Is the gay community SHALLOW?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 6:04 AM GMT
    I recently came out, and I'm still getting used to all of this. Haven't really been involved in the gay scene. From what I have seen, there seems to be a lot of sexual overtones. Things that would normally be considered dirty seem to be common place.

    I mean look at the chat rooms right on this site. There's adult and non-adult. At any given time, the one that is meant for chatting has only a few people if any, while the one that is meant for jacking off to other people usually has around 100.

    There's other things too. Monogamy seems far less common place, and it seems like a lot of people would have no problem with having sex on the first date.

    In general, the subculture seems to be shallow and sexually driven.

    Please understand that I'm not making judgments. I can't make judgments because I really haven't seen enough. I'm not saying that it IS shallow, I'm just saying that sometimes it seems that way to me. It's nothing more than one person's observation.

    Am I wrong? What do you think?

    And if you see where I am coming from, WHY do you think it is shallow and sexually driven?

    And are gay people just naturally more about sex?


    I wish I had more faith in homosexuality, but for now I don't. I really am sorry if that offends anyone.

    I'd love to hear your thoughts.

    (If you want you can IM me or send me a PM.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    Of course the gay community is shallow. Always has been, always will be.

    Mostly, I think, because it can, and get away with it. Not everyone in it is, but mostly the culture is.

    Perhaps some day, when gay marriage is widespread & accepted, gays will have to act like adults. But until then we won't, and will act like shallow children. Since US society won't admit us to the adult world, we continue to act like children. That really does describe what we do, and what I think you're observing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 6:31 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidOf course the gay community is shallow. Always has been, always will be.

    Mostly, I think, because it can, and get away with it. Not everyone in it is, but mostly the culture is.

    Perhaps some day, when gay marriage is widespread & accepted, gays will have to act like adults. But until then we won't, and will act like shallow children. Since US society won't admit us to the adult world, we continue to act like children. That really does describe what we do, and what I think you're observing.


    But do you believe there is hope for it? If not for the subculture, but at least for individual gay relationships?

    And do you think that gay people are naturally more sexually driven? This is my fear, and what I want to figure out.

    I definitely hope this isn't the case. I don't want to be ashamed of being gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    gay people at they're worst can be extremely shallow and hurtful ...

    the majority of my friends are straight
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 6:41 AM GMT
    Monogamy was originated by the hetero culture, and shrouded in religion to make it law.

    "Original" monogamy meant one person for life...not one person at a time (which, btw, is called 'serial monogamy').

    Monogamy has been embedded into society's mindset to the point that it has become taboo to be anything else. A handful of gays have adopted that mindset into their own lives. That's their choice, and I admire those who can pull it off (especially if they can choose "just one" for their entire life)...simply because of the dedication it takes.

    However, the majority of people - both gay and straight - are simply incapable of maintaining a monogamous relationship. Sure, most "say" they can, but only because they don't think they'll ever be caught cheating. Very few will honestly remain monogamous.

    So far, I've never heard of a single case of "original" monogamy that actually lasted a lifetime.

    So to answer your question, Yes...the gay community is shallow...and so is the straight community. The straight community just gets away with it more because of the numbers game. There are more of them, so naturally there's going to be more "successful" monogamous relationship you hear about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 6:45 AM GMT
    Dissonance said
    Art_Deco saidOf course the gay community is shallow. Always has been, always will be.

    Mostly, I think, because it can, and get away with it. Not everyone in it is, but mostly the culture is.

    Perhaps some day, when gay marriage is widespread & accepted, gays will have to act like adults. But until then we won't, and will act like shallow children. Since US society won't admit us to the adult world, we continue to act like children. That really does describe what we do, and what I think you're observing.


    But do you believe there is hope for it? If not for the subculture, but at least for individual gay relationships?

    And do you think that gay people are naturally more sexually driven? This is my fear, and what I want to figure out.

    I definitely hope this isn't the case. I don't want to be ashamed of being gay.



    You are the one who chooses your mindset, reactions, and emotions. If you choose to be ashamed of being gay that is on YOU. There is plenty to be proud of as well. Deciding that you are going to be happy, because of something some unknown person might one day give you (or not) is a recipe for disappointment whether your like boys or girls (or both). I personally have ZERO intent of marrying anyone except myself (and I'm quite happy in that, thanks very much). If you must have a relationship to be happy, that's fine, but don't presume that just because others don't share your priority that you are justified in being ashamed for/of them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 7:05 AM GMT
    Dissonance said
    Art_Deco saidOf course the gay community is shallow. Always has been, always will be.

    Mostly, I think, because it can, and get away with it. Not everyone in it is, but mostly the culture is.

    Perhaps some day, when gay marriage is widespread & accepted, gays will have to act like adults. But until then we won't, and will act like shallow children. Since US society won't admit us to the adult world, we continue to act like children. That really does describe what we do, and what I think you're observing.

    But do you believe there is hope for it? If not for the subculture, but at least for individual gay relationships?

