I'm Just Being Nice

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jan 24, 2011 7:41 AM GMT
    You guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?
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    Jan 24, 2011 8:19 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?


    If you call him out chances are he will have been waiting for you to "call him out" so that he can pretend you're "psycho" thus finally giving him reason to not talk to you based on you being at fault. Though all along he hasn't had a reason not to talk to you that wasn't your fault. It was his preference but he didn't want to tell you in fear of you lashing out on him if he told you the truth. So he's just waiting....lurking....in the dark....waiting for you to notice he's being fake so that he has reason to reject you. Damn mind games.

    Then again he could be those 1 out of 5 people who appreciates your honesty if you call him out.

    So many issues with the fact that you never know who wants to know the truth and who doesn't. When someone says "hi how are you" and I respond with "boring question," I get a variety of replies ranging from laughing and bonding to yelling at me and immediately questioning my intelligence and looks.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jan 24, 2011 8:33 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?


    If you call him out chances are he will have been waiting for you to "call him out" so that he can pretend you're "psycho" thus finally giving him reason to not talk to you based on you being at fault. Though all along he hasn't had a reason not to talk to you that wasn't your fault. It was his preference but he didn't want to tell you in fear of you lashing out on him if he told you the truth. So he's just waiting....lurking....in the dark....waiting for you to notice he's being fake so that he has reason to reject you. Damn mind games.
    .


    icon_eek.gif

    YES
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    Jan 24, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    This is actually a problem I was just thinking about the other day. I just moved to a new city and am genuinely looking for friends. I am a very outgoing, talkative and friendly guy. However, when I am chatting someone up at bars, social events, etc. the guys take it as I'm interested or wanting to hang out; its highly annoying. Instead of thinking that way, maybe the guys are just trying to gain friends. Don't make it something it isn't icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 24, 2011 3:37 PM GMT
    ATX611 saidThis is actually a problem I was just thinking about the other day. I just moved to a new city and am genuinely looking for friends. I am a very outgoing, talkative and friendly guy. However, when I am chatting someone up at bars, social events, etc. the guys take it as I'm interested or wanting to hang out; its highly annoying. Instead of thinking that way, maybe the guys are just trying to gain friends. Don't make it something it isn't icon_wink.gif

    I know what you mean!!! I'm having the same exact problem. When I was an undergrad, it felt like I could go to a bar, meet a ton of people, and have a blast. Now whenever I go somewhere, it seems like everyone else is out for the sole purpose of hooking up.

    If a guy is talking to you but not really flirting and dodging any sexual advances, he might just want someone to hang out with.
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    Jan 24, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?


    Think of it as atleast he is engaging me, some gays can just be asses and tell you to fuck off. Whether there interested in you or not they stopped and conversated with you.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 24, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    If the conversation is awkward and he doesn't seem forthcoming, why not just say "Take care" and walk away?
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jan 24, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?



    Look at it this way -- If someone is not interested in you, it would be very easy for them to just ignore you. That said, if someone is a nice and respectful person, even if they may not be interested in talking with you, they will to just be cordial and polite. We all have people that we run into from time to time who, for whatever reason, we don't feel we have anything in common, or perhaps we don't like them at all. Some will just flat out ignore those people, while others will be cordial and make small talk just because it's the polite thing to do. I think "Calling someone out" is sort of being a jerk in your own right. If they were not interested in you before, they definitely won't be interested after that, and have good reason to ignore you in the future.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jan 24, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Jmuscle33 said
    Do you call him out? Or just play along?



    Look at it this way -- If someone is not interested in you, it would be very easy for them to just ignore you. That said, if someone is a nice and respectful person, even if they may not be interested in talking with you, they will to just be cordial and polite. We all have people that we run into from time to time who, for whatever reason, we don't feel we have anything in common, or perhaps we don't like them at all. Some will just flat out ignore those people, while others will be cordial and make small talk just because it's the polite thing to do. I think "Calling someone out" is sort of being a jerk in your own right. If they were not interested in you before, they definitely won't be interested after that, and have good reason to ignore you in the future.


