Sex for the first time.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2011 7:52 AM GMT
    I always wanted to say myself for someone special and to have my first time sex be..."meaningful". Tonight, I was heading to a party (it wasn't very good, no really any gay guys there...) and I stopped to visit this guy I really like at work, Tyler. He's like "Yeah, totally get laid tonight. You know, just have a bunch of drinks and get together with someone." He proceeded to give me a few condoms.

    Somehow in that one conversation, I began to felt...somehow...different. I mean, I still really like him. But I dunno. Suddenly, I'm actually quite nervous about my first time with whoever, whenever that happens. It's what I want. The touch of a man, the warmth, the physical passion!

    Am I stupid for wanting the first time to be meaningful? He said if I did try for that, I'd ultimately be worse off. Maybe he's right, but I dunno...

    But I'm afraid of this feeling of "whoring" myself out. Or if they don't like what they see when I meet up with a guy. Or if he doesn't want to use a condom. Or anal sex. I tried to tell Tyler that I was actually pretty turned off by the idea of mouth to ass. He proceeded to tell me that I couldn't say for sure since I've never actually been "in the moment".

    And anal sex still weirds me out. I'm nervous to bottom, I'm told it can be quite painful. And also the possibility of incontinence from potential damage to the sphincter... icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 09, 2011 8:50 AM GMT
    I say save it for someone you care for, but don't tie too much up with it. Ultimately we are the gay breed and sex is sometimes just there even if we don't really want want each other. Not "bound" to happen, but the subject is usually on the table. I've recently become single and it's usually established on the first date with MOST men what their preferences and such are, if you haven't already discussed it elsewhere. However, sex doesn't have to be... so stick to your boundaries. icon_smile.gif

    Anal: Well, there are plenty of threads with tips, tricks, and there's always a search engine with helpful advice. Just get yourself used to stuff being down there, play with yourself once in a while, do some proper cleaning techniques and go slow with plenty of lube...
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 09, 2011 9:48 AM GMT
    About the anal, once presented with a cock or ass in your face that really turns you on, you might be surprised what you want to do with it icon_smile.gif.
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    Jan 09, 2011 2:49 PM GMT
    Whatever happens... first time with a meaningful experience or a wham bang, know that you will be OK either way. Many of us have had meaningless first times and gone on to have wonderful relationships,...don't make this a bigger deal than it is. Humans have a pleasure organ...that was meant to be used..

    I'm sure many guys on here would help you with that V card and still respect you 5 min later.

    V-Card%20Post.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVER
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    Jan 09, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    Oy, I'm feeling too old and cranky lately for this kind of post, but something about the Bambi-like young'ns always makes me get all gay motherly...

    1) Drop the false dichotomies

    Not just the false choice between "saving yourself for that special / meaningful / Disney someone" vs "whoring yourself out" -- but all of them (many seen ad nauseum here on RJ): Republican vs Democrat, smooth vs hairy, old vs young, monogamy vs open, masc vs fem, and yes, even gay vs straight.

    In the real world, life falls in between simple extremes. Thank goodness it does. Otherwise, life would be as silly, polarizing and simplistic as these false notions we too often hold in our heads.

    2) Sex is an amazingly wide cornucopia

    Just like food, you won't know what your favorites are until you try them. And just because someone else likes something, doesn't mean you have to. So stop worrying about this or that particular type of sex. If you're not ready to try something, it's simple -- just don't try it.

    3) Please ignore all you "learned" about sex from gay porn

    We don't need any more guys who think that you have to kiss like a thirsty dog, with your tongue sticking out all the time as far as it can go, or that every bottom needs to be rimed for 35 minutes before penetration, or that every top needs his dick sucked for 45 minutes before penetration, or that all sex requires penetration, and on and on and on...

