Where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy now that I'm out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    Dear RJ Readers:

    ok, so I'm out and really excited about dating! I checked out the online thing, but just got a lot of solicitations for sex (not really me so soon). Not really into the gay bars/clubs...so where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy?

    Signed: Going Crazy In Raleigh
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    Jan 20, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    go_vols said...so where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy?
    In bed. icon_biggrin.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 20, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    coffee shops, restaurants (waiters are often "one of us"), bed, bath and beyond, target, (employees and customers), gay.com (where i met my bf of almost 3 years)

    or


    move to new orleans! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    Do everything you can to meet people near to where you live and can see regularly if dating develops. Finding an awesome guy online that lives thousands of miles away brings with it complications.
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    Jan 20, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    I can totally sympathize with the OP. I've stop tryng at this point. If it happens, it happens I guess...
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    Jan 20, 2011 1:43 AM GMT
    First of all- congrats icon_smile.gif

    Second- you're a great looking guy with a great smile. Give it some time, now that you're out, you might not be single for long, lol.

    Just be sure you meet friends of friends. Who knows, one of them may be gay too.

    Also- the dating scene is the same if you were straight. If all you do is go to work, go to the gym, and hang out with friends, you won't meet new people (like my friend who is currently bitching at me).

    If you put yourself out there, you can meet lots of people. Another friend of mine is going to this public forum where people meet once a week somewhere and they have intellectual conversations. She's also going to event friends invite her too event even when she doesn't know most of the people going.

    I joined her at a public opening of this new magazine (fashion) at a salon that had real models going down a catwalk. It was after my breakup with an ex. i didn't get with any models, but I sure met plenty of other gay men! It's really not my scene, but because it wasn't, I guess I stuck out more and managed to meet new people. I'd do it again too!
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Jan 20, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    E-mail me. We have a lot in common.

    I'm serious.
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    simple_collision saidFirst of all- congrats icon_smile.gif

    Second- you're a great looking guy with a great smile. Give it some time, now that you're out, you might not be single for long, lol.

    Just be sure you meet friends of friends. Who knows, one of them may be gay too.

    Also- the dating scene is the same if you were straight. If all you do is go to work, go to the gym, and hang out with friends, you won't meet new people (like my friend who is currently bitching at me).

    If you put yourself out there, you can meet lots of people. Another friend of mine is going to this public forum where people meet once a week somewhere and they have intellectual conversations. She's also going to event friends invite her too event even when she doesn't know most of the people going.

    I joined her at a public opening of this new magazine (fashion) at a salon that had real models going down a catwalk. It was after my breakup with an ex. i didn't get with any models, but I sure met plenty of other gay men! It's really not my scene, but because it wasn't, I guess I stuck out more and managed to meet new people. I'd do it again too!


    Thanks! :-)
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    sfinboston saidit will happen when it happens...so enjoy the this time for what it is.

    what?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    I have the same question 2........











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    Jan 20, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    go_vols saidDear RJ Readers:

    ok, so I'm out and really excited about dating! I checked out the online thing, but just got a lot of solicitations for sex (not really me so soon). Not really into the gay bars/clubs...so where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy?

    Signed: Going Crazy In Raleigh


    Sometimes it is better to wait and let the Lord bless you with someone to come directly to you instead of going out meeting one for yourself but hey to each his own. icon_smile.gif
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 20, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    there are a lot of ppl who are like that, you just gotta keep looking.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    go_vols saidDear RJ Readers:

    ok, so I'm out and really excited about dating! I checked out the online thing, but just got a lot of solicitations for sex (not really me so soon). Not really into the gay bars/clubs...so where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy?

    Signed: Going Crazy In Raleigh


    why not use the Search function on this site? there are lots of great, down-to-earth guys here.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    DarkskinCutie21 said
    go_vols saidDear RJ Readers:

    ok, so I'm out and really excited about dating! I checked out the online thing, but just got a lot of solicitations for sex (not really me so soon). Not really into the gay bars/clubs...so where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy?

