The conundrum of dating...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    Is it just me or is this a problem with everyone?

    The people I want, don't want me, and the one's who want me, I don't want?
    And of course, the one's who I can click with based upon conversation alone are somewhere off way-the-fuck-far-away from me online.


    /end bitching
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:11 AM GMT
    Wait...I thought you had a bf. Is it over already?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWait...I thought you had a bf. Is it over already?

    What!?
    I didn't have a boyfriend! I ended it with him in November. Almost 2 years!

    I started dating, but I wasn't really attracted to him. :/
    Turns out, the guy I dated a week prior and him were a better match anyways. lmao.
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    Jan 25, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidIs it just me or is this a problem with everyone?

    The people I want, don't want me, and the one's who want me, I don't want?
    And of course, the one's who I can click with based upon conversation alone are somewhere off way-the-fuck-far-away from me online.


    /end bitching


    wanna start a club?.........................keithicon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2011 11:47 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidIs it just me or is this a problem with everyone?

    The people I want, don't want me, and the one's who want me, I don't want?
    And of course, the one's who I can click with based upon conversation alone are somewhere off way-the-fuck-far-away from me online.


    /end bitching



    You just summed up my entire romantic life.
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    Jan 25, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev said
    paulflexes saidWait...I thought you had a bf. Is it over already?

    What!?
    I didn't have a boyfriend! I ended it with him in November. Almost 2 years!

    I started dating, but I wasn't really attracted to him. :/
    Turns out, the guy I dated a week prior and him were a better match anyways. lmao.


    WTF???? ... Can anyone follow that? .... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 25, 2011 11:57 PM GMT
    Caslon17000 said
    ShinyToyTrev said
    paulflexes saidWait...I thought you had a bf. Is it over already?

    What!?
    I didn't have a boyfriend! I ended it with him in November. Almost 2 years!

    I started dating, but I wasn't really attracted to him. :/
    Turns out, the guy I dated a week prior and him were a better match anyways. lmao.


    WTF???? ... Can anyone follow that? .... icon_rolleyes.gif

    I dated a Jew.
    He was cute, but I didn't really want him.
    I went on a date prior to the Jew.
    Now him and the Jew are together.

    Easy. icon_smile.gif
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jan 26, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev said
    Caslon17000 said
    WTF???? ... Can anyone follow that? .... icon_rolleyes.gif

    ShinyToyTrev saidI dated a Jew.
    He was cute, but I didn't really want him.
    I went on a date prior to the Jew.
    Now him and the Jew are together.
    Easy. icon_smile.gif


    Why does this sound like a missing chapter from Candide?
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 26, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidIs it just me or is this a problem with everyone?

    The people I want, don't want me, and the one's who want me, I don't want?
    And of course, the one's who I can click with based upon conversation alone are somewhere off way-the-fuck-far-away from me online.


    /end bitching



    well damn, that happens to me too. dont know what to tell you really, cause even idk. and yeah it sucks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidIs it just me or is this a problem with everyone?

    The people I want, don't want me, and the one's who want me, I don't want?
    And of course, the one's who I can click with based upon conversation alone are somewhere off way-the-fuck-far-away from me online.


    /end bitching


    Why do I feel like I am part of stipulated problem icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    You - What you want = 0 // You're eligible
    You - What you want < 0 // You're not eligible
    You - What you want > 0 // You're looking for more
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    I resolved to be alone. A mate isn't the path to happiness, anyway, so I figure total fulfillment can still be achieved. Some people are just the loner type, and that's ok!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    Try wasting two years only to find out that...he's not sure of what he wants. icon_rolleyes.gificon_cry.gif
  • shag91607

    Posts: 62

    Jan 26, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    collegekid2004 saidTry wasting two years only to find out that...he's not sure of what he wants. icon_rolleyes.gificon_cry.gif


    6 years - only he was sure he wanted to be a 21 year old for the rest of his life.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jan 26, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    It's just the nature of dating. I usually know by the third date if it's going to go beyond that, and if I'm not feeling it, I level with the guy. Granted, it's sometimes uncomfortable, but it's best to be honest and move on before any deep emotions start to take root.

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    Jan 26, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    NC3athlete saidIt's just the nature of dating.


    This. You have to date a couple (or more) guys before you find the one you click with.

    ShinyToyTrev saidIs it just me or is this a problem with everyone?



    No, a few bad apples make the rest seem bad.

    Please don't take this personally but it might have to do with your attitude. What we have to say about others actually reveals a lot about ourselves. I know you're ranting and frustrated but your guy is coming, hang in there. First change the way you think of other people.

    You don't want to become bitter and think men are "all the same." That's a really self destructive thought. Change your attitude and you'll change who you attract.

    Another way to attract the kind of guys would want to date is through body language. Try to smile at people more at people. Not a creepy smile, just a friendly quick smile that indicates acknowledgment and a quick hello.

    You'd be surprised of how much facial ques and body language has to do with how people think of you and if they feel comfortable approaching you if they're into you. If you're uncomfortable with just giving a quick smile then soften your eyes; practice your body language. Practice on people walking down the street, it's amazing what a simple smile can do.