    4) Your first time is going to be clumsy and awkward and there's nothing you can do about it

    Do you think you could just grab the controls of a 747 and make a perfect landing the first time you tried it? I think sex is more involved than landing a 747. It's a person on the other side of the equation, not a machine. But this clumsiness is absolutely normal and expected. Just be honest with yourself and your partner. You'd be surprised how excited another guy with some experience will get when he hears you've never done something before. And make sure to laugh. Laughing during sex is one of the keys to happiness in a relationship, whether it lasts only one nite, or the rest of your life.

    5) We fear the unknown

    Humans (and most species) are wired to fear the unknown. It's how we survive the unexpected. You are clueless about gay sex. Thus, you will have weird and unjustified fears (Incontinence!!! STDs!!! Someone biting my dick off!!!). Just be aware that without any experience, your judgment on any topic is highly suspect, be it gay sex, landing a 747, or the actual long term budgetary consequences of last year's health care bill. The only cure for this is to get the experience. So...

    Go out there, try something easy that you're excited and curious about, tell your partner it's your first time, and don't forget to laugh.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    Its OK to want your first time to be with someone you like, who will appreciate the fact that its a big step in your life, and who will celebrate with you. There is no pressure to do anal anything now or ever -- just wait until the day you are ready. And judging from your cautious approach, I doubt that you will find yourself whoring around.
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    Jan 09, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    I say too save it for a guy you love and care about and he care about you i am saving my self for a guy that i would like and love,becouse sex would be great imagine if i guy cares about you he would not let your firs anal sex be painful he would give anytiht to make you feel good icon_biggrin.gif
    At least i think it would be like that
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 09, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    i waited a LONGGGG time to loose my anal virginity. others tried to make it happen; but "I" had deceided that it wan't gonna happen until "I" was ready.

    when i finally did loose it, it was with an "experienced", sensitive to my needs, skilled man that i liked and trusted completely. it was a most pleasant, pain free, enjoyable night/early morning.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    rnch saidi waited a LONGGGG time to loose my anal virginity. others tried to make it happen; but "I" had deceided that it wan't gonna happen until "I" was ready.

    when i finally did loose it, it was with an "experienced", sensitive to my needs, skilled man that i liked and trusted completely. it was a most pleasant, pain free, enjoyable night/early morning.


    That is what i am talking about.Thanks for sharing man icon_biggrin.gif I hope i have great time with my first time too
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    Jan 09, 2011 5:23 PM GMT
    Szchatt89 saidAnd also the possibility of incontinence from potential damage to the sphincter... icon_neutral.gif


    I'm afraid there is no way of putting this delicately. Think about the size of what passes through your sphincter almost every day. If a lifetime of that does not damage it, what are the chances the occasional penis will?
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    Jan 09, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    tuckers_kahuna saidAbout the anal, once presented with a cock or ass in your face that really turns you on, you might be surprised what you want to do with it icon_smile.gif.


    That may be true in your and the majority of cases, but not all people attracted to men are attracted to their anus and penis.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    One thing you might learn is that when you try to keep yourself from being a slut you leave yourself open to extreme, terribly regrettable sluttiness.

    Or so I've heard.
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    Jan 09, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    Draper said
    Mil8 said
    Szchatt89 saidAnd also the possibility of incontinence from potential damage to the sphincter... icon_neutral.gif


    I'm afraid there is no way of putting this delicately. Think about the size of what passes through your sphincter almost every day. If a lifetime of that does not damage it, what are the chances the occasional penis will?


    Seeing as you're putting it delicately, the tissues of the anus and rectum are very delicate and prone to tearing. The sphincter involuntarily relaxes when passing a stool and involuntarily resists anything trying to get in.

    Brit_in_Canada said
    tuckers_kahuna saidAbout the anal, once presented with a cock or ass in your face that really turns you on, you might be surprised what you want to do with it icon_smile.gif.


    That may be true in your and the majority of cases, but not all people attracted to men are attracted to their anus and penis.


    I'd like to think of ourselves as more than just two body parts.


    Quite. Tchaikovsky was a lot more than just these. I dislike the emphasis placed on sex at Pride. It is music to the ears of every homophobe who views gays as people who are so exclusively obsessed with sex & beauty they'd sooner malinger in the gym watching a "hot" straight-guy work out than strike up a conversation with a less "hot" but thoroughly caring gay-guy.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 09, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    OP: draper is full of shit. don't put ANY credence into what he posts here.

