Weren't you afraid to come out publicly?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:16 AM GMT
    Its not that I'm feeling like it is my time to do so.. I'm going through parts, but as of now no one knows except you guys that are in this page...
    sometimes am afraid of people rejecting me after i say so... cause most people Im with are straight.. I only have one friend thats publicly gay and these other straight friends doesn't hang out with him.. so like would that happen to me? :S
    Also.. like my family hates gay people.. like they don't like them at all and theres no one else in the family like me..
    Idk.. im just curious about this, how was it that you came out? I know there are plenty of other threads of stories, but i wanted to create one with my situation..
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    You're in one of the best cities to be "out." I've had no problems around here.
    Most families "get over it" once the initial shock wears off, so whenever you feel like it's the right time to come out, go ahead and do it. You'll be amazed at how many people fully accept it.
  • c00lness

    Posts: 37

    Jan 20, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    well i came from a family that isnt all that happy about gay people so still never really went all out to tell them but as for friends yeah i have practically all straight friends no one that i can think of is gay unless they are still in the closet and i just am oblivious. But anyway i told only the closest of my friends like my best guy friend took it well we laughed it off he told me he was disappointed for not telling him sooner. I was fortunate to have him as a friend and yes he is straight. uhhhh i told a couple other close friends (all straight i believe O_O) and they seem to have taken it well. Like my friends were there for me when i needed the most so i assume that telling them this wont hurt my relationship i have with them in anyway whatsoever. Life basically stayed the same the only thing that has changed was that they know. As for my family, my sole support system financially and all, i didnt tell them cause i really dont know what there reaction will be. I plan to wait till i am independent and all (job, car, apartment, etc.) because as a college freshmen your still kinda attached to your parents. But Iplan to eventually. Hmmmm thats pretty much it. but yeah take your time to telling ppl if your afraid start with the person you believe you are the closest with, best friends sorta deal. Someone that you can sincerely trust and good luck icon_biggrin.gif -your cute btw icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    I knoww! Miami is the best city for this, but im so afraid of that, lately I've been accepting this myself cause like a year ago i didn't accept it at all.. but like now Im just letting it be myself and do, say what i like.. I was like these kids that u pretty much do anything or say anything and i would just agree even if i didn't like it.. yup this year 2011 have been a life changer haha but i like it wayy more now than before.. even friends n family has noted those changes..

    But its time to put up myself first icon_twisted.gif =P
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    c00lness saidwell i came from a family that isnt all that happy about gay people so still never really went all out to tell them but as for friends yeah i have practically all straight friends no one that i can think of is gay unless they are still in the closet and i just am oblivious. But anyway i told only the closest of my friends like my best guy friend took it well we laughed it off he told me he was disappointed for not telling him sooner. I was fortunate to have him as a friend and yes he is straight. uhhhh i told a couple other close friends (all straight i believe O_O) and they seem to have taken it well. Like my friends were there for me when i needed the most so i assume that telling them this wont hurt my relationship i have with them in anyway whatsoever. Life basically stayed the same the only thing that has changed was that they know. As for my family, my sole support system financially and all, i didnt tell them cause i really dont know what there reaction will be. I plan to wait till i am independent and all (job, car, apartment, etc.) because as a college freshmen your still kinda attached to your parents. But Iplan to eventually. Hmmmm thats pretty much it. but yeah take your time to telling ppl if your afraid start with the person you believe you are the closest with, best friends sorta deal. Someone that you can sincerely trust and good luck icon_biggrin.gif -your cute btw icon_biggrin.gif


    Thats what im thinking of.. telling my family after i graduate high school n well im pretty much by myself, but still there's this doubt
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    I'm gay!?!?!
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    Jan 20, 2011 5:57 AM GMT
    I had it pretty damn lucky I think, and even so it is still hard at times...

    My parents were always there for me and always let me make my own decisions (it all started when I first went to school and my mom let me dress myself... Hello polkadot shorts and striped polos). I knew my parents wouldn't care at all because as long as I am happy they will be happy for me; however, it was still hard, even knowing that. Eventually I told my sister and she forced me to tell them (was going on a 5 week trip all over the world with the bf) so I kind of had to. Ha.

    About half my friends at school know, all my roomates do as well. It's not that I try to hide it or anything but sometimes it is just hard for me to tell people that I am gay. I don't really associate myself with people who aren't accepting and who are mean, so my friends probably wouldn't care; but it is still hard to tell some. I guess its a matter of being afraid... One of my best friends still doesn't know and I really want to tell him but I don't want things to be awkward, which they probably wouldn't.

    I think its just human nature to freak ourselves out over minor details... It honestly comes down to the fact that if people are not going to accept you for who you are then, in my opinion, they really are not friends worth having. Some friends may not acknowledge it, so they just don't want to be in that part of your life, and I guess that is understandable- eventually they should change their ways.

    All in all, my initial outing I wasn't afraid at all. Now, with some friends I am... I also think its just awkward to be like "oh hey by the way, im gay". Ha, but I really need to get on that...

    I'm sure it has to be even more tough if your family openly hates gay people though... Make em change their ways! icon_biggrin.gif
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Jan 20, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    The only thing that made me nervous were my parents.

    The rest kinda excited me, oddly...

    "Hey, I'm Suzy"
    "I'm Matt, nice to meet you... Oh, by the way, don't you hit on me, I AM GAY ! BWAAAHAHAHA !"

