How do I find a wing man?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2008 9:01 PM GMT
    I'm very recently out and looking for a wing man to explore the local bar scene.

    I'm looking for a like-minded guy or crowd to go out with so I'm not "that guy" (that guy standing in the corner by himself). Being that guy creates one of two scenarions: 1} people don't approach you at all or 2)the people you wish would stay away are all over you.

    I live in a very straight world and am not sure how to start making friends who are gay. Any advice?

  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Mar 31, 2008 1:36 AM GMT
    Get rid of the idea of having a wing man throw yourself out into the middle of a crowd. Hell if it takes a few beers first to loosen you up so be it.

    The possibility of having a wing man still doesn't mean that you will meet people, it just means you "might" have one off conversatiosn that go nowhere in which said wingman becomes a clutch. Whereas if you just get out there on your own two feet meetings and conversations can become something on a higher level than a one off.
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    Mar 31, 2008 1:40 AM GMT
    That's actually very good advice.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Mar 31, 2008 1:43 AM GMT
    That's what fag hags are for. If you can't get a hag go out with someone that's in a relationship, that way you know that he won't take home your "potentials" and you'll have fun just going out and not looking like the lone lurker, if nothing happens. Either of them would be prepared to turn the ones you're not interested in away.
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    Mar 31, 2008 2:10 AM GMT
    Well Wiseass (I like typing that and knowing I'm not pissing anyone off! LOL), I was in your boat last night. Was out by myself and although the advise from death_dodge sounds good, it's not that easy. I'm not able to just throw myself out there either. It's a two edge sword (wingman), I knew a guy there and he chatted with me on occasion and I'd see someone looking my way and I wondered if they thought I was with someone (or if they were even looking at me). That's why I think bars are a bad place to go to meet someone. Better off going to a picnic or other gathering (even gay "social") than a bar, in my opinion.
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    Mar 31, 2008 2:19 AM GMT
    There should be gay social groups in your area that get together. Sorta like the gay mans answer to all the single social clubs for straights. It's a good way to begin new friendships. From there you can go out with one another at the clubs and look out for one another. I get what you mean with the whole wingman thing. It does work better. Always nice to have someone there with no other intentions other than just enjoying the evening. It's tough hitting the scene alone because if you do strike up a conversation with a stranger the other party probably thinks you are hitting on them imediately. Most don't approach a stranger at a club saying.. hey lets be platonic friends! Not to mention it does suck sitting there alone. I admire those who can hit the clubs and walk out on the dance floor and just enjoy their own little thing but some don't have that in them to do something like that. I'm inclined to initiate a conversation with just about anyone new but throwing my own private party on the dance floor is another issue.

    There is another way of finding your wingman but it was never intentional the way it happened. You first have a one night stand and after that you become platonic friends. Right now though since you are new to all of this I'd say seek out some gay groups/organizations that offer that introduction as platonic friends and go find a whole room full of potential wingmen.

    Fag hags are fun. I have one myself but sometimes it's best to have a male wingman available as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2008 2:19 AM GMT
    Are you looking to meet people at a bar, or are you just looking for a wingman to have fun at a bar with?

    Now I can not give you much advice about wingmen and bars because I am not 21 yet.

    I find that it is easier to meet new people if I am alone. I don't like to approach people that are together because then I become a 'third wheel.' I cant imagine anyone wanting to approach a guy with a friend or two right next to him. It is much easier when it is one on one.

    Just approach the guy if you want to dance or talk. the chance of you seeing him again are slim to none. Give it a shot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2008 2:39 AM GMT
    Forget the "wingman" appraoch and just go do it! Quit worrying about who is looking at you and what they "see"...The unfortunate and sad fact is that too many guys in a gay bar are waiting to be "approached" and "asked" or "talked to". Quit it! YOU need to be the initiator of the conversation or the dance or whatever! Get out there and start picking and choosing who you are interested in...and just talk to them! They will either accept or reject your "offer"...
    Don't be afraid of being told "no thanks". A direct answer is great! It takes the "guess work" out of the mix and just adds to the "clarity of the hunt".
    I like being "pro-active" and taking control of what I am doing and who I talk with....as for the "undesireables" ...you always have the right to say "no thanks" and/or walk away. Just be aware of what it feels like to be turned down or rejected and do it with some class, style and sensativity.
    Now get out there and have fun! Good luck and happy hunting!icon_cool.gif