What are YOUR insecurities?

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    Jan 29, 2011 1:36 PM GMT
    Who's brave enough to really admit what they don't like about themselves? This thread isn't about trying to draw negativity, but instead, it will hopefully serve to make us understand that we are all humans at the end of the day, no matter our looks, popularity, wealth, social status, talents etc...

    Ok, let me go first; I hate this part. I would say my biggest insecurity is not being good enough in other people's expectations of me. I was a high achiever at school in academics, music and sports, so when I don't come out on top, I don't feel worthy enough -- it takes practice to get good at 'failure'. As a kid, I never felt like I was well-liked, so I used to try and please everyone. However, having grown up a bit, I've realized that you can't please everyone and where you can please someone, you will always displease another.
    I used to deliberately attract attention when at school. I always saw the kids with super high confidence and a big personality as the thing to strive for. So I would adopt this big personality and this big ego in order to fulfil my desires. However, one thing that I did notice is, when your ego drives you to seek attention in order to satisfy itself, it doesn't matter how much attention you get, you still end up wanting more and feeling dissatisfied. Of course, it's a temporary thrill, but that's all there is to it. My biggest lesson has been to learn to be happy without being super confident and having an out-of-this-world personality -- because it's simply not me.

    Last (but not least of course!), I have big insecurities in the way I look -- who doesn't, honestly? I used to wish I wasn't Asian because people would make racist comments to me. But now, as I've come to accept and feel comfortable in my ethnicity, insecurities have arisen in different areas: sometimes I feel like I'm too short, too skinny, too pale and other things lol. I also have a big insecurity with my eyes too, cos my mum used to say I had ugly eyes. I think from seeing all those guys in the media all the time, you feel the pressure to live up to that expectation, and when you know you can't, you start to become quite insecure.

    Sorry, that was a bit long! Now it's YOUR turn...



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    Jan 29, 2011 1:44 PM GMT
    I'm afraid of big crowds
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    Jan 29, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    jprichva saidSounds like you had one of those 'Tiger Moms'. What mother would tell her very handsome son that he has ugly eyes?

    Okay, my personal self-dislike: I am covered in fur. I don't like it, it itches, and I wish I weren't. But there it is.


    This is because you are a giant panda.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 29, 2011 1:47 PM GMT
    jprichva said

    Okay, my personal self-dislike: I am covered in fur. I don't like it, it itches, and I wish I weren't. But there it is.


    Until you discover a razor, Mr. Jeff..... LOL
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    Jan 29, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    My insecurity is

    being really skinny again

    not being able to be successful in life and career
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    Jan 29, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    jprichva saidSounds like you had one of those 'Tiger Moms'. What mother would tell her very handsome son that he has ugly eyes?

    Okay, my personal self-dislike: I am covered in fur. I don't like it, it itches, and I wish I weren't. But there it is.


    It's actually a very common thing in Asian culture. It sounds weird but..some Asians are born without an eyelid and some are. Those that are are considered more attractive. That's why there are an increasing amount of Asians that are wanting what's called a 'double eyelid surgery'. LOL, it does sound pretty ridiculous when you think about it hahaha!!

    My mum would used to make comments about how I didn't have a pronounced eyeline on my right eye and I would used to get down about that. icon_smile.gif

    Hmm fur..how often do you shave then?
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    Jan 29, 2011 2:23 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    Gbob saidHmm fur..how often do you shave then?

    I shave whenever it starts to get really annoying. I get my back waxed right at the point where I start rubbing up against trees in order to scratch the itching. You don't want to see it. What has been seen cannot be un-seen, etc.


    So would you say that's one of your biggest insecurities? Has this made it difficult for you in the past in circumstances where you've had to take your clothes off?

    Sorry if it's a bit too personal. You don't have to answer if you do not wish to icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 29, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    The older I get, the more I realize how much my parents influenced me and my insecurities are frequently the same ones they have. Ever since I can remember my parents have been obsessed with their weight and have always been on a diet. My mother always talks about how fat she is (which she isn't) and my dad's weight fluctuates. However, neither one would be considered overweight by anyone's standards. So....of course I've been obsessed with my weight my entire life. I'm trying to break free of their negative influence. My mother also hates pictures of herself and talks about how awful she looks in them...so I used to hate to have my picture taken and would feel the same way. Fortunately, I now live with a good photographer! icon_razz.gif

    I think my biggest insecurity right now is public speaking. I used to do it all the time and the size of the audience didn't matter at all. I got to the point where I wouldn't even prepare for a speech and would just get up and start talking. Now I'm a nervous wreck and dread giving a presentation or doing a workshop. It got to the point where I would avoid it as much as possible. I really want to change this because I used to love giving presentations. I'm thinking of trying out Toastmasters to see if it will help me overcome my stage fright.

