Inappropriate or not?

  • ny247365

    Posts: 12

    Jan 19, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    So, I've always thought that I was fairly good at reading people. I figured it was pretty simple to gauge if a guy is interested in you or not or what his intentions were. Well, apparently I'm not!

    My main question is: would you find it appropriate to invite a reasonably attractive gay male, that you barely know and don't have any strong mutual friends with, to spend the weekend with you, so you can show them around, get drunk, have a good time, etc. while you're involved with someone who's semi long-distance, being an hour away?

    That's the basic question I want opinions on. I figured I would ask that first, then provide supporting details since I tend to go into details and I know not everyone wants to read that!

    So, I'm 21 and looking to transfer to a different school. One option is in New York and I happen to have an acquaintance who attends the school. I use the term "acquaintance" loosely, since as far as I'm concerned we're basically strangers. I met the kid in person once at a party last summer, that was being held for a friend of mine, who happened to be good friends with the guy this kid was dating at the time. I spoke to him for a few minutes casually, but it wasn't memorable and I haven't seen or talked to him since, other than adding one another on Facebook. So, basically a stranger, though a very cute stranger, who happened to date an actual acquaintance of mine, though also someone I really don't know that well.

    Since then, he's "liked" my Facebook pictures from time to time, followed me on Twitter, etc. Nothing serious, but obviously taking notice of me, rather than just another random person on his newsfeed. So, once I started looking for schools I got in touch with him, just hoping to see if he liked the school or not. He strongly recommended it and invited me to come down for a few days to check it out - look at the school, get drunk, have fun, that kind of thing. It was a pretty welcoming offer, though I did think it was pretty straightforward for someone I barely knew.

    I think it would be a great opportunity to check out the school and possibly get a foot in with a social crowd there, he also happens to be attractive and someone I would definitely consider talking to. Based on his strong reaction, I would have assumed he was interested in me. However, I'm not entirely sure that he is single and not still with the same guy. I know they definitely broke up at one point, but neither of them are clearly labeled 'single' and I know they're still in touch with one another. Though, I can't help but question the relationships stability since they are semi-long distance and not really at the same stage in life. Regardless, I feel that if he is still involved with this guy, then the circumstances he has presented by me visiting would be a little risky for someone committed to another and would be a bit inappropriate, especially when alcohol is involved!

    Obviously, I'll know my answer when I actually do go to visit. I just want to be somewhat mentally prepared for what I'm getting myself into and what mindset/expectations I should have.

    Thanks for any input!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2011 10:23 AM GMT
    ny247365 said
    My main question is: would you find it appropriate to invite a reasonably attractive gay male, that you barely know and don't have any strong mutual friends with, to spend the weekend with you, so you can show them around, get drunk, have a good time, etc. while you're involved with someone who's semi long-distance, being an hour away?

    Thanks for any input!


    Well if it was in a gay bar and it was for sex I would never do it. It wouldn't be inappropriate though. In your case I think it's ok to invite him out, but just see him as friends to see how it goes. As you've mentioned he's already shown a slight interest in you. Good luck icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2011 10:33 AM GMT
    If his FB profile says he's single, then I say go for it. If it says otherwise...then don't.




    That's just my opinion.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 19, 2011 10:40 AM GMT
    I think you're reading too much into his kindness. Why can't acts of kindness stand alone? Why must there be the presumption that an act of kindness has a string attached?

    I too have a similar problem in receiving acts of kindness. I have realized that acts of kindness should stand alone as such and not be an innuendo for something else.
  • ny247365

    Posts: 12

    Jan 19, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies! I think I'll still go, because I do have a genuine interest in the school and it is a good opportunity, however I'll definitely assume he's taken. I'm definitely attracted to him, so the thought of potential interest definitely crossed my mind, but I just found it to be an odd act of kindness based on the circumstances. Of course people can just be offering their kindness without any strings attached, I guess I've just become a little more aware of the fact that we are all human and even "nice guys" do conflicting things.
  • MidiAttack

    Posts: 17

    Jan 19, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    hey when two good looking gay guys get together and start drinking they usually end up naked. after a couple of drinks committments mean nothing. at least that's been my experience. take him up on his offer, and if you're into him have a good time together.

    i shouldn't limit this to gay guys. i think the same holds true for straight people.
  • ny247365

    Posts: 12

    Jan 19, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    MidiAttack saidhey when two good looking gay guys get together and start drinking they usually end up naked. after a couple of drinks committments mean nothing. at least that's been my experience. take him up on his offer, and if you're into him have a good time together.

    i shouldn't limit this to gay guys. i think the same holds true for straight people.


    As much as I hate to admit you're right, I like your honest, realistic response lol!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2011 11:13 PM GMT
    Spend a weekend??? No, totally inappropriate. I would think you were weird.
  • Floridaguy954

    Posts: 14

    Jan 19, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    What is wrong with just stating expectations up front?

    You: Hey friend, thank you so much for the invite and all, but wanted to make sure there were no strings attached as I just want to use this opportunity to get to know you better and see the area etc.

    During this time you can then learn more about him, relationship status and how much he just might be into you.

    I agree with "coolarmydude" Maybe you are reading too much into just kindness.

    A couple of months ago, I saw some random posting on here about heading to South Florida for a short visit, needing a hotel room but wanted something nice. I didnt even know the guy, but got him a great deal at a hotel through one of my business contacts. It was just an act of kindness -
  • ny247365

    Posts: 12

    Jan 20, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    It's great to read everyones different point of views on this. I think as long as my behavior is appropriate, even if he does have currently have a boyfriend, what would be a somewhat inappropriate scenario doesn't necessarily have to go as one would expect (i.e. hooking up). Also, as you mentioned "Floridaguy954," open communication will clear up anything.