how come i'm meeting great guys everywhere except my own city?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 29, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    Ok, why is it that I'm meeting great guys everywhere except my hometown (Raleigh, NC)? Granted, there are plenty gay guys here, but I haven't come across any that I have much in common with. However, outside the city, I'm meeting great guys! Am I living in the wrong town? Or am I just being too damn picky?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jan 29, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    move to New Orleans and meating Gay Guys won't be a problem for YOU!

    icon_cool.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 29, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    go_vols saidOk, why is it that I'm meeting great guys everywhere except my hometown (Raleigh, NC)? Granted, there are plenty gay guys here, but I haven't come across any that I have much in common with. However, outside the city, I'm meeting great guys! Am I living in the wrong town? Or am I just being too damn picky?
    Dude, I agree with you 100% It seems I always meet the type of guys I like on here and they are not here in DC. They live Texas and Colorado and/or CHicago. I need to move. ha ha ha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    There is nothing wrong with casting a wide net but moving won't make any difference. Take it from someone who has lived in Boston, NY, Paris, NY, Miami, Charlotte, and Wilmington NC. People who are far away are safe so you can loosen up and fantasize and make the person into someone they are not but that is perfect for you. People close to home make you face reality that you can't get exactly what you want but you can love someone you didn't think you could. Until you have met someone and spent at least three months with them you really have no clue if the guy you like is an illusion or not. Your first impression could be of a rough tough guy that turns out to have a prissy side. You may find he is warm and loving until the passion wears off and then he becomes cold and distant. One other thing, the more options gay men have the more choosy they become. Therefore, the larger the city the more frenetic the dating scene and the less likely they are to actually make the effort to get to know most of their real options.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    go_vols saidOk, why is it that I'm meeting great guys everywhere except my hometown


    There have been some other Forum threads with similar topics. All I can say is that I have exactly the same experience. And I don' t know why.
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 30, 2011 6:24 AM GMT
    ive been having this problem too
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    rnch saidmove to New Orleans and meating Gay Guys won't be a problem for YOU!

    icon_cool.gif


    Seriously there's a new batch of hot guys from all over the U.S. every week in New Orleans. But then they leave on Monday-Tuesday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 6:27 AM GMT
    I know the feeling man
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 6:45 AM GMT
    friendormate saidThere is nothing wrong with casting a wide net but moving won't make any difference. Take it from someone who has lived in Boston, NY, Paris, NY, Miami, Charlotte, and Wilmington NC. People who are far away are safe so you can loosen up and fantasize and make the person into someone they are not but that is perfect for you. People close to home make you face reality that you can't get exactly what you want but you can love someone you didn't think you could. Until you have met someone and spent at least three months with them you really have no clue if the guy you like is an illusion or not. Your first impression could be of a rough tough guy that turns out to have a prissy side. You may find he is warm and loving until the passion wears off and then he becomes cold and distant. One other thing, the more options gay men have the more choosy they become. Therefore, the larger the city the more frenetic the dating scene and the less likely they are to actually make the effort to get to know most of their real options.



    Spot on as the Brits would say
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 6:48 AM GMT
    I will tell you why you can't meet good local guys because it's the mystery of life! You're not being too picky, I think maybe we're designed to cross pollinate or something. Ha ha. I barely talk to the guys on here from my state but have met great guys from everywhere else. Perhaps we're not realizing the potential of the guys nearby or they're simply not as compatible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 2:18 PM GMT
    wow, i thought i'd be the only one who dealt with this!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 30, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    friendormate saidThere is nothing wrong with casting a wide net but moving won't make any difference. Take it from someone who has lived in Boston, NY, Paris, NY, Miami, Charlotte, and Wilmington NC. People who are far away are safe so you can loosen up and fantasize and make the person into someone they are not but that is perfect for you. People close to home make you face reality that you can't get exactly what you want but you can love someone you didn't think you could. Until you have met someone and spent at least three months with them you really have no clue if the guy you like is an illusion or not. Your first impression could be of a rough tough guy that turns out to have a prissy side. You may find he is warm and loving until the passion wears off and then he becomes cold and distant. One other thing, the more options gay men have the more choosy they become. Therefore, the larger the city the more frenetic the dating scene and the less likely they are to actually make the effort to get to know most of their real options.
    i never looked at it that way buddy. i guess you make a good point. however, i do have to pose a question what if you have met those guys and they are really nice. again, i guess you have a good point. it does makes you think.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jan 30, 2011 2:37 PM GMT
    go_vols saidwow, i thought i'd be the only one who dealt with this!


