Should I be Hurt?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    Am I overreacting? So I recently moved to a new city and started hanging out with this guy I met on an online dating site. We went on three dates and on the third went to second base. Although no sex was involved we engaged in all of the foreplay and even cuddled for awhile. So, to make a long story short I messaged him to say that I had a good time but it has been over a day and he hasn't bothered to respond.

    Obviously, he's no longer interested but for some reason I'm pretty hurt over it. This was my first time with a guy and I really opened up (something I usually don't do). I sort of thought my angst had subsided, but as soon as I got home again today, it came rushing back. I guess I was naive. Anyone else had a similar experience and am I being way too sensitive?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    I would wait a week before I thought about it since well he could be busy. Overreacting yes cause it's been what two days? Anyways after that week you can figure out where you stand.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    How soon after the first and second date did you guys text/chat with each other?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidHow soon after the first and second date did you guys text/chat with each other?

    This was a better thing to say/ask
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    Well, we went on three dates in the course of a week. One on Friday, next on Thursday, and then Saturday night.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 20, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    Don't expect something immediately. If you don't hear from him in a few more days, then you might have some reason to feel a little put off.

    There may be a number of reasons he hasn't responded. Part of building a successful dating relationship is giving the other party space and giving him the benefit of the doubt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    Yes. That makes sense under normal circumstances. The issue, though, is he goes back to school Monday. So since he hasn't bothered to respond, isn't it fair to assume I've been brushed off?
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Jan 20, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    willocdh saidAm I overreacting? So I recently moved to a new city and started hanging out with this guy I met on an online dating site. We went on three dates and on the third went to second base. Although no sex was involved we engaged in all of the foreplay and even cuddled for awhile. So, to make a long story short I messaged him to say that I had a good time but it has been over a day and he hasn't bothered to respond.

    Obviously, he's no longer interested but for some reason I'm pretty hurt over it. This was my first time with a guy and I really opened up (something I usually don't do). I sort of thought my angst had subsided, but as soon as I got home again today, it came rushing back. I guess I was naive. Anyone else had a similar experience and am I being way too sensitive?


    Well, perhaps you need to avoid reading too much into what's happened to this point: it could just be that he's not been able to respond to you just yet. Don't assume that he's no longer interested just yet...give him some time to respond before you conclude that.

    I think just about everyone has had a similar experience...dating can be tough that way. However, gay or straight, dating is like a dry run, preparing yourself for when you meet the truly special person who feels as strongly about you as you feel about him.

    Enjoy it, have fun with it, don't put too much expectation on it at these early stages because expectation and pressure are a bad combination when it comes to dating. And of course, if you meet someone you like, and the attraction isn't reciprocated, just tell yourself that all that ultimately means is there is someone better for you out there.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 20, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    This was my first time with a guy

    Says it all right there
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Jan 20, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    willocdh saidYes. That makes sense under normal circumstances. The issue, though, is he goes back to school Monday. So since he hasn't bothered to respond, isn't it fair to assume I've been brushed off?


    Not necessarily...it could just be that he's preoccupied with getting ready to go back to school.

    Seriously my friend, don't assume...it could just be that he's got a lot on his plate at the moment. As others have said, if after a week you've heard nothing, then it may a time for further rumination on this.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    This all seems like silhouette fiction.....icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    willocdh said... We went on three dates and ...
    ... no sex was involved ...

    Obviously, he's no longer interested ...
    Like, duh?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    Hillie saidThis all seems like silhouette fiction.....icon_rolleyes.gif


    No, definitely not fiction. Believe me, sometimes I think it must be.
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Jan 20, 2011 3:56 AM GMT
    Hillie saidThis all seems like silhouette fiction.....icon_rolleyes.gif


    I guess part of that art inspiring life inspiring art rotation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    willocdh saidThe issue, though, is he goes back to school Monday.


    Does this mean you won't be seeing him for awhile?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    Yes. It means, even if it worked out, I wouldn't be seeing him for awhile since the school's in another city. Ok, I'll stop now. I realize how crazy this is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    Welcome to the world of dating.
    I'm sure it wont be long till you do the same thing to someone else...then you'll have a perspective on why it is done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    If you've spent any amount of time imagining what your first time may be like, I don't think it's crazy to be disappointed that it's gone some other way. It's quite normal, if you ask me.

    I still get my panties in a twist when I don't hear back from a guy whose company I enjoyed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    It happens...you get over it and it is going to happen again. That's the way it goes. Hopefully you are lucky and find someone special along the way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 20, 2011 6:43 AM GMT
    Here's my take on what you've posted:

    I think your feelings may be taking you a bit too far unless he knows: you're the only guy you've been with, that you have opened up to him more than you usually do to others, and that you're starting to feel this strongly about him.

    If he does know those things and is not interested in you then I would say that after the sadness and tears, time continues.