Would you date a closeted guy?

  • dantheman88

    Posts: 140

    Jan 22, 2011 10:14 AM GMT
    Well im asking this question because Im in the closet. Very curious about the responses icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 22, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    Closeted boy friend?
    ...I could no longer go to gay clubs, family functions, or weddings?
    Now for the cons...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 22, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    It would certainly be a challenge, it all depends on his comfort level with who he is, confidence and direction he is taking with his life. The answer could be yes.... but could be a real "no" as well.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jan 22, 2011 2:37 PM GMT
    Depends on to what extent and the legitimacy of reasoning for being closeted. Also it depends on how you treat other gay guys. If ur closeted bc ur a republican senator who votes against every gay issue, no. If you run a church that consistently condemns gays, no. No Ted haggards for me.
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    Jan 22, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    Not sure. As long as I felt that I wasn't a huge secret I don't think it'd matter much...not big into PDA anyway. I think there are different levels of in the closet...so as long as it was manageable it'd be okay.
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    Jan 22, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    You date a person not their political beliefs.How long you date them may be affected.
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    Jan 22, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    I did for awhile and it was great. I'm a homebody most of the time, and he didn't want to be in public, but he loved to be with me, so all we did was hang out nonstop. Alas i graduated and he remained in college.
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    Jan 22, 2011 3:04 PM GMT
    It depends why. I mean if he is just scared then no. But if he has a four year scholarship on the line from a bigoted grandfather I would understand.
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    Jan 22, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    i don't think id date a closeted guy. me n my bf r both out. I got friends who date closted guys but they got too much drama! WAY easier bein out and jus bein urself!
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    Jan 22, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    nope
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Jan 22, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    radicalguy saidWell im asking this question because Im in the closet. Very curious about the responses icon_smile.gif


    I did for a solid year in the past and it was awesome, I was super busy with my job then, so really didn't have a lot of time but when I did we spent time with my friends and family and they knew but his friends and family back home didn't know he was gay. So technically he wasn't fully in the closet but at the same time he was still in there.

    I ended it because of him not wanting to come out though because I wanted more and he was to scared to give more. Great guy though and I do wish him all the best to this day icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 22, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    radicalguy saidWell im asking this question because Im in the closet. Very curious about the responses icon_smile.gif


    I am also In the closet...and I have been dating a Guy for a while now. Things are good between us. He understands I'm not ready.

    It does get hard because his friends want to meet me, which I haven't yet. But all in due time.

    Joe
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    Jan 22, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    I did. He went crazy. The lying and cheating was the result.

    My new rule is:

    Friends: he doesn't have to tell his parents.

    Boyfriend: he MUST tell them, if he is going to keep secrets from them- he will keep secrets from me. (A very hard lesson to learn)
  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Jan 22, 2011 4:49 PM GMT
    PhnxKng saidI did. He went crazy. The lying and cheating was the result.

    My new rule is:

    Friends: he doesn't have to tell his parents.

    Boyfriend: he MUST tell them, if he is going to keep secrets from them- he will keep secrets from me. (A very hard lesson to learn)


    A good rule.

    For me, when I was in college I would have put up with it, since I came out in school. Now I won't. It's exhausting, and not fair to the significant other who might be out already.
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    Jan 22, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    Yes I would if he seemed like a good match.
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    Jan 22, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    Yes
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    Jan 22, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    i did but u play second fiddle to everthing in his life. his being in the closet takes precedence over everything, even to the point that his friends are asking too many questions about where he was or where he is going,
    i respect his wishes to remain concealed but it is not an easy dynamic to deal with, and in my case didn't work,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,keithicon_wink.gif
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    Jan 22, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    I might, but being recently out I'll say it's better to be out than hiding in the closet.

    I would try to persuade them to come out of the closet, it's really better on the other side. Though, guys stuck in a closet mentality would exhaust me after a while and I would have to give them an ultimatum.
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    Jan 22, 2011 5:56 PM GMT
    Of course because no one needs to know your business. It should be just between the person u are dated and you.
  • Jericophantom...

    Posts: 185

    Jan 22, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    Of course I would I'd help him grow to be more comfortable and one day step out life a challenge why not love
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    Jan 22, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    no no no no... they cant be honest with themselves or their family... they definitely wont be honest with me!
  • chris_dallas

    Posts: 340

    Jan 22, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    im not out and i date guys who are out most of the time
    i plan on coming out when i move out of the family home just because i think it will be a good time not becasue i worry about anyones reaction im sure they will all be accepting

    It usualy isnt a problem for me and the guy im dating becasue i just say he is a close friend and if we go out we just dont go to the places where i will know a lot of ppl...i dont care if people i dont know see me with a guy. I also usualy let them tell their family and friends so it really isnt a big deal at all and my close friends know

    is this forum focused on completely closeted? cuz i think it is a big difference between guys who dont want a passing stranger they will never see again to know and a guy like me who just doesnt want it to get around school/family yet lol
  • chris_dallas

    Posts: 340

    Jan 22, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    jrunner25 saidno no no no... they cant be honest with themselves or their family... they definitely wont be honest with me!


    this is kinda offensive and very untrue..ive never cheated on a bf but two out bfs have cheated on me...if they are going to tell u their biggest secret then anything else isnt worth lying about
  • mybud

    Posts: 11832

    Jan 22, 2011 6:13 PM GMT
    I would if their head's on straight...BUD
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jan 22, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    To look at it from a slightly different viewpoint...

    I am just old enough that PDA is quite reserved. I was brought up that way. I was also brought up to be hung up about it all, but that is not the point here, really. The fact that I am or am not gay just does not matter to anyone important to me. I have a very small circle of friends and nobody cares. Period. I say this not because I have asked in all cases, but because I know these people well enough to know their thoughts on many topics. I see no reason to go through some coming out ritual because there is no one to do it for. I guess to the banner wavers that means I am in the closet.

    Would I date me? Or someone who was in similar circumstances? Sure.

    But I wouldn't make a big fuss about it. That's just my way. The present 'out' thing seems to have some undercurrent of being obligated to be not only out but also vocal about it. Is the definition, or set of expectations, relative to the meaning of 'out' changing?