Are you overprotective of your boyfriend?

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    Feb 02, 2011 6:29 PM GMT
    like will you do things such as not allow them to go out without you and stuff like that?
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    Feb 02, 2011 7:00 PM GMT
    One of my vanities is that I believe I look after my partner like a hawk. Not intrusive in everyday things, I hope, he can do as he likes, I don't interfere or even comment. He goes out by himself, does all kinds of community things that involve him and not me, his own business being his own business. I wouldn't dare intrude.

    But when something goes wrong, or I perceive a threat to him, I go into full protective mode. I'm actually better at looking after the interests of others, than I am my own. Perhaps a legacy of my Army days, I dunno. You can shit on me and getta away with it, but try that with someone for whom I feel responsible, and you're gonna wish you were never born.

    My late partner's life was saved twice by me, and my current partner's also twice, during medical crises when I took control and got critical things done. There's no way on Earth I will let any harm come to my partner, that is the duty of partners. I likewise know my partner will always be there for me in time of need. And I know all the partnered guys here think and do the same.

    So that when you're protective of your BF or partner (not sure what "overprotective" is), that's a natural response. Men automatically do that.

    Therefore, I'd like to hear how "overprotective" is defined. Not suffocating, or restrictive, which I would oppose. But mutually "protective" I would expect, and be how all BFs and partners of my experience behave.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Feb 02, 2011 7:24 PM GMT
    my bf is "southern-polite" to a fault; suffering the attention of others wayyyy past polite refusal levels. as am I, but only to a certain point. i'll take more verbal abuse than i will allow him to endure.

    to wit:

    early one sunday morning, in our favorite bar in my gayborhood, an obnoxious, drunk queen was hitting on my bf, oblivious to the fact that he was with me and that my bf was not enjoying the drunk's conversation and hand grabs.

    i was slowly getting fed up with this fool and his unwanted advances. i went to the restroom to splash some cold water on my face and answer the call of too many gin and tonics.

    when i returned, the drunk dude had climbed onto the barstool i had been occupying next to my bf, arm draped around my bf's shoulder, aggresively hitting on him.

    i snapped inside. as i walked up to them, i did a "mr. spock" vulcan neck/should pinch on the drunk dude and snarled into his ear "BITCH, if you wanna keep that arm attached to yo' body i suggest that YOU TAKE IT THE HELLLL OFFIN' MAH MANNNNN!!

    my bf burst into a fit of repressed giggles/gufffaws as the drunk dude rapidly pushed his way thru the crowd and out of the door.

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    Feb 02, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    We over protect each other
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    Feb 02, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    charlitos saidWe over protect each other

    Please explain the "over" my dear chariltos.
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    Feb 02, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidOne of my vanities is that I believe I look after my partner like a hawk. Not intrusive in everyday things, I hope, he can do as he likes, I don't interfere or even comment. He goes out by himself, does all kinds of community things that involve him and not me, his own business being his own business. I wouldn't dare intrude.

    But when something goes wrong, or I perceive a threat to him, I go into full protective mode. I'm actually better at looking after the interests of others, than I am my own. Perhaps a legacy of my Army days, I dunno. You can shit on me and getta away with it, but try that with someone for whom I feel responsible, and you're gonna wish you were never born.


    My boyfriend is also in the military and I find him to be similar. He lets me go about my own business and life, of course, as I hope he feels I do for him, but sometimes he has seemed protective of me in a couple situations. It's cute.
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    Feb 02, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    t_h_r_i_v_e saidMy boyfriend is also in the military and I find him to be similar. He lets me go about my own business and life, of course, as I hope he feels I do for him, but sometimes he has seemed protective of me in a couple situations. It's cute.

    Doesn't surprise me. We always "look after our own," it's an integral part of the military culture. It's positively reflexive -- threaten my comrade, and we react automatically. It's how we're trained, how we think.

    I obviously can't know what kind of guy he otherwise is for you, but in terms of loyalty & devotion, if a military guy commits himself to you, he'll put his life on the line for you. Do realize he'll expect the same back from you, OK?
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    Feb 02, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    I tend to be the complete opposite, to the point of indifference at times. I guess I hate over-possessiveness from a partner. The way I see it, people are adults and you can't really stop them from doing anything they want to do. Which is why trust is so key in a relationship.
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    Feb 02, 2011 8:03 PM GMT
    Vancouverite2004 saidI tend to be the complete opposite, to the point of indifference at times. I guess I hate over-possessiveness from a partner. The way I see it, people are adults and you can't really stop them from doing anything they want to do. Which is why trust is so key in a relationship.


    I am actually the same way too. Sometimes this can lead to people taking advantage of that though=/
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Feb 02, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    HotCollegeDude saidlike will you do things such as not allow them to go out without you and stuff like that?


    That's f'ing creepy, dude.icon_eek.gif
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    Feb 02, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    neosyllogy said
    HotCollegeDude saidlike will you do things such as not allow them to go out without you and stuff like that?


