What I learned on my birthday.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 9:04 PM GMT
    Real Jock can be the best reality internet show I have ever read. It reminds me of the South Park episode in which all of earth is just a reality TV show for some aliens who are about to blow it up since the show is going off the air.

    I also learned:

    - You little men in my computer have too much time on your hands
    - I have too much time on my hands
    - The older little men in my computer can get very upset about what younger little men say.
    - Some little men in my computer can easily upset other little men.

    I really don't understand the last point because until I've met you in person you are still a little man in my computer as I am in yours. Until we step out of this virtual world and get to know each other in person how can we possible know what our true virtues are? You shouldn't let your pride or self esteem be bruised by a little man in your computer. Who knows, perhaps two virtual enemies could be passionate lovers in the real world.

    Now having another number click by my age I feel compelled to speak about age. I will try to say this gently but you really shouldn't allow younger guys upset you so easily. I was young once and we went out to gay bars as there was no internet. I remember some pretty pathetic trolls that would not give me a rest. I've always been a nice guy but they really pushed my limits. I'm not the type to hate someone I just felt it was depressing and more importantly it set a very poor example to a young gay men. It was as if the gay evolution for the young and handsome end in being old and pathetic. I longed to fine role models to prove this evolution wrong. I believe there are many such role models here on this site.

    Physical attractiveness does seem to be a preoccupation on this site so with that I'd like to a bit more wisdom. As I reflect back at my personal evolution I figure my physical attractiveness peaked in my late 30s. I've never considered myself a super hunk but I received enough attention to question what it would feel like when the looks should fade. After all most gay men ARE hopelessly looks oriented. I couldn't help but to fear growing old as so many do. It didn't help that my romantic relationships didn't last. For some reason 50 to me seemed like the cut off age for finding a mate.

    Then one day I was 50. Fortunately the body hasn't changed but my thick curly red hair is now straight and gray. Only when I undress would anyone know I am still a red head. icon_smile.gif My face is also more weathered. Yet my self esteem improves with every passing year. Isn't that something! You can actually feel better about yourself even as your outer beauty fades. That is my birthday message to the young and old alike.

    So peace and love to all the little men in my computer!
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Jan 21, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    Happy Birthday!

    If we all are able to get wiser (as you have) with experience and age, we are given a gift that makes the journey enjoyable. As a 50 pluser myself, I realize that I'm a better man now than I was 5, 10, or 20 years ago. I hate to see the overt ageism that exists in the gay community, but the irony is, if the young guys are lucky, they will be where we are in a flash. Amazing how quickly time flies and how much there is to learn and experience at every age.
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    Jan 21, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    awww that is nice. thanks alot. I've always liked you. muwah. And Happy Birthday. Now go call up that stripper and invite me! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:31 AM GMT
    Thanks for the Birthday wish from both of you but it was yesterday.

    Ironman4U saidHappy Birthday!

    If we all are able to get wiser (as you have) with experience and age, we are given a gift that makes the journey enjoyable. As a 50 pluser myself, I realize that I'm a better man now than I was 5, 10, or 20 years ago. I hate to see the overt ageism that exists in the gay community, but the irony is, if the young guys are lucky, they will be where we are in a flash. Amazing how quickly time flies and how much there is to learn and experience at every age.


    You know the ageism is certainly not as bad as I thought it would be. But then I choose to spend my time with people who find me attractive instead of chasing after those who don't.
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    Jan 21, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    Happy Birthday (belated) !

    -Doug
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    Jan 21, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    Happy Birthday...

    And git off mah lawn! icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 21, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    friendormate saidReal Jock can be the best reality internet show I have ever read.


    Wait...um....DIDYOUSPENDYOURBIRTHDAYONREALJOCK?!?!?!?
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    Jan 21, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    Happy Birthday! Nicely worded. I think I have some of those same little men in my computer.
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    Jan 21, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    I am heading up to Tahoe to snow board for two days but I need to respond before I leave .

    First Happy Birthday KID!

    You and the other ginger ( Ironman4u) are Young thinking otherwise takes you to places you don't want to go. You see those places every day in people and it isn't pretty.

    I meet lots of old people in their 20's 30's 40's etc. What they do with their journey is up to them as it is up to you. So with a little luck you can make it a good one.

