So my bf fag hag cracked it

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Jan 30, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    Basically over the last few months my bf has been busy with work and stuff and hasn't had the chance to do what he use to do which was probably hang out with her every friday night and saturday/night.
    They have only seen each other sparingly and he has been with me a lot over the weekends.

    Anyways, they were pretty much barely talking and she invited some friends (not my boyfriend) over to her house for a pool party. Bf was kinda just like "whatever".

    Anyways later that night she made a status on facebook saying "i dont deserve to be treated like this. cunt".

    It was about my bf, he knew this.
    Anyway they exchange text messages and are meeting up tonight to "discuss and hang".
    Apparently she said something like "haven't asked to hang with each other in 3 months".

    I really worried he is gonna cave in and go back to the hanging with her all weekend which nearly destroyed our relationship in the beginning.

    She has low confidence and has never had a boyfriend so basically she latches on to my bf.

    I'm kinda annoyed atm. I got sent home from his place (so he could hang with her) and we had plans.

    How would you handle this situation?
    She does not like me and is not friendly at all when i've met her!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 5:45 AM GMT
    How does your Bf feel about her and her antics that he's so attached?

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 7:43 AM GMT
    If she is a true friend to your bf, then she would be happy for the both of you and not get in the way. If she is fighting for your bf's attention, then you need to tell her straight up to step aside and find a man of her own. By the looks of it she probably has insecurities with men and relationships. Somehow a gay man is much more comforting to her and isn't willing to deal with her insecurities.

    If you had plans with your bf and she was the reason it got cancelled. True friends don't pull stunts like this on a regular basis. So you need to put your foot down and tell her with your bf present. If this continues on, it will eventually bring down your relationship like you said..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 7:50 AM GMT
    bros before hos. you being the ho.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 7:54 AM GMT
    7a243240911f623a00eb4aaade46e7af.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 7:58 AM GMT
    Loco11 saidBasically over the last few months my bf has been busy with work and stuff and hasn't had the chance to do what he use to do which was probably hang out with her every friday night and saturday/night.
    They have only seen each other sparingly and he has been with me a lot over the weekends.

    Apparently she said something like "haven't asked to hang with each other in 3 months".

    I really worried he is gonna cave in and go back to the hanging with her all weekend which nearly destroyed our relationship in the beginning.


    To me, it sounds like you are jealous of her and your bf's friendship, and so you tried to keep them apart. The "Hag" was there first, so you should respect that. Give your bf his space to see his friends when he wants, or you'll get the boot.

    Just be thankful he comes home to YOU each night.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 12:49 PM GMT
    Wasn't this an episode of Will & Grace...or all the episodes??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    You got sent home???... icon_eek.gif ... I would have serious issues with a guy who did that to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 1:38 PM GMT
    Tell him how you feel and tell him how you feel about his relationship with this girl. I would be sensitive when addressing the issue because you don’t want to insult and enrage him, but I think what you feel is valid. I have been in the same situation before. The first time I broke up with the guy because he never had time to hang out and if we did cement plans he would often cancel without inviting me out with his group of girlfriends. I won’t be made to feel like a third wheel in my relationship and it sounds like you don’t want to either.

    In the proceeding relationship often times his friends would accompany us when we were together. I understood that he only had a limited amount of free time and couldn’t spend it all with me while ignoring everyone else in his life. I’m not saying I liked all of his friends but I respected his position and I appreciated the compromise. I wasn’t made to feel like a third wheel and we lived happily ever after….well for a couple of more months lol



  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jan 30, 2011 1:49 PM GMT
    I am sure these are valid relationships but I would much rather hang with the guys. I have three sisters and get all the female attention a guy would ever want or need.

    BTW I don't know how these fag hag relationships don't turn into sex in weak moments.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 30, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    Well it sounds like you are both at odds mainly because you are objects of his affection.... you are competitors it seems.

    We all need varied friendships, my suggestion is to let him decide what he wants to do... if it starts to look like he is spending too much time with the hag, then have a serious talk about balance and the perceived difference between your relationship and that of the hag. He may beside that "hanging" with her isn't what it's cut out to be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidWasn't this an episode of Will & Grace...or all the episodes??


    "If the hag hates ya, the fag won't date'cha!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    Clearly a turf war going on over the BF. Her actions suggest she is possessive, and also sounds angry. I don't know if the OP is, too.

    This is a bit analogous to the classic case where 2 straight guys are buddies, until one of them marries a woman and starts a home. The new wife now feels threatened by the unmarried buddy if he and her husband continue to hang together, for more than what she thinks are reasonable amounts of time. And some women can be quite unreasonable about these matters, being insecure and needing a lot of emotional reinforcement, and kept the center of attention.

    Only in this case it's the female who's the "outside" buddy, who may be intruding on the couple, to preserve the status quo and her own former interests. Triangles happen all the time, in different configurations.

