"How do you feel he told you he was gay at the 11th hour of signing the rent agreement?"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2011 9:44 AM GMT
    So, I've told my room mates I'm gay in college. All before we agreed to room together for the next year. The only person who did not know was beforehand was my freshman year room mate who I did later tell because it was kinda funny (he had no clue, and his horizons needed expanding). I told them because I didn't want to have to deal with some guy who deep-down was a huge homophobe for a whole year, nothing more.

    Now, I'm on this club sports team. Me and a buddy were talking and he was telling me how no one on the team who knew cared that I was gay. He also mentioned someone asked one of my room mates about being told by me that I was gay "at the 11th hour" of signing the rent contract for next year. I told him before we went to a real estate agent before we even knew we were gonna sign something. When I heard this comment I was really shocked. My initial reaction is that some spoiled brat doesn't quite get the big picture of real life and how it expands past him. Then I thought I could be the spoiled brat with a "the world revolves around me" view.

    I understand that in a way I'm basically making the right to know they aren't a homophobe and possibly being hypocritical. But the way that question is asked using the "at the 11th hour" implies this huge ignorance. As if some ignorant guy has the right to be pissed and pass judgement simply because his room mate is gay.

    I just wanted to know what other people thought because this is really bothering me.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jan 14, 2011 12:27 PM GMT
    Your roommate was secure enough to room with you after told him before hand that you are gay - kudos by the way for doing everything out in the open - it builds trust and care from thougtful people - I could take a few lessons from you.

    However, your roommate, was obviously less than truthful when he suggested you told them at the 11th hour. Give him some grace - he was probably in the audience of some small minded guys and they were hacking at his manhood for having a gay roommate.

    Tell him it hurt you and next time he should tell them "it takes a real man, secure in his own sexuality that can be friends and the roommate of gay man."
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 14, 2011 2:37 PM GMT
    "so, votz da preblem?"

    icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    Don't worry too much about it man. The reality is that no matter what your sexual preference, gender, skin colour, etc. is, there will always be someone who'll make some ignorant and prejudiced remarks about you. You just gotta ignore those people or smash their nose in with your fist when they are doing it right to your face. People like that usually have insecurities of their own or are just fucked up from the core, and, while it may sound hypocritical, it's better to treat them not as your equal, but a couple of monkeys who still needs much evolving to do before they can be treated as such.

    Oh and good on you for telling all your roommates about it beforehand - it was an honest thing to do, whether the intent was for yourself only or with them in consideration as well. I would have let them know by inviting Mr. Slave to a dinner with flatmates, or something along that line.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    if you are going to worry about every piece of second hand gossip you hear over your lifetime, you are going to be a busy little beaver...move on.....icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 14, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    My sister and I are roommates and live in a 3 bedroom. We always happen to fill the third bedroom with people in transition: grad students finishing up their last year then moving to pursue a career when the lease is up. As such we have a new roommate every lease. We advertise the third bedroom on facebook and craigslist and make sure to mention in the ad that the roommate must be gay friendly. It sets the ground right away: either someone living in the house is gay, or gay rights are extremely important to these people. Regardless, it keeps away any unsavory characters and saves us the trouble of having to deal with any homophobes or bigots.

    You have every right to let your roommate know you're gay, if he really didn't like it he could have backed out. You were kind enough to tell him before hand, which wasn't even his business, he could have figured that out when you came home with a guy from the bar rather than a girl. If he is by chance saying that you told him at the "11th hour" then he's being a drama queen: he had a chance to find a different living situation but chose not to and is the one making a fuss about being told last minute. I'd say confront him but that's just going to cause tension. Just do you. Live how you want to while still being respectful. If he's going to be a douche-canoe about it, don't even mention your plans for living somewhere next year, he'll get the message.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2011 5:59 PM GMT
    vetteset saidif you are going to worry about every piece of second hand gossip you hear over your lifetime, you are going to be a busy little beaver...move on.....icon_wink.gif


    I think this oldie but goodie has something here. Yep save drama for drama class otherwise you'll burn yourself and your friends out way way to early.

    People don't live in the same reality so don't do a wedgy on yourself.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2011 6:17 PM GMT
    I do realize it is kinda gossipy. I didn't ask for the information and I found out about this 2 months ago. If this bothered me on a serious level, I'd have posted this earlier and have probably have confronted this guy. I just wanted to know if I wasn't the only guy who'd be pissed by this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    Have you ever had to do any active listening exercises in school? That's probably more of a social work/counseling thing, but it's pretty interesting that once a story gets circulated through several people the story changes. The changes aren't intentional, you're hearing what other people heard which may not be exactly how it was quoted. You did the right thing by coming out to your roommates...I don't see how it's hypocritical. Self preservation's a basic human survival instinct.

    I'd say don't worry about it too much...you're going to run into ignorant people everywhere you go. If you blow it off and dismiss petty stuff without making a fuss, oftentimes those types will come around.