    All young people as we did never think they will get to where you are now in age, too far off so let them have the denial. Getting there and the discovery can be the best gift as you are finding out.

    All things change and that is the constant in life and in the universe so maybe time doesn't exist it is just change. Sounds like you are changing in a good way! Welcome to the club. Just remember you can always get a little help from your friends to make the journey better.

    Oh I was married to a couple of gingers and looking was the fun part. I had to look frequently to make sure it didn't change! icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 21, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    Have Fun boarding Roccoe, and don't be spanking the young uns with that thing. Hmm, on second thought...*gets sudden and brilliant idea*

    -Doug



  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 21, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    Good point, thanks for that and Happy Birthday.

    I rarely get upset as I don't have the time to review many threads.. it's leave a message and exit for me, unless I happen to remember to review a thread later. I'm a busy person and happy with my life, happy to contribute and happy to skip the drama.
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    friendormate saidReal Jock can be the best reality internet show I have ever read.


    Wait...um....DIDYOUSPENDYOURBIRTHDAYONREALJOCK?!?!?!?


    GAHD NO! I have far more real friends than virtual ones. But it did entertain me while I drank my morning coffee.
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    Roccoe saidI am heading up to Tahoe to snow board for two days but I need to respond before I leave .

    First Happy Birthday KID!

    You and the other ginger ( Ironman4u) are Young thinking otherwise takes you to places you don't want to go. You see those places every day in people and it isn't pretty.

    I meet lots of old people in their 20's 30's 40's etc. What they do with their journey is up to them as it is up to you. So with a little luck you can make it a good one.

    All young people as we did never think they will get to where you are now in age, too far off so let them have the denial. Getting there and the discovery can be the best gift as you are finding out.

    All things change and that is the constant in life and in the universe so maybe time doesn't exist it is just change. Sounds like you are changing in a good way! Welcome to the club. Just remember you can always get a little help from your friends to make the journey better.

    Oh I was married to a couple of gingers and looking was the fun part. I had to look frequently to make sure it didn't change! icon_wink.gif


    This ^ from a guy who is doing flips on trampolines at 60. THAT'S what I'm talking about! On one of my surfer forums I asked how old is the oldest guy they know who surfs and the max age was somewhere in the 80s. My goal is to reach 90 still playing. The wisest of the old men keep their inner child alive. When the gay boys don't want me anymore I can still play with my dolphin friends.
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    Jan 21, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    friendormate said
    JAKEBENSON said
    friendormate saidReal Jock can be the best reality internet show I have ever read.


    Wait...um....DIDYOUSPENDYOURBIRTHDAYONREALJOCK?!?!?!?


    GAHD NO! I have far more real friends than virtual ones. But it did entertain me while I drank my morning coffee.


    So you admit you have no coffee friends.
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    Jan 22, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    friendormate said
    JAKEBENSON said
    friendormate saidReal Jock can be the best reality internet show I have ever read.


    Wait...um....DIDYOUSPENDYOURBIRTHDAYONREALJOCK?!?!?!?


    GAHD NO! I have far more real friends than virtual ones. But it did entertain me while I drank my morning coffee.


    So you admit you have no coffee friends.


    I have a cafe au lait colored friend, roommate, and ex lover. Does that count?
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Jan 22, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    Who you calling "little"? I will fight you
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    Jan 22, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Roccoe saidI am heading up to Tahoe to snow board for two days but I need to respond before I leave .
    All young people as we did never think they will get to where you are now in age, too far off so let them have the denial. Getting there and the discovery can be the best gift as you are finding out.
    Oh how true this is! Hope you have fun in Tahoe!! Enjoy the snow.
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    Jan 23, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Roccoe saidI am heading up to Tahoe to snow board for two days but I need to respond before I leave .
    All young people as we did never think they will get to where you are now in age, too far off so let them have the denial. Getting there and the discovery can be the best gift as you are finding out.
    Oh how true this is! Hope you have fun in Tahoe!! Enjoy the snow.


    It was awesome guys two amazing warm days like spring snow boarding but tons of snow. You guys are all too kind and sorry my time is almost up on here. I think with you oldies and Angel Doug even Jake will eventually turn out OK!

