Should I tell him ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2011 11:09 PM GMT
    Sooooo, I have been seeing this guy for 4 months. We met because of a mutual friend. I instantly fell for him. He was 90% of everything I wanted in a guy.

    He was planning to move to Florida in March and kept saying he was not wanting a relationship. I did everything but tell him I was head over heels for him; bought dinner ( he is unemployed ), helped him fix a toilet ( romantic, eh ? ) helped him with other house chores ( he lives with his mom ) etc. We went out 2-3 times a week and I thoroughly enjoyed the time together.

    Last week he tells me he met a guy on a singles site, drove 2 hrs to meet him, and is falling for him. He is not moving to Florida now because of this new guy. He actually may move to Columbus ( where the new guy is ) instead. To add insult to injury, he called me last night to get some help planning a romantic get away Valentines Day weekend with the newbie.

    I am sooo very happy for him, really. He looks ecstatic, like a new man. He truly is the most genuine, caring guy I have met. I think he has nooo idea how I feel. I want to at least let him know how I feel about him but don't want to rain on his parade ( don't you love my old phrases ? )

    I guess I am answering my own question. Shut my mouth, move on, and don't mess with it.

    Any thoughts, or am I right on this one ? icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    You should have told him sooner, to him I think all you are is a very good friend so you can tell him, but he already has his eye on someone else so you should probably do the same.

    But... if you think he might be interested in you even a small chance tell him how you feel and maybe he might feel the same way about you. Although that is the dream, so can't say yeah it will work, but I won't throw a fire on your dream to burn it down.
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    Jan 21, 2011 4:46 AM GMT


    Don't tell him. Let him run with love and wish him all the happiness you'd want if you were his new bf.
    Imagine for a moment him falling for you, and then another guy that he knew as a friend told him he was also experiencing feelings of love. You'd want the guy to be with you, not with a friend that suddenly told him he had feelings.

    If you were the one for him, he would never have fallen for someone else. Even not knowing how you feel, if he felt in love with you, I think he would have told you in no uncertain terms, all by himself, like he is with this new guy, because that's the kind of man I think you'd want to begin with, yes?.

    -Doug

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    Jan 21, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    You dug your own grave by not asking him out...
    You can tell him and potentially lose him as a friend or wallow in silence.
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    Jan 21, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    I would say yes, for two reasons. One, if there is a small chance that he does like you, and you show him, he might change his mind. And two, if he doesn't end up changing his mind, you will at least have the peace of mind about it. Because, later on down the road, you might be thinking "what if?". I know, because I've done it to myself, lol.
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    You can tell him just to get it off your chest, but also tell him you see how happy he is with this other guy and that he should be going for it and that you encourage him in that.. at least thats what I would do
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:12 AM GMT
    so you want a guy who's unemployed, live with his mom and now moving to another state because of a guy? geez. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    Upgrade.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:23 AM GMT
    he's a mess
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    He's a loser
  • Crucializer

    Posts: 389

    Jan 21, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    The early bird gets the worm.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 11:15 PM GMT
    THANKS all; love the brutal honesty icon_biggrin.gif

    I was leaning toward not telling him. I still don't see me doing so in the near future. Like those that agree with me, I don't wish to dampen his current zest for life by spilling my guts right now.

    Loser? Upgrade? yes and no. He is a wonderful person who lost his job 1 1/2 years ago, moved back with mom because his father died a horrific death ( they had to decide whether to pull the plug ) etc etc. Oddly, even that said, 2 of my best friends say it would be best to move on.

    So, I am.

    CHEERS !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    Yep just move in, but don't let him out of ur sight....rebound? Seems like they're moving too fast....never a good thing
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 21, 2011 11:23 PM GMT
    diatch da biatch
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    Why not tell him? I mean, it's a bit more than a crush and you really like him. What is the harm in that? Heck, he may even know, perhaps, that you like him?

    BTW-I live in Columbus so if you know the guy who he's moving here for, I can pay him a visit, you know? Sort of like a hit-man. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 22, 2011 8:35 AM GMT
    mark92028 saidSooooo, I have been seeing this guy for 4 months


    So you spent time with him as friends, but weren't dating him?

    meninlove said

    Don't tell him. Let him run with love and wish him all the happiness you'd want if you were his new bf.

    Meninlove gave you some great advice. Wish the guy well.
    At this point, the right thing to do is to not tell him. Let him experience his new romance. You've spent 4 months with him and he didn't ask to date you either, so maybe he doesn't see you that way. Telling him now could confuse him. He doesn't need the drama now.
    If you value him in your life, then be a good friend to him. If you can't get over your crush, then keep some distance from him.

    It's a great learning lesson for you (which you may not want to see right now). If you do like a man, it's ok to tell him. You need to risk something to find love.
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    Jan 22, 2011 8:48 AM GMT
    Sorry, bro. It's too late.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2012 11:02 PM GMT
    He won't know how good he had it..........till he's gone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    If you don't tell him then you will always wonder what would have happened. If you do tell him then at least you will know where the both of you stand as well as his true feelings for you. You should do what is best for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2012 11:16 PM GMT
    "If you love something let it go"

    I had to quote that coz I'd NEVER say that...never





    never

    ever
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2012 11:17 PM GMT
    This situation has really moved beyond your reach. It's too late to tell him... you'd just be seen to be trying to wreck his new relationship. He wasn't particularly perceptive as to your feelings, either, so you have to ask if you'd really want someone like that in your life.

    At this point, it's time to cut bait.
  • natiluv

    Posts: 50

    Jan 28, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    frenchatheart saidso you want a guy who's unemployed, live with his mom and now moving to another state because of a guy? geez. icon_rolleyes.gif


    +1