Wonderful satire! And thanks!
And let me assure you, having served in the US Army for 25 years, gay men I personally know are as ballsy & tough as any straight soldier I ever encountered.
Indeed, I think many gay men, because of what we endure with societal rejection all our lives, are even tougher than straight men in many ways. I'm not joking, quite serious here, having now lived in both worlds.
So if I had my choice in a serious emergency involving me, I'd rather have a gay man by my side than a straight one. (Well, maybe not a screaming queen, but those are actually quite rare, despite the stereotype)
No, the gay men I know are cold as ice in a crisis, as I am. I think we're better than the straights are, but... well, whatever, that's what the world thinks. Point is, don't underrate yourself, and never write yourself off.
We ARE precious. But also tougher than tough. Don't ever lose sight of that. You're better than you think.