Beauty may be only skin deep, but ugliness goes right to the core

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    Mar 27, 2008 1:57 PM GMT
    Hey guys

    Just wondering your thoughts about guys who are physically very very attractive. Do you think they know it inherently? Not so much a matter of vanity, but surely beautiful looks must change your life in many ways.
    Thinking about it, I see that very attractive people must get looked at differently from other people. I know that we say "eye of the beholder" and all, but surely someone (say Brad Pitt) must know how attractive he is and it would always work in his favour.
    Perhaps the stunners on this site could contribute to this thread.
    Do you realise your own attractiveness?
    Do you use it to your advantage?
    Does it bother you that less good looking people perve on you?
    Discuss.
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    Mar 27, 2008 2:21 PM GMT
    lurk5.gif
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    Mar 27, 2008 2:27 PM GMT
    There's a fine line between loving who you are, and being vain.

    I think most guys do know when they are attractive, when it's in a physically enhanced form. I think it's split about halfway, for guys who don't work out. I meet a lot I find attractive, and it seems like about half are aware that yes, they are physically attractive, but the other half are either unbearably humble, or ignorant to their natural beauty.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, because we are all attracted to different types. I can look at anyone and tell if I think they're beautiful, regardless of whether I'm attracted to them or not.

    Beauty is deeper than the skin though, so it is possible to meet someone you don't find particularly attractive at first, and get to know a gorgeous personality.

    The last three questions? Yes, yes, and yes. And I'm not vain about it, I'm thankful for what I have and I use it to my advantage, not to take advantage. I know I'm attractive, maybe not as much as X guy or Y guy, but definitely on the good side of the scale.

    It does bother me sometimes, when people quite obviously go out of their "area". And I hate to define an area, or have someone believe there's one, but... it's sort of an unsaid standard. We work to look good, and we all want the same out of someone else. It's sort of an insult if some lazy slob tries to hit on me, and honestly thinks that I'm going to (or should) show an equal interest.

    An amazing personality always takes precendence over gorgeous looks, because that's what's more important. And the fact that looks can change, and get better. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 27, 2008 2:39 PM GMT
    I have been on both sides of the fence. When I got my glasses in 1969 I went from cute and cuddly, to chubby and ugly. That stage lasted about 10 years. Then I lost my glasses, 15 lbs and my braces. In 1981 a girlfriend of my sister's said she would "like to take me for a ride". I thought initially she was talking about her car! That was the first indication to me that people may find me attractive.

    Any kudos I have taken from guys about my looks I have appreciated but have not taken too seriously. I am wise enough to know that it is my personality in the long run a guy will fall in love with, not just my looks.

    In the gay community it is certainly better to be physically attractive to other guys. It gets your foot in the door so to speak, but it does not guarantee happiness. Just the opposite at times. For someone like me who was never crazy about casual sex, I would actually get frustrated because I would want to get to know a guy better, but they just wanted to have sex.

    A final point, people that are physically attractive do seem to be more successful in life. I certainly noticed that among pro hockey players. A significant number of them do seem to be on the "hot" side. I think the positive feedback from other people about your looks (both covert and overt) boosts your self-confidence which in turn helps you overcome obstacles when striving for a difficult goal (like making the NHL).
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    Mar 27, 2008 2:39 PM GMT
    I say this not because i think i am, but because im always told so. Wherever i go, guys and girls always tell me that i look attractive and hot and sexy, etc. I personally have a hard time believing it, not because of lack of self confidence, but because i see so many hotter more attractive guys out there with killer bods, and my body isnt all that great to begin with.

