My "Husband" wants us to go to a bath house!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    Hello I'm new and I'm seeking opinions and advice!
    So I've been dating my guy for about two years and we recently got a domestic partnership. Our sex life started out amazing like most do but after we moved in and etc it kinda died down. Hes been making comments and talking to our friends about how he wants us to go to a bathhouse and spice up our sex life. Now I know when I got into this relationship, I understood e was very sexual being and considers himself bisexual. Etc. Got it. Me on the other hand, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm a bit of a prude? I just feel that the point of being in a relationship is making that decision to exclusive to one another etc. But it's hard now because I understand he wants to start spicing up our sex life but sometimes I'm not sure if he's serious or not but says things like... I wanna see someone fuck you, I wanna double penetrate you, I wanna have people watch us have sex, im down for a threeway, group. Etc etc...

    I have way to much going on in my head. He says he's not a cheater And would never and I trust him but I don't know how to feel or think about this. I mean I'm gay, I should be happy I have a sexually open man but I cant help but be nervous and worried that WHAT IF we decide to open that door that it'll create more problems specially in the trust department and if it'll make us worse? No more exclusiveness? I don't know.. My mind is all over the place!

    Am I crazy? What are your thoughts?
    (sorry bout my grammar, on my iPhone)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2011 8:20 PM GMT
    From what I understand, he wants to open up the relationship and you don't.

    In my personal opinion (for what it's worth), I think that if you guys have been together long enough (years) and that you love each other and that the relationship is stable in every other sense that's important, introducing that element shouldn't hurt.

    I am a believer that love grows over time, and I really doubt he'll run off with the guy you guys are having fun with. If you let him do this, you might even gain more respect and loyalty from him because you are showing that you are willing to take a risk to fulfill his need.

    Just play safe.
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    Jan 10, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    Geeez! Sorry, like I said Im on my phone.
    I'm more than happy to fill out my profile WHEN I'm on a computer.
    But thanks? =P
  • chubbtm5

    Posts: 19

    Jan 11, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    He wants an open relationship and you don't. Buddy you had better work this one out fast or your relationship is on the fast track to nowhere. Going to a bathhouse, even if you don't have sex with others, is just the first step to involving others in your relationship.

    Open relationships don't work. They are a sign that one or both partners are not willing to develop a truly deep, intimate relationship. I've known many open relationships and they all end up the same way: one partner sits at home resentful while the other is out screwing around. Sooner or later jealousy arises and the couple realize they cannot sustain their relationship on these grounds. At that point you are just roommates, perhaps even roommates who are very good friends, but you are no longer a couple.

    You might want to consider seeing a therapist. If your partner won't go, think about how to end your relationship gracefully.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    Attackhart saidMy "Husband" wants us to go to a bath house!?
    That means he's tired of you and wants a change.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    I'm sorry, but if you have to ask advice from total strangers on this without having an intimate heart to heart discussion declaring how you really feel about it then you're relationship isn't as strong as it ought to be and you need to fix that ASAP. Lack of openness and talking about everything and mutual agreement to discuss and talk about everything is a recipe for future discord.

    Unless you're wanting us to give our moral perspective on it?

    If you want my opinion, open-relationship type of activity merely opens up the doors to possible disease and practically says that there is a lack of fulfillment from one or both members. If one's partner or spouse is not all they need to be happy in terms of intimate activity then that's a problem in my worldview. Call me old fashioned, but if you have to feel even remotely guilty about doing something then it is wrong according to your conscience and set of principles.

    Opening up the doors to extras in the bedroom takes away all of the exclusivity and specialness that comes with having a loving partner.

    There's no such thing as "playing 100% safe" outside of monogamy, no matter what anyone says.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 11, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    2 years doesn't seem like a long time to be together before getting the itch.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Attackhart saidMy "Husband" wants us to go to a bath house!?
    That means he's tired of you and wants a change.


    +1
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jan 11, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    Decide which of his suggestions you can go for and have a good time. Just PLAY SAFE.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Attackhart saidMy "Husband" wants us to go to a bath house!?
    That means he's tired of you and wants a change.
    Well maybe sort of. I think guys need change sometimes. You say sex has diminished but failed to say what you are doing to change that or are you?

    Relationships are a 2 way street & if you want monogamy, then you have to fulfill your end of the contact, meaning spice it up somehow.

    One partner can't be satisfied & just say that's it. You are lucky he's dropping hints & not just acting on them secretly. I'd say it's time to sit down & ask what he needs & come up with something that will work for both of you. Just my opinion. Good luck!
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    bath houses are way too dirty and the average age in there is 60.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jan 11, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidOne partner can't be satisfied & just say that's it. You are lucky he's dropping hints & not just acting on them secretly. I'd say it's time to sit down & ask what he needs & come up with something that will work for both of you. Just my opinion. Good luck!


    Good advice!
  • metta

    Posts: 39089

    Jan 11, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    Just be open an honest with him and expect the same from him. Only do what you are comfortable doing. It sounds like your relationship with him is changing and you need to be clear what you want in a relationship. Hopefully, you two can find a way to work it out. If not, maybe you two will end up being best friends.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Attackhart saidMy "Husband" wants us to go to a bath house!?
    That means he's tired of you and wants a change.


    Unfortunately, yes, the classic "first sign"......
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    Jan 11, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    paulflexes said
    Attackhart saidMy "Husband" wants us to go to a bath house!?
    That means he's tired of you and wants a change.
    Well maybe sort of. I think guys need change sometimes. You say sex has diminished but failed to say what you are doing to change that or are you?