    That's f'ing creepy, dude.icon_eek.gif


    I'm not like that!! But I know some people are
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    Feb 02, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    t_h_r_i_v_e saidMy boyfriend is also in the military and I find him to be similar. He lets me go about my own business and life, of course, as I hope he feels I do for him, but sometimes he has seemed protective of me in a couple situations. It's cute.

    Doesn't surprise me. We always "look after our own," it's an integral part of the military culture. It's positively reflexive -- threaten my comrade, and we react automatically. It's how we're trained, how we think.

    I obviously can't know what kind of guy he otherwise is for you, but in terms of loyalty & devotion, if a military guy commits himself to you, he'll put his life on the line for you. Do realize he'll expect the same back from you, OK?


    Oh he knows I care a LOT about him. I've been there for him throughout his training and I don't plan on stopping. When he's been sad at training or having a hard day, it really broke my heart too.

    In terms of loyalty and devotion, he's ALL about those things. Which is great, because though I'm not a military-type person myself, I am all about commitment and devotion, so it works really well. Okay now I miss him, so I'm done typing here. But I get to visit him next month! weeeee!!!
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    Feb 02, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    I've never overprotective of my past bf's. They were always free to roam and do whatever with whomever.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Feb 02, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    The fastest way to lose a man is to put limits on him and smother him with your insecurites. That's how my ex was/is, he brought all those issues to our relationship. He found out I used to date one of my really good friends and told me I couldn't hangout with him alone, I told him he was nuts and not to make me choose because he wouldn't like my choice. I can deal with a certain amount of baggage but damn!
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    Feb 02, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
    t_h_r_i_v_e saidOh he knows I care a LOT about him. I've been there for him throughout his training and I don't plan on stopping. When he's been sad at training or having a hard day, it really broke my heart too.

    In terms of loyalty and devotion, he's ALL about those things. Which is great, because though I'm not a military-type person myself, I am all about commitment and devotion, so it works really well. Okay now I miss him, so I'm done typing here. But I get to visit him next month! weeeee!!!

    Sounds sweet, and good. You may not be a military-type, but take care of your man as if you were. When you can put the HIM before the ME, and he does the same for you, you will both be together forever. Your words make me smile. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 02, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
    Putting the "him" before the "me" is what being a Navy wife is all about. So yes, I do that ;) Hehe. Okay I will now stop derailing this topic.
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    Feb 03, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    I've thought a little about this, and have had good conversations with my partner about what's okay and what isn't.

    Overprotective for me means you begin to intrude on their most personal interests; hobbies, close friendships, work and school, etc. You try to co-opt the things that make them an individual for the feeling of knowing their secure in your reach and grasp. It's a sort of greed, I suppose, but under a veneer of love and desire.

    Protective means feeling irked when someone hits on them, or when someone says something nasty about them. Being protective is a natural outgrowth of feeling like you belong to that person, and vice versa. Not in a possessive sense, but an intimate and caring one.
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    Feb 03, 2011 12:38 AM GMT
    charlitos saidWe over protect each other


    same. lol.
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    Feb 03, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    Overly protective!? NEVER

    Protective? ALWAYS


    Leandro ♥
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    Feb 03, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    Bottomboi said
    ALEZANDAR saidOverly protective!? NEVER

    The gayest signature ever? ALWAYS


    Leandro ♥


    There you go, I edited it for you.



    Necessary? No...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    makavelli said
    Bottomboi said
    ALEZANDAR saidOverly protective!? NEVER

    The gayest signature ever? ALWAYS


    Leandro ♥


    There you go, I edited it for you.



    Necessary? No...



    That's o.k Makavelli, just ignore him! I have him blocked!


    Leandro ♥
  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Feb 03, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    Bottomboi said
    ALEZANDAR saidOverly protective!? NEVER

    The gayest signature ever? ALWAYS


    Leandro ♥


    There you go, I edited it for you.



    who peed in your Wheaties?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2011 1:11 AM GMT
    I have been with the same guy for 9 years. I enjoy our time together and our time apart. It gives us both time to just do our own thing. We have a child now so we don't get to get away often as we need. I have no desire to be overprotective to my partner, I see no benefit to the relationship.
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    Feb 03, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    t_h_r_i_v_e saidPutting the "him" before the "me" is what being a Navy wife is all about. So yes, I do that ;) Hehe. Okay I will now stop derailing this topic.

    I know about those military marriages. But as I wrote above, he has to do the same thing with you.

    Yeah, often the military imposes its own priorities on a couple, as even sometimes private employers do on civilian couples. But in the personal choices you can control yourself, I would look for each guy to be thinking of his partner first, himself second. When you both do that equally, you both come out on top.

    And you're not derailing the topic, in my opinion.
  • Noah_b87

    Posts: 31

    Feb 03, 2011 8:12 AM GMT
    nope i figure if the guy wants to go out and find something better that mean some1 better is out there for me. i figure if hes going to cheat he will find a way to do it