Will I scare him if I tell him how much I like him?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2008 3:13 AM GMT
    So I recently met this great guy. Well I have been talking to him for a wile through emails and a few phone calls. The problem is that I live in Panama and he lives in LA.

    I fly up to La about a month ago and we shared an amazing weekend at his place. At first I was not sure that he was interested in anything other then friendship. He was a little reserved because it was my first experience. We ended up making out and what not. It felt so good. I don't just mean the physical aspect, I mean the chemistry. We just got along great. He was perfect.

    Well I had to return to Panama, but we decided to stay in contact and we decided to see each other again this summer when I move back up to the states.

    I like this guy a lot, and I am aware that it might just be because it was my first experience I am attaching more then there should be. Right now I have been trying to play it a little ‘cool’ by just saying things like “I miss you,” but I keep thinking about this guy daily and I want to tell him.

    So my question is…

    If I tell him how much I like him (not love), do you think it would scare him officon_question.gif


    I really don’t want to scare this guy off. I hope he does not read this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2008 4:00 AM GMT
    can you "tell" him without words, but by actions
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    Mar 30, 2008 4:03 AM GMT
    What actions? Right now we only really have email.
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    Mar 30, 2008 4:19 AM GMT
    well, show interest in your emails...interest in him. Talk about his interests...learn more about him. He will be able to tell that you like him.
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    Mar 30, 2008 4:22 AM GMT
    Ok Thanks Caslon you Cupid. I will do.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 30, 2008 9:27 AM GMT
    That's great that you found someone that you've connected with and I know that it sucks that you have that distance between you

    Yeah...I'd tell him how much you like him
    but I'd wait until you are actually face to face again
    doing it online dilutes it down a lot and might make it easily misinterpreted
    by phone might be better but you'll get more bang for your buck ... pardon the expression icon_wink.gif
    if you say it face to face
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    Mar 30, 2008 11:37 AM GMT
    Muchmorethanmuscle - Great advice. I do realize that I need to get to know him more. A lot more. I guess it is mostly puppy love, infatuation, or whatever. And Thanks for the comment about my dog. It is funny that you say that because I have had like 20 people call it a Dingo. WTF. It is not that ugly guys!

    GQjock - That sounds like a great idea. I will try to wait until we are face to face. I agree that this whole internet thing is too impersonal.
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    Mar 30, 2008 12:38 PM GMT
    MMMMMMMMM Long distance relationships??????



    Are you prepared to Re Locate?
  • GettingFitter

    Posts: 158

    Mar 30, 2008 12:55 PM GMT
    It could be infatuation or it may be that once in a lifetime opportunity to find your one and only, but it all depends on how you approach things and how you want to end up with the dude at the end of it. I am taking your meaning of your first experience with him as it being a sexual one ? In which case treat carefully and go in with both eyes wide open and protect your heart at all costs, as some guys do get off jerking people around, make a game of playing with their emotions and then chucking them to the curb once they are finished with their amusement. icon_cry.gif

    Is he older than you ? In which case he probably already has an inkling you are probably more interested in him to begin with and so you could probably outright ask him if he wants more, but this may be a bit too forward even for the best of us and in the most ideal of situations. So I guess the best bet is to take things slow and not rush things. Ask a lot of questions, maybe go out on proper dates as it were and basically get to know the guy before making any decision concrete.

    Good luck and hope it turns out well for you and your perspective boyfriend icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 30, 2008 2:39 PM GMT
    TurkishDelight - Well I am relocating. the funny thing is that there is a possibility that I may move to LA with an old friend. I have not told him this because I did not want to scare him if he thought that I was moving to La because of him. But he still is an incentive for moving there.

    Gettingfitter - Well he is not just my first sexual experience, he has been my first experience with a guy romantically. call it a date or whatever, but I have never been with another guy like that before. That is why I am really cautious that I try not to over react to it all. Sometimes I feel like one of those stupid teen girls with a MAJOR crush. I have not finished my shrine dedicated to him yet, but...LOL.

    The thing is that we have both communicated that we like each other, but we know that we cant have this long distance relationship. So we agreed to just keep it open and be friends. I love it, but I want to try to be more then friends with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    At first I wasn't sure why Caslon (who always gives great advice) was pussy footing around ("'tell' him without words, but by actions), but then GQJock (ditto) clarified it for me ("wait until you are actually face to face again doing it online dilutes it").

    Of course, how he reacts to anything you say is as much a function of who he is as what you say - and you are the best judge of that.

    I think your solution of playing it "cool" ("I miss you") does a good job, but don't only reflect back, also explicitly express a longing for the future (e.g. "can't wait to see you again").

    If the rapport is good and on-going, odds are he's facing the same dilemma as you. Nonetheless, you don't want to ever hear: "well, I wasn't sure if you really liked me or not... and, um, I met this other guy...".
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    Mar 30, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    Personally, I hate it when guys play coy and hide how they really feel. I'd prefer they be honest about how they feel. And if the chemistry is there, I wouldn't feel freaked out in the least. I'd feel ecstatic.

    Please just be open, be yourself, and express your feelings. If he's not receptive, he's probably not the right guy anyway. If he is... lucky guy!

    That said, just be careful that you don't get used. Your first experience can be so passionate and filled with emotions. This probably isn't his first relationship, so it may not be as significant to him as it is to you.

    In a nutshell, be open and honest, but don't give yourself to him too easily or without great deliberation. If he's a good guy, he won't rush you into sex and will be happy just getting to know you.
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    Mar 31, 2008 2:51 AM GMT
    I recently had a similar experience...

    After 5 months of chatting and emailing, I went to NYC and spent the weekend with a guy from RealJock. Even though there had been some flirting in conversations, I still wasn't sure if he was interested in anything more than friendship. Let's just say when I got there, and it was time for bed, things became much clearer ;)

    Since then, we still chat and email a lot. We even make each other mixed CDs and mail them to each other (I know...how cute is that!). He's awesome...he's the kind of guy I deserve to be with...that's how I describe him.

    So, about a week or so after I got back, I told him how I felt, and that I'd really like for him to come visit me here sometime. He said he's love to.

    BUT...

    He also made is clear that he's not looking for anything serious. I know he's dating guys, and that's OK with me. Besides, it was only one date...one really great 48 hour date. So, that's how I'm looking at it as.

    So, my point is to be honest with him and tell him how you feel. If you are lucky, he will be honest with you as well - regardless of his answer, the honesty is the important part.

  • Kirby_Atwood

    Posts: 42

    Mar 31, 2008 2:41 PM GMT
    Maybe you could play a little tricks, and let him to say he likes you first, cuz on his side, properly he is thinking the same way? i think you could achieve that by talking to him on emails or phones, no need to wait till actual face to face. But yes, definately need a little tricks.
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    Mar 31, 2008 4:12 PM GMT
    First, make completely sure that you know WHAT it is you feel for him. Once you've established that just remember to never hide how you feel. If your feelings scare someone and they can't handle them, then that person isn't right for you. It's really simple. I always had that problem where I liked someone and I would always hold back because I was afraid that I'd "scare him away" if I came off as too strong. But really, there's no way around it and I just learned not to hide it. If he's not into you enough to take those feelings as a positive or if he's not strong enough to deal with them, then you'll know to start the "moving on" process.
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    Mar 31, 2008 10:43 PM GMT
    Hi,

    Well I don't believe in playing games, so I would recommend to tell people how you really feel. If it scares him away then so be it, he's not at your emotional level. He might not feel the same, but that's ok, its not a competition.

    However, long distance relationships are extremely hard, but not impossible.

    Good Luck.