Getting over shyness

  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    Jan 11, 2011 6:03 AM GMT
    I have issues when it comes to talking to a guy I'm attracted to. It's the breaking the ice part which I really suck at. Are there other shy guys out there and how do you overcome this? I almost talked to him a couple times. Help!!
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    Jan 11, 2011 9:30 AM GMT
    Ok so best thing to do is take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

    The thing I do afterwards is think if I don't talk to this guy he might be too shy to initiate the conversation first.

    If that doesn't work then plan b just look at him like you've got something you want to ask and well he may initiate the conversation.

    I would give better ideas to help you at least initiate the conversation, but my mind is drawing a _______. Hope this helps icon_razz.gificon_smile.gif
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    Jan 11, 2011 11:41 AM GMT
    I'm shy too. Like you said, the hard part is breaking the ice. The only thing I can think of is to just keep in mind that other person could be just as shy, feel just as awkward. Confidence is key I think.
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    Jan 11, 2011 11:44 AM GMT
    ooo here is one shy guy too when i see a hot guy somewhere i cold never say hi or look at him in the eyes icon_redface.gif But i noticate ia am not so shy here online talking to some hot guys icon_biggrin.gif
    But i dont know maybe it will go away.And its normal we all fear rejection from nice guys so its just a defence mechanism
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    Jan 11, 2011 11:44 AM GMT
    I am shy as well and there's always that voice in your head that says "he'll come to me," but there comes a time where you just have to bite the bullet and give it a go. I'd suggest you try talking to him with the idea of friendship in your mind, so if he's not into you there's no real harm.

    Also plan B; it's always good to have a graceful retreat pre-planned.
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    Jan 11, 2011 12:22 PM GMT
    manpit209 saidI have issues when it comes to talking to a guy I'm attracted to. It's the breaking the ice part which I really suck at. Are there other shy guys out there and how do you overcome this? I almost talked to him a couple times. Help!!


    You dont need to say "i love you" on the spot. Just keep learning about one another. Soon enough you can open up to him.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 11, 2011 12:49 PM GMT
    Alcohol! It eases the nerves, just don't get sloppy.
  • omgazn

    Posts: 342

    Jan 11, 2011 1:28 PM GMT
    lol i also use alcohol for getting rid of shyness.
  • McLukas

    Posts: 33

    Jan 11, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    I'm kind of shy when I feel like I have something to lose. I like to make jokes with people and make them laugh and don't always know if people will take them just as that.

    I think the best way to overcome shyness is to recognize that in the end all you have is yourself, and you won't lose that no matter what. As long as you don't lose your respect for yourself, it won't be hard to get over it if you fail. And don't forget to laugh about it later.

    A good way to start a conversation is to observe who you want to talk to and see what their interests are. Like look at their clothes ( they might be wearing a shirt that's dedicated to something that's important to them), or something they may be carrying, or asking for advice on how to do something better. Like if you saw him in a gym you could compliment him on something particular about his physique and ask him what he does. It might sound stalkerish but it's a good way to introduce yourself.

    Good luck! icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 11, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    icon_biggrin.gif Have you tried simply introducing yourself ? Or complimenting his clothes - something like "wow those pants look great! Where did you get them?"

    or "Don't I know you?" is always good. If you smoke, ask him if he has a cigarrette.

    Ask him for gum.

    Bump into him "accidentally". Not rough, just a nudge will do. Compliment his hair.

    Say, "Don't you work down the street from me?" Whatever the answer to these questions, seem interested. If you can get a guy to talk about himself - and lets face it, most guys love to talk about themselves... they will be all yours.

    Keep the conversation flowing by keeping eye contact, nodding and smiling, but keep away from talking about ex boyfriends or other guys. He'll just think you're not into him enough. Make it all about him, how he looks, smells, talks, dresses... and that's all it really takes. Show that you are interested in him.
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    Jan 11, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    McLukas saidI'm kind of shy when I feel like I have something to lose. I like to make jokes with people and make them laugh and don't always know if people will take them just as that.

    I think the best way to overcome shyness is to recognize that in the end all you have is yourself, and you won't lose that no matter what. As long as you don't lose your respect for yourself, it won't be hard to get over it if you fail. And don't forget to laugh about it later.

    A good way to start a conversation is to observe who you want to talk to and see what their interests are. Like look at their clothes ( they might be wearing a shirt that's dedicated to something that's important to them), or something they may be carrying, or asking for advice on how to do something better. Like if you saw him in a gym you could compliment him on something particular about his physique and ask him what he does. It might sound stalkerish but it's a good way to introduce yourself.

    Good luck! icon_wink.gif


    Agree! icon_biggrin.gif
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 11, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    i had a crush on a guy, and i was so nervous to talk to him, my friend help me introduced myself to him, and i found out that he wasnt really my type. XD
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    Jan 11, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    Being shy is a part of your personality. It can be more attractive than being too confident.

