How to start a fight with your spouse

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
     
     Got this in an email today and laughed so hard I couldn't resist sharing.

    Can you think of any more ways to start a fight that can be added to this collection?

    ----- HOW TO START A FIGHT


    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
    Christmas gift...
    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
    And that's how the fight started.....

    ______________________________

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
    in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered. I then said,
    'Is that your final answer?'
    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    And that's when the fight started...

    ________________________________

    I took my wife to a restaurant.
    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."
    And that's when the fight started.....

    ________________________________

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
    she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at
    a nearby table.  I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed,
    "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after
    we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober
    since."  "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
    celebrating that long?"
    And then the fight started...

    ________________________________

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
    that I should get it fixed.  But, somehow I always had something else to
    take care of first, the shed , the boat, making beer.. Always something
    more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her
    point.   When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
    grass,
    busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
    silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only
    a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said,
    "When you
    finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."   The
    doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

    ________________________________

    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, "What's on TV?"
    I said, "Dust."
    And then the fight started...

    ________________________________

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
    seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale.
    And then the fight started......
    ________________________________

    My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I
    look old, fat and ugly.
    I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
    I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
    And then the fight started........
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    ROFLMAO!!!


    We laughed so hard...Bill says he thinks he's hurt something.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 4:24 AM GMT
    Some of those were real good. I oughta try the "dust" one...
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    Feb 08, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    icon_lol.gif

    I had a good laugh
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    I'm STILL laughing at these. icon_smile.gif Thanks for sharing them.
    icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 08, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    Loved them all! thanks Darian for spreading some good cheer! I will probably be laughing real loud during my sleep later! thank you for your good vibes, as always!


    Leandro
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Feb 08, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    This one is not funny, but it work apparently.

    We were watching sea lions wrestling on Nature.

    "Wow, what a mess!" She remarked

    "Yes, it's like watching you dance," replied I.

    That's how we started a fight.

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    Feb 08, 2011 5:57 AM GMT
    I enjoy the Taiwanese reenactment videos. Assuming you know the story behind the videos they make, subtitles aren't even necessary.






  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 6:14 AM GMT
    Thank you for the hilarity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 6:27 AM GMT
    *like
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    I can't understand my wife.

    Yesterday we were watching a game show on TV
    and the moderator asked the husband to
    name his wife's favourite flower.
    i smiled and said to my wife
    'that's easy for me, honey, it's
    Robin Hood, isn't it?'
    Doctor says there will have to be
    two operations to remove the vase.

    ___________________________________

    Just after we were married I decided to set down the ground rules to my wife.
    I pulled her aside and in no uncertain terms told her I was the boss
    And she was not.
    She smiled at me and took me into the bedroom where she started
    taking off her clothes.
    I knew I had done right and she was finding her place.
    She slowly took off her panties and tossed them my way 'saying, put these
    on darlin'.
    I looked at her and said " i can't get into these honey" to which she replied " and you never will until you change your attitude, asshole"
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Feb 08, 2011 7:24 AM GMT
    The thread title reminded me of this old comic strip.. I laugh everytime I look at it.
    fights.jpg
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    Feb 08, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    stilsurchin said
    ___________________________________

    Just after we were married I decided to set down the ground rules to my wife.
    I pulled her aside and in no uncertain terms told her I was the boss
    And she was not.
    She smiled at me and took me into the bedroom where she started
    taking off her clothes.
    I knew I had done right and she was finding her place.
    She slowly took off her panties and tossed them my way 'saying, put these
    on darlin'.
    I looked at her and said " i can't get into these honey" to which she replied " and you never will until you change your attitude, asshole"


    Lol. I'm going to have to remember this one! Thanks for sharing.
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    Feb 08, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    proper lol!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    OMG those were hilarious, esp the one about lawn mover. Thanks for sharing icon_biggrin.gif
  • CalebKM

    Posts: 156

    Feb 08, 2011 6:25 PM GMT
    Lmao
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    Feb 08, 2011 6:28 PM GMT
    Another One or two

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
    Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing My curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is Proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.'
    And then the fight started...


    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
    Grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
    I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a Torrential downpour.
    The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
    My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband Is out fishing in that?'
    And then the fight started ...
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Feb 09, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    Thank you, buddy, for bringing a smile to my face. I needed that!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    turtleneckjock saidThank you, buddy, for bringing a smile to my face. I needed that!!


    Thought you might like it! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2011 9:07 AM GMT
    Are you a male or female?
    To find out the answer,

    Look Down

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    Look down, not scroll down. Geeez.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    Dead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    awesome thread guys!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    turtleneckjock saidThank you, buddy, for bringing a smile to my face. I needed that!!


    Yup.............and my second husband enjoyed it, too.....


    Love you, Jeff icon_wink.gif