Should i tell him?

  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Feb 07, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    Hello RJ peeps, How are you all doing?
    I was wondering if i could get some advice.
    Okay so i posted here b4 that me and my ex split about a month ago because he needed to do some growing and Job, school, homework, would leave no time for a bf and he wanted to just end it rather than know he wouldnt be able to see me.
    Okay so b4 he broke up with me he asked me to marry him, i said no bcuz i knew we were both not ready and he got a lil mad.... so to try to make him understand i love him and i do want to be his partner, i got crests made with our names and fav symbols(mermaid with his name and an angel with mine). well it took a couple of weeks to get them made, during which he decided to end it. well when they arrived, i fell into a huge teary mess. I emailed him vaguely about it. Now he wants to know what i had to tell him and i am not sure if i should since he did break up with me.... any advice? thanks icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    Tell him. Calmly and warmly, not angrily or sadly. This way how he takes it will tell you whether or not there is more to come.

    He broke up with you; you didn't break up with him icon_wink.gif so you're entitled to still feel loving.

    -Doug
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Feb 08, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    Thanks icon_razz.gif
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Feb 08, 2011 7:00 PM GMT
    168079_775854739049_32819527_41698669_15

    just wanted to show you guys what the crests looked like

    icon_smile.gif / icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2011 9:15 AM GMT
    Tell him AND show them to him.
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Feb 10, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    Just nervous... i dont want to make him feel obligated to come back... i just feel he may want to date other guys.... but i will tell him.... hope it all goes well
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    I agree, it's important that he knows what your feelings are in case he ended it because he didn't think you were serious about the relationship. There's no guarantee that he'll change his mind but there is a guarantee that he'll know where you stand.

    Good luck.
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Feb 11, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    I would show him and tell him about your feelings. I feel like if he asked you to marry him he still has feelings for you and doesn't want to date others.. Besides, whats the worst that happens, you get everything off your chest and feel better, and if he says sorry, its over, then you have some closure

    -D-
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    Feb 11, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    Sounds like you missed boat, buddy. You could've said yes and just waited like so many people do when they get asked that intimate question. They call it being engaged and that can last from a week to year and beyond.

    Naturally he should be a little mad. You just rocked his world and not in a good way. With that being said, what were you doing in between the time you guys broke up? Were you trying to get back with him or did you decide to just wait until that gift of yours came in? If you were serious then you would've been fighting to get him back or you would've said yes to begin with. You fudged it up because YOU felt you were ready and you assumed he wasn't (clearly he was ready if willing to ask for your hand in marriage).

    I say no. Don't tell him. Let it go and move on.You felt he wasn't ready so what makes you think he's gonna wanna hear what you have to say now? Even if he did break up with you YOU are the one who turned down his proposal so think about how that made him feel and why he might've broken up with you. I don't think that little trinket is gonna make him wanna come back to you but that's just my opinion.
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    Feb 11, 2011 5:37 AM GMT
    Hmm, guy101, The OP's in love but not ready to get married, I think. So his BF told him he'd have no time for a bf and wanted to end it.

    -Doug

  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Feb 11, 2011 8:15 AM GMT
    well during the time i was just depressed and being emo.... icon_sad.gif
    he is younger than me and we are both in school. I dont have a good enough job to pay for both tuitions and living expenses... so weighing the reasons it seems like being married was not a now thing.... but i wanted to show him that he did mean something to me, i got them made. I dont want anyone but him, but maybe he asked me to marry him out of guilt? maybe he cheated and felt bad.... i may be over thinking it....
    He said he needed to grow up first and get a job (oh yeah he's never had a job). Instead of suffering with the fact that he cant see me, he would rather break it off..... while i was being emo i think he was being nice.... i mean why would he ask me to marry me if he was going to dump me.... idk.... have i lost anyone? im sorry if i did.... But im going to tell him, so there is no "what if" in my future.... Thanks guys for ur advice.... if anyone else has some id love to hear it.... still getting the guts to call him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2011 9:12 AM GMT
    Meninlove, I'm very much aware of that. I read the same thing too as posted by the OP.

    I see your point now, OP. You both shouldn't get married. You both have a lot of growing up to and need to get your priorities straight. If neither of you have time for each and can't make time each for each other then I say end it and just be friends. Later on in life you can pick up where you left off I suppose.

    I get why the BF broke up with you though. That's as clear as day but I get why you declined the proposal too. In short, I don't think you need to tell him how you feel or felt back then. Just be a friend and just be available to him til you guys are ready to make that commitment to one another.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2011 9:15 AM GMT
    helios01 said... maybe he cheated and felt bad.... i may be over thinking it....


    And there you have it. No matter how much thinking and imagining you do now it will lead to something that is not the truth, but rather your interpretation of events. Good to hear you are still going to go through with it. You seem to be much more self aware than most people that I know. You recognize that there will be too many "what if's" otherwise.

    Good luck; they were really nice looking pieces of art. No matter what happens now, in the future when you look at yours you will have memories of a great relationship that encouraged you to produce these.
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Feb 15, 2011 10:39 AM GMT
    hey guys just wanted to give u guys a heads up.
    I told him yesterday and we talked and i told him everything i had to tell him and showed him what i had to show him. He says that he was stressed with me and that he feels like he can concentrate on school and just have fun. I am depressed of course because well i dont know what he wants from me... he got mad because i mentioned that i had lunch with my friend Juan asking if we were gonna date..... sigh.... i got it off my chest so i feel better... but im gonna miss him.... I'm probably just gonna get back to school and finish my degree and get my body in shape and try things.... might do some weed or get crazy drunk and wake up with a kimono in New york... i've been too much of a good boy in my life. thanks for listening....
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Feb 15, 2011 10:51 AM GMT
    I love you for being so gay icon_razz.gif
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Feb 15, 2011 11:07 AM GMT
    helios01 said168079_775854739049_32819527_41698669_15

    just wanted to show you guys what the crests looked like

    icon_smile.gif / icon_sad.gif


    Is that a Barbie Doll holding those crests? That made me smile.

    Good advice above - good for you for being calm and steady - you have some time now to heal.
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Feb 16, 2011 8:23 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI love you for being so gay icon_razz.gif


    this made me laff cuz i am not sure what ur talking about... lol

    thanks for the advice guys.... feel better i told him what i felt....

  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Mar 02, 2011 8:48 AM GMT
    Hey guys... it s me again.... i am nt sure what to do with the pendants.... i tried selling them... but it hurts.... and it hurts to have them in my room.... any suggestions?
    thanks in advance...