    Very excited.
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    Jan 20, 2011 6:00 AM GMT
    Everyone's journey is different and your surroundings do play apart in how soon you decide to declare your independence (coming out). Some do it one person at a time. Some just wake and say ok, this is it. I'm out. I only cared about one person's reaction and this was during the '80's: my mom. She didn't know, but she didn't care. After that, me being gay became an after throught in my everyday life. Yea, I have a sticker on my car. No I don't change pronouns in conversations and yes, I stand up for myself. You move through this at your OWN pace, whatever is comfortable for you and the rest will fall into place. Welcome and best of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 6:05 AM GMT
    i didnt have a choice. i was at a rave when i was 16 and was fuckin around with some dude on top of the speakers in front of the club (obviously high as fuck) and some kids from my high school were there and went and told everyone. im glad though. cuz i put on my thickest skin and knocked out the first kid who ran his mouth to me. i dont know that i would have come out publicly if that didnt happen or if id be as strong a person as i am now.
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    Jan 20, 2011 6:07 AM GMT
    I was very nervous coming out. It was by far the hardest thing I've done. It took years before I could work up the courage to tell anyone. I even tried to deny that I was gay to myself or play it off that I was bisexual to try and make it seem less...i don't know. My senior year I was to the point where it was driving me crazy and I had to tell someone. I was talking to my friend on the phone and I was like "i have something to tell you..." long story short I slowly worked up the courage to tell more of my very close friends, all of which were very supportive and happy for me.

    And then when I told my parents it took a anxiety attack, a mental breakdown and a lot of crying to say it. And I didn't even say it. All I said was "do I have to say it?" and my mom was like "that you're gay? No sweetie, it's fine. I just want grandchildren." My dad was like "I don't fucking care."

    Now I'm okay with telling people. I don't necessarily broadcast it because a person's sexuality has no bearing on their worth as a human being, but if someone asks I have no problems telling them.
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    Jan 20, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    I came out to my best friend first during high school because I knew she'd be the only one to understand the tremendous pressure of coming out while being a high school student at the same time. After graduation, I started becoming more comfortable in my own skin and didn't care who else would find out after that. I just got to the point where I truly learned to love myself for the first time and it felt good.

    I think the most important process in coming out is loving and respecting yourself.

    Someone here on RJ made a website as a great outlet for coming-out stories. You should read up on some of them.

    http://icameout.org/
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Jan 20, 2011 10:19 AM GMT
    My lack of a verbal filter came out for me.
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    Jan 20, 2011 10:30 AM GMT
    ErikTaurean saidEveryone's journey is different and your surroundings do play apart in how soon you decide to declare your independence (coming out). Some do it one person at a time. Some just wake and say ok, this is it. I'm out. I only cared about one person's reaction and this was during the '80's: my mom. She didn't know, but she didn't care. After that, me being gay became an after throught in my everyday life. Yea, I have a sticker on my car. No I don't change pronouns in conversations and yes, I stand up for myself. You move through this at your OWN pace, whatever is comfortable for you and the rest will fall into place. Welcome and best of luck!


    +1
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    Jan 20, 2011 10:32 AM GMT
    I was afraid until I actually did it. Now I couldn't care less who knows I'm gay. It will be fine man. Even the shittier reactions from the relatives wear off eventually! Just be you... it's really amazing to just be you!icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 20, 2011 10:33 AM GMT
    bpguru saidI was afraid until I actually did it. Now I couldn't care less who knows I'm gay. It will be fine man. Even the shittier reactions from the relatives wear off eventually! Just be you... it's really amazing to just be you!icon_cool.gif


    +1
  • thisguy023

    Posts: 204

    Jan 20, 2011 10:43 AM GMT
    fivetenn said
    bpguru saidI was afraid until I actually did it. Now I couldn't care less who knows I'm gay. It will be fine man. Even the shittier reactions from the relatives wear off eventually! Just be you... it's really amazing to just be you!icon_cool.gif


    +1


    +2
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 10:54 AM GMT
    To the very first people i came out to, yes, i was super nervous. My little sister and her reaction was unexpectedly good. My best friend from when we were kids, and she took it really good and after that some more members. I'm still waiting a little bit more to come out to my dad and brothers but besides them, pretty much everybody that surrounds me know im in the gay team.

    So it can be nerve wraCking but you'll be fine! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 11:54 AM GMT
    bpguru saidI was afraid until I actually did it. Now I couldn't care less who knows I'm gay. It will be fine man. Even the shittier reactions from the relatives wear off eventually! Just be you... it's really amazing to just be you!icon_cool.gif


    I sometimes feel like i dont care if people knew, but there are other days im not.. And thats exactly what ive been going through this past 2 weeks.. i feel like ive been acting my whole life.. and sometimes think about how would i be if i were myself, my true self.. but thnks man you're right

    Thnks to all of u for ur stories! =] it's giving me strenght but got to think about it =]
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 20, 2011 12:23 PM GMT
    I don't want to endorse you coming out to a vehemently homophobic family...

    BUT...

    My family is more Catholic than any I've ever met, specifically my father. Before coming out, I made sure I was already moved out of the house and very independent of them in case shit hit the fan. But it did not. It went so much better than I had anticipated, and I'm closer with both my parents nowadays.

    My.2.Cents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    HEY NO I WAS NOT AFFRAID TO COME OUT HELL ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING SO IT MADE MY COMING OUT VERY EASY AND DRAMA FREE AND NOW I HAVE ALL THE RESPECT I NEED TO GO OUT AND DO WHAT I DO SAFELY WITH NO JUDGEMENT
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    Depends, if you are completely comfortable with yourself. After I came out to my mom, I felt like I could tell the world. But really, its not something you have to announce to everyone you're acquainted with. Just be yourself and be happy icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 20, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    thisguy023 said
    fivetenn said
    bpguru saidI was afraid until I actually did it. Now I couldn't care less who knows I'm gay. It will be fine man. Even the shittier reactions from the relatives wear off eventually! Just be you... it's really amazing to just be you!icon_cool.gif


    +1


    +2


    +3