    I guess "The grass is always greener" because I can't believe how many hot guys on RJ live in North Carolina
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 30, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    go_vols saidwow, i thought i'd be the only one who dealt with this!


    I guess "The grass is always greener" because I can't believe how many hot guys on RJ live in North Carolina


    Todd is definitely on the right track.. I was just thinking about the "greener grass" idea. I've often found interesting guys who live elsewhere. One of the first experiences I had as I came out was exposure to gay guys in Toronto... and quite a number seemed intrigued with a gay guy from Kansas... interesting, maybe it is something to do with "imagination" and distance and perception.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    The answer to this: "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

    Think of this from a logical point of view. when you go out in a city, you see the same people over and over again. well, when you go online, tends to be the same situation only different people. I have been on about 5 different sites and found a lot of commonality as to who I see poking around on my profile.

    I have pursued guys in other cities before and realized that people you meet online always seem perfect because they write a profile and sometimes have a online personality. You always see those people in a positive light but when you meet them in person, reality hits. Sometimes reality hitting is a good thing because you find out something that interests you further.

    I had been talking to a guy for 6 years on and off. I thought he was a great guy and was so excited that we both made the decision to meet and see each other personally. Turns out he is single for a reason, and pulls apart every great guy he meets for some reason. Later I heard though other friends that he was a fair weather vein and looking back things happened exactly that way.

    I have met other people i knew online though travel but have not traveled to meet anyone specifically like that person. I am a strong believer that networking with other gay men really helps you meet someone outside the box of the bar fly and the online thing. I still leave the online door open to increase the chance of meeting someone but recognize the online simply as a Masquerade of sorts....
    Sometimes that is hot thoughicon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    You are not the only one man i find great guys and thy are not even in my country icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    go_vols saidwow, i thought i'd be the only one who dealt with this!


    I guess "The grass is always greener" because I can't believe how many hot guys on RJ live in North Carolina


    seems that i took too long to write my response and someone else thought of the same paradox
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    ha! i guarantee if i moved to a different city i'd probably find hot guys in NC! lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 3:27 PM GMT
    Vladimir01 saidYou are not the only one man i find great guys and thy are not even in my country icon_cry.gif


    aww man.. I feel you icon_smile.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jan 30, 2011 3:28 PM GMT
    go_vols saidha! i guarantee if i moved to a different city i'd probably find hot guys in NC! lol


    grass...greener....lolol
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jan 30, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    Neither.

    The number of people on here in your city is nothing compared to the number of people on here outside your city (a.k.a. the rest of the entire world). So this is to be expected.
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Jan 30, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    Communicating with someone over the internet is not anything like meeting them in real life. It is an artificial medium that cannot give the full impression of a person.

    Meeting someone while traveling is also very different than two people meeting each other in the context of their daily lives.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    The grass is always greener on the other side, if you are there you will still run into the same dick heads and assholes in every city. Just be patient and you will find him.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jan 30, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    I don't travel much but it seems the guys that are out at the clubs in or around cleveland that are visiting from afar seem to make a beeline to me to introduce themselves and hang out. I thought it was my imagination but most of my friends have noticed this and we joke about how I'm collecting bfs from each state (if only!). Anyhow, they say I would fit right in if I moved to their city, such as atlanta, chicago, san fran, etc.

    I've tried to explain it also with reasoning, such as maybe guys don't appreciate what is in their own back yard. Maybe it is a mating hereditary trait that we are competitors of territory with the local guys but with visitors we consider them targets of mating and spreading our dna....yeah I know 2 guys can't procreate.....I'm not that far gone....but we still have those completely useless urges such as mating rituals, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    I live in a median size city with a small town mentality! that said the gay community here is huge but most guys here are very low key, and also very much aware that Internet is the worse place to meet quality guys to date or find to have a meaningful relationship with.

    Go_vols I bet and chances are that your dream guy is right under your nose and within walking distances from where you live!? good luck my friend!


    Leandro ♥