Can a gay person have one and only partner in life?

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    Jan 07, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    I have read a couple threads about monogamy vs polygamy, closed vs open relationships. Some people swear by monogamy, while others would even consider closed relationships. I am wondering, does this have to do with a person's previous experience?

    I mean, are people who already had a lots of sexual experiences more likely to be monogamous when they eventually find a committed partner, cos they have tried it all already. Do you agree or disagree?

    Are there anyone who is with their first and only partner, but have chosen to be monogamous?
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    I'm with my first and only bf (4 1/2 years), but I did date guys and have sex before meeting him.

    Are you talking about being with your first sexual partner for life? I'm sure it can happen. There are plenty of straight couples that were high school sweethearts that have gone down that road.

    It's probably not very common, gay or straight, but certainly does happen.
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    I would choose monogamy for life, but have been completely unsuccessful in finding someone compatible who is willing and able to do it - with me. I have heard or read of others who have been successful in this though. But, I don't know any of them personally. I believe its possible.
  • SactownItalia...

    Posts: 306

    Jan 08, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    Course it is possible. You just have to find someone who is committed to making it happen like you are. I have been in a few relationships. Some have been monogamous and others have not. It's all dependent on the two people who decided to be in a relationship together, and what fits them the most.


    I can say this, the relationship I am in now is the best one I have ever been in(4 years and counting) and we are not fully monogamous. It works for us. It does not work for everyone.


    I guess to sum up, I believe it is possible if both people want it bad enough icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    When I'm dating someone I'm alway monogamous to him. I might be understanding this thread wrong but in terms of "one and only" I think it would be very rare for someone to only have dated one person their entire life. Life has a way of throwing loops and I would assume the person you dated in 8th grade probably isn't your soul mate rather they are a person you can learn and grow from.
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:28 AM GMT
    uberick saidI have read a couple threads about monogamy vs polygamy, closed vs open relationships. Some people swear by monogamy, while others would even consider closed relationships. I am wondering, does this have to do with a person's previous experience?

    I mean, are people who already had a lots of sexual experiences more likely to be monogamous when they eventually find a committed partner, cos they have tried it all already. Do you agree or disagree?

    Are there anyone who is with their first and only partner, but have chosen to be monogamous?


    I have one man at a time. When I don't have a man as a BF or partner, then I've had any number at once, a perfect tramp..

    I've had 2 partners (the first died), and was totally monogamous with each, because once I had him, I no longer WANTED another guy. He became my partner for the very reason that I had found what I wanted (and I hope he did, too), so why would I look any more? Kinda obvious to me, and really, no effort on my part to be monogamous, despite having been a rather successful slut when single. icon_redface.gif
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    Jan 08, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    an odd but important question: Commitment which this is about as opposed to outside sex which this isn't about, runs a wide street. My partner and I have been together 27 years...great years, We have buried family, been to christionings. watched straight couple divorce and re-marry..we don't hold the key to what does or doesn't work. What we do hold is joy in each other, faith in each other, and understanding that if our eyes wander, it is flirtation and while immediately hurtful if one knows, it is not a threat to "history"
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    Jan 08, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    Its definitely possible.. when you're in love with someone you'll naturallly prefer one person over everyone else... ifyou're not in love with a single person however, you likely will not want monogamy.. I dont believe its for everyone.. i think humans are all different and there's many ways of loving
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    Jan 08, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    desertfan saidI'm with my first and only bf (4 1/2 years), but I did date guys and have sex before meeting him.

    Are you talking about being with your first sexual partner for life? I'm sure it can happen. There are plenty of straight couples that were high school sweethearts that have gone down that road.

    It's probably not very common, gay or straight, but certainly does happen.


    So then he is not your one and only BF, as you have dated others.
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    Jan 08, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    True_blue_aussie said
    desertfan saidI'm with my first and only bf (4 1/2 years), but I did date guys and have sex before meeting him.

    Are you talking about being with your first sexual partner for life? I'm sure it can happen. There are plenty of straight couples that were high school sweethearts that have gone down that road.

    It's probably not very common, gay or straight, but certainly does happen.


