No Gay Vibe??

  • Jericophantom...

    Posts: 185

    Jan 24, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    Im 19 and I've been out for a while but some of my friends and family question the fact of the matter because they don't feel I give off this particular gay vibe
    I know who i am I know what I like but the more I think about it

    it makes me wonder does my gay vibe exist on some other plane or is it because I dont let my sexuality define me so it was never there

    please shine some light on this for me
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    Jan 24, 2011 5:05 AM GMT
    When I came out to my parents, they told me the exact same thing: "We have a hard time believing that you are gay, because you don't act like you are."

    I don't let my sexuality define me as a person, which is why I think my parents had a hard time believing me, lol. Some guys are the same, while other guys are more flamboyant, or feminine in their mannerisms. That's just how they are, which there isn't anything wrong with that.

    All in all, don't let it bother you, bud. You know yourself that you are, you're comfortable with yourself, and that's what really matters. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 24, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    Being "Gay" shouldn't justify who a person is....it's just a sexual orientation. Simple as that.
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    Jan 24, 2011 6:24 AM GMT
    " I dont let my sexuality define me "

    this is something that puzzles me and perturbs me... its like saying "I dont let my gender, race, ethnicity, etc etc define me"

    But who on earth would say such a thing?

    I know its our personalities that make us who we are.. but how is it that we say our religion and culture "defines us" (which is impossible it is not genetic" whereas our sexuality and gender (which is genetic) does not?
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    Jan 24, 2011 6:35 AM GMT
    Pato_Rico said" I dont let my sexuality define me "

    this is something that puzzles me and perturbs me... its like saying "I dont let my gender, race, ethnicity, etc etc define me"

    But who on earth would say such a thing?

    I know its our personalities that make us who we are.. but how is it that we say our religion and culture "defines us" (which is impossible it is not genetic" whereas our sexuality and gender (which is genetic) does not?


    I think it means that a person doesn't go with the stereotype that people generally put a person into. For instance, people generally characterize a gay man as feminine, flamboyant. That "oh, he's gay." is basically saying that's all he consists of, as an overall person. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 24, 2011 6:52 AM GMT
    Tallguy87 said
    Pato_Rico said" I dont let my sexuality define me "

    this is something that puzzles me and perturbs me... its like saying "I dont let my gender, race, ethnicity, etc etc define me"

    But who on earth would say such a thing?

    I know its our personalities that make us who we are.. but how is it that we say our religion and culture "defines us" (which is impossible it is not genetic" whereas our sexuality and gender (which is genetic) does not?


    I think it means that a person doesn't go with the stereotype that people generally put a person into. For instance, people generally characterize a gay man as feminine, flamboyant. That "oh, he's gay." is basically saying that's all he consists of, as an overall person. icon_smile.gif


    But that means that the opposite "o he's straight".. is the definition you go by.. right? as in the way my friends will say to me ... "you're not GAY, you're just a guy"... because to tehm being gay would entail being feminine... that means that I might have a certain sexuality, but because i act like a guy, all of a sudden that is not important? Whereas in a "gay person" it owul dbe the behaviour that defines him? But then the sexuality was never part of the definition anyway.. Im confused
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    Jan 24, 2011 7:09 AM GMT
    I had the same reaction from my parents, it took along time for them to understand that my sexuality isn't defined by social sterotypes and misconceptions and those same things don't have to shape me. Just keep being you and things will work out eventually. Now that my parents have started coming around, my mom really values the fact that coming out didn't change who I was and who have been all my life, I'm still the same goofy little kid she raised and loves. She just had to realize that because I came out that I wasn't, out of the blue going to begin acting out of character (as a sterotype with lisps and rainbows and hair gel)
    It's just not me and has nothing to do with my personality or the fact that I like men.
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    Jan 24, 2011 7:21 AM GMT
    Pato_Rico said
    Tallguy87 said
    Pato_Rico said" I dont let my sexuality define me "

    this is something that puzzles me and perturbs me... its like saying "I dont let my gender, race, ethnicity, etc etc define me"

    But who on earth would say such a thing?

    I know its our personalities that make us who we are.. but how is it that we say our religion and culture "defines us" (which is impossible it is not genetic" whereas our sexuality and gender (which is genetic) does not?


    I think it means that a person doesn't go with the stereotype that people generally put a person into. For instance, people generally characterize a gay man as feminine, flamboyant. That "oh, he's gay." is basically saying that's all he consists of, as an overall person. icon_smile.gif


    But that means that the opposite "o he's straight".. is the definition you go by.. right? as in the way my friends will say to me ... "you're not GAY, you're just a guy"... because to tehm being gay would entail being feminine... that means that I might have a certain sexuality, but because i act like a guy, all of a sudden that is not important? Whereas in a "gay person" it owul dbe the behaviour that defines him? But then the sexuality was never part of the definition anyway.. Im confused


    Lol, oh dear. Defining a person, and labeling a person because of their sexuality is just a small part of the stereotypes that people have given gay men. For them, their way of thinking that a guy sleeps with another guy automatically set's him into the stereotypical characteristics that "he's feminine, he must be a drag queen, he doesn't like to get sweaty, he doesn't like sports, he either works in retail or as a waiter, yadda yadda". Typically, straight guys don't get this kind of treatment, since their sexuality is considered "normal".

    It's just a prime example of how small-minded the general public is/can be.
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    Jan 24, 2011 10:35 AM GMT
    Pato_Rico said" I dont let my sexuality define me "

    this is something that puzzles me and perturbs me... its like saying "I dont let my gender, race, ethnicity, etc etc define me"

    But who on earth would say such a thing?

    I know its our personalities that make us who we are.. but how is it that we say our religion and culture "defines us" (which is impossible it is not genetic" whereas our sexuality and gender (which is genetic) does not?


    What it means is your sexuality doesn't define you in all situations in life (and I don't think it should).

    Depending on the situation, place or time, we adopt different definitions of ourselves (or identities).
    In the widest sense I define myself as a human being, narrower definitions are decided by my position in a certain situation.

    I can define myself,

    -geographically/ethnicity : European, Danish, ...and so on, all the way down to my local neighborhood.
    - Politically
    - Professionally
    - By Interests
    - Physical attributes.... and sometimes by sexuality, but far from all the time.
    Most of the time I'm just a judo coach or a sports fan or a pedestrian or whatever. I don't have to/want to put the adjective GAY in front of everything I am.

    To the OP... Your family just don't know much about gay people except the stereotypes they've seen on tv. What a great opportunity for you to show them that gay people don't always fit the stereotype.