OK - this is for MyBud who didn't like the jokes. This is a collection of combacks and replies to Gay Insults that you might find funnier (or useful).
Insult 1: "Oh my god. You're so gay."
Reply 1: "Yes. But if you rub yourself on me then maybe I'll turn straight."
Insult 2: "You're such a fag (or "so gay")."
Reply 2: "Sneeze on me and maybe I'll catch the straights."
or "Yeah. You'd better stand back. I'm feeling contagious today. If I sneeze, you might catch the gay."
Insult 3: "Fag."
Reply 3: "No thanks. I don't smoke."
Insult 4: "You're a fag."
Reply 4: [after slight pause]: "Sorry, what was that? I wasn't listening. I was busy picturing you naked, and it was really good. I'm sure that you already knew that, though. Hell, everyone knows what you look like on your back with your legs up in the air."
Insult 5: (an insecure straight guy makes an ignorant comment with his straight male friend leering nearby)
Reply 5: "Oh yeah? Then why does YOUR finger smell like HIS ass?"
(Religiously-based comment): "Well, your God doesn't sound very nice to me. Good thing my God loves me the way I am."
(Macho-based comment): "You know, it takes a real man to not be threatened by someone else's love life."
(Clueless straight women, usually saying "what a waste"): "Look at it this way, honey. At least he won't be leaving you in 20 years for a 19 year old with implants"
(Accusations of pedophilia, etc): "Well, studies show most sexual abuse comes from straight male relatives. Really, do you feel comfortable letting your dad babysit the kids alone?
Respond, in a confidential tone of voice: "Bob, you really should be careful about saying things like because people might think you're a self-loathing closet case."
Common Retorts to Insults:
A. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
B. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
C. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
D. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
E. I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead.
F. Shut up or i'll rape you
G. And you are too. i bet you have a crush on me