    Well, if he prefers his old GF to his newer BF then I'd say he's making his choice, and let him have her. The OP should consider moving on. But first give this a little time & patience, to see if his BF is just trying to placate her for old times sake, and will be working to wean her off him. He himself may not like what could be a dependency, and extreme jealousy. But if that doesn't happen in a couple of months, I'd bid adios, amigo.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Jan 30, 2011 3:07 PM GMT
    Years ago I was involved in a relationship in which my BF had a fag hag that was constantly latching on to us and inserting herself into our business. It can be a very dangerous situation for the relationship, especially if the fag hag comes to depend on her social life with "her gays" as her main source of entertainment and interaction with others. They can be controlling and manipulative when trying to stake out their territory and hold onto it. It drove me crazy --- not because I didn't like her -- I did -- but mostly because she just didn't know when it was time for her to back off and get her own life. It was clear that she was living her life vicariously through "her gays" and it became increasingly unhealthy. She wasn't the cause for the demise of that relationship, but she sure didn't help matters. My advice would be to set some boundaries for this girl as to how much she is allowed to be involved in your relationship before you reach a point of no return -- a friend is one thing, but a third wheel who pits you against your bf is quite another. The BF "sending you home" so he can spend time with HER sounds like the beginning of the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    The fag hag is a curious creature. They provide comfort and company to the young gay, but as age grows us so does lessen the comfort as growing apart grows two souls asunder. The young find others, the others find comfort, the hag 'lo finds no other plunder. They latch and hold on, cry and bemoan, the young grown up, with no home but their own. But do not despair the divide, the divide that can't provide, the despair that two souls apart means a home no longer shared, for love is forgiving and for love is patient, and as age grows us, we must take care, to give comfort and company, forgiveness and time, to our loved ones for whom age has taken, its own embrace, its own space, its own thoughts and smiles and loss and grace. We are alone in this world, but together, we are alone less. God Bless.











    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I love Dr. Seuss.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    Thats the problem with a lot of 'Fag Hags'; they secretly want their gay friend as their boyfriend, or use them as substitutes because they cant get their own man because of their extreme insecurity.
    I dont deal with hags. You dont have to deal with her either.
    BITCH FIGHT!!!icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    Hmm I guess I am lucky the only reason I get mad at my 'fag hag', is because she sleeps with ALL of my straight friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    Maybe it's time that all fags started charging hags for their services.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 30, 2011 9:33 PM GMT
    So, I had the opposite issue.

    My very good friend Milly and I met in university. We both didn't know anyone. We met in our dorm and we slowly became friends. When I told her I was gay, we became closer. I was with her clubbing, i was with her when she broke up with boyfriends, and she was around to listen to all the crazy shit I was up to.

    I moved to Ottawa after university for work and was seeing someone long distance in Toronto. We were dating during the last year of uni.
    He wasn't out- so for his parent's sake, we only met up for half a day on Saturdays.

    So during my weekend in Toronto, I'd spend my weekends with family and her. I eventually broke up with the guy. A few months later, I started seeing Dan, my bf now.

    However he didn't have the same issues as my ex. This meant I would spend my weekends with him in Toronto when I went to visit (yes...another long distance relationship...). He stayed over and I saw less of my friend Milly.

    One day i was randomly talking to her through bb messenger and she said something like, "Well if you're ever in town, say hi..", to which i responded "for sure. I'll see what we can do next weekend".
    She responded with, "Well, well i know you won't but whatever...". I asked her what she meant and she blew up on me saying I never give her time anymore. It's always my boyfriend.

    I reminded her I was in a long distance relationship, so when I'm in town it's a bit hard to get together since she had a weird work schedule. She accused me then of not being a good friend and that I just abandoned her when I got a new bf and that it was never like that with my other ex. I tried to explain but she lashed out at me and said some hurtful things. I finally lost it after 2 weeks of arguing. Even though I apologized and promised to make more of an effort, she still went on about how much I hurt her and that she'd never do what I did to her friends and that she saw me as family. I told her that what she was saying to me was uncalled for and that i would remove her from bbm if she kept going since i was done fighting. She didn't and I cut her off.

    Dan sympathized with me but at the same time wanted us to be friends again despite some of the crap she said about him.
    Eventually she came around and apologized. I forgave her, but it strained our relationship. I felt she wanted me around when it was convenient to her and didn't really care for what made me happy. It almost felt like I was dating her... She has a bf, she just got used to me being around all the time for her.

    I sympathize for the OP and what he's going through since I made Dan go through the same. In the end, he is really who I chose.

    Don't make him choose, be supportive and let him vent. It doesn't sound like he will drop you for her. In the end you're in bed with him, not her. If she somehow manipulates him and poisons your relationship, It's you who should be questioning your relationship.

    *Edit* Ugh- last time I try posting something from a mobile device... Sorry for the initial bad grammar and spelling mistakes.