gay jokes

  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Jan 10, 2011 8:32 AM GMT
    Ok, we all know that tons of groups in society are the brunt of jokes, as well as have jokes about their own group or other groups.

    Here's your chance to share gay jokes that are by gays for gays. Could be something that pokes fun at our community, could be a gay joke regarding straight people, just share what you know.

    Mainly I'm asking because I know absolutely no gay jokes : P
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    Jan 10, 2011 10:21 AM GMT
    How do you know if you accidentally walk into a gay bar?















    All the bar stools are upside down, with four guys on each one.
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    Jan 10, 2011 10:22 AM GMT
    How do you know if you accidentally walk into a lesbian bar?














    Even the pool table has no balls.
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    Jan 10, 2011 11:37 AM GMT
    What did the Lesbian Vampire say to the other Lesbian Vampire





















    Call me in 26 days
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    Jan 10, 2011 11:39 AM GMT
    What do you call a gay Jew? A he-blew
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 10, 2011 11:43 AM GMT
    Personally I think there in bad taste....You think other minorities tell jokes about themselves to each other...but you do what you want....BUD
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Jan 10, 2011 11:46 AM GMT
    Q: What's the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?

    A: In a straight rodeo, they shout, 'Ride the sucker'. In a gay rodeo, they shout 'Suck the rider'!
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 10, 2011 11:57 AM GMT
    What do lesbians bring on their second date?










    A U-Haul.


    What do gay men bring on their second date?









    What second date?
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    Jan 10, 2011 12:11 PM GMT
    Scientist have discovered why the birth rate is down in SF.












    It's because all the guys legs are up in the air.
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    Jan 10, 2011 12:12 PM GMT
    Why is it that a gay guy can move in a moments notice?







    because his shit is already packed.
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    Jan 10, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    mybud saidPersonally I think there in bad taste....You think other minorities tell jokes about themselves to each other...but you do what you want....BUD

    I vote this most illogical post in the thread!icon_biggrin.gif
  • spades

    Posts: 227

    Jan 10, 2011 12:39 PM GMT
    How is a gay guy like a parrot?



    There's crap on the stick and seed in the mouth icon_razz.gif
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jan 10, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    OK - this is for MyBud who didn't like the jokes. This is a collection of combacks and replies to Gay Insults that you might find funnier (or useful).

    Insult 1: "Oh my god. You're so gay."
    Reply 1: "Yes. But if you rub yourself on me then maybe I'll turn straight."

    Insult 2: "You're such a fag (or "so gay")."
    Reply 2: "Sneeze on me and maybe I'll catch the straights."
    or "Yeah. You'd better stand back. I'm feeling contagious today. If I sneeze, you might catch the gay."

    Insult 3: "Fag."
    Reply 3: "No thanks. I don't smoke."

    Insult 4: "You're a fag."
    Reply 4: [after slight pause]: "Sorry, what was that? I wasn't listening. I was busy picturing you naked, and it was really good. I'm sure that you already knew that, though. Hell, everyone knows what you look like on your back with your legs up in the air."

    Insult 5: (an insecure straight guy makes an ignorant comment with his straight male friend leering nearby)
    Reply 5: "Oh yeah? Then why does YOUR finger smell like HIS ass?"

    (Religiously-based comment): "Well, your God doesn't sound very nice to me. Good thing my God loves me the way I am."

    (Macho-based comment): "You know, it takes a real man to not be threatened by someone else's love life."

    (Clueless straight women, usually saying "what a waste"): "Look at it this way, honey. At least he won't be leaving you in 20 years for a 19 year old with implants"

    (Accusations of pedophilia, etc): "Well, studies show most sexual abuse comes from straight male relatives. Really, do you feel comfortable letting your dad babysit the kids alone?

    Respond, in a confidential tone of voice: "Bob, you really should be careful about saying things like because people might think you're a self-loathing closet case."

    Common Retorts to Insults:
    A. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
    B. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
    C. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
    D. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
    E. I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead.
    F. Shut up or i'll rape you
    G. And you are too. i bet you have a crush on me
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    Jan 10, 2011 1:09 PM GMT
    How do you know you're at a gay picnic?








    All the hot dogs taste like shit.
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    Jan 10, 2011 1:53 PM GMT
    Segue: Saw a female comedian---from Canada, I believe--- on Comedy Central the other night. She said a co-worker asked her "Have you heard the Good News?"
    She said "About what?"
    "About Jesus. You should come to church with me to hear it."
    "I'm Jewish."
    "Oh, you're people just need to meet Jesus."
    "Oh, we met him! .....have you not heard the bad news?"
    (priceless!)
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 10, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    Rick and Steve buy their dream house, not paying attention that it's right next to a golf course. Since the day the bought it, they have been picking up golf balls out of their yard, had to listen to them hit the sides of their house and even deal with a few broken windows.

    One Sunday they are on their patio having brunch and a ball comes flying and smashes the pitcher of mimosas. Rick says, "That's it! Steve, you lie down on the ground and when that golfer comes looking for the ball I'm going to give him a good scare!"

    Steve does as told (he knows better than to argue) and this tall, built gorgeous golfer comes around the hedge looking for his ball. Rick starts screaming at him "You asshole! Your ball hit my partner in the head and now he's knocked out! We're going to sue you for everything you are worth!"

    The golfer says "Fuck You!"

    Rick says, "Steve, get up. We're settling out of court."
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    Jan 10, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    shortmuscleguy saidWhat did the Lesbian Vampire say to the other Lesbian Vampire


    Call me in 26 days


    That was a really nasty one.........LOL
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    How do the American and Canadian gays differ?





    Same really....except the Canadians have a real Queen.
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    What do you call two guys in a sleeping bag?




    A fruit roll-up.
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    Q: What do you call a cross between Gandhi and a hairdresser's poodle?

    A: Fluffy The Empire Slayer.
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks.

    The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"

    So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.

    The sarge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...

    The captain comes along with his swagger stick.

    He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.

    "No, Sir!" came the reply.

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

    The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.

    He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.

    "Did THAT hurt?"

    "No, Sir!"

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

    Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.

    "Did THAT hurt?"

    "No, Sir!"

    "Why not?"

    "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    Q. What's the hardest part about being a figure skater?











    A. Telling your father you're gay.
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    How do you know when you're in a gay church?



    Only half the congregation kneels to pray!
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Jan 10, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    mybud saidYou think other minorities tell jokes about themselves to each other


    Yes, all the time
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:28 PM GMT
    Q: Why did George Bush cancel the invasion of The Castro?

    A: Someone showed him the penis mightier than the sword.