Homos having and raising children.....Would you? If so, how do plan to go about it?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    As above.

    ricky_martin_hs102.jpg

    What are your general thoughts on gay people having and raising children?

    A.) Do you think children should have both a mother and a father? Or two parents regardless of their sex? Or perhaps you don't think a parent needs to have a co-parent to successfuly raise a child, whether they are gay or otherwise? What is the reasoning behind your opinion?

    B.) Do you personally plan to have children, and if so, which of the many methods of going about making this happen will you likely employ? Why that particular method?

    [EDIT]

    C.) If you do/don't plan on having children, why? Can you pinpoint the reason behind the desire, or lack thereof?

    _______________________________
    _______________________________


    I'm just curious as to whether this is something that gay people generally have as a life goal, no matter how vague and albeit depending on a set of 'right' circumstances, or is the idea of reproduction/child-rearing an unchallenged (for the most part), mindless heterosexual social/biological phenomena that gays are generally impervious to?

    Would be interesting to hear your thoughts and the reason behind them.

    Discuss icon_smile.gif
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Jan 09, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    The main reason why it took me so long to come out to myself, primarily, is because I want children and being gay would take that away from me. When I realized that wasn't true, I decided it was time to make a change in my life...

    So as you may have already guessed, I want children. As the way I want to have children, it may seems egocentrical, but I would like them to share my blood. I know it is complicated and even illegal here, in Quebec, but it's just the way I think right now. Although, when I'm really thinking about it more deeply (a cupple of years from now), I may consider adoption more seriously.

    As for the raising of the child, I really don't think it has anything to do with the number or gender of the parent(s). As long as the baby's essential needs are fulfilled adequately (and that includes more than basic/natural needs), he's on his way to become one of the best person on this planet !

    Some people argued with me about children needing parent models. I don't remember any day of my life I took my parents as models. I found models on television, in books, in celebrities, in history, in my entourage (friends, cousins, etc.). And my parents are perfect, it has nothing to do with them. So I'm sure if my child's two fathers are not is prefered models, he'll be well able to find other around him.

    Oh by the way, it's gonna be a son. And he'll play hockey.

    ... Just kidding icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    This whole needing a mother and a father business is so stupid. My mother raised 4 of us on her own just fine.

    Yes, I plan to have children one day, not anytime soon. I prefer biologically, but I'm not opposed to adopting. It just depends if I end up with a man or a woman.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    Thanks guys...

    To both of you: why do you want children? Where do you believe the desire comes from?
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Jan 09, 2011 6:26 PM GMT
    _Sage_ saidThanks guys...

    To both of you: why do you want children? Where do you believe the desire comes from?


    It's pretty hard to explain. It's part of me I think, it's who I am. And who I am feels the need to have children as a life accomplishment.

    I guess it's some part of heritage to this world. Raising a children is the most tangible way to give something to this world. Who knows, maybe I'll raise the future savior of humanity ? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    Gaybies... eww. No thanks icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidGaybies... eww. No thanks icon_eek.gif


    lol, do elaborate if you would be so kind ;p


    (I want to see exactly how your brain perceives things, like sylar from Heroes....I want to know it all icon_cool.gif)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:35 PM GMT
    certainly:

    the smell
    the noise
    the expense
    the lost sleep

    I mean, really, do I need to continue?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    Nope, I guess not. It does make rational coherence and sound judgement in regards to personal interest..... At least in the short termicon_wink.gif.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    babies... really. Ugh. Horrible creatures.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    I was also terrified about being gay and the main reason was not being able to have kids. I' ve come to realization there are many options and I might just adopt. Hoping I can get lucky and get twin boys, but I have to have at least one son.
  • imbrad

    Posts: 377

    Jan 09, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    i have very little respect for most parents anyway. My granparents fucked up my parents and my parents fucked up me and my brothers. they all did their best but they are just really bad anyway.

    I like what Neil Patrick Harris said in his interview with PEOPLE. something to the effect of to be a gay parent you have to really want it. cause it doesn't just happen like straight parents. Most gay parents i know are amazing and have made a conscious choice to have children. There aren't any 'accidents' or 'surprises'. I will love to have kids someday and i'm glad that it is possible.
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 09, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    i love children, but i dont have time to have any of my own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    A) I think children are better off with two good parents...two because it is a huge job for one person. Single parenting is extremely difficult and requires great sacrifices whereas two parents can trade off responsibilities, plus the child gets the benefit of two parenting styles.

    The sexual orientation of the parents has nothing to do with how good a parent is ....it's all attitude and commitment.

    B) I have two beautiful girls that it is my honor to raise. The are my biological children with my ex-wife.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 8:51 PM GMT
    I definitely support children having two fathers or two mothers. A lot of gay couples will love a kid way more than any straight couple could. I think it has nothing to do with being gay or straight. There will be good parents and there will be bad parents and neither will have anything to do with sexual orientation.

    Personally, when I think of having kids now I cringe. I am just nowhere near ready. Maybe one day? But who knows really. I think that is a question I don't need to think about until I am actually with someone for the long haul.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:01 PM GMT
    What about boys growing up without a father figure (lesbian parents) or a vice versa for a girl?

