Need Advice and Support

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2011 10:29 AM GMT
    I am not sure if this is the correct forum or not....but mods please move if it is..My situation..I am a married man with two beautiful daughters....I love them more than anything...my wife is a wonderful woman who doesn't deserve living with me...a closeted homosexual....well actually bi..but more gay than bi...

    I dont know what to do and my first priority is the kids...if i need to stay in the marriage until they are of age i will do it...it's getting very difficult living this lie...anyone have experience you could share with me? I dont want to cheat on my wife but i dont want to live this lie anymore....the funny thing is most of my friends back home always suspected i was gay...thats why i left that town...south georgia is not the best place to be gay....but i met my wife and we got pregnant....of course, i wanted to marry her for the kids....never had the courage to tell her i'm gay..she knows something isnt right...
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    Jan 23, 2011 10:39 AM GMT
    sorry to double post...but I dont want anyone to feel sorry for me...i have a great life and two wonderful kids....but this one issue will always keep me back if i dont address it....besides..i should probably come out while i am still extremely attractive jk hah
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    Jan 23, 2011 10:43 AM GMT
    readyfinally said.i should probably come out while i am still extremely attractive


    Post pics otherwise it never happenedicon_cool.gif
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    Jan 23, 2011 10:48 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    readyfinally said.i should probably come out while i am still extremely attractive


    Post pics otherwise it never happenedicon_cool.gif


    well i did say jk and hah.....
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jan 23, 2011 1:33 PM GMT
    There are several guys around here that have been in your situation. I've only ever known one person like this. He did come out (his kid is about icon_cool.gif to his wife, she understood and they got a divorce, and remained friends. The marriage was initially a shotgun marriage, so that might be a bit different.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Jan 23, 2011 1:44 PM GMT
    Ready, in same problem you are and stayed in it for the kids till old enough to understand..both kids are over 20 so am now ready to get out of marriage and have told her I just want to seperate and that I need to be on my own for awhile..
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Jan 23, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    Lots of guys in this situation on here. So there is a great support group if you need it. I was married for 12 years to my college sweetheart. Was slow to realize and accept my homosexuality. Had a beautiful daughter and was tormented like you are about living a lie. That was 18 years ago. I am here to tell you that what you are about to do is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life...but it's the right thing for you and your family. Yes, there will be lots of pain and tears to work through but you will free yourself to be authentic and live the life that you should live.


    I always boil it down to an acronym that I heard a few years ago - C.A.P.

    C - Courage - You have to have the courage and strength to face this once and for all. Have the tough conversation with your wife and tell her what you have been afraid to share.

    A - Accept - You must accept the consequences of what happens after you face things head on. Your wife may want a divorce, she may be upset, she may be supportive and understanding...who knows. But you have to be prepared for whatever may happen. You have to accept your new reality and deal with it.

    P - Peace - You must be at peace with what you've done. You've had the courage to make the hard decisions, you've accepted your new reality...now be at peace that you did the right thing for everyone. Living a lie impacts you and your family more than you know.

    Even if you go through some rough patches with your family (and you most likely will), in the long run it will work out as it should. As far as your daughters, if you have been there for them and showed them the unconditional love of a fatther, they will continue to embrace you.

    I can tell you that 18 years later, I continue to have an amazing relationship with my daughter that I wouldn't trade for the world. I have moved on and living the life that I was meant to live. Best of luck to you and if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out.

    Best,

    Will
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 23, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    I think you left out an important point. What and how do you want to live the rest of your life? Do you want to remain married for your daughters until they are adults... and then come out? How important is it for you to realize who you really are?

    I understand your concern over your daughters.. they are your priority
    and I can appreciate your need to put their needs above yours.
    I also can agree with your need to live an honest and happy life.
    How well do you and wife communicate... and, how can I ask this, do you have men on the side or do you ignore your lusts?

    I think you must evaluate what is in fact "best" for your daughters.. living
    a sham or living honestly. I don't think you should automatically assume that your "coming out" doesn't serve your daughters well. I think above all,
    you need to have a serious conversation with your wife. I think whether you do that now... or when your daughters are grown is up to you.