pretty new to dating guys...could use some good advice!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2011 12:56 AM GMT
    I'm really glad to finally begin to start dating guys! Feels great to come out with who I am and start this new chapter in my life. Only issue...don't really have a lot of experience with it. I have an idea on what I'm looking for in another guy, but don't really know what to expect on dates. Any advice on what to expect?

    Thanks!
  • prime02

    Posts: 236

    Jan 12, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    in most of my cases, if I got it too easily, I lost interest. There are always deal breakers to this, like if you have an amazing connection. But sometimes when sex came to easily, I moved on to a new, different guy
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    Jan 12, 2011 1:11 AM GMT
    First things first.

    If you want someone with all the same things you like buy a god damned mirror and cut a hole in it for a flashlight. It's tiresome hearing little homos whine about not being able to find someone perfect.

    Secondly, everyone is different, some people are going to have different views then yourself. Just because they are different from you should not immediately remove them from any potential at happiness, respect for each other and what you bring to life and the world around you is most important.

    Dating. Warning, there are MANY MANY smooth talking men in the world who will do or say anything to get you into bed (or the kitchen table, back ally, back seat of the car) so be forwarned.

    But dating it's self is pretty easy, you two go out, have some fun, if you both want it to go the way of the bedroom have fun, experiment and let yourself enjoy the time... BE SAFE WEAR PROTECTION, no matter what the smooth talkin men say!

    If a date doesn't go well, that's okay, not everything in life is suppose to be easy.

    If a guy rejects you don't take it to hard, the next guy could be mr right or mr right now or maybe mr next week when he's in town.
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    Jan 12, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    go_vols saidAny advice on what to expect?
    Sex. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 12, 2011 2:06 AM GMT
    If you've ever dated women, it's kinda like that only simpler.
    You go out, you get to know each other, you have a good time, (you get some).

    Your date (hopefully) doesn't expect to be treated like a princess, your date isn't looking at you like you'll save him from his biological clock (marriage, kids), your date doesn't need to go to the bathroom in groups (again, hopefully, unless that's what you're into), and your date isn't expecting you to play the typical games.
    Guys are usually straightforward in communicating with one another.

    Some guys are shady, so be smart, be safe, and have fun.
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    Jan 12, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    Same difference but replace the impregnation with stds worry.....

    After that,........WROOOOOOFFFFFF!!!!!!!

    Let yourself go........find out your limits and your partner's.........

    Life doesn't go on forever. Enjoy the time you have.

    It is a gift from........lolz.....the powers that be.

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    Jan 12, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Been a loooooooooong time since I've dated, but I hear all sorts of "win" in this post. icon_smile.gif


    Thank you. icon_biggrin.gif

    Dating another man is not like joining a secret society. There's no special handshake. You don't need to learn a complex set of codes.

    The purpose of dating is to spend time with someone or getting to know someone that you have/might consider having romantic feelings. If you like the man and he likes you then you go out again. If not, then move on.
    Maybe in the straight world, you'd need to go on a date in order to get some. In gay world if you're horny there's plenty of ways to take care of that without having to waste your time on a date.


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    Jan 12, 2011 10:39 PM GMT
    Ermine saidIf you've ever dated women, it's kinda like that only simpler.
    You go out, you get to know each other, you have a good time, (you get some).

    Your date (hopefully) doesn't expect to be treated like a princess, your date isn't looking at you like you'll save him from his biological clock (marriage, kids), your date doesn't need to go to the bathroom in groups (again, hopefully, unless that's what you're into), and your date isn't expecting you to play the typical games.
    Guys are usually straightforward in communicating with one another.

    Some guys are shady, so be smart, be safe, and have fun.


    really??????icon_eek.gif
  • tallchris

    Posts: 121

    Jan 12, 2011 10:58 PM GMT
    Be prepared for guys not to call you. They are shits and emotional cowards or illiterates. As the man says above, simpler than females.

