My Ideal Relationship Start-Up

  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jan 23, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    Here's how I'd like a relationship to begin:

    Stage 1: I meet a guy doing what I normally do every day--at the store, getting coffee, whatever. We see each other, one of us strikes up a conversation, we realize there might be an attraction, so we agree to go to coffee.

    Stage 2: We go to coffee. We talk, we laugh, we realize we have a lot in common. We agree to go out to dinner and maybe a movie.

    Stage 3: We go out to dinner and a movie. More laughing, more talking. We have some kind of connection. Nothing major, maybe a hug and a goodnight kiss.

    At this point, we break briefly to make sure all our tests are in order and that we're safe.

    Stage 4: We meet at his or my apartment for dinner. We relax and watch a movie. We move in closer, condoms at the ready. We have sex--nice, normal, get-to-know-you sex, without any props or fetishes. Just a nice, pleasant, sexual encounter.

    Stage 5: We move on from there. . . .

    Why is this considered slow in the gay community? Why can't this happen? Why is everything sex, sex, sex, from the first glance in the grocery line? I would enjoy going through this process--anything faster than this seems really pushy and driven and not about romance. Why are guys who follow this kind of process so hard to find?
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    Jan 23, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    It's very hard to reach even step 1 because we don't know who's gay in the first place. There's homophobia in the way, so you can't just go asking, and if you ask, he may think you have ulterior intentions. Even if he's gay, you still don't know if he's sexually compatible. Straight people on the other hand not only assume everyone is straight (until proven otherwise), but also don't have to worry about being top or bottom. It makes dating more fluid and spontaneous to them because they can take a lot of things for granted. Even if there were no homophobia, we're still a sexual minority, so this straightish setup you like is very difficult in practice.
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    Jan 23, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    Personally I don't find that too slow at all. Ideally I would like to take things this slow, if not slower. I wouldn't put sex as a guarantee on that date at home like you had it. I guess I just don't like things like that planned so much. But there are lots of guys on here that consider sex on the first date a necessity so who knows...
  • Ashpenaz

    Posts: 21

    Jan 23, 2011 6:58 PM GMT
    I admit, this is based on a straight model--but I think it's bit more calm and reasonable than agreeing to have sex with someone you just met online. I'm just not a Craigslist, Grindr, or Manhunt kind of guy. And bars--even if anyone went to bars anymore, I still never felt comfortable there. My straight friends meet their girlfriends at work or at church or in class. They don't have to do some furtive, underground thing to meet people.

    I meet a lot of attractive, single guys in my day-to-day life--surely one of them must be gay! icon_surprised.gif My track record proves otherwise, but maybe my uncloaking device isn't working.

    Here's my new motto for gay romance: Start with Coffee Instead of Sex!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 23, 2011 7:11 PM GMT
    there are guys like you out there. i will have to say not very many but they are out there buddy. i think it is about communication. if you tell people up front then there is no awkward feeling after dinner or coffee
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    Jan 23, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    Why would I have expectations about how my relationship starts? Shouldnt it just happen naturally and on its own?
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    Jan 23, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    Ashpenaz saidHere's how I'd like a relationship to begin:

    Stage 1: I meet a guy doing what I normally do every day--at the store, getting coffee, whatever. We see each other, one of us strikes up a conversation, we realize there might be an attraction, so we agree to go to coffee.

    Stage 2: We go to coffee. We talk, we laugh, we realize we have a lot in common. We agree to go out to dinner and maybe a movie.

    Stage 3: We go out to dinner and a movie. More laughing, more talking. We have some kind of connection. Nothing major, maybe a hug and a goodnight kiss.

    At this point, we break briefly to make sure all our tests are in order and that we're safe.

    Stage 4: We meet at his or my apartment for dinner. We relax and watch a movie. We move in closer, condoms at the ready. We have sex--nice, normal, get-to-know-you sex, without any props or fetishes. Just a nice, pleasant, sexual encounter.

    Stage 5: We move on from there. . . .

    Why is this considered slow in the gay community? Why can't this happen? Why is everything sex, sex, sex, from the first glance in the grocery line? I would enjoy going through this process--anything faster than this seems really pushy and driven and not about romance. Why are guys who follow this kind of process so hard to find?


    Oh gosh, all guys like you seem to be 6000 miles away from me icon_biggrin.gif