Long-distance relationships...good or bad idea?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 08, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    I'm thinking about opening the door to the long-distance thing...wanted to get advice from those who have done it in the past. Good or bad idea?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 08, 2011 7:05 PM GMT
    Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos...

    I would simply be friends in long distance.. if you want it to be a relationship, get together
  • baseballjock

    Posts: 6

    Jan 08, 2011 7:05 PM GMT
    I've done the long-distance thing twice. It can work if you love each other and you both want it to work. My preference would be to have both of us in the same city, but sometimes it's a better relationship when it's far.

    Sometimes, when your'e in the same city, you can take one another for granted. When it's long distance, you really yearn to see one another, and for the most part - the times you're together - are truly quality times.

    I think has it's pros and cons; however, the end result should be the two of you getting together at the same place.

    I hope it works out for you; best of luck!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 08, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    Everybody is different, so it's just a matter of personal choice. I know a few guys that have managed a long-distance relationship with their boyfriends with no problems at all.

    I, on the other hand, can't, lol. I'm the type of guy that has to be able to actually touch, feel, smell, see my boyfriend in actuality; not through a text message, over a cam, or over a phone.

    If you think you might be able to do it, then give it a whirl! If not, then look at it as a learning experience.
  • wildkatz

    Posts: 133

    Jan 08, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    I don't want to be too pessimisitic for you as we've never talked.......but....

    There is a lot of doubt, insecurity and mind games that go along with a long distance relationship. You never truly know who he's with or where he is (and vice versa) alot of insecurity, abandonment and head games goes along with it......no matter how mature you both are.

    I'd say try it for the experience, but to expect some level of hardship. Friends is a great thing to be until you can see something long term in a closer environment.

    I Wish YOU the best of luck and hope that everything turns out better than my last two attempts! All my best!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 08, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    I am doing the long distance thing right now but I am still new at it myself.. Communication is key, as with any other relationship... I think it's also important to have a long range plan for the future; I.e, where would the relationship eventually end up, where would the two of you eventually end up living..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 08, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    I did it for a year till I moved to the same city as my boyfriend. It was hard sometimes but I'm glad we did it. Visits were just that much better every time! Give it a shot if he's worth it!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 08, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    Very difficult to be so far from someone you are involved with, and care for a great deal. At some point (if it gets serious) there will have to be a discussion on relocation so you can be together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    go_vols saidI'm thinking about opening the door to the long-distance thing...wanted to get advice from those who have done it in the past. Good or bad idea?

    If you both are on the same page regarding commitment and you both feel you are worth the investment of time, effort and energy that it takes to maintain and grow... YES, by all means. ;-) Though I do recommend a strong foundation prior to it being long-distance, as for myself, in the end after 9 yrs of LD... I relocated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    go_vols saidI'm thinking about opening the door to the long-distance thing...wanted to get advice from those who have done it in the past. Good or bad idea?


    If you haven't done it before, I say try it out. If anything, it will be an experience. If it doesn't work out, you will be able to appreciate local relationships much more in my opinion.

    Some guys are better suited for long distance relationship than others. You won't know it until you try.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 2:35 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    It's all a matter of the chemistry and understanding in your relationship. We can't answer this question for you. Five years were spent moving in both directions across the Atlantic between Atlanta & Zurich. While the relationship is the highlight of my life, that investment will never be made again. It's somewhat awesome to fly thousands of miles and have someone eagerly waiting for you. These days you'd better not live more than 20 minutes away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    How far are you talking about? Can you drive there or do you have to fly?

    I've had two distant relationships, maybe three. I think every case is different. I agree that there has to be some consideration about moving to the same city if it gets serious.
  • madhatter131

    Posts: 38

    Jan 09, 2011 4:42 AM GMT
    Depends...is it going to be distance forever or just for a limited period of time?

    If it is just for a limited time period...go for it. If it is no set time table...be careful. I've had 2. And, we'd get along great until we spent ALOT of time in-person together (after hot sex, of course). It becomes weird to communicate in person when you are use to communicating online, over the phone, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    It's nice to be a couple. A shield to keep from from being "involved". Long Distance is a convenience. ( Like wearing a wedding band on business trips). If it works for you fine. But be honest about "why" you want it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    go_vols saidI'm thinking about opening the door to the long-distance thing...wanted to get advice from those who have done it in the past. Good or bad idea?


    I don't think there's an absolute rule on this.

    Mostly, it would be a challenge. I had such a relationship with someone in Phoenix...and it worked because it was more of an intense dating relationship than a partnership. We always knew that it probably was doomed. And it eventually ended, but gently.

    But I know people for which this has worked. I think it's rare, but it depends upon your ability to tolerate not only the distance, but the emotional and physical energy it takes to actually "take turns" travelling a long way from home.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    thanks for the advice everyone! very, very helpful!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    I've had 2 and they both died a natural death for the usual reasons.
    One issue not mentioned above is that a long-distance relationship is so episodic. Because you're together only for short intervals, your behavior is always going to be artificial in the way that first dates are. Because you don't have much time to work with, you want to make the most of it. That means avoiding any friction by presenting the most favorably edited version of yourself that you can. But you'll never have a real relationship that develops naturally unless you both feel secure enough to drop any pretense and be who you are.
    Good luck with achieving that in a few days each month.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    I'm big on spontaneity so I wouldn't be able to do it. Of course you can cam, e-mail and talk on the phone but it's not the same. I need someone around to talk with in person, share a meal with, or even do the simple things in life like grocery shopping. If I feel like going out for an ice cream, seeing a movie, or taking a ride in the car it wouldn't be possible.
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Jan 09, 2011 3:46 PM GMT
    one of the guys will have to move eventually..so if you are cool with that..then a long distance relats is fine. If either of you have no plans on moving towards the other, you are just wasting your time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    my relationship started as long distance since we met here and we were both him in the east coast and me in the west coast, but i knew at some point he'll have to come back to Cali .... to finish studies and all so, there was some hope to build something together and so we did.

    It is not easy, but is possible as far as you both commit and be aware that the relationship needs a lot of you guys to keep growing.

    My suggestion, see this movie: Going the distance with Drew Barrymore. It'll inspire you. When I saw it, i was like: OMG, this is totally me and my boy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    Honestly, this has never worked for me both times I foiund myself in one.

    You just grow apart. And the jelousy just ramps up...big time!

    But I was young then, maybe when you're more mature, it would work better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    ythings said



    this is fucking hilarious
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 12:50 AM GMT
    Communication, Trust and Honesty from both sides is key.

    I've done long distance for 8 months across the Pacific for one guy, but I would suggest an occasional visit maybe every 2-3-4 months. As long as you guys have a goal for the relationship (i.e. moving in together in the near future etc.), then it helps to know that the sacrifice you guys are making will pay off in the end.

    Definitely lots of skype (or similar) dates, which can turn from mild to wild. This serves as a band aid to the sexual yearning until you guys physically meet again.

    It helped me a lot, and now we are together and have an apartment together. But I wouldn't do it again, it's so exhausting and the time difference only calls for waking up in the wee hours to chat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    criduchat saidHonestly, this has never worked for me both times I foiund myself in one.

    You just grow apart. And the jelousy just ramps up...big time!

    But I was young then, maybe when you're more mature, it would work better.


    In order not to grow apart or get jealous:

    Full honest and complete acceptance

    -full honesty about yourself, not holding stuff back so that you remain firmly connected

    -complete acceptance of the other, so that whatever the other person says or does wil not lead to jealousy, or resentment