    But since most people tell me i am, i take it to my advantage of time, with limits ofcourse. I dont use people or hurt anyone else to get my way, but i use the advantage or boosting myself up on rainy days icon_smile.gif

    And i do get stares. I am one of these people that literally turns heads when i walk into the room. I went to the theater in SLC last year, and i swear, the minute i stepped in, mostly everyone looked my way, its scary at times. At times i look straight ahead, not looking at anyone, or turning my head, when i walk on campus because i know everyone is looking, i can feel it, and it makes me uncomfortable. Most people mistake that for being stuck up.
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    Mar 27, 2008 2:47 PM GMT
    Moudi saidAnd i do get stares. I am one of these people that literally turns heads when i walk into the room. I went to the theater in SLC last year, and i swear, the minute i stepped in, mostly everyone looked my way, its scary at times. At times i look straight ahead, not looking at anyone, or turning my head, when i walk on campus because i know everyone is looking, i can feel it, and it makes me uncomfortable. Most people mistake that for being stuck up.
    Ahhh, to have those kinds of problems!

    Yes, I feel very sorry for your hardship. Sarcastic Clap
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    Mar 27, 2008 2:49 PM GMT
    countercultured said[quote][cite]Moudi said[/cite]And i do get stares. I am one of these people that literally turns heads when i walk into the room. I went to the theater in SLC last year, and i swear, the minute i stepped in, mostly everyone looked my way, its scary at times. At times i look straight ahead, not looking at anyone, or turning my head, when i walk on campus because i know everyone is looking, i can feel it, and it makes me uncomfortable. Most people mistake that for being stuck up.
    Ahhh, to have those kinds of problems!

    Yes, I feel very sorry for your hardship. Sarcastic Clap[/quote]


    LOL, it really isnt a "problem" but it gets to you..like u know people are gonna look..and so become self conscious, but after a while u dont care anymore..meh...what do i have to loose, right?
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    Mar 27, 2008 2:55 PM GMT
    I feel there are some people who will use their attractiveness to their advantage, and theres some that won't. I feel its used more by people that tend to only have their looks to offer, instead of others things.

    Now I feel theres places appropriate to use looks to your advantage. But looks really aren't what get me that much. Confidence and having that amazing aura is what gets me. Because guess what? Theres a million other guys that look just as good as that guy or better and they actually have a humble great personality.

    I do notice boys tend to look in the club. However I wouldn't ever take that as many gay men do. "I am validated and accepted because people are attracted to me". I think this thought process stops people from developing, making anyone thats attractive turn into a shell of desire until one day they wake up and realize they aren't the hot 20 something anymore and don't have anything else to offer.
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    Mar 27, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    this is a rigged thread if i ever saw one... LOL


    good luck responding to this one without sounding like a total megalomaniac.
  • jarhead5536

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    Mar 27, 2008 4:02 PM GMT
    Beauty definitely has advantages. I tend to think that when you are physically attractive, doors just open for you that don't open for other people. What you do when you walk through the door is another matter.

    A story. When I was in college, I worked in a gay bar in Houston that featured strippers on a regular basis (Hunter and the Headliners, I believe was the name of the troupe). These guys were a cut above your regular pale skinny twink, I'm talkin' Chippendale's quality manflesh. Anyway, I got to know several of these guys since we were together a lot. I would talk about college and my plans for the future, and they would talk about their gym memberships, boyfriends/girlfriends, and partying all the time. I came to realize that these folks had no plan, no ambition, no sense of time passing. If you're that gorgeous, and all you can find to do is strip without a plan for the future, then is there actually a brain inside that pretty head? They were skating by on looks and charm, and how long does that last?

    If you're not careful, beauty spoils you because everything is so easy. What happens to you when the beauty fades?
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    Mar 27, 2008 4:14 PM GMT
    jarhead5536 saidWhat happens to you when the beauty fades?


    Botox. icon_surprised.gif
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    Mar 27, 2008 4:36 PM GMT
    I think this cartoon sums up men of all levels of handsomeness pretty well...

    mirror.jpg?cb=1115204527

    I think most men see themselves as two points higher than they are, and I find gay men to be worse that straights on that level. An average looking gay man thinks he is good looking, a good looking gay man thinks he is great looking, and a great looking gay man thinks he is the second coming. icon_lol.gif

    Only homely gay men know what they are because the rest of these guys never miss an opportunity to remind them.

