Disappointing RJ meetings

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    Jan 28, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    I started using RJ last week and I immedately got bombarded with invitations to meet. Although I'm very picky, I agreed to hang out with a few supposedly vgl/musc guys based on their profile, pics and online conversations. What a mistake! Only two one of them looked like their pictures, and the two that looked like their pictures were very effeminate. I have nothing against effeminate muscular dudes but they're not for me. Needless to say I'm very disappointed. I need advice on how to spot guys on RJ that look, act and think as described in their profiles. I'm not shallow and I don't want to sound rude, but why pretend to be someone you're not if you're going to meet me in person and everything will be revealed anyway?
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    Jan 28, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    Bomber1 saidI started using RJ last week and I immedately got bombarded with invitations to meet. Although I'm very picky, I agreed to hang out with a few supposedly vgl/musc guys based on their profile, pics and online conversations. What a mistake! Only two one of them looked like their pictures, and the two that looked like their pictures were very effeminate. I have nothing against effeminate muscular dudes but they're not for me. Needless to say I'm very disappointed. I need advice on how to spot guys on RJ that look, act and think as described in their profiles. I'm not shallow and I don't want to sound rude, but why pretend to be someone you're not if you're going to meet me in person and everything will be revealed anyway?

    A good question I've often asked, as well. Now as it happens my own picture here is going on 5 years old, and no longer really represents me. The overweight, aging reality is too horrible to post.

    Before I meet anyone here I send them a more recent and accurate pic, and warn them what they will encounter. They also have to know how to recognize me when meeting for the first time. And I'm not interested in romancing or having sex with them, I always have my partner along.

    But damn, how stupid can you be to use false bait, when you can't deliver on the promise? Can you say "shooting yourself in the foot"?
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    Jan 28, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    Bomber1 saidAlthough I'm very picky, I agreed to hang out with a few supposedly vgl/musc guys........... I'm not shallow and I don't want to sound rude


    Tell the truth and shame the devil; youre very shallow, so just own it.

    I do love how picky fuckers are always the ones complaining about not being able to find what theyre looking for, and how theyre the ones resorting to a website to find people in the first place. It's funny cause it's sad....
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    Jan 28, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    Well, it's always good to remain guarded when it comes to meeting anyone online. Unless there is downright deceipt involved, I try not to let it bother me if expectations aren't quite met.

    What's most important is their personality and if they are able to hold a conversation. If I ever go on these meets (which is rare), I'm really just looking to meet people and hopefully make new friends. It's not like I'm obliged to take them home.
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    Jan 28, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    I haven't met anyone from RJ so I can't say I relate.

    Although I can understand that you have a certain preference for a potential bf.

    You might want to speak with them on the phone first or on skype before meeting.
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    Jan 28, 2011 9:42 PM GMT
    I think there is a definite distinction between somebody who shows their best pics on a profile, and projects themselves how they would like to be seen (although both being slightly more complimentary than the reality), and those who use pics that do not correspond to reality at all, whether fake or utterly out of date.


    It is hard to tell whether somebody is effeminate/masculine etc from a profile or posts but that is what skype cam chat is for =]

    And even if they were somewhat different to how you imagined, meeting up for the first time is best viewed as a blind date anyway, no great expectations, no great disappointments, and if there is anything above and beyond a one-off convo/date, consider it a bonus.
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    Jan 28, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    As someone else suggested, you might consider first talking on the phone or via Skype. There was a thread a while ago where guys made videos to say something about themselves. To me it was somewhat funny because a number of guys came across very different than I would have imagined just looking at still photos and reading their profiles. Nothing real bad, just different.

    However a meeting does turn out, because there are many guys local here in LA, most likely you don't need to travel too far to meet, so you haven't made a major investment of time.
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    Jan 29, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    People wanted to meet you based on just a picture of your chest and abs?
    I knew I was doing something wrong...

