Advice for a developing complicated relationship

  • JFitNC

    Posts: 50

    Feb 10, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
    At the end of December I started talking to a guy that at first started off as what was intended to be something casual. While it is still casual we have begun developing feelings for one another. There have been hold backs however that have kept me from letting my guard down with him. Not long after it was obvious that it was going to be about more than hooking up he revealed to me his positive status. Though we had never gone as far as penetration or anything close to that I could not help but feel upset at the fact that he passes himself off online as negative simply because he is undetectable. This however did not make me throw in the towel with him. I have friends that are positive as well have dated an openly positive man (though it was complicated and required more caution it worked well on an emotional and personal level).

    What bothers me however was the fact that he revealed that it had only been a few months since the boyfriend he was with for over a year had dumped him over his status. While I was thankful to find out sooner I recently discovered that they have started communicating a again and that he obviously still has some connection with his ex.

    So I need advice:
    1. Is it worth it to put real feelings into this or take it for what it is right now?
    2. How do I bring up the subject of me being uncomfortable with the way he defines his status online?
    3. Have any other negative men dated a positive guy? If so, what was your experience/advice on making it work?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2011 10:42 PM GMT
    To me, I would be curious to know why his ex boy-friend of over a year dumped him in the first place. Did he hide his status from his ex, in much the same way he did with you? Did he contract HIV during this last relationship because of cheating? If it's yes to any of these questions, I would take it as a giant red flag.