    They aren't all like that. And if they are really interested, of course, they won't avoid you. It's just if they aren't, they'll leave you hanging. Don't take it personally. Move on. Just don't get jaded like me!
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    Jan 12, 2011 11:14 PM GMT
    vetteset said
    Ermine saidIf you've ever dated women, it's kinda like that only simpler.
    You go out, you get to know each other, you have a good time, (you get some).

    Your date (hopefully) doesn't expect to be treated like a princess, your date isn't looking at you like you'll save him from his biological clock (marriage, kids), your date doesn't need to go to the bathroom in groups (again, hopefully, unless that's what you're into), and your date isn't expecting you to play the typical games.
    Guys are usually straightforward in communicating with one another.

    Some guys are shady, so be smart, be safe, and have fun.


    really??????icon_eek.gif


    Ok you old crinkle wrinkle don't rain on his parade yet. There are enough youngsters 30 and 40's on here that will do that. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 12, 2011 11:35 PM GMT

    No two guys are alike even when you turn them upside down. So you can expect anything and everything depending on the play grounds you want to play in.

    Your expectations will greatly depend on how you interact with people in general. You have been doing that for 33 yrs so dating is an extension of interacting be it a little more on a personal level.

    BTW......the only way you get a lot of experience at dating is to do it. And it is ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.
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    Jan 12, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    Ermine saidIf you've ever dated women, it's kinda like that only simpler.
    You go out, you get to know each other, you have a good time, (you get some).

    Your date (hopefully) doesn't expect to be treated like a princess, your date isn't looking at you like you'll save him from his biological clock (marriage, kids), your date doesn't need to go to the bathroom in groups (again, hopefully, unless that's what you're into), and your date isn't expecting you to play the typical games.
    Guys are usually straightforward in communicating with one another.

    Some guys are shady, so be smart, be safe, and have fun.


    I agree with this. BUT...

    Dating men is definitely simpler in the above regards, but that doesn't mean man-dates are free of their own unique complexities.

    - Men are more competitive with each other.
    - We have lots of issues with intimacy.
    - We are less likely to be emotionally vulnerable or open, so establishing an emotional bond is harder than in a heterosexual relationship. Women tend to force men to be more vulnerable; without that female force, it becomes harder to really get to know someone on a deeper emotional level. It becomes something you have to work at independently.
    - We're less likely to accept favors or gifts because it damages our innate need to provide.
    - The list goes on...

    These macho impulses don't have to be problems, so long as we are aware of them enough to resist them.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jan 13, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    If you're online dating:
    -keep your expectations low (ppl generally post their best pics, not their worst)
    -get at least 2 face pics, if not more...do not tolerate the guys who lie about who they are.
    -don't waste much time on a guy before you meet him. An old philosopher once said, "It is natural for the mind to believe, and for the will to love; so that, for want of true objects, they must attach themselves to false". It's easy to project the guy you want on to someone you've never met, and you will, and then you'll meet him and probably be a little bummed out.
    -know that if you put out on the first date, it's probably a hookup, and a second is not likely to follow.

    Good luck! Knock'm Dead ;)
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    Jan 13, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    Trial and error my friend, as someone new myself. I can tell you that you'll go into shitty dates, some so-so dates you'll want a second one but possible not a third one, and some dates where you'll want to take a long walk with your guy after seen a movie and he'll call you that same night and will spend the whole night talking icon_smile.gif good luck out there, be safe
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    Jan 13, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    Writrboi saidTrial and error my friend, as someone new myself. I can tell you that you'll go into shitty dates, some so-so dates you'll want a second one but possible not a third one, and some dates where you'll want to take a long walk with your guy after seen a movie and he'll call you that same night and will spend the whole night talking icon_smile.gif good luck out there, be safe


    good advice! thanks!
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 13, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    Forget about dating a guy as being something extraordinary. Make it a part of your life, like a trip to the science museum with a cute guy you know. Don't turn being with a cute guy into an event. Let it flow. Great sex, and great relationships, develop spontaneously.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 13, 2011 2:56 AM GMT
    I'd watch some of your friends (if you have gay friends) and see how they interact on dates My guess is you'll pick up what you like ....and don't pretty fast.
  • tokugawa

    Posts: 945

    Jan 13, 2011 7:20 AM GMT
    No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.