    But yeah, I'd imagine your dilemma is quite real. I wonder if verification does anything to help with that. I think it would take me a while to meet anyone from here...I don't see the point in false advertising for the reasons you've outline...also it's exhausting to represent something you're not. Then again, at least for most people on here, you can't really tell whether someone's going to be masculine or feminine just from diction (even if the pics suggest one or another)
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    Jan 29, 2011 6:06 AM GMT
    So let me get this right. You chatted with some folks online, decide to participate in an RJ meet up and you were disappointed because the guys weren't what you expected? Hmmm......I have a question for you:

    When you decided to go to this particular RJ meet up, what exactly were you hoping to see and happen? You don't have to answer here, just honestly examine that yourself. About 2 weeks ago, I just got back from meeting and visiting with Wildkatz and journeyprotected, two of the best guys I have ever met. What were my expectations when I flew out to meet them? Exactly what we had been talking about for months: having fun and upgrading the online friendship to a 'real world' friendship and you know what happened? I had the best time (aside from the fresh hell with Delta Airlines) I've had in a long time. And left with two growing friendships, one of which is my bestest of the besties friendship.

    You DID expect something. You say you have nothing against effeminate guys, but they are not for you. Cool. Maybe that should have been part of the conversation BEFORE you went to meet them, even if you had no ulterior motive other than meeting new friends as you say in your profile. And yea, maybe they didn't read your profile before inviting you to the meet up. Their fault too. Some take meeting people more seriously than others. And yea, some have agendas.
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    Feb 02, 2011 10:37 PM GMT
    Bomber1 saidI started using RJ last week and I immedately got bombarded with invitations to meet. Although I'm very picky, I agreed to hang out with a few supposedly vgl/musc guys based on their profile, pics and online conversations. What a mistake! Only two one of them looked like their pictures, and the two that looked like their pictures were very effeminate. I have nothing against effeminate muscular dudes but they're not for me. Needless to say I'm very disappointed. I need advice on how to spot guys on RJ that look, act and think as described in their profiles. I'm not shallow and I don't want to sound rude, but why pretend to be someone you're not if you're going to meet me in person and everything will be revealed anyway?


    This is a common problem for me also. 9 times out of 10, if a guy does look like his pic, they end up talking or acting like a girl when we meet. And asking them if they're masculine ahead of time does absolutely no good at all, because most guys think if they throw on a pair of work boots and a baseball cap, suddenly they're "masculine." I've found the most reliable way to weed out the "look like Tarzan, speak like Jane" types is to INSIST on talking on the phone first. Don't want to give out your number? Fine. We won't be meeting! I can tell a hell of a lot more about a guy via their voice than a million galore shots of their stupid 6 pack abs (which I couldn't care less about.)
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    Feb 02, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    ErikTaurean saidSo let me get this right. You chatted with some folks online, decide to participate in an RJ meet up and you were disappointed because the guys weren't what you expected? Hmmm......I have a question for you:

    When you decided to go to this particular RJ meet up, what exactly were you hoping to see and happen? You don't have to answer here, just honestly examine that yourself. About 2 weeks ago, I just got back from meeting and visiting with Wildkatz and journeyprotected, two of the best guys I have ever met. What were my expectations when I flew out to meet them? Exactly what we had been talking about for months: having fun and upgrading the online friendship to a 'real world' friendship and you know what happened? I had the best time (aside from the fresh hell with Delta Airlines) I've had in a long time. And left with two growing friendships, one of which is my bestest of the besties friendship.

    You DID expect something. You say you have nothing against effeminate guys, but they are not for you. Cool. Maybe that should have been part of the conversation BEFORE you went to meet them, even if you had no ulterior motive other than meeting new friends as you say in your profile. And yea, maybe they didn't read your profile before inviting you to the meet up. Their fault too. Some take meeting people more seriously than others. And yea, some have agendas.


    The problem I have is everyone is trying to find the perfect match on the internet and are so shocked when they realize you can't just order a boyfriend online like you can a book from amazon.com. It is no different with sex sites. If you're looking for a boyfriend or a sex partner I find the internet is a hopeless shot in the dark. But when you don't have this urgency and you slowly get to know someone you can make friends as Erik shows above.
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    Feb 03, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    So far I've had 100% success rate with people looking and acting the same in person as they do online.