    I am not tramp jumping right at the moment unless Jake wants to cut his dry spell short . Just tossing that out Jake but I know the record is important to you. I will get back on the tramp later this spring because I still have this diving meet I want to do. After that is done I am hoping the tramp owners will let me do flips with my snow board on. The have a great half pipe in Park City UT and it would be fun to throw one on the half pipe.

    It isn't other people limitations that you have to worry about it is believing they are yours that stops you. Now friendormate go out and surf until you are 90 or more. Just say hi if you spot me out there but remember only in the Hawaiian Island ( warmer)!
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    Jan 23, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    happy bday!

    i know that this thread is supposed to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside but its actually making me a bit depressed. i kinda dont want to get older. I dont want to hit 30. i dont want to reflect back on my younger days. i dont want to accept getting wrinkles (moisturize! moisturize! moisturize and stay out of the sun as much as possible. oh and make sure your moisturizer has SPF). i dont want to be considered a troll by younger guys. this sucks. i hope i get really really wise enough to not care about all this when i get older. good thing i get a few extra years back because i am asian.
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    Jan 23, 2011 3:46 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidhappy bday!

    i know that this thread is supposed to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside but its actually making me a bit depressed. i kinda dont want to get older. I dont want to hit 30. i dont want to reflect back on my younger days. i dont want to accept getting wrinkles (moisturize! moisturize! moisturize and stay out of the sun as much as possible. oh and make sure your moisturizer has SPF). i dont want to be considered a troll by younger guys. this sucks. i hope i get really really wise enough to not care about all this when i get older. good thing i get a few extra years back because i am asian.


    I completely understand your feeling. Believe it or not turning 30 was the hardest for me. I think the 20s are like an extension of adolescents. You are just learning to be a man but your still a kid by most men out there. Also you want to be in your 20s when you are in your teens. The teens really suck, and in this country you can't even legally drink a beer. So the 20s are the first decade you live as a full adult and when you reach 30 you are forced to come to terms with the reality that we get older and we can't stop it.

    I decided I had to be fluent in a foreign language by 30. I had to see what it was like to dream in a foreign language. I left behind a high paying successful career and went to the south of France. When I turned 30 I didn't receive a single phone call nor a single happy birthday wish. This was well before facebook and cell phones. I knew I couldn't count on my parents to call me as they had become so wrapped up in their world they had no time to think about mine. I wasn't their baby anymore I was becoming more like to their therapist. I went out to a cafe on cour mirabeau and I drank a beer by myself. Only one friend from the states remembered and sent me a wonderful package of birthday cards which arrived late.

    The 30s were perhaps my worst decade but still rich with experience. It was rough because I had failed at a business and took some big setbacks in my career. I suffered from a mild depression and my battle with insomnia began. But contrary to what you are feeling now about wrinkles and all that crap, men who stay fit, get better looking in their 30s. You just have begin to market yourself as a handsome man and no longer as a pretty boy. I have been a far happier man than I ever was a boy.

    I did not fear turning 40 but I do remember feeling at that time that 50 would be tough. Late 30s and early 40s was by far the time I received the most attention, particularly from women. My 40s, however were a fantastic decade so by the time 50 arrived I was ready to master my fear of old age.

    There is no need for you or any of the other younger guys on this site to fear growing old but you do need to plan carefully. You can start by relying less on your outer appearance and more on you inner. Start now so when the outside fades the inside has already blossomed. I know that sounds cliche but your only lifelong relationship is with yourself not with the guys who find you beautiful or not so beautiful. You should stay in shape but not for vanity as so many here do, but so that you can maximize the possible ways to enjoy life. Try to wake up every morning and think of the day as an opportunity to learn something new; something interesting or just downright fun. No amount of wrinkles on your skin can take that away.

    Not all men my age reach this point. Some act like fading movie stars and seek constant validation by younger guys that they are still hot. It seems their entire self worth is wrapped up in a few words: "I don't look my age". But when you have successfully arrived it is not about what age you look. That's when you can go back and read all the threads here where guys fret over not being muscular enough, or getting too many wrinkles, and you can think, "I'm so glad I don't have to deal with those fears and anxieties anymore."


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    Jan 23, 2011 5:08 PM GMT
    i agree with all u older n wiser guy. Lucky 4 me i never cared about the outer beauty because i am not even good 2 look at. When i was 30, it was a life changing experience 4 me. The bad out weigh the good.

    i've always been d black sheep in my family but i always remind myself, how lucky i am to b alive until 17months ago when d docs told me i have 2yrs left due 2 my heart.

