Battered Women/Men/Person syndrome

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    Jun 18, 2007 10:07 AM GMT
    Hey all, I understand that this may be a ultra personal topic for people to post back about, but I though I would try anyway.

    I’m a Law student at the University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne, in the UK and I am starting research into the syndrome and when the ‘victim’ turns onto their aggressor and kills them, its entitled:

    [b]“The Battered Woman’s fight for Self-Preservation: Balancing the Rights of both ‘Victims’” [/b]

    I am assessing a defence forwarded by a women’s group in the UK, and I want to analyse it.

    For thorough background research I would like to know if anyone has been victim to domestic abuse (any sort), and if anyone has actually been the aggressor in the relationship.

    I am asking this on a predominantly gay forum as in the UK man on man domestic violence is an even bigger taboo, and I would like to get opinions from those in different countries.

    Obviously feel free to discuss this topic, but if anyone wants to feel free to message me!

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    Jun 18, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    Um, scally do you have any evidence, statistics or studies published in respected journals, to back up that wide brush stroke? I mean what exactly are you basing that on? I have known, and know, many people who came out late in life who had kids, and never beat their wives: in fact many of the wives thought they had the perfect husband except that they weren't sexually fulfilled. There are many people on this site who were or are married, and I doubt most of them ever were or are wife beaters despite what issues they may or may not have had about their sexual orientation. I dont' know this for a fact, but my guess is that the reasons underlying the abuse are at best only tangentially related to sexual orientation and that the person would be abusive in either a hetero or homo relationship -- if someone on here is up on this enlightenment would be greatly appreciated.
    Interesting, and yes very taboo, topic duffell. You should get some interesting responses and hopefully helpful. Personally I don't have any first hand experience with abuse in a homosexual relationship -- have had plenty of experience with straight relatives and friends.
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    Jun 18, 2007 10:08 PM GMT
    I do not know why some men beat their wives. I think it is a way of showing power control. Also i think the women is as bad by staying with then. If anyone tryes to beat me i will fight back or leave if the person is alot larger. So why do they stay?
    Also one bad thing is if a man is beaten by his partner it is called beaten WIFE syndrome in a law case. In are courts it is laught at if a man tryes a court case for being beaten. A even bigger laugh if a women beats him. They need LOTS of proof to win the case. But a women needs only to tell a sad story. Hopes that helps your question.
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    Jun 18, 2007 10:28 PM GMT
    Some men beat their wives because of pent up anger and frustration. They wouldn't dare pick a fight in a bar or with a construction buddy but load up on a few brewskies and do primal therapy on their wives. Some men beat their wives for other reasons, though, I can't imagine a good one. In the middle east, I think women are beaten for infertility. In other countries, because they're just ugly.
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    Jun 18, 2007 10:42 PM GMT
    Cheers for everyone’s' response so far, some things I need to say however though (and I know I have asked peoples' response to the syndrome, but):


    “predominately alcoholic /drug users” this is an interesting stereotype considering you live the other side of the river from me and we have the highest domestic abuse rating in western Europe (the North East of England, that statistic comes from our NHS Primary Care Trust). But I must disagree with your analogy as it is predominately not drug or alcohol use which triggers abuse of this sort, I can cite many cases in which this is not the case but I will not bore you or any other reader.

    “women cant provide the satisfaction” this statement makes me uneasy, are you insinuating that all perpetrators of male on female domestic abuse are homosexual? I feel that this is the general theme of your reply. Unless your are suggesting that neither male company or female company is “good enough” either way I just do not agree.


    Thank you for your contribution, and I agree with your rebuttal. I to also hope I get some interesting responses.


    “showing power control” I do agree, and that is something which is coming up over and over again in my research

    “the woman is as bad by staying with the[m]” this is one of the pivotal parts of the research I am undertaking. This autumn (I think you Americans call it fall?) I will be representing women that have broken free from their violent relationship and turned to the state for assistance. However for various reasons not all people can do this. For example their may be minors or elders in the family home, or even they cannot leave for religious reasons. So I have to disagree with you in saying that the woman is as bad for staying with the aggressor, but I can see your underlying premise that some people have the opportunity to ‘escape’

    “if a man is beaten by his partner it is called beaten WIFE syndrome in a law case” if this is the case I would like you to send me some references as this would be highly interesting for me to read.

    In the UK it is referred to as the battered wives’ syndrome, and people are trying to attain a “battered wives’ defence” as the general typology of male/female defence is different. In short (apparently) if a man is attacked he would ‘lash out’ immediately in (self) defence, however there has been significant enquiries into what happens when women are attacked, they apparently would bide their time and ‘ build their rage’ and them subsequently ‘lash out.’ In the English and Welsh law this would not be allowed to be self defence as the ‘defence’ must be immediate.

    Sorry for my very sketchy reply to the contributions so far. I have just had a few drinks up Osborne Road (the student/drinking area of Jesmond in Newcastle). I really do appreciate the replies, and it is helping me think about the spectrum of the topic and the different opinions that must be taken into consideration before accepting an adequate defence!

    Cheers all!
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    Jun 18, 2007 10:48 PM GMT
    Sorry about my spelling in the last post:

    In para 6, their = there


    In para 8, them = then

    Sorry, but as I said I'm a little drunk!

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    Jun 19, 2007 12:45 AM GMT
    Here are some gender neutral terms that come to my mind without regard to their legality: spousal abuse/beating./battery, domestic abuse/violence. Battered person syndrome is an accepted medical definition.
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    Jun 20, 2007 2:56 AM GMT

    To clear it up when i said the wife is as bad i mean that they realy should leave then. Also it is call autumn and fall, I call it autumn. I do not remember the exact case it was a long time ago, so i may find it or i may not hope i do.
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    Jun 24, 2007 4:45 AM GMT
    I've found that the syndrome applies in general to most people in relationships. Here's a paraphrase of a real conversation I had with a friend:

    Me: What's that bruise on your arm?
    Him: My boyfriend grabbed me
    Me: Why did he do that?
    Him: He didn't mean to
    Me: Yeah but he shouldn't be grabbing you that hard
    Him: We were having an argument, and I was trying to leave
    Me: You know if anyone ever seriously hurt you, I would make sure that they could never hurt you again, and the same applies to your boyfriend as well, if anyone ever hurt either of you
    Him: I know, he didn't mean to. He was drunk, but he's stopping drinking

    etc, etc. I've found that when someone is in love, they will defend the person they love from criticism, even if it's just you agreeing with them. They will often impute your motives, accusing you of trying to interfere. Sometimes, you have to decide whether or not the abuse is bad enough that you have to confront them-- because if you do there is a good chance that they will decide to leave you, as a friend, rather than their partner.

    There's a lot of research out there on it, and on the Munich syndrome, indicating that when someone's safety is tied up in appeasing someone who is violent towards them, they begin identifying their safety with the person, and actually feel more threatened by attacks on the abuser than they do by the abuse. Trying to solve the problem by helping a partner stop drinking is an example of such behavior-- blaming te alcohol for the attack, just as identifying with a hostage taker, and seeing the police as the threat to the status quo.