Gay men cant be in relationships. Agree or disagree?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 6:49 AM GMT
    So I've been dating around, and decided to ask this question here because sadly the best references I have in real life, whether they admit it or not, agree with this statement.

    Perhaps I should rephrase, gay men cannot be in 100% committed realtionships. By 100% committed, I mean, an interest in just ONE (take note) person. So far, I've been interested in four guys who after about three weeks started to disappoint me. The first led me on, until he figured out I wasnt sleeping with him. The second stopped talking to me when he found out I dont sleep around. The third got mad when I wouldnt be his friend with benefits. The fourth stopped talking for no good reason

    I recently read that men will iniate relationships simply for the pleasure of doing so. Why? That's unnecessary drama.

    So the two people whom I held on a pedestal, and who were 'so in love' recently started competing AGAINST each other for my attention. Apparently they have an 'open door policy' if you know what I mean.

    I also read that "infidelity will always be a part of gay relationships." What the hell does this mean?

    So my question is, are there GAY men out there who genuinely want a real monogomus committed relationship, and MEAN it, not just kind of mean it? Or should I just give up, because I'm seriously about to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 7:04 AM GMT
    To your topic heading....Disagree

    Yes, there are gay men out here who want to be in a 100% monogomous relationship. And I happen to be one of them. Do you have this discussion with the guys you date and are you dating the ones who are on that path with you? Might want to think about that.
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    Feb 07, 2011 7:12 AM GMT
    I tell them straight up what I am looking for. I think they are deaf, or think they can somehow change my mind but when they lie and say they want the same thing it doesnt exactly help. Now I'm afraid to date anyone :-(
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    Feb 07, 2011 7:29 AM GMT
    gq8912 saidPerhaps I should rephrase, gay men cannot be in 100% committed realtionships. By 100% committed, I mean, an interest in just ONE (take note) person.

    Totally false. Just like straight men & women date without commitment until they take that plunge, gay men are the same way.

    I remember my first gay partner, who later died. I guess your first love is always the most intense. I never knew how much I could love another person. I was devoted to him in every way you can be to another person.

    Now I have it again, with my present partner. And you don't think we are committed 100% to each other? And it's not totally monogamous?

    I excuse your ignorance as a product of youth, and perhaps bad experiences you've had so far. I hope you learn better, and meet better men. Your view of gay men is simply not what many of the rest of us know to be the real truth. With time, and hopefully some better experiences, you will discover that for yourself.
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    Feb 07, 2011 2:30 PM GMT
    31 years of relationship, so still in the "unsure" stageicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    Strongly disagree, No doubt that men are pigs, including me. But some of us--and hopefully many of us--are capable of being in a committed, monogamous relationship when the right guy comes along and/or the time is right. It's a matter of self-discipline, respect for your partner, and self-respect. Personally, I think that being "gay" or "bi" (however you define it)doesn't give me the license to screw around if there's an understanding between me and my partner/lover that we're "committed" to each other. Ultimately, however, the key is fully defining the relationship and its parameters, and clarifying the parties' expectations.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    Every couple has their own thoughts/ideas/theories/practices on a relationship. Some define monogamy as only one for everything (love and sex), others see love as monogamous but view sex as more open.

    In my opinion, your relationship is built on a mutual and respected understanding of how relationship should exist or can be enjoyed. It is this understanding and comfort that allows for LTR, whether they're traditional monogamous or not.

    You do sometimes need to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince. But the frog that you kissed and didn't turn into a prince, might for the next guy.

    Committed relationships don't have to be monogamous, a committed relationship is where two persons are committed to each other based on THEIR feelings not on YOURS!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:05 PM GMT
    commitment comes from the heart and soul, not the dick.........Keithicon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    This Thread is as STUPID as the OP!

    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    frenchatheart saidThis Thread is as STUPID as the OP!

    icon_rolleyes.gif


    Aha, so that's why the OP went hidden. Nice going frenchie.

    To the OP, ignore frenchie here, his bathtub of happiness has no plug and all the joy drained out.

    Frenchie, go get a cup of white vinegar and drink it down so you can better understand the effect and flavour of your posts.


    To the OP,

    They can, and are. Click on our profile. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:46 PM GMT
    heybreaux saidOf course they can, and do...how moronic is this post?
    What next, Gay men do or don't have opposable thumbs?



    ...perhaps the OP is simply struggling against an overwhelming sense of despair. With that in mind his post is not going to be perfect as it's coming from a place of intense emotion. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    frenchatheart saidThis Thread is as STUPID as the OP!

    icon_rolleyes.gif


    classy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    In time I'll let you know. Just had a heart-to-heart talk with a guy I just met. We discussed our desire for a partner in life and decided to give the monogamy thing a whirl. We've been together a week and joke that's equivalent to a year in gay time, so we celebrated with a nice dinner and after party...

    My gut says this won't last, but my heart says what the fuck; I've been broken before go for it. And so I am.

