The dilemma of bottoming.

  • Jr_boy

    Posts: 35

    Jan 07, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    I've only ever been a top having sex. After seeing so many videos of guys enjoying bottoming, and getting such pleausre out of it, i'm keen also to try. Except, I chicken out!

    Literally i'm at a sauna, and this gorgeous guy and I make out, he was hot as, i taste his cock, and he made it clear he wanted me to bottom. but I just couldn't, so I chickened out and walked away. And this happens again and agiain, on the same night. It like i just can't bring myself to bottom, as much I seems to want it.

    Does anyone else have this dilemma? this issue. Because I do, and its pissing me off, passing up all these reallly hot guys who I give BJ to, but never bottom for.

    THoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Groping muscles is more fun than topping or bottoming anyway. icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 07, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    Bring some poppers/amyl with you.... make out with him..... keep your eyes shut and when you make out just keep thinking in your head how you want his rock hard cock inside of you, you want him to use you and your hole to his cocks content. Perceive yourself as his play toy, and remind yourself how attracted he is to you...... then invite him in and hopefully you will be as horny as a blind lesbian in a fish market..... all loose and ready to go XD
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 07, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Draper said...Bottoming is supposed to hurt... Any pleasure a bottom experiences is all in his mind... [/quote]


    to the OP: draper is full of shit (no pun intended)






  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 07, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    Do you like any anal stimulation at all? being rimmed? fingered? Do you ever finger yourself?
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    Jan 07, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    rnch said[quote][cite]Draper said...Bottoming is supposed to hurt... Any pleasure a bottom experiences is all in his mind...



    to the OP: draper is full of shit (no pun intended)






    [/quote]


    +2 I guess he figures guys will magically stop doing it if he's convincing enough. Well, Nancy Reagan said, "Just say no." and that was certainly effective, wasn't it?

    Anal sex has been around and enjoyed a lot longer than Draper has existed on the planet.

    To the OP, if you ever do try it, go slowly, use lots of lube, stop if it hurts, and make sure the other guy WEARS A CONDOM.

    I'll repeat..CONDOMS.

    -Doug
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    Jan 07, 2011 7:50 PM GMT
    The first thing is to determine WHY you're afraid. Is it an issue of anticipating pain? Are you afraid you'll contract a disease? Are you afraid it will require you to give up control? (many tops are tops because they have control issues) Is it because you feel that bottoming is a "feminine" thing? (internalized homophobia) Or is it a combination of things?

    You might want to consider this book:

    http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Anal-Sex-Men/dp/157344121X

    It may help address some of your concerns.
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    Jan 07, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    Draper said Bottoming is supposed to hurt. The lining of your rectum is extremely thin and your sphincter is specifically designed to pass waste. Any pleasure a bottom experiences is all in his mind...


    You know, I'm not one to call someone an idiot outright.

    So I won't.

    But I'll think it really really loud.

    What evidence do you have to support your claim, D?
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    Jan 07, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    Draper is wrong, bottoming is good, some even think very very good. Test yourself and try it out when you're ready
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    Jan 07, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    for years i used to be just like you and it always hurt like hell when a guy started going in me... then i started working out, got a nice body, and my confidence level rose up and when i'm with guys i'm not nervous, relaxed.

    now guys that are twice as big as my ex boyfriend slide in without a drop of pain...it's so weird, but honestly, it's in your head.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 07, 2011 10:15 PM GMT
    for years i was just like that, until i met someone who made me feel quite safe and secure, i think its all psychological, you need to feel safe and relaxed and happy not to mention horny and the moment you relax so does your arse and once he enter you you are in pleasure land if he hits the right spot, you wont want to go back!!
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    Jan 07, 2011 10:38 PM GMT
    you were making out with some random guy of unknown quality at a sauna thinking you were going to bottom for the first time.

    Yeah not recommended there sweet cheeks!

    Topping is one thing, being topped is another.

    When a bottom is experienced you can get kinda rough with them and most of them will handle it just fine (even if it hurts a little)

    WHen a bottom isn't experienced (ie, YOU) well you aint gonna be taking it roughly fuck you aint even gonna be taking it gently, your going to be taking it VERY VERY VERY SLOWLY and you should be with a top that A, knows what the hell he's doing and B, cares enough about you to actually care that the first time you bottom is the best experience you can have.

    and the first time you bottom it aint gonna be some wild awesome time where you start taking it like a porn star either..

    So go find a guy, date him, get to know him, at least feel something for him emotionally (trust) then go for it.
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    Jan 07, 2011 10:43 PM GMT
    Jr_boy saidI've only ever been a top having sex. After seeing so many videos of guys enjoying bottoming, and getting such pleausre out of it, i'm keen also to try. Except, I chicken out!

    Literally i'm at a sauna, and this gorgeous guy and I make out, he was hot as, i taste his cock, and he made it clear he wanted me to bottom. but I just couldn't, so I chickened out and walked away. And this happens again and agiain, on the same night. It like i just can't bring myself to bottom, as much I seems to want it.

    Does anyone else have this dilemma? this issue. Because I do, and its pissing me off, passing up all these reallly hot guys who I give BJ to, but never bottom for.

    THoughts?


    I'm going to say some things that are likely going to make you defensive. Relax and read through this response.

    It seems clear that it is a psychological issue. IMO the answer is NOT drugs. Honestly, if someone needs drugs to bottom, they aren't ready for it.

    The main problem seems to be the fact that you are hooking up with people at a sauna. I'm NOT judging you. That is completely your business. But I bet what is preventing you is trust. Bottoming can be tough to do. To a significant extent it requires trust, especially if you are new at it and are anxious about it.

