Please help me. I do Not know how to talk to this guy.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    I go to college at VCU, here in Richmond. I go to the gym alot and usually my workouts are in the morning, because the gym is less crowded and all. There is this guy who I've seen there every now and then, I think he's really really cute. And there's something about his personality that just strikes me and makes me interested in him. I know he is interested in me, to say the least, too: ). We constantly are catching eachothers eyes, and I can spot him at times through the mirrors just watching me every now and then, or turning around to get a vantage point. It's really cute... He is really quiet, and nice, at least that's what I gather. And that's what I like. He just really attracts me. I think he is really interesting, and hot!

    But here is the problem. I finally got the balls to come up to him yesterday and just make some small talk. He is quite hard to talk to. The conversation lasted all of about 40 seconds, none of us could really think of anything to say. But so we said goodbye, and walked away. I saw him again today, but pretended not to see him, just to wait and see the reaction when he saw I was there working out. Just as I expected, I was happy to see he perked up a bit out of the corner of my eye, and kept looking over.

    He doesn't seem that interested when I talk to him, but I think its a defense mechanism. Don't ask me how I can tell, I just kind of feel that's whats going on. I think maybe he has a hard time with himself, but I'm not sure. I want so badly just to look his direction with sympathy and a smile, maybe some vulnerability, but I'm really nervous about this because judging from our past encounters I'm not sure if it would just be what he was waiting for, accepted etc and maybe open him up some..or if he would just get turned off and walk away.
    Help. This guy really confused me and I don't know what to do. I really don't want to miss this chance, because I know we are both interested in eachother.

    Thanks, guys
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    Jan 10, 2011 5:51 PM GMT
    No matter how hot a person is, sometimes you just have nothing in common to talk about.
    It's frustrating to let a hottie slip away, but it's even more frustrating to reel him in just to find out later (after you get attached to him) that you have nothing in common.
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    Jan 10, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidNo matter how hot a person is, sometimes you just have nothing in common to talk about.


    So true! I think it's funny how quickly I begin projecting all kinds of desirable personality traits on a guy that catches my eye based on his physical appearance alone. They rarely live up to all my expectations.



    Sylas saidThere is this guy who I've seen there every now and then, I think he's really really cute. And there's something about his personality that just strikes me and makes me interested in him.


    Based on a 40 second conversation, how much do you really know of his personality?

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    Jan 10, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    Noooooo....it's possibly not that we don't have things to talk about..I mean. He wants me. He keeps staring at me.... but I think he's just shy, or whatever. Maybe its some game .

    This has to happen!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is so much body language going on and nonverbal communication. I just wish I knew how to get him talking and be receptive. If he didn't want me, he wouldn't be staring at me all of the time!


    nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Must. not! LeT. ..go.


    ps.


    by personality, i meant aura.
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    Jan 10, 2011 7:22 PM GMT
    Whenever you see him keep saying Hi sooner or later if something is gonna happen it will.Listen to your heart but pay attention to your brain too.Sometimes we gotta put ourselves in their boots for a few minutes.
    Don't rush anything that will kill it.Slow and easy and keep smiling.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 10, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    Brother, you know part of it is also you. I know that you usually take the initiative in these sits, and you have....now just remove the gay syndrome and play it without the sexual tension....remember: friendship first....ask him out for a gatorade.....talk commonalites,,,working out will start and just let it flow from there.

    best venue is where there are other distractions to break the ice....now put on you big boy pants and go for it, cause you are a new you, remember?


    You go girl..........................Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Jan 10, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    All the staring isn't necessarily a sign of good. OK, maybe he wants you. But he seems to lack the social skills to have a normal conversation with you.....so he just stares. What makes you think he's going to overcome his inability have a conversation? Just because he's really, really cute?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 10, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    Go at it as cultivating a friendship rather than as landing a husband.
    That should eliminate most of the nervousness.

    Write down 5 questions to ask him.
    No, don't pull out the list of questions, at the gym.
    Memorize them.
    Possible examples:
    --How's everything, today ?
    --Great looking shorts. Where did you get them ?
    --How long have you been working out ?

    Write down your phone number and hand it to him, saying, "Here's my phone number. If you'd like to meet for coffee sometime, give me a call.
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    Jan 11, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    Here's the thing. I feel that if I start to go about it in a purely friendly way, I may send the wrong message to him, or he'll get the wrong message. He will misinterpret that I just want to be friends, and he may lose interest. I see what you guys are saying about being casual and friendly, but in a way I sort of couldn't just sit there and talk to him like he was any old guy, and pretend i didn't have special feelings. I think maybe there's a sort of way to be friendly, and interested at once, but subtly? I think me just treating him like a 'dude' at the gym would downgrade whatever is going on between us...to a purely platonic level. It would dull it.