    I've been able to turn some of my other insecurities into something positive, especially with work. The insecurities drive me to do a better job and now when I think something negative about myself I try to immediately replace it with a positive thought.
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    Jan 29, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    lissenup saidThe older I get, the more I realize how much my parents influenced me and my insecurities are frequently the same ones they have. Ever since I can remember my parents have been obsessed with their weight and have always been on a diet. My mother always talks about how fat she is (which she isn't) and my dad's weight fluctuates. However, neither one would be considered overweight by anyone's standards. So....of course I've been obsessed with my weight my entire life. I'm trying to break free of their negative influence. My mother also hates pictures of herself and talks about how awful she looks in them...so I used to hate to have my picture taken and would feel the same way. Fortunately, I now live with a good photographer! icon_razz.gif

    I think my biggest insecurity right now is public speaking. I used to do it all the time and the size of the audience didn't matter at all. I got to the point where I wouldn't even prepare for a speech and would just get up and start talking. Now I'm a nervous wreck and dread giving a presentation or doing a workshop. It got to the point where I would avoid it as much as possible. I really want to change this because I used to love giving presentations. I'm thinking of trying out Toastmasters to see if it will help me overcome my stage fright.

    I've been able to turn some of my other insecurities into something positive, especially with work. The insecurities drive me to do a better job and now when I think something negative about myself I try to immediately replace it with a positive thought.


    Aw, that was beautiful icon_razz.gif

    Wait, so you used to do public speaking all the time but now you get really nervous about it? Did something happen to change that? icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 29, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    Public speaking, that's a big one for a lot of people though.

    I used to be good at public speaking too. Back in high school I would give great presentations and was perfectly comfortable talking in front of people, even though I was shy ironically. I'd still be a little nervous but that would wear off after a minute or two of being up there.

    Then I took a film class in freshman year of college and had a real jackass of a professor (he wasn't even a professor just a grad student TA) He made us sit up in front of the the class and critiqued us in front of everyone. He even made one girl cry.

    Haven't been the same since and now I dread public speaking. Sweaty palm, shaky voice, nervousness... I should also join toastmasters too to get my mojo back.

    As far as body insecurities I am bit lean, would like to be more tone. My mom always says "you need to put more meat on your bones." I'm tempted to say, "Than why didn't you make meals that put meat on my bones?" She would always make low carb, with just barely enough protein when I was younger. You need a lot of carbs and protein to fill out a tall frame. Now I'm playing catch up to get a more tone body type for someone my age.

    I am tall and was insecure about that seeing how there are a lot of guys who are 6,5" It seemed like everyone would look at me when i walked into a room but now it makes me feel kind of famousicon_biggrin.gif Plus, height comes in handy with basketball, tennis, and volleyball.
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    Jan 29, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    Top ones:

    confidence: people comment that i should be far more confident than i am. i'm not necessary lacking confidence, but i have moments where i'm unnecessarily insecure. in my town, i was one of the only black people...sometimes that can shape your self of self worth when people make racist comments. i was actually a brain in high school, so people would say things like "oh you're only smart because you're part white (I am actually part German, which made me believe that one for a while)" and "you just wish you were white." sometimes i think it's worth it because when i graduated salutatorian of my high school class, i remember a younger black student came up to me and said i inspired him to defy expectations. when i gave my commencement speech, i remember saying that i hated high school and that i hope the rest of life makes me look back on this and laugh...that actually got me a standing ovation from my classmates (all 340 of them)...that actually did wonders for my confidence.

    my sense of self worth and my looks: growing up somewhat isolated from people invariably warped my self-perception. i felt literally unattractive because i have fuller lips and different hair and virtually everyone else around me did not. i used to think i was flat out ugly until college and i still struggle with it sometimes. to that point, i have a hard time initiating contact with people i'm really attracted to...although i'm totally an alpha male once i get past my hangups.
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    Jan 30, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    My crippling self-loathing and general disdain for people in general. Zey are annoying, ach!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    We're insecure about our ages. People keep saying we're older than 25.

    *sobs disconsolately*

    -Doug *adjusts hearing aid so he can read the text better*






  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 30, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    You all need to discover transactional analysis and discover the parent adult and child in your phyche. Really, it's technology/psychology from the 1960's and it's still used today in management training. You need to turn the I'm Not Ok into I'm OK and then go find your lover.
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    Jan 30, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    I'm really insecure about my cheeks..i hate my baby face lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    Forums that ask about them.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jan 30, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    Being skinny. I hate it. I used to love it, I was an emo scene kid, it was perfect. I'm not anymore, and I feel like I just get voerlooked for it.