    Hope springs eternal.
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    Feb 07, 2011 5:00 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIn time I'll let you know. Just had a heart-to-heart talk with a guy I just met. We discussed our desire for a partner in life and decided to give the monogamy thing a whirl. We've been together a week and joke that's equivalent to a year in gay time, so we celebrated with a nice dinner and after party...

    My gut says this won't last, but my heart says what the fuck; I've been broken before go for it. And so I am.

    Hope springs eternal.


    happy for you brother....keep a positive outlook that it WILL work, and chances are that it WILL........best to you and your new partner......Keithicon_wink.gif
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 07, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    You prove the answer to your own question - yes.

    What we want in our lives is seldom if ever so singular a desire that it goes unshared anywhere else in the human spectrum. And here, of all places I can think of, you'll find a broad range of (sometimes civil sometimes uncivil) agreement with your desire for one guy to be true to, and to be true to you in turn.

    Keep the faith, OP, all the universe is doing is tossing you through a cloud of meteoric morons determined to land a blow (no pun intended) and soon enough you'll find a perfect moon to orbit you faithfully and stay happily within your doubtless, loving, powerful, romantic gravitational pull. You will.

    xo
    r.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    Agree
  • luvrboi423

    Posts: 19

    Feb 07, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    I play the monogamous game. I am upfront about what I am looking for and that I don't play. BUT, after last year I have almost completely lost faith and am trying to make myself content with being single and staying that way. No need for more disappointment and hurt. I am glad that I am deployed and away from the gay world for at least half of this year.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    NO!. We're Aliens we don't know what a relationships are, but I've seen humans do it, have you ??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    Dumb topic with an obvious answer - don't feed the troll...icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Feb 07, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    Couldn't disagree more!

    I actually feel kinda bad for you that your experiences have led you to this conclusion. I've been with my partner for 8 years now and theres no one I imagine myself being with at anytime in the future. When I try to picture 5-10 years down the line in my own future, its with him and I make my plans based on that picture totally involving him in everything. Sure we can both still appreciate a hot looking guy walking by or whatever, and we argue and squabble like crazy sometimes lol.. but that doesn't mean that we are at all disinterested in each other or not in love.

    Stop looking for it, & one day there will be a guy that comes along that makes you feel all clumsy inside and you cant help but smile in his presence. You sound like your on a hunt desperately seeking something elusive.. but the real kicker is it just happens naturally on its own when your least expecting it. Stop trying to make it happen and just be yourself, thats really the only thing you can do.

    P.S. - And no one ever said it was easy
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    Feb 07, 2011 6:35 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    heybreaux saidOf course they can, and do...how moronic is this post?
    What next, Gay men do or don't have opposable thumbs?



    ...perhaps the OP is simply struggling against an overwhelming sense of despair. With that in mind his post is not going to be perfect as it's coming from a place of intense emotion. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug


    Who made you the Godmother of the OP? And you are trying too hard to overanalyze the OP's "intense emotion"!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    frenchatheart said
    meninlove said

    ...perhaps the OP is simply struggling against an overwhelming sense of despair. With that in mind his post is not going to be perfect as it's coming from a place of intense emotion. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug


    Who made you the Godmother of the OP? And you are trying too hard to overanalyze the OP's "intense emotion"!


    Now now, how's that lovely cup of vinegar? And incidentally, it's taking no effort at all.

    Say, who made you chief asshole of the forums? See? Two can play your silly game.

    icon_lol.gif

    -Doug
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Feb 07, 2011 10:12 PM GMT
    Disagree with original post title.

    I do think that long term success of gay couples is more rare than in lesbian and straight couples. However, it is possible and beautiful.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 07, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    frenchatheart said
    meninlove said
    heybreaux saidOf course they can, and do...how moronic is this post?
    What next, Gay men do or don't have opposable thumbs?



    ...perhaps the OP is simply struggling against an overwhelming sense of despair. With that in mind his post is not going to be perfect as it's coming from a place of intense emotion. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug


    Who made you the Godmother of the OP? And you are trying too hard to overanalyze the OP's "intense emotion"!


    Hmmmm...so FRENCHATHEART, to quote from your profile " I don't have hung-ups. But, I really don't need no NSA douchebags, drama queens or sugardaddies in my life." Indeed.
    And happy one year on RJ, by the way. Hope you're enjoying participating.
    Just wondering what the fuck happened between your very first post here on the site -- http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/948831/
    and your classless, rude, ignorant, vicious, bitter, head-up-your-ass remarks on this one, particularly to people who deserve a good deal more respect from petulant hung-up boys who don't have the dignity, sense of self, or authentic style of anything more than something you'd find on the floor of a taxi-cab.
    Grow a set and go back to square one where you at least appeared intelligent and capable of contributing something more to the site. It would be a good way to celebrate your one year here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 10:45 PM GMT
    This thread is STUPID, it assumes a stereotype is the norm and it assumes that straight people have cornered the market in love and monogamy.

    What are the divorce rates in the US?
    Women as well as men stray and lose interest in a partner.