    Relationships are a 2 way street & if you want monogamy, then you have to fulfill your end of the contact, meaning spice it up somehow.



    I agree. Maybe you need to spice it up a little bit. Have you ever thought about bringing a jalapeno to bed with you? Maybe a green bell?
    icon_lol.gif


    I digress, you guys seem stable enough, maybe try it? See what happens? If you feel uncomfortable after the first time, tell him and he, respectfully, should understand.

    good luck bud
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    Jan 11, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    paulflexes said
    Attackhart saidMy "Husband" wants us to go to a bath house!?
    That means he's tired of you and wants a change.
    Well maybe sort of. I think guys need change sometimes. You say sex has diminished but failed to say what you are doing to change that or are you?

    Relationships are a 2 way street & if you want monogamy, then you have to fulfill your end of the contact, meaning spice it up somehow.



    I agree. Maybe you need to spice it up a little bed. Have you ever thought about bringing a jalapeno to bed with you? Maybe a green bell?
    icon_lol.gif


    I digress, you guys seem stable enough, maybe try it? See what happens? If you feel uncomfortable after the first time, tell him and he, respectfully, should understand.

    good luck bud
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    Jan 11, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    charlitos saidbath houses are way too dirty and the average age in there is 60.


    and the average build is Jabba the Hutt

    There are couples who come to places like Ft Lauderdale with many clothing optional guest houses to just play there and no where else. Same with the Atlantis cruises. We have friend couples who are monogamous all year long but do 'vacation' sex romps all the time.

    The answer of course is communication. If one of you wants to have sex with others and play as a couple and the other doesn't...aint gonna work. You both have to be on the same page for this
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    Jan 11, 2011 8:35 PM GMT
    Firstly, I have to say, I share your outlook.

    It is obvious, however, that you and your partner's sexual attitudes are very different. Two years into a relationship seems a strange time to be finding this out. Has this come completely out of the blue or did you see the warning signs much earlier and just decide to run with it?

    Incidentally, as he does not appear to be proposing that either of you has sex with a woman, I'm not sure what relevance his bisexuality has here.
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    Jan 12, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    Exactly how I feel about his "bisexuality" because yes he says when a girl is hot he's still married to A GUY.

    I knew when I came into this relationship he was a very sexual person. Hell, before him I had my share of 3-4 ways And everything. But then I found him and only wanted him. But, his thing is now is that he wouldn't mind him watching me get slammed first and then try more there after. He said that he's thinks I'm gonna get scared if we ever allow a third person that I'm gonna see a wild side to him that I've never seen.

    It's so funny because we both came into this relationship knowing the backgrounds and morals we grew up with. For instance, I grew up in a strict christian family home and I of course was a mommas boy. Him on the other hand, has wild parents that used to deal drugs, And different relationships al the time, and he's been to rehab for drugs and just etc.. You see where I'm going with this? I'm the classic story of "good girl love bad boys" senario.
    Now don't get me wrong, he isn't so bad anymore, hasnt done drugs in 3 years, went to college and got a degree.. Etc got cleaned up. Grew up!

    My story is ofcourse I had my christiam family, but I was considered the wild child. Every single long term relationship I've had, theyve all cheated on me. Every best friend I've had all back stabbed me and lied and etc. Heck, my last best friend of 5 years up ended hooking up with my past "love of my life" ex. Behind my back for months! So I guess you can say and I can admit, I'm jaded. Ive got my share of trust issues, indefinitely. So after that last ex was when I said eff it and went on my lil 3-4 ways and hooking up and etc.

    I can definitely see where I'm being a prude about this. I know when the sex starts to fade it's time to spice it up. But it scares me to take that massive leap, but it scares me even more to not take it because.. Wasnt that the reason why all my exes cheated on me?

    I've been told over and over I have a mind of a women because I almost think like one, feelings wise. But from other gay and straight marriages, from what I understand, both spouses sometimes need to sacrifice and push their comfort, to keep the one they love... Happy.

    Am I crazy? Yes, I think a lot. But do you blame me? Put yourself in my shoes... What would you do?



  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Jan 12, 2011 4:34 PM GMT
    charlitos saidbath houses are way too dirty and the average age in there is 60.


    Oh contra!!!....Come to NYC ones....there are some wayyyy hotties in them....LMAO
    icon_lol.gificon_eek.gif
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    Jan 12, 2011 4:34 PM GMT

    I'll confess to some surprise here. You have a domestic partnership and NOW the monogamy issue is coming up?

    What kind of vows did you make to each other?

    -Doug
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    Jan 12, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    ok, maybe this is bad, but when I think of a bathhouse today.. The first think I think of is BEDBUGS! LMAO
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    Jan 12, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    if my boyfriend says he ever went to a bath house, was interested in going, or wanted to go with me, I would break up with him immediately. They are disgusting and really represent the lowest of the low with regards to gay culture. Public sex in a dark room while other people watch and jerk off is just gross. I don't even care if people call me judgmental, I am more than happy to judge people who got to these cesspits.
  • metta

    Posts: 39089

    Jan 13, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    hmm..regarding savage's advice below....to me...that sounds like the relationship is changing to a best friend type situation...which is fine.......I guess it is a fine line and depends on where you want to draw it.

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    Jan 13, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    charlitos saidbath houses are way too dirty and the average age in there is 60.


    Don't forget most of the guys are hideous!