    I mentioned to my shrink that I think we have a tendency to assign qualities to attractive people that they don't even have and he said that not only is that true, but that such studies have concluded that fact. And I observed this with a woman first.

    I had a secretary named Lori who was very attractive. Women wanted her acknowledgement, straight men wanted to sleep with her. Being a gay man I was not smitten with Lori and could see through all that and our relationship was a rocky one at best. People would say "Lori is so sweet" when she made the slightest gesture of kindness or acknowledged them in any way, but she wasn't sweet. She was just pretty.

    As visually oriented gay men we all get these warm feelings toward a guy who is simply good looking. If you stop and dissect these feelings they stop making sense. I can see a guy with great legs (my weakness) and suddenly I get the feeling that he is the most wonderful guy in the world. Before I hoist him onto that pedestal I just have to remind myself that he simply has good legs.
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    Mar 27, 2008 4:38 PM GMT
    zdrew78 said[quote][cite]jarhead5536 said[/cite]What happens to you when the beauty fades?


    Botox. icon_surprised.gif[/quote]

    see: priscilla presley, joan van ark, bruce jenner
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    Mar 27, 2008 5:23 PM GMT
    Hmmmm here is my take on it.

    I know that my genetic code has pushed me to the right side of the scale and I am happy about that. I am aware that, with a certain degree of standard deviation, I would be considered attractive.

    People will treat you differently absolutely, but in the larger scheme of things, it does not matter. You will receive a lot of superficial attention, and its nice, but in the end, it doesn't change a thing; on the things that really matter there is no difference... We are all in the same boat - we have the same problems in life, we all have to pay our bills, we all have to make something of ourselves, find our passions and pursue them, make a difference in someone elses life and find true happiness.

    To answer your questions. 1) most of the time yes, 2) I use it to my advantage at the airport if I want to get a better seat lol (I am 6'5" & those seats are small). I will most definately go to someone I think I can charm, the obvious gay guy. 3) It doesnt bother me at all. Its flattering. If someone is not respectable, I ignore them. The thought process of, 'you are so not cute and I so am' BS is so done. I am grateful that I was put together a certain way and receiving any attention is by far the least of my problems. I am sure the scale will tip in the other direction some day!

    Having said all this, I would find it extremely difficult to adjust say one morning I woke up, and something happened where I was instantly completely hideous. All else equal, I would rather be cute than not, just as, even though money clearly does not bring happiness, all else equal, I would like to be rich than poor.

  • Multi

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    Mar 27, 2008 5:23 PM GMT
    It goes half and half for me. Beauty is how you hold yourself. Some days I think I'm really ugly, that I'm too short/fat/big head/ alien eyes, etc. Then some days I think I could be a magazine model. It kinda reflects on what others say too. When I'm shy and uncomfortable, people tend to shy away, but when I am confident and relaxed, people seem to flock to me like bees to honey. Its a little annoying, especially when the extremely old "couples" start attacking me.

    Beauty is confidence.
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    Mar 27, 2008 5:24 PM GMT
    jarhead, you're right:

    strippers without plans = disaster in the making... strippers with plans = tell-all book with list of politicians who'll pay anything to keep their names out of it.

    one of the clubs i dance in is directly across the street from the south carolina capitol building... no really - you can look out the window at the stairs leading to the front door. icon_wink.gif

    most of the porn actors and exotic dancers i know have ambitions outside the clubs and movies. in fact, many of them are getting trained in/have careers in areas you might find surprising: law, engineering, accounting, business management, haute cuisine, professional sports. quite a varied group.

    anyway, back to the question: do sexy men know they're sexy? yes, but those that know it are often, in a way, diminished by it. the ones that make me weep at their beauty are the ones who are incredibly hot and truly don't know it and don't use it as a weapon or tool.
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    Mar 27, 2008 5:37 PM GMT
    Damarco saidI think this cartoon sums up men of all levels of handsomeness pretty well...

    mirror.jpg?cb=1115204527

    I think most men see themselves as two points higher than they are, and I find gay men to be worse that straights on that level. An average looking gay man thinks he is good looking, a good looking gay man thinks he is great looking, and a great looking gay man thinks he is the second coming. icon_lol.gif

    Only homely gay men know what they are because the rest of these guys never miss an opportunity to remind them.