    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 09, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    iguanaSF saidOy, I'm feeling too old and cranky lately for this kind of post, but something about the Bambi-like young'ns always makes me get all gay motherly...

    1) Drop the false dichotomies

    Not just the false choice between "saving yourself for that special / meaningful / Disney someone" vs "whoring yourself out" -- but all of them (many seen ad nauseum here on RJ): Republican vs Democrat, smooth vs hairy, old vs young, monogamy vs open, masc vs fem, and yes, even gay vs straight.

    In the real world, life falls in between simple extremes. Thank goodness it does. Otherwise, life would be as silly, polarizing and simplistic as these false notions we too often hold in our heads.

    2) Sex is an amazingly wide cornucopia

    Just like food, you won't know what your favorites are until you try them. And just because someone else likes something, doesn't mean you have to. So stop worrying about this or that particular type of sex. If you're not ready to try something, it's simple -- just don't try it.

    3) Please ignore all you "learned" about sex from gay porn

    We don't need any more guys who think that you have to kiss like a thirsty dog, with your tongue sticking out all the time as far as it can go, or that every bottom needs to be rimed for 35 minutes before penetration, or that every top needs his dick sucked for 45 minutes before penetration, or that all sex requires penetration, and on and on and on...

    4) Your first time is going to be clumsy and awkward and there's nothing you can do about it

    Do you think you could just grab the controls of a 747 and make a perfect landing the first time you tried it? I think sex is more involved than landing a 747. It's a person on the other side of the equation, not a machine. But this clumsiness is absolutely normal and expected. Just be honest with yourself and your partner. You'd be surprised how excited another guy with some experience will get when he hears you've never done something before. And make sure to laugh. Laughing during sex is one of the keys to happiness in a relationship, whether it lasts only one nite, or the rest of your life.

    5) We fear the unknown

    Humans (and most species) are wired to fear the unknown. It's how we survive the unexpected. You are clueless about gay sex. Thus, you will have weird and unjustified fears (Incontinence!!! STDs!!! Someone biting my dick off!!!). Just be aware that without any experience, your judgment on any topic is highly suspect, be it gay sex, landing a 747, or the actual long term budgetary consequences of last year's health care bill. The only cure for this is to get the experience. So...

    Go out there, try something easy that you're excited and curious about, tell your partner it's your first time, and don't forget to laugh.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2011 10:27 PM GMT
    Draper said
    Mil8 said
    Szchatt89 saidAnd also the possibility of incontinence from potential damage to the sphincter... icon_neutral.gif


    I'm afraid there is no way of putting this delicately. Think about the size of what passes through your sphincter almost every day. If a lifetime of that does not damage it, what are the chances the occasional penis will?


    Seeing as you're putting it delicately, the tissues of the anus and rectum are very delicate and prone to tearing. The sphincter involuntarily relaxes when passing a stool and involuntarily resists anything trying to get in.


    I don't claim to be a proctologist. I was merely attempting to allay the OP's fears regarding the common myth about gay men's sphincters becoming damaged (ie excessively slackened) by normal anal sex. Still, I'm sure you've set his mind at rest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    You're not alone, I'm right there with you.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    luvitohateit saidYou're not alone, I'm right there with you.

    we have a lot in common huh? for being almost polar opposites. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:44 AM GMT
    Girl can I ever relate to you. I know absolutely well what you mean.

    Some guys on this site make me feel like its wrong to want or to wait for the special someone. That we should just give it up to the first hot horndog that makes a move. I mean I admit the heat gets to you, but I value myself, both physically and emotionally to just give myself up like that, because I know my worth..

    I'm worth you're hard work, sweat, and love. I mean if thats what I'm putting out (no pun intended), then thats what I want to recieve. Granted this is all idealy, because theres still the aftermath, but we'll worry about that when the first part of this has commenced.