    This is so tricky. Because I want to do something definitive that will let him know I am into him, like give him my number as stated above, or ask him out. Or just even be so bold as to talk to him in a way that he would definately get the point. If I proceed, and get rejected, would that be so humiliating/terrible?
    I think that's what he wants. So why not take a chance....?

    Do you guys see where I am hesitant to just approach him casually and "friendly"? Idk why, but I also have this deep seated internally generated belief that if I were to start chatting him up, he would get weirded out, or creeped out. If I obviously know he is gay/bi, why would i feel this way?
    I think if i started flirting with him, maybe he would get freaked out. I don't know why. I want to take that chance, but I'm scared. And I have no idea if giving him my number is a good idea. I really think I have to just play the situation out and read it as it comes.
    There's no manual for dating, as they say.
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    Jan 11, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    Meet him right after the workout (after changing in the locker room). Then ask him if he wants to go grab something to eat. Just have breakfast, early lunch and talk about life in general, his workout routine, sports teams, or school. Based on the conversation, you can then determine how to proceed. At the end of the meal, exchange cell phone numbers. Then invite him out somewhere more interesting during the weekend (i.e. date).

    By the way, if you and he don't end up exiting at the same time, you can wait for him outside the gym on a day he normally works out.

    Good luck!
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    Jan 11, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    Sylas saidps.


    by personality, i meant aura.
    No...by personality, you mean you think he's really hot and wanna get in his pants.
    Not that I blame you or anything. icon_razz.gif
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jan 11, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    Life involves some risk. You have to stop judging yourself and worry about saying the wrong thing and just be natural. Ask about his work outs. Ask about his diet. Just ask him the sort of things you might ask a friend. But, then, if you think things are going well, ask if he'd like to grab coffee or a meal. If you're confident he's interested in you, then he's not going to need much of an invitation to take up your offer. Confidence is a turn-on. So just ask him!
  • metta

    Posts: 39134

    Jan 11, 2011 10:10 PM GMT
    " saw him again today, but pretended not to see him, just to wait and see the reaction when he saw I was there working out. "

    Don't play games with him. Ignoring a person when you know they are there is rude. Just be honest and open with him. What harm could there be in that? No matter what the answer is, at least you know where you stand.
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    Jan 11, 2011 10:12 PM GMT
    By the way, I think some of you here have been a little too harsh on the OP. Yes, I'm sure there is some physical attraction there. However, there probably is some attraction to the guy based on his workout personality. Who among us cannot detect a person's personality based on how he works out? Think grunters and moaners, those who check in the mirror constantly, yappers, etc.
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    Jan 11, 2011 11:01 PM GMT
    doesn't hurt sometimes to be honest and just slip into the conversation that ur gay and would be interested in going out.....he either says yes or no...50/50 is a good bet at the track...........I did it once, the guy said he wasnt'...didn't get pissed, end of story..............................icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 11, 2011 11:18 PM GMT
    Sylas saidHere's the thing. I feel that if I start to go about it in a purely friendly way, I may send the wrong message to him, or he'll get the wrong message. He will misinterpret that I just want to be friends, and he may lose interest. I see what you guys are saying about being casual and friendly, but in a way I sort of couldn't just sit there and talk to him like he was any old guy, and pretend i didn't have special feelings. I think maybe there's a sort of way to be friendly, and interested at once, but subtly? I think me just treating him like a 'dude' at the gym would downgrade whatever is going on between us...to a purely platonic level. It would dull it.


    This is so tricky. Because I want to do something definitive that will let him know I am into him, like give him my number as stated above, or ask him out. Or just even be so bold as to talk to him in a way that he would definately get the point. If I proceed, and get rejected, would that be so humiliating/terrible?
    I think that's what he wants. So why not take a chance....?

    Do you guys see where I am hesitant to just approach him casually and "friendly"? Idk why, but I also have this deep seated internally generated belief that if I were to start chatting him up, he would get weirded out, or creeped out. If I obviously know he is gay/bi, why would i feel this way?
    I think if i started flirting with him, maybe he would get freaked out. I don't know why. I want to take that chance, but I'm scared. And I have no idea if giving him my number is a good idea. I really think I have to just play the situation out and read it as it comes.
    There's no manual for dating, as they say.



    Good heavens, Sylas, is it a man you're wanting, or a mouse or someone who can't function or think and act for himself?

    I say this because in my single years I had just such thoughts as you a few times with a few men. They all turned out to be flakes of the worst sort. Or, like my gut tried to tell me and my head didn't listen, they were uninterested in me that way.

    -Doug

    You can lead a horse to water, right into it even, but you can't make him drink.
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    Jan 12, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    Sylas saidNoooooo....it's possibly not that we don't have things to talk about..I mean. He wants me. He keeps staring at me.... but I think he's just shy, or whatever. Maybe its some game .



    Hahaha I like this. Such strong conviction. Ok, next time just ask for his number, it's really hard to talk when you're working out.

    I