Losing the "my" & "mine" in your life

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    Not a big deal, just a little everyday thing that happened a few minutes ago. My partner was talking about some leftovers in the fridge. And he said he couldn't touch them because they were "mine."

    And I said nothing in there is "mine." It's ours, that you are free to take anytime you like. I'd appreciate if you let me know, as a courtesy, so I'm not surprised when I go in there and find the stuff gone. But if you want them, take them, anytime.

    I simply don't think in terms of possessiveness, at least not with my partner. I OWN nothing -- I share everything. Anything I have is his.

    And I thought a little about that, hence this post. Because there was a time in my life, when young, that I was extremely selfish, as kids are programmed to be. It took a long time for me to mature past that, well into my adulthood, I'm embarrassed to admit.

    How sharing are YOU? And most importantly, with your guy? I hope entirely.

    I almost never use the words "my" or "mine" with him -- it's always "our." Do you do the same with your man?

    Well, just a random thought, because he wanted to "swipe" my leftovers. LOL! And he can have anything he wants. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 13, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    it's food, its suppose to be eaten, I'm the same with the guy i'm with, my ex and my friends, if it's in the fridge and your hungry it's fair game.. go for it

    But I'm the same as you, I think being in a relationship at such a young age and for so long it actually feels weirder to think of something as mine rather then ours and it's actually something I've been struggling with since it kinda feels unnatural and a little selfish to me icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 14, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    I myself don't recall being selfish as a kid, I've always been the kind of person that would take the shirt off my back to help another. With the amount of food that can be thrown out in this house because I felt it was not eaten in time, to be good enough to eat, there has never been any mine with food.

    But I do sit in my office right now, and he has his own too, I have my own bathroom, and he has his also, but they are all in our home.
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    Jan 14, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    Yeah i try to think of stuff as "our" not "mine" with all my loved ones really
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Jan 14, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    I hate it when my bf wears my pants. I don't care that we've been together for 4 years and live together. Drives me insane when I go to put on something and it is missing
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    Jan 14, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI hate it when my bf wears my pants. I don't care that we've been together for 4 years and live together. Drives me insane when I go to put on something and it is missing


    I was just about to say something to that regard, although having dated someone slightly larger than me, my main concern was that he would stretch out the clothing items that had that "perfect" fit to them. But then again, they're just clothes, and can be replaced at a reasonable cost.

    I see nothing wrong with labeling something "mine", though, even if you're living together. In fact, it can make the moments when you share those items even more special. Like when I could wear a shirt that was "his", and it smelled like him. I didn't want it be "ours", I wanted it to be "his", and I wanted to feel as close to him as possible if we were physically apart.
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    Jan 14, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said...I simply don't think in terms of possessiveness...I share everything...


    Now I know you're a Communist.
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    Jan 14, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    Sometimes I think it's ok to have certain things that are yours or a certain room in the house. I don't have a hard time sharing per se but I need some things to be mine and it used to bug my ex sometimes. I liked knowing that some things were his though and it made me appreciate them because they reminded me of him.

    It all depends on how you look at it and as long as you're selfless in ways that truly matter, that's what counts.
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    Jan 14, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said

    How sharing are YOU? And most importantly, with your guy? I hope entirely.

    icon_biggrin.gif


    I had no qualms about sharing anything with my ex. I actually find it cute when we wear each other's shirts or we share a plate when we go out. The only thing I'm hesitant to share is my car. My car and I have our own exclusive relationship.

    So I know I'm entirely involved when I let my partner drive it
  • activeboy90

    Posts: 108

    Jan 14, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    I think I wouldn't mind sharing anything with my love, currently my brother takes and uses everything of mine that I buy so frankly I don't think I would mind when someone I actually like does it. I would hope they would be just as generous though cause being stingy and greedy is so petty and not worth my love
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    Jan 14, 2011 5:27 AM GMT

    We lost sight of the my and mines somewhere in the first year, unless we were talking about family or the past, or our bodies, our feelings etc.

    *sighs romantically* lol

    -Doug
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    Jan 14, 2011 5:36 AM GMT
    i agree. . . until it comes to my cat. .. my PS3 . . . and my phone . .. those are mine lol
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    Jan 14, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    We lost sight of the my and mines somewhere in the first year, unless we were talking about family or the past, or our bodies, our feelings etc.