    On most occasions I have tried chatting someone up, it doesn't work, because I don't really know the person well enough to make the conversation meaningful. The only solution I have found is to just keep at it until you meet someone with whom you connect. Better yet, forget chatting people up and treat potential dates the way you do friends, i.e. people you've got to know over time, except you discover you are also attracted to each other.

    Good luck, there's no right or wrong way to do it ;).
  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Jan 11, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    I'm shy...always have been...always will be with people that I don't know...and I just accept it. I would never even consider approaching someone that I don't know. But, I'm glad that there are others willing to do so. icon_biggrin.gif

    This person that you are attracted to, do you know if you have anything in common, in regards to interests, hobbies, etc. If you know that, you can always just start talking about that.
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    Jan 11, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    I used to be really shy. Now I just go after what I want...sometimes. Other times, it helps to portray a bit of shyness (depends on the guy).

    To get over it, just continue putting yourself in uncomfortable situations on purpose, like forcing yourself to say hi the the hot guy in the corner dancing with his shirt off and sunglasses on. He may look unapproachable, but that's jut a front. Those are usually the nicest guys in the club...and the horniest. icon_wink.gif
  • c00lness

    Posts: 37

    Jan 12, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    OK NOW being shy is all normal icon_biggrin.gif but if doesnt get you anywhere in the scheme of things. i got over my shyness by just telling myself that i have to work for what i want icon_razz.gif be confident whats the worst thing that could go wrong for starting the conversation? and trust me if you start it the other person will appreciate it icon_biggrin.gif and they will just keep the convo flowing icon_biggrin.gif
    remember confidence theres nothing to be afraid of icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 12, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI used to be really shy. Now I just go after what I want...sometimes. Other times, it helps to portray a bit of shyness (depends on the guy).

    To get over it, just continue putting yourself in uncomfortable situations on purpose, like forcing yourself to say hi the the hot guy in the corner dancing with his shirt off and sunglasses on. He may look unapproachable, but that's jut a front. Those are usually the nicest guys in the club...and the horniest. icon_wink.gif


    Oh, shut up....was that you....?
  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    Jan 12, 2011 6:20 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the feedback. He goes to the same gym that I do. I don't know if he's gay but yesterday I had a few encounters with him, exchanged looks with him and I approached him at the drinking fountain which took him by surprise. Then I went to the drinking fountain later and he was there then took me by surprise. He didn't say anything either. There was a line. So if that's any indication, I think there's an attraction of some kind. I just need to break the ice. This has been going on for months but yesterday I really felt that he might really be gay.
  • timmytwister

    Posts: 169

    Jan 12, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    Since you go to the same gym, you have something in common. Break the ice by talking about fitness or workouts. "Hey I noticed you do kettlebells; what do u like about them?"... whatever. Once the conversation's going, you'll have a better vibe on whether he's gay. Then ask him if he wants a cup of coffee later. Or, if you're still shy, chat him up a few more times before going for a coffee or bite.

    BTW, I'd date you. icon_wink.gif
  • bismark1993

    Posts: 26

    Jan 15, 2011 1:52 AM GMT
    Asking questions is a good/basic tactic if you're shy regardless of your intentions. Problem is that the questions tend to come off as disingenuous if you're nervous or over-eager to talk. It's gotta sound natural. Since it's not adviseable to wait for him to come to you, the first step is eye contact.

    I'm somewhat shy (not as much as many on this thread I'm sure) and, although this sounds horrible, to manufactor confidence I tend to fake myself into thinking that the person who I'm approaching is a nerdowell, or malfeasant in some way. I don't actually believe this but I can sorta trick the portion of my brain that freaks out into thinking that the person I'm talking to isn't worth my attention upon accosting them. This makes the initial interaction a lot more genuine. Again, I don't actually believe that they are bad or unworthy.
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    Jan 15, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    Alcohol really is the trick...
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 15, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    You need to develop a list of all those great qualities that set you apart from others....When you doubt yourself....you think of those qualities...See yourself as a gift...Your shy actions are preventing that guy of a gift...that gift is you....Next time...take a deep breath...walk up to him with confidence...extend yourself...You may be surprised by the results....Respect....BUD
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 15, 2011 9:37 PM GMT
    Tried and true
    From the files of a shy guy
    Whisper to a friend that you think a guy is Sally cute

    And then watch aaa the news goes from one guy to the next and eventually makes it's wayto the rig guy

    I'm telling ya
    Works every time
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    Jan 15, 2011 9:45 PM GMT
    manpit209 saidI have issues when it comes to talking to a guy I'm attracted to. It's the breaking the ice part which I really suck at. Are there other shy guys out there and how do you overcome this? I almost talked to him a couple times. Help!!
    I'm a shy person and the way that you can probably overcome this is by being yourself around him and less tense and opening up to him more
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    Jan 15, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    I've never gotten past my shyness. Probably why I'm still single.