    And do you think that gay people are naturally more sexually driven? This is my fear, and what I want to figure out.

    I definitely hope this isn't the case. I don't want to be ashamed of being gay.

    First, NEVER be ashamed of who you are. And NEVER be ashamed of being gay. I am very proud of being gay. That's why we have "Gay Pride" events, precisely to dispel that misconception.

    Yes, gay men are very sexually driven. But then so are all men, including straights. The problem, as I see it, is that in the gay world, you're putting 2 highly sexed men together, compared to a straight man and a straight women who are in a hetro relationship. Double the men, double the trouble.

    The good news is that I personally know, and have known, gay partners together for over 40 years. One is right here on RJ (though it's not my place to name him, but we've met them both in person). In fact, most of our gay friends are couples, of over 20 years or approaching. At only going on 4 years ourselves we're the newbie exception in our circle.

    Men will be men, and we are sexual creatures. At your young age, expect to find sex as the motivating force with your contemporaries.

    But what I did myself was use sex as a calling card. And had a great time meeting guys, fucking them, and sorting them out. This really is what straight guys try to do with women, too, in case you didn't know.

    And when I had fucked, and found, the guy I wanted, then I tried to win him. Just like straight guys do with women. Yah know, men are men, I don't care what our orientation is.

    So don't sweat this. At times it's gonna be rough & tumble, but it's just how all men behave, your being gay not really being the issue. Except that you're dealing with other gay men, who are as sexually motivated as you are. Provided you understand that you've got it dicked, in more ways than one. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 7:11 AM GMT
    Dont worry, there's still some good guys out there...
    -I also think it has to do with the American public view of gays, but that's just my opinion...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 7:18 AM GMT
    It's like in every culture and sub-culture.. The "negative" aspects always get the spotlight. Just because you've experienced or observed things about the gay culture that you don't agree with, it doesn't mean that everyone is like that. Don't lose faith.
  • corknut

    Posts: 10

    Jan 10, 2011 8:00 AM GMT
    Yes. The gay community seem very shallow and sexually driven, but I don't think its just because we're gay. I think it has just as much to do with the fact that we're guys.

    Without launching into some long winded tangent on evolutionary fitness, in many animals males are wired to want to have sex with as many individuals as possible while females tend to be very selective. The fact that the gay community is basically all guys without the restricting influence of women might explain why it seems so overtly sex driven, but thats just late night speculation.

    As for shallowness, I'd say the gay community is no more shallow than anyone else. You don't go to a bar to connect with someone; you go to a bar for hookups and when you're looking for hookups, I doubt you'd choose the really smart, nice guy with a spare tire over some douche with a six pack. A lot of gay personals sites are geared more for hookups than long term relationships. Maybe you're just looking for depth in the wrong places. There are definitely non-sexual gay groups around. It just takes a little more work to find them.

    In short, its not the gay community thats sex driven; its guys in general. The natural tendencies of men in combination with the shallowness inherent to anyone makes the things seem worse than in actuality. You'll find a lot of guys who are interested in a more "traditional" relationship progression (heck my relationships tend to last at least a year), but don't expect to find that in the clubs, bars, or chat rooms.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 12:36 PM GMT
    Dissonance said
    And are gay people just naturally more about sex?


    No, gay men are naturally more about sex. They want sex just as much as straight men do, but straight men have the female barrier they need to get through first in order to get to her vagina. But if she thought like a dude, then straight men would get laid faster. That's why gay men get laid so well. Lesbians probably not so much. But we can't hear from any Lesbians on RJ because RJ doesn't like women. icon_lol.gif

    But really, you shouldn't have faith in "the gay community" because the only thing that's left of it are gay enclaves in conservative areas (like Utah) and older gay men who know what it's like to experience massive discrimination. The rest just want to have sex. Most of them.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Jan 10, 2011 12:38 PM GMT
    YES
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    mybud saidYES
    what is that a reply to?icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    JB82 said
    Dissonance said
    And are gay people just naturally more about sex?


    No, gay men are naturally more about sex. They want sex just as much as straight men do, but straight men have the female barrier they need to get through first in order to get to her vagina. But if she thought like a dude, then straight men would get laid faster. That's why gay men get laid so well. Lesbians probably not so much. But we can't hear from any Lesbians on RJ because RJ doesn't like women. icon_lol.gif


    I know several lesbians from my previous church and they usually tell me their relationships usually start by friendships and then a few years down they realize they're in love.. they apparently also have the most long lasting relationships than straight people but also less sexually active than them, but for gay men ours start out physically rather quickly and our challenge is keeping it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 12:44 PM GMT
    Exactly. Remove females and what are you left with? Men. And what are most men? Highly sexed. That is not to say men cannot become just as emotionally involved as women. It is just that the dynamic is different.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 12:46 PM GMT
    Dissonance said In general, the subculture seems to be shallow and sexually driven.