    I use 2 count d days but not anymore. I laugh n cry living my life n its worth it. I wont have d chance 2 b wise as u older guys but i live a full life. I havent met my life companion or go around d world but a life still worth living again if ask 2 do so.

    Age n looks r just an indicator. Its how u live n how u view it that counts.

    Happy belated birthday :-)
    a yr older n a yr wiser n a yr of life experiences gained.
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    Jan 23, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    While I would never wish what you had to go through on my worst enemy there is something to be said about near death experiences of which I have had a few. One in particular did change me. I was paddling a river for the first time that I knew would be a challenged. I flipped on a rapid and was pinned underwater unable to get in a position to roll and unable to exit the kayak. I thought about all the ways people dye in whitewater is this was a classic case. I wiggled the boat as much as possible and it eventual became free. At that point I had the choice of hiking alone several miles out of a steep remote gorge with over 50 lbs of equipment or paddling another 6 to 7 miles of class IV/V rapids with my buddies. The latter was by far a better choice despite my shaken state. I had to put the image of what had just happened out of my head and focus on aggressively paddling through each approaching rapid. The last rapid was a 20 ft waterfall slide which according to kayaker's tradition you have to do backwards on your first run. By then I was so relaxed it was downright fun.

    I drove the crew home and felt a euphoria rushing through me as I began to realize what a powerful lesson the experience was. Anyone who has had therapy or done any self help reading will hear the importance of not dwelling on the past and not obsessing about the future. It is vital to focus on meeting the challenges here and now and living in the present. Nothing will make you appreciate that philosophy more than when your survival depends on it.
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    Jan 24, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    l4s1 saidi agree with all u older n wiser guy. Lucky 4 me i never cared about the outer beauty because i am not even good 2 look at. When i was 30, it was a life changing experience 4 me. The bad out weigh the good.

    i've always been d black sheep in my family but i always remind myself, how lucky i am to b alive until 17months ago when d docs told me i have 2yrs left due 2 my heart.

    I use 2 count d days but not anymore. I laugh n cry living my life n its worth it. I wont have d chance 2 b wise as u older guys but i live a full life. I havent met my life companion or go around d world but a life still worth living again if ask 2 do so.

    Age n looks r just an indicator. Its how u live n how u view it that counts.

    Happy belated birthday :-)
    a yr older n a yr wiser n a yr of life experiences gained.


    Wow! This post snuck up on me while I was writing my own. I'm am so sorry to hear about your plight but you are right not to count the days. I hope the doctors are proven wrong but I think you have the right attitude. As hard as it may be we all have to make the most of however much time we have left. As one of my internet sports buds has for a signature "live like you're gonna die, cause you are".

    That being said you should hear about my mom's nine lives. When I was three she had a cardiac arrest and was one of the few people in the world at that time brought back from the brink of death after her heart had stopped. If we didn't live by a world class medical school (Duke) she would have been dead. This was 1962 not 2011. My mom was 38 and she became a case study. The doctors were quite pleased for bringing her back but the reality was how long could she live? Most said 5 years max. Not exactly what my dad wanted to hear given that we were five ranging in age from my new born brother to by 8 year old sister. Then one said what if this is a fluke and if she radically changes her life she lives for another 20 years. In 2000 she (38 years later) she had a sever stroke and lost a good deal. We almost lost her twice soon there after. A doctor pulled me aside one day in the hospital and told me she only has about 10% of her heart functioning and I had to start making plans for her death. That was about 5 years ago and she is still kicking. She is 86.

    I don't know what your heart problem is but being from a medical family I can assure you the doctors can't say for sure how much time you have left. They can only guess.

    Believe it or not I've been to your country Brunei on business once. I stayed in a luxury hotel with no alcohol but picture perfect beaches. Even if you do not get the opportunity to travel I want to you to know that you live in a truly beautiful place. I wish you the best young man.
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    Jan 25, 2011 9:47 AM GMT
    thanks! Ur stories help a lot. I sure hope the docs r wrong. Now i even pay close attention 2 d smalless things happening in my life. Makes me appreciate life more.
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    Jan 25, 2011 10:08 AM GMT
    I learned that all the shallow shit in the world doesn't really matter.