"Try and look less bear-ish". Am I being too self-conscious?

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    Jan 20, 2011 12:50 AM GMT
    So I met a guy online and we've hit it off. Not in a "let's get married" kind of way but a "let's have awesome sex" kind of way. I'm flying interstate to meet up with him next weekend, which should be a lot of fun.

    So the other night we're chatting on MSN and he asks if I can shave my beard off. He wanted me to do that so I can "try and look a little less bear-ish". I said no. He's seen my pictures and he's seen me when we chatted on MSN video chat, so I have no idea why he would then want me to try and change my appearance. He's openly admitted he's very much into twinks (of which I am DEFINITELY not one) so I was surprised in the first instance that he contacted me.

    Anyway, it's been two days since that and I still actually feel quite a bit offended that he asked me to do that. I don't know if that just opens wounds from low self-confidence I had when I first came out, trying to look like what I though other guys wanted, or whether it's something to be offended about.

    So am I being too precious about it? Or should I just laugh it off? How would you react?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 20, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    Ditch da Bitch.
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    Jan 20, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    rnch saidDitch da Bitch.
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    Jan 20, 2011 1:11 AM GMT
    ...and you're flying interstate? damn, you're desperate.
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    dash_8:

    You very handsome as you are, and if you feel comfortable with yourself don't change!!! (Unless YOU feel like it, not others)

    You are not being precious!!
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    Caslon17000 said...and you're flying interstate? damn, you're desperate.


    Haha well I also get to combine a work meeting the day after, so it's not *just* for the sex
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    SQSNY saiddash_8:

    You very handsome as you are, and if you feel comfortable with yourself don't change!!! (Unless YOU feel like it, not others)

    You are not being precious!!


    ^Agreed
  • Floridaguy954

    Posts: 14

    Jan 20, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    rnch saidDitch da Bitch.
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    Dude, you look hot as hell with facial hair, if the guy is not into it, that's his loss.
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    cold saidYou should ask him to change something about himself and see how he reacts.
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    No, you are hot the way you are icon_smile.gif
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Jan 20, 2011 2:21 AM GMT
    You should consider a simple rule of thumb similar to mine...

    don't stress over something you can change in 90 days.
    having a beard
    not having a beard
    having a beer belly
    having abs
    having a tan


    There is WAY too much to do in life still to waste time and energy worrying about things that are so temporary.

    Shaving the beard off is almost like dressing up in a costume for sex. Doesn't mean you can't ever change it...Leave it on, see how you like him. If you guys click in person and you are feeling playful, shave it...and don't if you aren't.

    simple.
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    Don't go changing to please him.
  • thait3n

    Posts: 7

    Jan 20, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    Ditch him. The guy's a bit high maintenance.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    rnch saidDitch da Bitch.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    I'd dump him in a heartbeat.

  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 20, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    being who you are is nothing to be down about, in fact because one person or several ppl say something about it, doesnt mean anything, because you are unique. and for that you should not let it get to you.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    dash_8 said

    So am I being too precious about it? Or should I just laugh it off? How would you react?


    What would I do? I would tell him no thank you and find someone else to bang.

    You're going to feel like shit when you're naked in his presence and you think about his criticisms. Unless you get off on humiliation.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    how bad do you want it?
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    GoToMeeting.... and refund the ticket.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jan 20, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    Don't feel bad about it. He asked and you said no. Unless it has been a trend w/ the dude or you feel he has intentionally crossed a line, I'd follow through with the plan to see him. How else are you going to have awesome sex. If you never have that awesome sex how will you know if you want to marry him or not lol.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Jan 20, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    Don't shave!!!!!
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    What boggles me is how it took that long for him to tell you he's more into hairless twinks than Hot bears/Cubs like you. What a shithole is he!
    You're Sexy Awesome as YOU ARE. Believe that.
    Ditch Da Bitch.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    Grow one of these. And see how he reacts. icon_lol.gif

    gA3h0.jpg
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    rnch saidDitch da Bitch.
    And stay with me for the night. ;)