    Partly because men are what we are, and partly because -- unlike all other subcultures -- sexual orientation is the only thing we all have in common. Aside from sex we're as diverse as can be, racially, ethnically, geographically, income and education levels, you name it.
    Since sex is the one thing we have in common of course it's going to look like the mainspring of gay culture - because it is.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Jan 10, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    JB82 said
    mybud saidYES
    what is that a reply to?icon_confused.gif


    The title of the thread....cutting through the bullshit....cut and dried....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    mybud said
    JB82 said
    mybud saidYES
    what is that a reply to?icon_confused.gif


    The title to the thread....cutting through the bullshit....cut and dried....



    I'm gonna take that as a compliment whether you meant it that way or not. icon_smile.gif

    Cutting through bullshit is one of my favorite things to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    "Look at me I'm Sandra Dee...Lousy with virginity"
    -excerpt from "Grease"

    I'm afraid it is quite shallow but now and again you will run into some pretty good people also.I'm afraid no red carpet goes down for anyone coming out.
    Very sad to say but this is the reality of it all.You will be as good in the community as the company you keep mind you if you are too good you will be pinned as a snob.Feel your own way through and listen to your heart and mind.
    Do not fear it is a vexation to the spirit.
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Jan 10, 2011 1:17 PM GMT
    Dissonance said
    Art_Deco saidOf course the gay community is shallow. Always has been, always will be.

    Mostly, I think, because it can, and get away with it. Not everyone in it is, but mostly the culture is.

    Perhaps some day, when gay marriage is widespread & accepted, gays will have to act like adults. But until then we won't, and will act like shallow children. Since US society won't admit us to the adult world, we continue to act like children. That really does describe what we do, and what I think you're observing.


    But do you believe there is hope for it? If not for the subculture, but at least for individual gay relationships?

    And do you think that gay people are naturally more sexually driven? This is my fear, and what I want to figure out.

    I definitely hope this isn't the case. I don't want to be ashamed of being gay.


    Why would you be ashamed of being who and what you are?

    In general, is the gay community shallow and hurtful? Yes! However, according to a recent study, when women cry, men can pick up the chemical odour, and it doesn't make us more empathetic...instead it turns us off. The point: men are typically shallow and hurtful.

    So, should you be ashamed of being gay, or should you be ashamed of being a man? I'm willing to bet if a woman were to tell you that you should be ashamed to be a man, it would sound pretty ridiculous, wouldn't it?

    However here's the thing: if you believe in monogamy, it is possible to find other gay men who believe in it also. Maybe you'll find a partner who will remain faithful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidPartly because men are what we are, and partly because -- unlike all other subcultures -- sexual orientation is the only thing we all have in common. Aside from sex we're as diverse as can be, racially, ethnically, geographically, income and education levels, you name it.
    Since sex is the one thing we have in common of course it's going to look like the mainspring of gay culture - because it is.

    The least common denominator.
    But that doesn't mean there can't be or isn't a deeper end of the pool.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    Dissonance, there's a highly sexually charged aspect to being gay, or Bi for that matter. There is also intelligence, camaraderie, kindness, empathy, compassion and love. It depends on who you choose as friends.

    Not much difference from straight society, just a little more up front, honest and open about wants and needs. icon_wink.gif

    Shallow? I think very few demographics, if any, are free of that.

    -Doug

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    Dissonance saidI recently came out, and I'm still getting used to all of this. Haven't really been involved in the gay scene. From what I have seen, there seems to be a lot of sexual overtones. Things that would normally be considered dirty seem to be common place.

    I mean look at the chat rooms right on this site. There's adult and non-adult. At any given time, the one that is meant for chatting has only a few people if any, while the one that is meant for jacking off to other people usually has around 100.

    There's other things too. Monogamy seems far less common place, and it seems like a lot of people would have no problem with having sex on the first date.

    In general, the subculture seems to be shallow and sexually driven.

    Please understand that I'm not making judgments. I can't make judgments because I really haven't seen enough. I'm not saying that it IS shallow, I'm just saying that sometimes it seems that way to me. It's nothing more than one person's observation.

    Am I wrong? What do you think?

    And if you see where I am coming from, WHY do you think it is shallow and sexually driven?

    And are gay people just naturally more about sex?


    I wish I had more faith in homosexuality, but for now I don't. I really am sorry if that offends anyone.

    I'd love to hear your thoughts.

    (If you want you can IM me or send me a PM.)


    Well men in general are just naturally more inclined towards sex I think.

    But all I have to say is that there are other guys like you out there who holds similar values so you'll just have to find them and stick around them. You don't have to get yourself involved with people who are shallow, if you do not want.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 10, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    The Gay Community isn't any more shallow than any other community out there.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 10, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    much of gay identity is premised on a consumeristic ideal of masculinity as opposed to the hegemonic ideal of masculinity. if think consumerism is shallow, then yes. but also keep in mind what you think is shallow is relative. i think monogamy is stupid as a default. people are sexual creatures. what's wrong with defining your own relation however you choose?