The Hook-Up Commandments!!!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2011 11:57 PM GMT
    As above

    What are your hook-up do's and don'ts? The self-formulated commandments that you hook-up by? Your rules of casual engagements? The code of conduct you enforce when you fancy some NSA casual sport smushing?
    icon_biggrin.gif

    For Example:

    the%20booty%20call%20agreementBooty Call Agreement Pictures, Images and Photo


    Which rules do you follow?! ;p

    (just a bit of light-hearted fun ppl ;)
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jan 13, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    Idon't do booty calls. If I did, I suppose no falling asleep would be the one I would? lol
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    Jan 13, 2011 12:04 AM GMT
    genius.
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    Jan 13, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    One particular thing I have learned NOT to expect from grown adults with enough brains to arrange sexual intercourse with another adult is communication.

    On more than one occasion I get a text message:

    Him: "hey how are you"
    Me: "yo - yeah just usual for now, and you? I presume you ask because you are horny?""
    Him: "maybe, what have you got on tonight?"
    Me: "nothing flash, anyway - is this a booty call?"
    Him: "lol wannit to be?"
    Me: "depends on how many more text messages I have to pay for to find out"
    Him: "then it is"
    Me: "ok, dude I dont have unlimited texts, give me all details I need, address and preferred time and Im there"
    Him: "ok - address is ********. Im free from about 8"
    Me: "awesome, gimme between 8 and 8:30, I`ll go wash my dick"
    Him; "lol wat"
    Me: "sigh, its a joke, anyway, see you at 8:30"
    Him: "lmao"
    Him: "Are you hairy or smooth?"

    See my point? Im probably not going to stay hard if I think I am fucking a complete dumb cunt. Get every detail necassary out in the first 2 or 3 texts! Sheesh
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    Somerandom saidOne particular thing I have learned NOT to expect from grown adults with enough brains to arrange sexual intercourse with another adult is communication.

    On more than one occasion I get a text message:

    Him: "hey how are you"
    Me: "yo - yeah just usual for now, and you? I presume you ask because you are horny?""
    Him: "maybe, what have you got on tonight?"
    Me: "nothing flash, anyway - is this a booty call?"
    Him: "lol wannit to be?"
    Me: "depends on how many more text messages I have to pay for to find out"
    Him: "then it is"
    Me: "ok, dude I dont have unlimited texts, give me all details I need, address and preferred time and Im there"
    Him: "ok - address is ********. Im free from about 8"
    Me: "awesome, gimme between 8 and 8:30, I`ll go wash my dick"
    Him; "lol wat"
    Me: "sigh, its a joke, anyway, see you at 8:30"
    Him: "lmao"
    Him: "Are you hairy or smooth?"

    See my point? Im probably not going to stay hard if I think I am fucking a complete dumb cunt. Get every detail necassary out in the first 2 or 3 texts! Sheesh


    lol amazing post!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 12:56 AM GMT
    haha niceeee...

    So we have

    1) No sleepovers
    2) Cut to the chase re. all pre-requisite communication

    icon_twisted.gif
    Any others? ;p
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    Somerandom saidOne particular thing I have learned NOT to expect from grown adults with enough brains to arrange sexual intercourse with another adult is communication.

    On more than one occasion I get a text message:

    Him: "hey how are you"
    Me: "yo - yeah just usual for now, and you? I presume you ask because you are horny?""
    Him: "maybe, what have you got on tonight?"
    Me: "nothing flash, anyway - is this a booty call?"
    Him: "lol wannit to be?"
    Me: "depends on how many more text messages I have to pay for to find out"
    Him: "then it is"
    Me: "ok, dude I dont have unlimited texts, give me all details I need, address and preferred time and Im there"
    Him: "ok - address is ********. Im free from about 8"
    Me: "awesome, gimme between 8 and 8:30, I`ll go wash my dick"
    Him; "lol wat"
    Me: "sigh, its a joke, anyway, see you at 8:30"
    Him: "lmao"
    Him: "Are you hairy or smooth?"

    See my point? Im probably not going to stay hard if I think I am fucking a complete dumb cunt. Get every detail necassary out in the first 2 or 3 texts! Sheesh


    Ive had this problem.
    Worse if they text you afterward...
    Some of them got so annoying that when they texted me I told them they got the wrong number.. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 5:08 AM GMT
    I don't particularly like most of those. Some others for consideration tho:

    Thou shalt douche well in advance, even if you think you're a "top."

    Thou shalt provide a name, even if it's fake. I'm not going to call you boi4U2719

    Thou shalt NOT BITE ANYTHING unless invited.

    Thou shalt not talk about your ex. No. No. Shut it. Here, put this in your mouth.

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    Jan 13, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    kinda realizing what i saw as potentially a relationship is only an ongoing bootycall after reading the agreement...


    awesome...lol, fml.
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    Jan 13, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    So what chapter of the gay manual is this? Chapter One?
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    Jan 13, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    I'm 100% with you guys on the douching aspect- for all involved......For real, douche that shizzle up, baby wipes are great in general, but for bum-fun, just not fully sufficient...Let's keep it real out here, flush that ass with sweet scented water... so one can play with it freely to one's hearts contenticon_twisted.gificon_cool.gif

    (and that goes for all sexual encounters, not just the booty-calls, imo!!!)
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    Jan 13, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    pat3rob saidkinda realizing what i saw as potentially a relationship is only an ongoing bootycall after reading the agreement...


    awesome...lol, fml.


    lol sucks to be you right now ;]

    For real though, my empathy goes out to ya bud!!.... You might want to open up the lines of communication, establish the groundrules/intentions, albeit now quite late in the game icon_confused.gif...Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    How about this addition to the rules...