    Does that not matter do you think? Or are there certain things only a certain sex parent can relate to a child of the same sex properly to prepare them for adult life as a man/woman?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    I can't say I have any particular urge to have children right now. But with the right person, perhaps. I would probably look into having a surrogate mother in that situation.
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Jan 09, 2011 9:14 PM GMT
    I think that a child can be raised with two mothers or two fathers just fine, as long as both parents love them and support them. I mean, given the number of children who are growing up in single parent homes, and given the resources available to families, there really is no reason to suspect that gay parents cannot do as good a job raising children as anyone else.

    For my own part, I don't expect I'll have children. I guess, if I find the right partner, and he wants children, I would probably be open to it. I love my niece and my nephew dearly, and so I'm sure that if I did have children, it would be easy enough for me to have my priorities in order.

    Why wouldn't I want to have kids? I guess because, at this point in my life, I find the idea of preparing a child for life in this world daunting!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:14 PM GMT
    A child needs someone who is willing to put their own needs aside in order to meet the needs of the child. It doesn't matter if it is a single parent or gay parents. The main reason a two parent family works best is that it is tough raising a child, with two parents you can 'tag team' raise the child and support each other through the sleepless nights or difficult days.

    Single parents are just as effective just a bit more tired at the end of the day. Thankfully most single parent families have a good support structure around them that helps. Celebrities with their nannies and staff are suited to meet the needs of children in terms of the workload, but maybe not in terms of availability.

    It is important to consider if you can meet the needs of a child rather than 'I want to have a child'. That's why assessments are so important in adoption and fostering, it is about an individual or couples ability to respond to the changing needs of a child in their care. In an ideal world this should have nothing to do with the sexuality of the parents.

    I love my 5 nephews and nieces, with another due any day now but I have no interest in having a child of my own. I also work in the area of child protection and work with children of all ages. I have enough children in my life I suppose.

    However I enjoy my free time as little as it is child free.
  • gary954

    Posts: 76

    Jan 09, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    I always wanted to be a father, but being gay I just didnt' know how that would work out. I thought I would adopt, but gays could not adopt in the state of Florida. I thought of surrogacy, but it is so expensive. So I put it on the back burner, Then in my 40's I started having the urge again. So I decided to do something about it. I started interviewing potential surrogates. I found one that was a match for me. We had attorneys draw up papers, and after 4 months of artificial insems, she was preg. nine months later I am a single dad. No partner and a newborn. Was I nuts??? YES!!!!! Was I happy?? YES!!! I am not going to sugar coat it, at times it was a friggin nightmare!!!. Did I have regrets?? YES!! But she was not like a pair of defective shoes. I couldnt take her back! Everything has worked out fine. Ouelle (my daughter) is going to be three on jan 16th. she is a well adjusted child incredibly smart (not from my side of the family).
    Is she a nightmare?? HELL YES!! But the good outweighs the bad everyday.
    My thoughts on this are, FOLLOW YOUR HEART! If you really want to be a parent, are stable (mentally and financially) do it. You will always wonder later on.
    It would be easier to have a child in a stable relationship. But, when will that relationship happen? Next week? Ten years? When you are in a nursing home?
    If you have questions about surrogacy, send me a message, I will try to help you out.icon_wink.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    Disasterpiece saidThe main reason why it took me so long to come out to myself, primarily, is because I want children and being gay would take that away from me.


    msuNtx saidI was also terrified about being gay and the main reason was not being able to have kids..


    Substitute gay with bi and this is me.

    I often wonder if I will choose, in the end, to life partner with a woman just to have have children. Cross that bridge when I get it it.

    Children bring me so much joy and vice versa. I couldn't imagine not having children. Every man who wants his kids wants blood kids of course, but I am familiar with adoption and that's a beautiful thing as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    gary954 saidI always wanted to be a father, but being gay I just didnt' know how that would work out. I thought I would adopt, but gays could not adopt in the state of Florida. I thought of surrogacy, but it is so expensive. So I put it on the back burner, Then in my 40's I started having the urge again. So I decided to do something about it. I started interviewing potential surrogates. I found one that was a match for me. We had attorneys draw up papers, and after 4 months of artificial insems, she was preg. nine months later I am a single dad. No partner and a newborn. Was I nuts??? YES!!!!! Was I happy?? YES!!! I am not going to sugar coat it, at times it was a friggin nightmare!!!. Did I have regrets?? YES!! But she was not like a pair of defective shoes. I couldnt take her back! Everything has worked out fine. Ouelle (my daughter) is going to be three on jan 16th. she is a well adjusted child incredibly smart (not from my side of the family).
    Is she a nightmare?? HELL YES!! But the good outweighs the bad everyday.
    My thoughts on this are, FOLLOW YOUR HEART! If you really want to be a parent, are stable (mentally and financially) do it. You will always wonder later on.
    It would be easier to have a child in a stable relationship. But, when will that relationship happen? Next week? Ten years? When you are in a nursing home?
    If you have questions about surrogacy, send me a message, I will try to help you out.icon_wink.gif



    Dude you seriously are awesome. Congrats and hope everything keeps working out well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    Gary954 great to hear your story and I admire you mate. Wishing you both all the best in the journey ahead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    My partner and I have a two-year-old (via surrogacy), and it's the best thing I've ever done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 09, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    Growing up I had a pretty fun childhood and always imagined having kids. So when I grew up my partner and I decided to have kids. And we did. We are no longer together but still coparent. Kids don't seem any worse for wear for having 2 dads vs a mom and dad.