    ^^ THIS ^^
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jan 24, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?



    Look at it this way -- If someone is not interested in you, it would be very easy for them to just ignore you. That said, if someone is a nice and respectful person, even if they may not be interested in talking with you, they will to just be cordial and polite. We all have people that we run into from time to time who, for whatever reason, we don't feel we have anything in common, or perhaps we don't like them at all. Some will just flat out ignore those people, while others will be cordial and make small talk just because it's the polite thing to do. I think "Calling someone out" is sort of being a jerk in your own right. If they were not interested in you before, they definitely won't be interested after that, and have good reason to ignore you in the future.


    Please refer to Jakebenson's post, its the only one that make sense. Screw being politically correct. I'd rather be honest and upfront from the beginning. Although I can tell when someone is just being polite. Now if someone compliments me I would be polite and say thanks, but it would not go any further than that. I'm not running for president here lol
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    Jan 24, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    I'm hungry!
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    Jan 24, 2011 10:04 PM GMT
    Is this a guy who approaches you? I don't understand why he would come to talk to you and he isn't interested in talking to you.

    If you mean that this is a guy you approach, and he's not interested I still don't see a problem. If you approached him just to hook up and he's not interested, then you tell him "see you around" and move on.
    If you're having a good conversation, then what's wrong with that?
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    Jan 24, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice...

    Ha ha...no, srsly ....we talking about RJ?
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    Jan 25, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    I'm just looking for friends right now - I state that in my profile - and I mean it. I think that's why it's easy for me to respond, even if I KNOW I'm not interested past friendship...I've been ignored before when I find someone generally fascinating (and just want to be friends) and it sucks...so I never want to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. I also hate it when people IM you/talk to you, you respond, and then they never get back to you. It's like, what was the point to begin with?

    But I agree with what's been said. I'd love love love to just make platonic friends. There are very few people who I feel really want that, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere. Plus, for me..I don't think I'm ever going to be seriously intimate (like more than making out) with someone whose personality doesn't jive with me. So I think if someone's giving me the vibe that they want to hook up - it's not going to make me feel comfortable and want to further entertain the notion.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jan 25, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    Wait guys, who said anything about it being about hooking up or not??
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jan 25, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?

    I've never bothered with being nice to you.


    That's ok, same with you

    At least you're a real jerk rather than a fake
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    Jan 25, 2011 5:52 AM GMT
    I call them out. I don't want my time wasted nor do I want to waste their time. I only talk when I'm interested and I don't mean that in a sexual way. You can be nice and hold a conversation but if all you are gonna do is just be nice because you don't wanna hurt someone's feelings then what the point? Keep it real and end it. Just be civil so you don't come off as a complete ass.

    I'm all about making friends but if the spark/interest level isn't there then I'm not about to fake an interest for the sake of being nice. Being fake is just as cruel as being too real but I'd rather be real then fake. Who wouldn't?
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    Jan 25, 2011 10:40 AM GMT
    Timberoo saidIf the conversation is awkward and he doesn't seem forthcoming, why not just say "Take care" and walk away?


    You Americans are so cold. Why not help the guy say what he would like, maybe he is very shy. We can't all be tigers. Some are cute little kitties.
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    Jan 25, 2011 12:40 PM GMT




    BuckYou, lol, that's awfully broad. Some Americans and as you can see some Canadians think that manners and kindness are 'politically correct' (an insulting expression meant to be said with a sneer) yet are also the most unhappy.

    Interesting, eh?

    In my single years I met many people - thousands in fact as that was how I decided I would meet the guy for me. Some were interesting people, some weren't. All were treated by me as well as I could. I spent a lot of time observing others interacting with each other.

