bf doesn't wanna have sex

  • dh__

    Posts: 143

    Jan 28, 2011 2:29 PM GMT
    about a year ago my bf of 3 years broke up with me for another guy. 3 months later he wanted to come back but he let me take my time and worked for me to trust him again. 3 months after that we got back together and (god this feels like a math problem.) since we got back together our sex life has been pretty much null and void.
    i know he's had to start taking some medication specifically some anti-depressants and muscle relaxers for some sort of intestinal thing. but its come to the point that he doesn't even jack off w/ me. He says its not me and that he's just become not interested in sex (after being a enormous sex enthusiast) and i've been patient but it seriously getting on my nerves.

    Sometimes i wonder if he still has feelings for the other guy. he says he doesn't and i've talked to him at least 3 times about how he feels about the relationship and "us" and he just says he's in love with me.

    he loves to cuddle and kiss but still this no sex thing just bugs me.

    Am I being too shallow about the sex? Do you think there's something more I should press about the issue? or just chalk it up to the pills and low libido and try and sneak him some aphrodisiac and libido boosters lol....*sigh*?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2011 2:40 PM GMT
    He's only with you for the security of having someone to be with.
    He's going to cheat again, if he's not already cheating.
    I'd dump him in a heartbeat.
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    Jan 28, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    Did he ever mention why he and the other guy broke up? Also some anti-depressants are known to decrease libido. Perhaps he needs to let his GP know since the current status quo isn't going to work.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 28, 2011 3:30 PM GMT
    Can he even have sex? Sounds like his meds. Why don't you read the side effects on them???
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    Jan 28, 2011 3:30 PM GMT
    I was in a similar situation as you. The only difference I was the "other guy". I won't go into the details of my story but here is what I think.

    Your bf might be the kind of guy who always has to be in a relationship because that makes him feel secure emotionally and/or financially. After dating someone like this, I personally will try to steer clear from these kinds of people.

    The low sex drive might be due to so many different things.

    It might be about trust. I mean you guys have spent all that time away from each other. It might just feel very strange to be back. Although you are sure he's going to stay for good now, he might not be sure himself? When my ex got back with his guy, they did not have sex for like 3 months.

    Maybe he is worried you've caught something or that he's caught something that he's not sure about. Might be a wise thing to get screened for everything if one or both of you have not been playing safe during the time away.

    Could also be meds as some people have mentioned.

    The good news of the story is that now that they've been back for 10 months, their relationship is much better and getting back on track with more strength than before. Not sure how they've worked through it, but I think patience and time is what's needed in their case.

  • dh__

    Posts: 143

    Jan 28, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    VANCOUVERITE2004.Did he ever mention why he and the other guy broke up?


    Yeah he said that he "didn't know what I had until I left" and he tried for months to get back with me after he and that guy broke up.

    MikemikeMikeWhy don't you read the side effects on them???


    that was the first thing I did. I did some research and checked with a nurse friend who also said yeah it is a possible side effect cue why i've tried to be patient, but even my friend said it wouldn't cut out sex drive completely,

    MICROBIOLOGISTThe good news of the story is that now that they've been back for 10 months, their relationship is much better and getting back on track with more strength than before. Not sure how they've worked through it, but I think patience and time is what's needed in their case.


    Thats what i'm thinking. Maybe its just a grin and bear it thing. other than the sex we are clicking. were not back where we left off things are admittably better. we talk, go out, fight, make up, and make out
    just...no make up sex....argh lol.

    just bothering me....i wonder if i should mention he's the only guy i've ever actually been in a relationship with so i'm a little more than just kinda wanting to make things work.