    I was always the ugly kid, until I could eb that emo kid, I suited it. Now I just feel lost and ugly. A lot.
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    Jan 30, 2011 2:00 AM GMT
    Perfectionism and fear of failure are two of my biggest hang-ups. The result is chronic procrastination.

    I too find that I've adopted the complexes of my parents: my mother is a control-freak and my father can be pedantic and anal-retentive. You can imagine what such a combination is like for me ^^

    I also have two other insecurities: the belief that what I do is mediocre, that I am mediocre myself; and always having to know everything, lest people think I'm ignorant, which feeds into having to always be right.

    At the base of everything is fear: fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of losing control, fear of looking stupid.
  • mizu5

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    Jan 30, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    mizu5 saidBeing skinny. I hate it. I used to love it, I was an emo scene kid, it was perfect. I'm not anymore, and I feel like I just get voerlooked for it.

    I was always the ugly kid, until I could eb that emo kid, I suited it. Now I just feel lost and ugly. A lot.

    You are so not ugly it isn't funny. Come, let's have a spelling lesson:

    A-d-o-r-a-b-l-e
    Which is kind of you to say. Last night I went out with a friend. I had 3 seperate people tell me I was gross, one call me a nastytwink bitch, and a group aske the guy Iw as with why he would hang out with some ugly little kid.

    I left at 1230. It only took an hour for people to say that much.
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    Jan 30, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    mizu5 saidWhich is kind of you to say. Last night I went out with a friend. I had 3 seperate people tell me I was gross, one call me a nastytwink bitch, and a group aske the guy Iw as with why he would hang out with some ugly little kid.

    I left at 1230. It only took an hour for people to say that much.


    Sorry to hear this about you icon_sad.gif They seem like such a bitchy and catty group of people trying to tear you down when the truth is the exact opposite of what they said.

    As an aside, best of luck for the Japan competition, I added my vote icon_wink.gif
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jan 30, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    kangourou said
    mizu5 saidWhich is kind of you to say. Last night I went out with a friend. I had 3 seperate people tell me I was gross, one call me a nastytwink bitch, and a group aske the guy Iw as with why he would hang out with some ugly little kid.

    I left at 1230. It only took an hour for people to say that much.


    Sorry to hear this about you icon_sad.gif They seem like such a bitchy and catty group of people trying to tear you down when the truth is the exact opposite of what they said.

    As an aside, best of luck for the Japan competition, I added my vote icon_wink.gif
    <3 thanks.

    And Yeah. I mean people were kinda jsut rude last night, one guy told my friend his dancing was bad, when all he was doing was swaying.

    I sut get told shit like that a lot. It's.... upsetting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    Part of me feels bad when people say they hate being skinny.

    I wanna stay skinny forever, there's nothing wrong with it. being skinny doesn't mean you're feminine/flamboyant. There are tons of "flamers" that have bicep mass and such, and slim guys who act like guys.

    Plus, I'm skinny, and I'm not an emo or hipster. I'm more of just...a college kid who likes to go to parties, surfs, and games.

  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jan 30, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    mizu5 said
    jprichva said
    mizu5 saidBeing skinny. I hate it. I used to love it, I was an emo scene kid, it was perfect. I'm not anymore, and I feel like I just get voerlooked for it.

    I was always the ugly kid, until I could eb that emo kid, I suited it. Now I just feel lost and ugly. A lot.

    You are so not ugly it isn't funny. Come, let's have a spelling lesson:

    A-d-o-r-a-b-l-e
    Which is kind of you to say. Last night I went out with a friend. I had 3 seperate people tell me I was gross, one call me a nastytwink bitch, and a group aske the guy Iw as with why he would hang out with some ugly little kid.

    I left at 1230. It only took an hour for people to say that much.

    All that means is that you managed to escape having to spend time with assholes. Count yourself lucky. You might have given one of them fifteen minutes of your life that you'll never get back.
    At least I'd feel wanted and pretty for 15 minutes. It's been so long.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    I guess it's all a matter of perspective. Us naturally slimmer guys probably have metabolisms to die for by naturally heavier guys. And some poor places in the world, some kids left without food and shelter are probably 'dying' for just a fraction of what we take for granted in life just so they can survive...
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    Jan 30, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    Mizu5 I know this won't help at all, but you are a handsome guy, and try not to let those comments get to you too much -- I know they can hurt.

    Usually people who are so quick to pass negative comments unto others are the ones masking insecurities about themselves -- it's their problem, not yours.