    If you can't undress while you're doing the obligatory small talk, don't speak.

    ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    _Sage_ saidWhich rules do you follow?

    Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
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    Jan 13, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    _Sage_ saidWhich rules do you follow?

    Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.


    For the Win =]
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    Jan 13, 2011 6:03 AM GMT
    Somerandom saidOne particular thing I have learned NOT to expect from grown adults with enough brains to arrange sexual intercourse with another adult is communication.

    On more than one occasion I get a text message:

    Him: "hey how are you"
    Me: "yo - yeah just usual for now, and you? I presume you ask because you are horny?""
    Him: "maybe, what have you got on tonight?"
    Me: "nothing flash, anyway - is this a booty call?"
    Him: "lol wannit to be?"
    Me: "depends on how many more text messages I have to pay for to find out"
    Him: "then it is"
    Me: "ok, dude I dont have unlimited texts, give me all details I need, address and preferred time and Im there"
    Him: "ok - address is ********. Im free from about 8"
    Me: "awesome, gimme between 8 and 8:30, I`ll go wash my dick"
    Him; "lol wat"
    Me: "sigh, its a joke, anyway, see you at 8:30"
    Him: "lmao"
    Him: "Are you hairy or smooth?"

    See my point? Im probably not going to stay hard if I think I am fucking a complete dumb cunt. Get every detail necassary out in the first 2 or 3 texts! Sheesh


    Hehehe, perfect. Just perfect. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 6:29 AM GMT
    Lol - This reminds me of Dave Chappelle's "Sex Contract" skit
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    Jan 13, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    5ebastian saidbtw the King's Speech was the most boring movie ive ever seen, i felt his hand going up my thigh and I returned the gesture.. so WTF.. no hookup? I honestly dont know wot im doing wrong.


    Maybe next time you are alone and in private...just take your shirt off...ask if he'd rub your shoulders.

    Edit:

    Uh....you may wanna skip the Mad Hatter look from your profile...



    (Sorry...I know they're prolly Halloween pics, awesome ones...but reading your post then looking at those pics made me smile.)
  • Cannon

    Posts: 100

    Jan 13, 2011 10:34 AM GMT
    Somerandom saidOne particular thing I have learned NOT to expect from grown adults with enough brains to arrange sexual intercourse with another adult is communication.

    On more than one occasion I get a text message:

    Him: "hey how are you"
    Me: "yo - yeah just usual for now, and you? I presume you ask because you are horny?""
    Him: "maybe, what have you got on tonight?"
    Me: "nothing flash, anyway - is this a booty call?"
    Him: "lol wannit to be?"
    Me: "depends on how many more text messages I have to pay for to find out"
    Him: "then it is"
    Me: "ok, dude I dont have unlimited texts, give me all details I need, address and preferred time and Im there"
    Him: "ok - address is ********. Im free from about 8"
    Me: "awesome, gimme between 8 and 8:30, I`ll go wash my dick"
    Him; "lol wat"
    Me: "sigh, its a joke, anyway, see you at 8:30"
    Him: "lmao"
    Him: "Are you hairy or smooth?"

    See my point? Im probably not going to stay hard if I think I am fucking a complete dumb cunt. Get every detail necassary out in the first 2 or 3 texts! Sheesh


    Funniest post I've read in a while. Thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 12:47 PM GMT
    marcobruno1978 saidSo what chapter of the gay manual is this? Chapter One?

    Chapters 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11.

    We found after intensive studies it was required to remind people plus it has greater chance of being found while the new homo skims through the manual.

    We have found this most effective since most homos don't seem read chapter 3, How to not be a freak, 4, being single is OK, 6, Thy shalt not be high maintenance (No, you really aren't worth it) 8, Your a bottom get over it, 10, Sex: It's not all about you!

    So at least most new homos know how to be a good hookup.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    Him: You up?

    Me: Yeah, you?

    Him: Yeah...10 minutest?

    Me: give me 15.

    Him: Doors unlocked.
    **click**

    Let's not get the lawyers involved in this people...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 1:34 PM GMT
    5ebastian saidI met him elsewhere, ... I use this forum for shits and giggles and therapy ... heh.



    Hows your BM today? icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 13, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    5ebastian saidbtw the King's Speech was the most boring movie ive ever seen, i felt his hand going up my thigh and I returned the gesture.. so WTF.. no hookup? I honestly dont know wot im doing wrong.


    Well, are you hooking-up or dating? Don't conflate the two, imo. If it's just a sex thing, or friend with benefits, or dating for a possible relationship...let him know what you want, as in you explicitly tell him- no hints or b.s., as that will prob move things along one way or the other.....


    (BTW, the anachronistic 'sit on my pole' text was hot...Just saying....Also...the movie was broing? GRRRR...was planning on seeing it soon, everyone said it was good, except you... hmmmm..requires further investigation)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    Hook-up rules:
    1. Be hot, horny, and ready.
    2. See rule #1.
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    Jan 13, 2011 10:51 PM GMT
    _Sage_ saidAs above

    What are your hook-up do's and don'ts? The self-formulated commandments that you hook-up by? Your rules of casual engagements? The code of conduct you enforce when you fancy some NSA casual sport smushing?
    icon_biggrin.gif

    For Example:

    the%20booty%20call%20agreementBooty Call Agreement Pictures, Images and Photo


    Which rules do you follow?! ;p

    (just a bit of light-hearted fun ppl ;)


    Disgusting. I thought we outgrew the sluttaciousness and mental dysfunction that resulted from the sexual repression of our teen years after we turned 18 and unleashed our holey fury.