Gay sex vs. Straight sex

  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jan 22, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    In coming to terms with the fact that I'm gay, I've had to learn to stop taking my cue about what sex means to me from straight guys. I don't think my sexuality is the same as a straight guy's, except for the object of attraction. I think that men who like sex with women find that they almost always have to be dominant and aggressive. They have to penetrate to be satisfied.

    I'm discovering that there is a part of me that likes (in theory icon_redface.gif) being aggressive and penetrating. But there's also a part that enjoys (in theoryicon_redface.gif) being penetrated and receptive. I think that gays experience a wider range of sexual feelings than straights. Straight sex seems to be pretty one-dimensional. Gays can play a wide range of roles in a single relationship, at times being dominant, at others, receptive.

    This is all a hypothesis. I've only recently come out and I've yet to explore the full range of my sexual feelings. But I used to feel bad because my sexual feelings seemed to be so different from straight guys, and not just because I'm attracted to men. It's because I see sex as having a lot more dimensions than most of the straight guys I know, and that just seems weird to them.

    I don't think these feelings are part of my "feminine" side, either. I don't think of myself as feminine. I feel what I'd call "masculine receptive." I don't know the difference, but I'm not trying to be a woman. I want to be a man who can, at times, respond receptively to another man. And sometimes dominate another man.

    This is not a Craiglist or Grindr post--I'm not looking for private messages. I just want to see if other gay men see themselves as different than straight men, other than just being attracted to guys.
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    Jan 22, 2011 6:00 PM GMT
    So you're versatile. Cool!

    Of course we are different than straight guys. MUCH, much better!!! icon_cool.gif
  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jan 22, 2011 6:38 PM GMT
    Versatile is one possible word, but I'm not sure a label fits. I think I'm discovering that I have a broader palette of sexual response than most straight men. I seem to feel a whole range of emotions, and it would require a range of positions icon_redface.gif to fully explore those emotions. I'm not sure straight guys have as much to explore.

    Again, this is not a Grindr post. I'm just trying to figure out who I am.
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    Jan 22, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    Liked this post and yeah as more time passes I'm sure you'll discover more about yourself as you begin to explore yourself haha
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    Jan 22, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    Ashpenaz saidI just want to see if other gay men see themselves as different than straight men, other than just being attracted to guys.

    Different in that I feel more liberated as a man, with a broader definition of who I am and what I may do than many straight men do.

    A late bloomer like you, I accepted my sexual orientation in a single day. Exploring it, and getting used to it, learning all about it, took me a few years longer.
  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jan 23, 2011 1:05 AM GMT
    Thanks for the replies. It's helping me sort through this.

    I'm sitting here listening to Joan Armatrading and fantasizing. I bet that's a dimension of sexuality most straight men don't experience. I'm not attracted to her (though she is quite lovely), but I sure know where she's coming from. icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 23, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    I like your way of thinking. "Broad palette" is a great choice of words. I can identify with the range of emotions you point to...

    Another scenario to add is one between equally dominant/submissive men that doesn't involve penetration at all. It can still be an emotional, satisfying experience, and you can pass hours that way. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jan 23, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    Yes, I may not be the best looking or the most in-shape, but I do have a "broad palette." icon_smile.gif I'm hoping enthusiasm and curiosity will make up for other deficits.

    Though that palette doesn't necessarily mean fetishes or S&M. I'm talking about emotions, which may sound a bit feminine, but I don't think so. I like to experience emotions on a deep level, and I experience those emotions as masculine. Fetishes and S&M seem to be more about sensations than emotions, if that makes sense. That's OK, but I'm not so much into physical sensations as physical expression of emotion.

    I think that being married, then in different kinds of gay relationships, shows a wider range of emotional responses than most straight men experience.

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    Jan 23, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    kandsk saidI like your way of thinking. "Broad palette" is a great choice of words. I can identify with the range of emotions you point to...

    Another scenario to add is one between equally dominant/submissive men that doesn't involve penetration at all. It can still be an emotional, satisfying experience, and you can pass hours that way. icon_biggrin.gif
    P

    İ know what you're talking about and i didnt know it could happen.

    İ guess it's all discovery when you find other ways to have an amazing time and they dont usually involve penetration but a connection between two people.
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Jan 23, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    Actually there are plenty of straight guys that enjoy anal stimulation and/or being penetrated also. They just don't have a socially acceptable outlet for it a lot of times.
  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jan 23, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    For me, the goal is some kind of connection, not necessarily pure sensation. I'd like to connect in different ways, on different levels. That would seem to involve different kinds of sex--but, so far, that's just a theory. icon_confused.gif