    Signed: Going Crazy In Raleigh


    Sometimes it is better to wait and let the Lord bless you with someone to come directly to you instead of going out meeting one for yourself but hey to each his own. icon_smile.gif


    I don't agree unfortunately. You can say to leave it up to fate, but we all know things don't just land on you lap (oh the pun!).
    Seriously- acts of men have more chances of happening than acts of God.

    I'd hate to have someone think if they are patient and do nothing, good things will happen... In all honesty, if they wait 5-10 years and nothing happened, I'd be pretty fucking pissed...
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    Tampa has this cool thing called Outings and Adventures that sets up group outings for gay guys - things like paddle boarding or museum tours or hiking. Basically, it's a low stress way to meet others and since you are all involved in a common activity, you at least have that to base a conversation on. Maybe you could check whether there is anything like that in your area?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    Well, i can know you, too bad your too far away =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Just like straight people, you have to make an effort. Hard thing for us is not being able to figure out about the sexual orientation upfront, that's why you start with small talks.


    I am in college so its easy for me to know who is gay from word of mouth. but you have to let the fate play its part in order to find gay men in random places... or u can just go to gay club and get numbers.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 20, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    go_vols saidDear RJ Readers:

    ok, so I'm out and really excited about dating! I checked out the online thing, but just got a lot of solicitations for sex (not really me so soon). Not really into the gay bars/clubs...so where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy?

    Signed: Going Crazy In Raleigh
    the fact of the matter is that many guys think that when they come out they will start meeting better quality of guys and it does not work like that. if you want to meet guys like you i think you have to play sports, go to the gym. i know i know i know but the gym is a great place to meet guys. i don't mean go in staring and stalking guys but just go in working out and see if someone peeks your interest there. also try sports bars they are a great place to meet guys as well
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jan 20, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    go_vols saidDear RJ Readers:

    ok, so I'm out and really excited about dating! I checked out the online thing, but just got a lot of solicitations for sex (not really me so soon). Not really into the gay bars/clubs...so where the hell can I meet a great, down-to-earth guy?

    Signed: Going Crazy In Raleigh
    the fact of the matter is that many guys think that when they come out they will start meeting better quality of guys and it does not work like that. if you want to meet guys like you i think you have to play sports, go to the gym. i know i know i know but the gym is a great place to meet guys. i don't mean go in staring and stalking guys but just go in working out and see if someone peeks your interest there. also try sports bars they are a great place to meet guys as well

    I think sports is a great idea. I also think reliable beards are a good way to meet quality guys. If your beard really knows you she won't set you up with a POS. I'm not a big fan of meeting guys in clubs... I just feel like if you meet a dude in a club; it increases the odds that he does drugs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    Dunno, but if you discover a place, let me know too. Would ya?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    i hear there are some nice, down to earth people who are looking for long term relationships on grindr
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    You should only be looking for a good network of gay friends. You will never find friends that are just like you but you may find some that like something and others that like other things. With a network of friends you have a better shot at meeting a mate.

    I remember being in gay bar NY in the 80s and a guy approached me by the pool table. He had graduated from Wake and I grew up a Duke fan. We were never sexual but he became my gay sports watching bud. It's great when you watch with a gay bud. I remember one game where there was a fumble and the announcer (whose name was Dick) starts yelling fumble. At which point the other announcer yells, I think he's got it Dick. My friend turns to me and says, "did he just say, I think he's got a dick!" Sounds like that is the type of friend you need.

    Making gay friends can be difficult since everyone is just looking for the perfect date and not a friend. I must say that I have been on a role lately with making new friends but maybe it has something to do with how great men over 50 are.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 20, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    sashaman saidTampa has this cool thing called Outings and Adventures that sets up group outings for gay guys - things like paddle boarding or museum tours or hiking. Basically, it's a low stress way to meet others and since you are all involved in a common activity, you at least have that to base a conversation on. Maybe you could check whether there is anything like that in your area?


    of all the TDY'S (temporary duty assignments) that my employer has sent me on; Tampa was the one place i thought to myself "yeh, i could move here and live here on my own dime".

    i have found that tampa is a very "gay-friendly" city. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    There are no great, down-to-earth guys. It's all a fairytale.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 20, 2011 4:10 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidThere are no great, down-to-earth guys. It's all a fairytale.



    hey now........


    icon_lol.gif