    I mentioned to my shrink that I think we have a tendency to assign qualities to attractive people that they don't even have and he said that not only is that true, but that such studies have concluded that fact. And I observed this with a woman first.

    I had a secretary named Lori who was very attractive. Women wanted her acknowledgement, straight men wanted to sleep with her. Being a gay man I was not smitten with Lori and could see through all that and our relationship was a rocky one at best. People would say "Lori is so sweet" when she made the slightest gesture of kindness or acknowledged them in any way, but she wasn't sweet. She was just pretty.

    As visually oriented gay men we all get these warm feelings toward a guy who is simply good looking. If you stop and dissect these feelings they stop making sense. I can see a guy with great legs (my weakness) and suddenly I get the feeling that he is the most wonderful guy in the world. Before I hoist him onto that pedestal I just have to remind myself that he simply has good legs.


    I think lots of straight men are very very into themselves and how they look. They are always checking me out to see how they stack up.

    There's also a lot of envy, misunderstanding, mischaracterizations and assumptions about really good looking people. I've found people get weird around me, or insecure, intimidated, fearful of rejection, or overly secur, loud, or just plain disrespectful. The point is people change their behavior....for whatever reason.

    Did anyone ever stop and think that maybe, a very good looking beauty , despite what he looks like, has the same insecurities or shyness just like everyone else?

    When I am out, sometimes I feel very overwhelmed with the nonsense people throw onto me and exhausted after dealing with everyone's assumptions and pre-conceived notions. I get tons of attention, I'm relaxed, happy, and I'm freindly with everyone. I like people. But people usually do not approach me. (their loss).

    Prejudice is prejudice, period

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    Mar 27, 2008 5:55 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidthis is a rigged thread if i ever saw one... LOL


    good luck responding to this one without sounding like a total megalomaniac.


    Haha, true, but I hope you meant egomaniac. I never had delusions of grandeur or power like Hitler or Stalin.icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 27, 2008 6:25 PM GMT
    Ok, here's something to think about.
    There's a saying in spanish that goes:
    "La suerte de la fea, la bonita la desea"
    Which roughly translates to something like: "The pretty girl envies the luck of the ugly one."

    I've heard that people intuitively think that more attractive people are smarter, more charming, more succesful, and generally happier than their non-attractive counterparts.
    We know also that even babies react more favorably to physical beauty.
    But here's the deal: Because of these social advantages, the "beautiful people", as Mr. Marilyn Manson puts it, don't bother to develop social traits that us normal folk have to develop to make ourselves noticeable and to influence others, like charm, sweet talk, intelligence (lol), the ability to be funny, etc.
    Average joes have to work a bit extra to stand out and to be accepted, and it is that hard work what prepares them to face a lot of life's challenges.

    It happens to me at work all the time. I supervise a crew of 20 guys. Some of them are ok looking, some of them are gorgeous, and there are a couple of them that are incredibly hot (how unprofessional of me)
    Well, anyways, the hottest guy in my area acts really cool EXCEPT when things don't go his way or he's told to do something he doesn't want to do. It's in cases like those in which you can really see how much life has spoiled him by handing him everything over on a silver plate, and how unprepared he will be to face the world when his physical beauty fades.

    On the other hand, I have guys that are not model material but that are so grounded and so mature, there's no doubt in my mind they'll go far in life, because they know what it feels like to work for what they have.