    From the song, "The Wasp (Texas Radio And The Big Beat)"
    From the album, L. A. Woman (1971) by The Doors
    Written by Jim Morrison of The Doors
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    Jan 13, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    Fiber is your friendicon_exclaim.gif
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Jan 13, 2011 3:24 PM GMT
    Just be you and don't put all of your cards on the table. Don't ever talk bad about your exes. Just say, "Things just didn't work out" and move on to a new subject.

    And have fun. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out! Same as in HeteroVille.
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    Jan 13, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    If i'm not a big 'gay bar' type of guy...how can I meet a good guy?
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    Jan 13, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    Type "gay North Carolina groups" in Google and see if any relate to your hobbies. Try gayoutdoors.com. It has nature events and allows you to see the profiles of those people attending. Even if you are not attracted to them, I would still try a hiking trip. Good way to talk about guys, the gay community, dating, and other events with people that have experience in such areas.

    Also, bars can still be good to socialize even if you do not drink. Try picking a night with an event. And remember, talk to people whether you would date them or not. A good conversation will make the trip worth it even if it leads to nothing else.
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    Jan 15, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    Jasonfest saidType "gay North Carolina groups" in Google and see if any relate to your hobbies. Try gayoutdoors.com. It has nature events and allows you to see the profiles of those people attending. Even if you are not attracted to them, I would still try a hiking trip. Good way to talk about guys, the gay community, dating, and other events with people that have experience in such areas.

    Also, bars can still be good to socialize even if you do not drink. Try picking a night with an event. And remember, talk to people whether you would date them or not. A good conversation will make the trip worth it even if it leads to nothing else.


    huh...good suggestion!
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    Jan 15, 2011 7:29 PM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidForget about dating a guy as being something extraordinary. Make it a part of your life, like a trip to the science museum with a cute guy you know. Don't turn being with a cute guy into an event. Let it flow. Great sex, and great relationships, develop spontaneously.

    Guys actually tend more to hang out than to date, in contrast to the classic, more formal sense we think about dating with men & women. So your comment about it not being something extraordinary is spot-on. Go to a game together, look under the hood of your car, eat at a sports bar, go over and help him with the yard work (or vice versa), watch TV, do guy stuff, whatever your generation does.

    But every now and then, for a special occasion like his birthday, I would do my best to totally wow the guy. Usually without warning, cause I love surprises. Which meant sometimes I hadda pick a different day for it, or create some diversion to make him think I had forgotten it, or was planning to do it on another day. Or that we weren't going on a date, just a chance meeting.

    But man, once I got him there! Reserved table, the best in the house, card as appropriate to the occasion already in place (I would plan this stuff days in advance with the restaurant staff), if not a birthday card then a "friends" card or something, perhaps some little gift or memento trinket already on the table.

    Whenever possible a special meal done just for us, off the menu, that I knew he would love, served by my favorite waiter (I hate the word server). A wine bucket, with the wine or champagne I knew he liked having been prepared beforehand and standing by. The owner dropping by to offer complimentary drinks or desert on the house, naturally a birthday cake if that were appropriate. The whole thing already prepaid, prix fixe, or else settled later when I returned, to avoid the awkwardness of paying at the table with him there.

    Let me tell you, gentlemen, nothing impresses your date more than when you start to get up from the table and he wonders if you forgot to pay, and where's the check, and you answer, no, it was all prearranged. He will know how special you think he is, how much trouble you would take for him.

    And also, quite frankly, the pull you have. Plus he might live in the same world himself, which means he would be familiar with it all, and be reassured that you do, too.

    But other days, I'd just go over to his place to work on his car, to keep my mechanics skills from atrophying, then hang out a while, and that could be a date, too. A date is any time I spend with a guy I like.
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    Jan 30, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    update...right now i'm chatting with a few guys online. wow, there are really good ones out there! just wish they lived closer. man, i'm ready to date! icon_biggrin.gif