Broken Gaydar?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    This is emabarrasing, but I can't tell who's gay and who's' not. That is unless their obviously tenting in their pants over a guy, or are very obvious in their actions.
    I consider myself very masculine and discrete, and find I never get hit on. Whatz up? I spend most days at the gym. I'm a personal trainer and work there, and sometimes work out at other gyms. So you'd think that there would be ample opportunity for someone to approach me. In addition, I'm no Brad Pit, but I'm no Pee Wee Herman either. icon_smile.gif Unfortunately, I'm so shy about this whole dealio I could never approach someone else. I wish they made gym shorts with back pockets; then I could stuff a handkerchief in it. Yeah I know; no one does that anymore.
    Suggestion?
    Bam Bam
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    Jan 25, 2011 12:58 PM GMT
    lol, my suggestion is that you change your relationship status from monogamous in your profile. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    same here.. sometimes i cant tell when a guy is gay unless its obvious.. so ur not the only one lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    Re: Profile status. On line's not the problem. But good response,.
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    Apologies if I was blunt, but it makes me curious that someone in a monogamous relationship would want others to be hitting on him.


    -Doug
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:28 PM GMT
    It's one of those things that just gnaws at you when you don't have an answer to it; It may even reflect on my self esteem at the moment. In any case, I wonder why because people who don't know me don't know my relationship status. Also, my relationship is more complex than a profile heading would allow me to state or that I wish to share with just anyone. You're response, although amusing, doesn't shed any light on my question. But I guess anytime you ask a question on a forum, you should expect to get flamed.
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:39 PM GMT
    It depends on how you phrase your question. icon_wink.gif And trust me on this, I'm not flaming you. Stick around and you'll see some guys flame. Make sure you have asbestos underwear.

    So with more info now, I take it you're wondering if you've still got 'it', mojo (as in The Spy Who Shagged Me) etc. Well you're a perfectly attractive man, from the neck down anyway.

    There's this too; if other guys think you're straight most aren't going to hit on you.

    -Doug
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:47 PM GMT
    Yeah, mid-life crisis I guess. Well, that is if I live to be 112 icon_smile.gif But also, what would I do if I found myself without a partner? I feel so out of the loop I wonder if I could even handle it? Thanks Doug! I appreciate your patience.
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    Jan 25, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    Thebod saidYeah, mid-life crisis I guess. Well, that is if I live to be 112 icon_smile.gif But also, what would I do if I found myself without a partner? I feel so out of the loop I wonder if I could even handle it? Thanks Doug! I appreciate your patience.


    This is a worry any monogamous couple can have, and many do including us. However, sometimes worry is just borrowing future sorrow, and can be an obscuring cloud in the sunny sky of Now.

    -Doug
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 25, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    There can be some subtle differences you can pick up if you look for them.. many times they aren't clear. I wouldn't sit and try and figure it out... it will either come or not. LOL

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 25, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    Meh I have the same problem...But then again I tend to gauge another person with my friendly persona..That's the only way for me to determine if there is something about Larry....icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 25, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    I can always tell when a woman's interested in me, but a man? Interested or not, and as situationally aware as I am, my blind spot is gaydar. Famously oblivious, one ex (a fashion designer, yet!) literally had to bat his eyelashes at me to initially get my attention! What doesn't help is how they co-opt our style (or is it we who co-opt their grooming, fashion, tats, and piercings?) and all the confusing "crossover" behavior, what with the newer generations of gay friendly straight guys, including those with youtube/paypal accounts!
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    Jan 25, 2011 4:06 PM GMT
    Thebod saidThis is emabarrasing, but I can't tell who's gay and who's' not. That is unless their obviously tenting in their pants over a guy, or are very obvious in their actions.
    I consider myself very masculine and discrete, and find I never get hit on. Whatz up? I spend most days at the gym. I'm a personal trainer and work there, and sometimes work out at other gyms. So you'd think that there would be ample opportunity for someone to approach me. In addition, I'm no Brad Pit, but I'm no Pee Wee Herman either. icon_smile.gif Unfortunately, I'm so shy about this whole dealio I could never approach someone else. I wish they made gym shorts with back pockets; then I could stuff a handkerchief in it. Yeah I know; no one does that anymore.
    Suggestion?
    Bam Bam

    Not sure what you want... to be approached at the gym so you can accept the offer, or do you just want the flattery of being asked? Even if you did have good gaydar, you also say you're shy and "could never approach someone else," plus I gather you're in a monogamous relationship, so what would you do with gaydar anyway? And frankly, if you're a personal trainer there, I'm not sure that's where you should be doing your cruising, even if it's just to keep in practice, bad for your career.

    To put a more positive spin on this, perhaps this gaydar thing (and nobody knows what it really is, likely just an enhanced awareness) is like having hunger, driven by need. You only feel hunger and begin to look for food when your stomach is empty. When it's full you tend to overlook food.

    If your gay life is emotionally full then perhaps your gaydar doesn't kick in. Not so oddly, then, I've found that oft times even single gays who say they have little gaydar have been raised in a fairly gay-friendly urban environment, where gays are publicly out and you could go to known gay establishments. There's no mystery involved regarding who's gay.

    Having a partner I'm no longer "hungry" and hunting, and I can feel my own gaydar slipping a little, from lack of use. And I already know that 90% of the men around here are gay, in all the places I regularly go, so my gaydar isn't being called upon. Use it or lose it.

    You mention the hanky thing, and gay men have for generations used various private signs to identify themselves to each other. If you really want to be recognized by other gays, try something like some discreet pride jewelry (though again, maybe not in the gyms), a ring or bracelet, perhaps.

    If you're closeted you might wanna avoid the rainbow and triangles, since the straight public has finally learned what those mean. Lately I've been sporting the HRC equality symbol, the yellow equals sign on a blue background. Not too many straights know what that means, but many gays do, and it's more subtle.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jan 25, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    once again, an intelligent, incisive and "real life correct" observation from AD.

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