    Which is why we say in Colombia: "La suerte de la fea... la bonita la desea"

    Ugly Betty, anyone? icon_smile.gif

    p.s. Sorry, long post icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 27, 2008 6:29 PM GMT
    Oh, but then there's the dudes that are all that, that know they are all that, and that fully know how to use it to their advantage. And from them, deliver me, Lord, because I turn into a 16 yo. little girl, and I indulge in their charm like a dumbass jumping from a boat when he hears the song of sirens icon_razz.gif

    [Self-destructive, self-indulgent poetry, lol. I'm bored guys]
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    Mar 27, 2008 6:30 PM GMT
    EXPLAINING KILLS ART..

    I can't think of a bigger buzz kill then a guy who discusses and tries to intellectualize how good he thinks he looks. I have been on dates with multiple guys who wanted to discuss how difficult it is to be beautiful. I wanted to bang my head on the table from boredom.
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Mar 27, 2008 6:41 PM GMT
    Well, I’m a self-absorbed megalomaniac anyway, so if people didn’t know they might as well find out now.

    The question of whether hot guys “know” they’re attractive is a tricky one. You can know something in your head without being able to trust it or feel like it’s true. I was ridiculed mercilessly as a kid, so when my looks and demeanor changed as an adult I noticed the difference in people’s reactions but it didn’t feel natural.

    I hit my prime about 10 to 15 years ago, in my early 30s. I look back at those pics now and think, “Dude, you were a knockout!” And I knew it at the time intellectually, but I didn’t feel like a knockout. I still expected people to be mean to me when I went out in public even though that hadn't happened for years (interesting research out there on the brain’s limbic system and amygdala, which shows the disconnect between thoughts and feelings).

    Here’s me 15 years ago (feather your hair much?).

    2366235127_1fd6076853.jpg?v=0

    And here’s me 10 years ago.

    2367071238_79d5c9beeb.jpg?v=0

    2366235191_1b79cfb2e9.jpg?v=0

    When I became a trainer for a couple years 10 years ago, I was afraid people would laugh at me for thinking I was built well enough for that line of work. Now I look back and see how crazy that was, but the fear was real at the time.

    Now I’m 46. On the one hand, I still get lots of lovely attention. On the other hand, I’m not what I was -- I like the mirror and how I look on video, but I hate photographs (for every pic I post, there are dozens that make me cringe). I think that middle age suits me well, but I still wish I could have my current confidence and my former appearance.

    The funny/sad thing is, in 15 years I’m sure I’ll look back at my current pics (not just the good ones, but those that make me wince, too) and wonder why I couldn’t appreciate them.

    As a side note, there’s one demographic with whom I have utter confidence in my appearance: ladies middle-aged and older. They have loved me since my early 20s and I’ve used it everywhere from stores to the DMV. If only they were my fetish.
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    Mar 27, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    Oh god this thread is hilarious, i can't believe some of the people in here icon_lol.gif

    Mnjock2003EXPLAINING KILLS ART..

    I can't think of a bigger buzz kill then a guy who discusses and tries to intellectualize how good he thinks he looks. I have been on dates with multiple guys who wanted to discuss how difficult it is to be beautiful. I wanted to bang my head on the table from boredom.


    Aaaaamen!


    So many guys were cute here untill they started typing, now i'm like damn go find yourself a diary..

    It's just one of those things you don't talk about, otherwise it's ruined completely, for me at least icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 27, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    I do thank GOD that I was not hit with the ugly stick! However, I will NEVER go as far as to classify myself as VGL, HOT or what not, I'll leave that to you all! I do believe I am just a "Joe Schmoe"! When I do receive compliments it's GREAT and a blessed opportunity!
    For the MOST part I do believe the EXTRA "pretty" ones know they are and do use it to their advantage, and rightfully so! I get in my modes when I realize I am better looking than they guy next to me and I have seen its advantages. However to go out of my way and abuse it, that would be WRONG!! For ANYONE to use it that way would be WRONG and then that's what makes them become ugly...
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Mar 27, 2008 6:49 PM GMT
    Given that I just talked about people being attracted to me AND given that I just posted great big pics of myself, I now realize I've become...CHUCKYSTUD!

    Well, we did need to replace him. Who needs a good belittling?