    -Doug

  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jan 25, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    I think I'd appreciate him chatting me up out of politeness rather than him ignoring me or saying, "I'm not that into you." As long as I'm not being led on, I think it's fine.
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    Jan 25, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    meninlove said



    BuckYou, lol, that's awfully broad. Some Americans and as you can see some Canadians think that manners and kindness are 'politically correct' (an insulting expression meant to be said with a sneer) yet are also the most unhappy.

    Interesting, eh?

    -Doug



    That's sad
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    Jan 25, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    BuckYou said
    meninlove said



    BuckYou, lol, that's awfully broad. Some Americans and as you can see some Canadians think that manners and kindness are 'politically correct' (an insulting expression meant to be said with a sneer) yet are also the most unhappy.

    Interesting, eh?

    -Doug



    That's sad


    Alleluia
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    Jan 25, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?


    If I am interested in someone, and he appears to be interested in me, I will assume that he is interested in me and keep talking to him. If the chemistry isn't there, then I thank him or excuse myself and move on.

    Yes, there have been times when I was mistaken and the person really wasn't interested. But it is far better, in my opinion, to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they mean what they say, than to "call someone out" for something which might not be true. I see no benefit to doing that.
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    Jan 25, 2011 10:13 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?

    Really? Seriously? are you fucking kidding me?

    Since your sooooooooooo into honesty and bullshit I'll be blunt.

    You sir are a freakin idiot.

    Now here's why.

    If you are getting the idea that they aren't interested THEY HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU THEY AREN'T INTERESTED so your desire to "call them on it" is already running late you should have done it the second you spotted them because now your just playing catch up.

    Then you have the hide to call him on it like he's wasting your time? HE'S NOT INTERESTED IN YOU but your still going to waste his time by "calling him on it" and I get the feeling you aren't the sort of person to just say "Sir, you aren't interested, fuck off" no I get the feeling you will be long winded and boring as you try to race forward and catch up with the situation. How fantastically pedantic of you.

    Thirdly, they are using something called manners, what that means is giving you respect that you as a human deserve... but of course you don't want that because your getting all hurt cause they don't want you do ya.

    And before you go pointing out Jakes arsed up post, I personally, I like talking to people and people generally like talking to me and it's not about them being interested in me it's abou two people talks PLUS I like asking people how they are, do you know why? because I actually listen to the answer it's not an automatic response where I couldn't give a shit what someone says in reply I actually stop and listen and I take the whole picture in of the person..

    Perhaps you just need manners because there is a time and a place for calling someone on things and this aint it.
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    Jan 25, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Jmuscle33 saidYou guys get a feel when a guy is talking to you just to be nice cuz he is too scared or whatever to say he is not interested or he really doesn't wanna talk?

    Do you call him out? Or just play along?

    Really? Seriously? are you fucking kidding me?

    Since your sooooooooooo into honesty and bullshit I'll be blunt.

    You sir are a freakin idiot.

    Now here's why.

    If you are getting the idea that they aren't interested THEY HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU THEY AREN'T INTERESTED so your desire to "call them on it" is already running late you should have done it the second you spotted them because now your just playing catch up.

    Then you have the hide to call him on it like he's wasting your time? HE'S NOT INTERESTED IN YOU but your still going to waste his time by "calling him on it" and I get the feeling you aren't the sort of person to just say "Sir, you aren't interested, fuck off" no I get the feeling you will be long winded and boring as you try to race forward and catch up with the situation. How fantastically pedantic of you.

    Thirdly, they are using something called manners, what that means is giving you respect that you as a human deserve... but of course you don't want that because your getting all hurt cause they don't want you do ya.

    And before you go pointing out Jakes arsed up post, I personally, I like talking to people and people generally like talking to me and it's not about them being interested in me it's abou two people talks PLUS I like asking people how they are, do you know why? because I actually listen to the answer it's not an automatic response where I couldn't give a shit what someone says in reply I actually stop and listen and I take the whole picture in of the person..

    Perhaps you just need manners because there is a time and a place for calling someone on things and this aint it.



    Ooooo. lilTanker is bitchy today.....icon_cool.gif