
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Nothing ventured; nothing gained. You can set on the sidelines, or you can make an effort to play. Do whatever makes you happy.

    Perhaps you're a bit insecure in general, but, almost certainly, you're risk adverse in a way that's self-defeating. I.e., you're adverse to being successful, or unsuccessful, on the dance floor, so...you don't even try. If you don't engage the situation / take the risk, you gain, or lose, nothing; you just fail, then, get miserable about it. Can't win if you don't play.
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    Jan 07, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    I will be honest, I have never really been a gay club kind of guy. Only recently have I gone to a big gay dance club. I have NO idea how to dance with a guy. I will dance with a girl all night, but I just don't know what I would do with a guy. And that is basically because I have danced with a million gils in my life and no guys. So in that regards, I might say no to a hot guy too, until I figure out what the hell to do haha.
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    Jan 07, 2011 3:04 PM GMT
    justinlee86 saidhmmm....


    ...works for me!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 07, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    Your insecure...I think you have it in your head that everyone is watching to see how you dance ...etc....In reality... most are involved with their own thoughts and interactions....Just give yourself some slack...don't judge yourself ....HAVE FUN....Good luck....BUD
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    KSUOWL saidI will be honest, I have never really been a gay club kind of guy. Only recently have I gone to a big gay dance club. I have NO idea how to dance with a guy. I will dance with a girl all night, but I just don't know what I would do with a guy. And that is basically because I have danced with a million gils in my life and no guys. So in that regards, I might say no to a hot guy too, until I figure out what the hell to do haha.


    I second this. I have been told I dance well before and I'm not really nervous or give a shit what others think, but honestly, what do you do with another guy? With a girl she just gets in front of you and it's not bad at all, or she turns around and grinds on you, but what if you and another guy are both very similar when it comes to the way you dance, or have danced?
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    "I'm already beating myself up for this, but a really cute/hot guy was flirting with me and sort of touchy and asked me to dance in a round about way (long story), but I declined.

    Now I'm thinking why I said no. I liked him."

    ...that's it? Then what happened?

    -Doug
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    fizzle said

    I have rhythm, but I'm just not touchy feely which comes across as uninterested) so I just say no.



    Sometimes, there is no need for "touchy feely." Haven't you learned anything from Tyra lol it's in the smize icon_cool.gif

    So next time, with a drink in your hand, accept the invite, just sway from side to side and smize your way to success

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQtZF1nG2j_u5hWaHP9X-i

    P.S. Obviously this only works when it's still early in the night. Nothing worse than trying to smize when you look drugged. The only thing you get with that is a restraining order.
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    KSUOWL saidI will be honest, I have never really been a gay club kind of guy. Only recently have I gone to a big gay dance club. I have NO idea how to dance with a guy. I will dance with a girl all night, but I just don't know what I would do with a guy. And that is basically because I have danced with a million gils in my life and no guys. So in that regards, I might say no to a hot guy too, until I figure out what the hell to do haha.


    The only reason there's a difference between dancing with a girl and dancing with a guy is because you think there is one. It's all just dancing.
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    KSUOWL saidI will be honest, I have never really been a gay club kind of guy. Only recently have I gone to a big gay dance club. I have NO idea how to dance with a guy. I will dance with a girl all night, but I just don't know what I would do with a guy. And that is basically because I have danced with a million gils in my life and no guys. So in that regards, I might say no to a hot guy too, until I figure out what the hell to do haha.


    The only reason there's a difference between dancing with a girl and dancing with a guy is because you think there is one. It's all just dancing.


    what if its dirty dancing? You know, with the hand down the pants.
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:49 PM GMT
    If he 2ahtbew.jpgasked me to dance my thought process would be:

    1) Pinch yourself you're dreaming
    2) He's still here so you're not
    3) You're shit outta luck, you can't dance
    4) Everyone who wants him is looking at you, they will be judging
    5) Just say no even though you'll regret it later
    6) He was actually interested

    The only one there that is actually true is (6) and the rest are idle thoughts. Alcohol often eliminates 1-5 but if you don't want to use liquor to quell your nerves, just say you can't dance, then dance like Napoleon Dynamite.

    Just say yes and have fun. You're not insecure about your sexuality in this and he is interested in you, not your dancing prowess ;)
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    KSUOWL saidI will be honest, I have never really been a gay club kind of guy. Only recently have I gone to a big gay dance club. I have NO idea how to dance with a guy. I will dance with a girl all night, but I just don't know what I would do with a guy. And that is basically because I have danced with a million gils in my life and no guys. So in that regards, I might say no to a hot guy too, until I figure out what the hell to do haha.


    The only reason there's a difference between dancing with a girl and dancing with a guy is because you think there is one. It's all just dancing.

    Oh I know. Its just still new. I am used to just being filthy and having a girl grind up on it. But. Who grinds with 2 guys? Or face to face? Haha just things I gotta figure out
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    Jan 07, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    It's easy to feel insecure, since many guys at clubs look their best and spice themselves up. Just try to take it at face value and don't try to compare - this guy wants to dance with me, ok, that's that. Maybe you could say, "I don't like to dance, but I'd like to... with you" and suggest something else.
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    Jan 07, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    KSUOWL saidI will be honest, I have never really been a gay club kind of guy. Only recently have I gone to a big gay dance club. I have NO idea how to dance with a guy. I will dance with a girl all night, but I just don't know what I would do with a guy. And that is basically because I have danced with a million gils in my life and no guys. So in that regards, I might say no to a hot guy too, until I figure out what the hell to do haha.


    The only reason there's a difference between dancing with a girl and dancing with a guy is because you think there is one. It's all just dancing.


    i concur. the difference is only in your mind.

    and really, what is the significance of determining whether or not you are insecure in your sexuality or just insecure? in either case, are you still not insecure? it seems you are distracting yourself with needless mind-games and undergoing needless suffering by dwelling on the question.

    the question you should be asking yourself is, "what can i do about my insecurity?" the fact of your insecurity (regardless of flavor) is already established. the real question is what will you do to change it?

    your current mode of thinking sees the present as a consequence of your past. if i may make a suggestion, try seeing your present as a backwards projection from your future. who do you want to be in the future? pretend to be that guy. and ask yourself how would that guy act today?

    you're just pretending to be that future guy anyway, so it's not like you're really risking your present ego at all. if you screw up, so what? it's all pretend. this is just as valid a mind game as the current mind game you are playing on yourself right now. so why not play it? stop analyzing why you are the way you are. start acting on how you can be the guy you want to be.

    oh, and in case you were wondering, fizzle, you ARE worth it (you're frakin' adorable). now go off and play a decent jedi-mind trick on yourself. do it right, and you'll get to play with someone else's light saber by the end of the night...

    ...bow-chika-wow-wow.



  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Jan 07, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    Soyfan said2ahtbew.jpg


    who is this?!
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    Jan 07, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    ...drink til u feel right (tipsy) u wont feel insecure at all. >__>
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    Liquid courage, it's called.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jan 07, 2011 11:00 PM GMT
    Wait, you're shy so that must mean you like pussy? wtf?
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    Jan 07, 2011 11:05 PM GMT
    fizzle saidwho is this?!


    You haven't seen the Ice Cream Truck video, yet?