    So then he is not your one and only BF, as you have dated others.


    Nah, dating is definitely not a boyfriend, far from it really
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    Jan 08, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    uberick saidAre there anyone who is with their first and only partner, but have chosen to be monogamous?
    I've only known one couple (straight) who can say that: My parents...never fucked anyone but each other...till death did they part.

    Everyone else in this thread is referring to "serial monogamy" which involves being monogamous to one person at a time...not one person, for life.

    The idea of "true monogamy" (one, and only one person for life) is a myth, and quite frankly I don't believe my parents told me the truth. I believe one (or both) of them lied.
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    Jan 08, 2011 5:38 AM GMT
    Yes.

    It's not "can gays do it or not" - it's "can anyone do it?"

    I hate threads like this that separate gays. It depends on the people involved, whether it is a gay relationship or straight.
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    Jan 08, 2011 5:41 AM GMT
    amar_m said
    True_blue_aussie said
    desertfan saidI'm with my first and only bf (4 1/2 years), but I did date guys and have sex before meeting him.

    Are you talking about being with your first sexual partner for life? I'm sure it can happen. There are plenty of straight couples that were high school sweethearts that have gone down that road.

    It's probably not very common, gay or straight, but certainly does happen.


    So then he is not your one and only BF, as you have dated others.


    Nah, dating is definitely not a boyfriend, far from it really


    Nah, absolutly dating a guy does indeed make him your BF. I mean it's diffrent if you go out on a date with a guy, but if you do start dating, he then becomes your BF.
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    Jan 08, 2011 5:44 AM GMT
    Here are two opposites:

    I was out and about (though not to Mom and Dad) at 18. Lots of experiences, in open and closed relationships and some one night stands. When Bill arrived my sun came up. We're monogamous. We met when I was 34 and he was 32. 1989.

    Bill met his ex when he was 18 and stayed for 12 years. We met four months after their breakup (which came after their 2 year roommates only situation).
    He'd had one heavy affair and two small ones. Busy, eh? Cute as hell, so why not?

    -Doug
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    Jan 08, 2011 8:29 AM GMT
    I believe in Monogamy and would have stayed with my 1st partner of 3 years if he hadn't had multiple affairs. I've only been with 2 guys and i've been 'out' for 4 years now, and I will be monogamous with my next relationship as well.
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Jan 08, 2011 8:31 AM GMT
    Wow...oh my gosh, how about asking this in the straight world? This is not a Gay thing. It's a human thing. I think for the most part people have several or more relationships throughout their lifetime.
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    Jan 08, 2011 8:32 AM GMT
    True_blue_aussie said
    desertfan saidI'm with my first and only bf (4 1/2 years), but I did date guys and have sex before meeting him.

    Are you talking about being with your first sexual partner for life? I'm sure it can happen. There are plenty of straight couples that were high school sweethearts that have gone down that road.

    It's probably not very common, gay or straight, but certainly does happen.


    So then he is not your one and only BF, as you have dated others.


    Dating someone doesnt make them your bf or gf...
    You must not date much..
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    Jan 11, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    True_blue_aussie said
    amar_m said
    True_blue_aussie said
    desertfan saidI'm with my first and only bf (4 1/2 years), but I did date guys and have sex before meeting him.

    Are you talking about being with your first sexual partner for life? I'm sure it can happen. There are plenty of straight couples that were high school sweethearts that have gone down that road.

    It's probably not very common, gay or straight, but certainly does happen.


    So then he is not your one and only BF, as you have dated others.


    Nah, dating is definitely not a boyfriend, far from it really


    Nah, absolutly dating a guy does indeed make him your BF. I mean it's diffrent if you go out on a date with a guy, but if you do start dating, he then becomes your BF.




    That's just silly. Yes dating someone for a while can lead to that person becoming your bf, but just going out on a date a few times does not qualify as a bf. At least not in my world. I consider a bf to be someone you are committed too over a long period of time. Now, granted, the length of time to be considered a bf will vary among different people.

    If we went out to dinner once or twice over the course of a week or two, does that mean you would then be my bf? icon_eek.gif