    I strongly suggest you worry less about the hotness of the guy and worry more about whether you feel you can trust him. You need to be made comfortable for this, and being fucked by some random guy in a sauna ain't the right setting for you. Let it be a guy you trust, and trust fairly intimately. You may want to avoid well hung guys untill you get used to it.

    In general, I've found that trust and desire can make almost anything possible.

    Trust me, the first time I bottomed I was scared to death. But it was with a man I trusted. And that is what made it possible and, frankly, a very rewarding experience.

    I'm not saying that you need to pledge you undieing love for him before you take his cock. But I'm willing to bet that finding a guy other than some random hot guy at the sauna will help you a lot.

    Lastly, you need to find a guy who understands your issues and is willing to be patient and is willing to reassure you. As much as you need to be physically prepped, you need to be psychologically prepped too. I doubt some random hot guy at the sauna is going to have the patience for that. Though I could be wrong.
  • Jr_boy

    Posts: 35

    Jan 08, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    WOW thanks for sharing your thoughts guys! Really excellent input and perspectives. I've read all them, and taking them all in to consideration, I'm going to have a think about it. suss it all out.

    Thanks guys. Appreciate it.
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    Jan 08, 2011 9:26 AM GMT
    Because you saw someone else doing it really isn't a good reason for wanting to do something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 08, 2011 11:36 AM GMT
    I don't want to spoil your fun, but please ask your doctor (or at least do an internet search) about the link between anal cancer and anal sex (straight or gay).
  • Jr_boy

    Posts: 35

    Jan 08, 2011 11:54 AM GMT
    wow creepy. anal cancer.

    @Animus: Living life is about trying different things. Exploring and experiencing. Thanks for the judgemental comment.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 08, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    I seriously hope you would have the guy wear a condomicon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif. Just imagine if he didn't have him wear one and you got caught in the moment only to find out you are now hiv+.

    Whatever you decide always think with your big head not your little one.

    Be safe!!!
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 09, 2011 9:59 AM GMT
    A sauna/bathhouse sounds like a really bad place to lose your cherry if you are nervous about getting fucked. How about a date with someone you know a bit? Get comfortable with a partner, go slow, be in a safe environment.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 09, 2011 10:01 AM GMT
    Btw, eating food and breathing the air can give you cancer too. Just stop breathing and you might be alright ;)
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    Jan 10, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    Marrano saidI don't want to spoil your fun, but please ask your doctor (or at least do an internet search) about the link between anal cancer and anal sex (straight or gay).


    Anal cancer, in this case, is caused by HPV -- an STD -- not the act of anal sex itself. Properly protected anal sex will not lead to anal cancer. The implication that it will is delusional fear-mongering, particularly in light of the FDA's announcement that Gardasil -- an HPV vaccine -- has recently been approved for male-use.

    As a side-note:

    Why must folks like Animus, Draper, and Marrano continuously spread misinformation in their shame-based crusade against anal sex? Fellas, please stop the citation of misunderstood anatomy and misappropriated science; please do not resort to petty scare tactics to impose control over other men.

    We get it -- you don't like anal sex. Rationalize your dislike however you please (you guys are obviously very smart, and with intelligence often comes a mastery of self-delusion), but knock it off with the proselytizing. I'd much rather read your legitimately valuable insights on topics about which you can speak rationally.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 10, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]rezdylan said..
    Why must folks like Animus, Draper, and Marrano continuously spread misinformation in their shame-based crusade against anal sex? Fellas, please stop the citation of misunderstood anatomy and misappropriated science; please do not resort to petty scare tactics to impose control over other men.

    We get it -- you don't like anal sex. Rationalize your dislike however you please (you guys are obviously very smart, and with intelligence often comes a mastery of self-delusion), but knock it off with the proselytizing. I'd much rather read your legitimately valuable insights on topics about which you can speak rationally.[/quote]


    Q F T icon_exclaim.gif
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    Jan 10, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    rnch said[quote][cite]rezdylan said..
    Why must folks like Animus, Draper, and Marrano continuously spread misinformation in their shame-based crusade against anal sex? Fellas, please stop the citation of misunderstood anatomy and misappropriated science; please do not resort to petty scare tactics to impose control over other men.

    We get it -- you don't like anal sex. Rationalize your dislike however you please (you guys are obviously very smart, and with intelligence often comes a mastery of self-delusion), but knock it off with the proselytizing. I'd much rather read your legitimately valuable insights on topics about which you can speak rationally.



    Q F T icon_exclaim.gif[/quote]

    But why are you trying to convince the OP to try it? Isn't that like some Xtian zealot trying to persuade him to try muff-diving? What if he tries it and hates it so much it puts him right off guys altogether?
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    Jan 10, 2011 11:28 PM GMT
    Brit_in_Canada saidBut why are you trying to convince the OP to try it? Isn't that like some Xtian zealot trying to persuade him to try muff-diving? What if he tries it and hates it so much it puts him right off guys altogether?

    OMG he's gay sweet heart even if it hurt like nothing he'd ever experienced before and passed out and woke up in a pool of his own blood from an anal rupture...

    It still aint gonna turn him off men.

    Might make him think twice about bottoming though.
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    Jan 10, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Brit_in_Canada saidBut why are you trying to convince the OP to try it? Isn't that like some Xtian zealot trying to persuade him to try muff-diving? What if he tries it and hates it so much it puts him right off guys altogether?

    OMG he's gay sweet heart even if it hurt like nothing he'd ever experienced before and passed out and woke up in a pool of his own blood from an anal rupture...

    It still aint gonna turn him off men.

    Might make him think twice about bottoming though.


    Well it may not put him off all men, but it might put him off someone he might have otherwise married. I'm not knocking it, incidentally, since I try not to judge anyone. But being gay doesn't mean you have to try something, any more than being straight means you have to try cunnilingus.