    There might be other things you're doing subconsciously too but I don't know you and I wasn't there. Though, this is a big thing because I notice a lot of guys just have body language that sends mixed messages or their look that's supposed to say "I'm interested in you" seems like their giving you a pissed off stare down.

    Don't rely totally on online dating either, it's best used with real world dating. I know that was long but I hope that helps.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    are you talking about me? icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    NC3athlete saidIt's just the nature of dating. I usually know by the third date if it's going to go beyond that, and if I'm not feeling it, I level with the guy. Granted, it's sometimes uncomfortable, but it's best to be honest and move on before any deep emotions start to take root.



    Great..so I've had 2 dates with a guy, and the 3rd when I'm back in town.. Hmm... let's see how that goes!
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Ehanson said
    ShinyToyTrev saidIs it just me or is this a problem with everyone?



    No, a few bad apples make the rest seem bad.

    Please don't take this personally but it might have to do with your attitude. What we have to say about others actually reveals a lot about ourselves. I know your ranting and are frustrated but your guy is coming, hang in there. First change the way you think of other people.

    You don't want to become bitter and think men are "all the same." That's a really self destructive thought. Change your attitude and you'll change who you attract.

    Another way to attract the kind of guys would want to date is through body language. Try to smile at people more at people. Not a creepy smile, just a friendly quick smile that indicates acknowledgment and a quick hello.

    You'd be surprised of how much facial ques and body language has to do with how people think of you and if they feel comfortable approaching you if they are into you. If you're uncomfortable with just giving a quick smile soften your eyes, practice you body language. Practice on people walking down the street, it's amazing what a simple smile can do to make someone else feel at ease with you.

    There might be other things you're doing subconsciously too but don't know you. Though, this is a big thing because I notice a lot of guys just have body language that sends mixed messages or their look that supposed to say "I'm interested in you" seems like their giving you a pissed off stare down.

    Don't rely totally on online dating, it's best used with real world dating. I know that was long but I hope that helps.icon_smile.gif

    I actually know all that, but thanks! I don't think all men are the same, just the trend lately. I seem to be the middle man too for guys finding each other. I've dated 7, and 6 have found each other AFTER dating me. So here's to me going on a date with another guy so the 7th and 8th can be together! Hahaha.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev said
    paulflexes saidWait...I thought you had a bf. Is it over already?

    What!?
    I didn't have a boyfriend! I ended it with him in November. Almost 2 years!

    I started dating, but I wasn't really attracted to him. :/
    Turns out, the guy I dated a week prior and him were a better match anyways. lmao.
    Oh. I must be a terrible stalker. Maybe I should follow you more closely to figure out what you're up to. icon_lol.gif
    Anyway, just go with the flow. You'll eventually find someone. Well ok, maybe not...I don't want a boyfriend. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    The OP is full of wisdom. So applicable... icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 26, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidI dated a Jew.
    He was cute, but I didn't really want him.
    I went on a date prior to the Jew.
    Now him and the Jew are together.

    I was about to answer this, in a serious way, as best I'm able.

    But after reading the above post, I wouldn't touch this thread any further with a 10-foot pole. I'm not Jewish myself, but the revulsion I experienced reading that cannot be expressed. I hope the OP can learn to understand what was wrong with what he wrote.
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    Jan 26, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    ShinyToyTrev saidI dated a Jew.
    He was cute, but I didn't really want him.
    I went on a date prior to the Jew.
    Now him and the Jew are together.

    I was about to answer this, in a serious way, as best I'm able.

    But after reading the above post, I wouldn't touch this thread any further with a 10-foot pole. I'm not Jewish myself, but the revulsion I experienced reading that cannot be expressed. I hope the OP can learn to understand what was wrong with what he wrote.

    I know what I wrote. I can laugh at myself and others. And he referenced himself as "the jew". It's not meant to be offensive, it's just something we laugh at because that's how he explains it. Sorry if you see it that way.

    Holocaust jokes aren't funny, Anne Frankly I won't stand for them.
    icon_razz.gif

    I'll go through sensitivity training later. icon_razz.gif
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Jan 26, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev saidIs it just me or is this a problem with everyone?

    The people I want, don't want me, and the one's who want me, I don't want?
    And of course, the one's who I can click with based upon conversation alone are somewhere off way-the-fuck-far-away from me online.


    /end bitching


    This seems to be a commonly held feeling. Attitude, body language etc are very important (as previously stated).

    Listen to and read Dan Savage - he's very wise and helpful.

    Two of his best pieces of wisdom which I believe are truths are:

    1. Everyone you date isn't right for you until one is...essentially all it takes is one successful relationship (for most people to be content).

    2. Not everyone finds someone to love who will love them back... i.e. having a relationship is not a birth right or something that happens for everyone.

    This goes against some common wisdom that says that 'there is someone for everyone". Think about it - is there really always someone for everyone. I don't think so.

    So, if your dating and you want a loving relationship, you can only control your half!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    The last couple of guys I went out with had recently ended with long-term relationships and told me how their ex-boyfriends had wronged them.
    They are great guys and potential boyfriend material, all of them, but I could tell they were not ready to start something serious.

    I'm a magnet (or maybe I'm attracted to) wounded birds.