    *sighs romantically* lol

    -Doug


    That's so sweet, Doug, and pretty much sums up how it is between myself and my love, Phil. I do agree with Chaos444, however- through all our years together and every material thing becoming 'ours', that excludes phones. I still have mine and he still has his.
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    Jan 14, 2011 5:51 AM GMT
    HeartRobb said
    meninlove said
    We lost sight of the my and mines somewhere in the first year, unless we were talking about family or the past, or our bodies, our feelings etc.

    *sighs romantically* lol

    -Doug


    That's so sweet, Doug, and pretty much sums up how it is between myself and my love, Phil. I do agree with Chaos444, however- through all our years together and every material thing becoming 'ours', that excludes phones. I still have mine and he still has his.


    lol, you'll laugh for sure; we have one land line with three extensions and no cordless or cell. I know, neanderthal or what.
    Oook ook!

    -Doug
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    Jan 14, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    Art_Deco said...I simply don't think in terms of possessiveness...I share everything...


    Now I know you're a Communist.


    Hmmm i was expecting such a comment somewhere... im expecting a few more of these icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 14, 2011 7:19 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    We lost sight of the my and mines somewhere in the first year, unless we were talking about family or the past, or our bodies, our feelings etc.

    *sighs romantically* lol

    -Doug

    You both disgust me... with your mushy romantically inclined selves and all the sappy stuff that you guys posts...

    I bet you even both finish each others sentences like some freaks of nature with telepathy and giggle about it with each other excitedly like school girls....

    Ugh... I need a shower.. I feel dirty...

    Admittedly it could have be because I just got back from the gym!

    Now go... run and frolic in your little field of poppies and be gay...

    You both confuse me!

    *glares*

    I feel like cake

    Why am I horny all the freakin time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Carbs are bad mmmkay

    mooooooo
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Jan 14, 2011 7:30 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    You both disgust me... with your mushy romantically inclined selves and all the sappy stuff that you guys posts...

    I bet you even both finish each others sentences like some freaks of nature with telepathy and giggle about it with each other excitedly like school girls....

    Ugh... I need a shower.. I feel dirty...

    Admittedly it could have be because I just got back from the gym!

    Now go... run and frolic in your little field of poppies and be gay...

    You both confuse me!

    *glares*

    I feel like cake

    Why am I horny all the freakin time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Carbs are bad mmmkay

    mooooooo


    Agreed, it's like two Disney Princes, they were made for each other. Tanker if you weren't so far away, i'd share my ice cream with you, if you'd share your cake.
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    Jan 14, 2011 7:35 AM GMT
    FredPDX saidAgreed, it's like two Disney Princes, they were made for each other. Tanker if you weren't so far away, i'd share my ice cream with you, if you'd share your cake.

    *looks suspicious*



    You want my cake???



    *looks suspicious*



    What sort of ice cream we talkin here?
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    Jan 17, 2011 9:26 AM GMT
    Of course there's some stuff that's his and some that are mine I guess, like our phones and our computers, I think,

    But I'm pretty much like, what's mine is yours. we wouldn't share clothes because he is a little bit bigger than me but, is like: if I buy something, is for us and I like it like that, he's my baby, why wouldn't I turn my things into our things icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 18, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    When I had a bf, everything was ours...except for my electronic equipment (computer, synthesizers, camera, mixing boards, etc.)
    If there was food in the fridge, it was his...till he cooked it. icon_twisted.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 18, 2011 6:40 PM GMT
    Interesting, very interesting thread.

    Selfishness comes in all forms. You see it in someone who lives life with
    the perception that the world revolves around them. I have friends (none very close) and even relatives that follow the creed, "out of sight, out of mind".
    Sometimes I have to laugh... but you even see it displayed here on RJ. How many times have we read here in the forums about attempts to know others.
    Those who reach out to others in an attempt to get to know other RJ members and
    there isn't much reaching back...

    I try and make an effort to "give" and "give back".... without being encouraged.

    And it goes both ways with my partner.. we both are giving, but it can be
    a challenge, especially with food (hence Bob's initial discussion).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    Everything about our relationship is shared and owned equally, the house, the bank accounts , business, vehicles. However that doesn't mean that I don't have "my" car and "my bike" and he his. I don't take "his" car without asking first and vice-versa nor would I eat something in the fridge or freezer first that he'd bought specifically for himself, well unless I was pissed off at him for something, then I would and I have. LOL