I've liked the same straight guy for 2 years.

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    Feb 10, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    It's long story but here's the powerpoint version.
    -Best friend intro's me to her potential lover.
    -I like him more than she does.
    -We hit it off and I develop feelings.
    -Admit it to him and he's cool with it and we hang out often.

    All this time i've dated gay guys, but I still find myself thinking of him. I know it's really pointless, but I still have this hope I will have him.He pretty much set the bar for all guys. He's like perfect for me. Seducing him to have sex wouldn't be enough. I like him so much, I don't lust him at all. What do I do? I don't want to break it off.
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    Feb 11, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    I'd say from experience, keep it strictly friendly. If he would have been into you, even the slightest bit, something would have happened already. You're gonna worry yourself to death hoping that someday you'll be together and live happily ever after. Accept the fact that this guy is straight, and though he may enjoy the company of a good(gay) friend, it does not mean you're entitled to screwing him and ruining what you have.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Feb 11, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    I've spent my entire life in love with the wrong guys. It's a painful existence.
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    Feb 11, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    Rubidoux saidWhat do I do? I don't want to break it off.

    A dead-end street. He would have ditched her for you. He didn't, so look elsewhere.
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    Feb 11, 2011 2:21 AM GMT
    Make him drunk!
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    Feb 11, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    The psych lover in me wants to ask, "What do you think it says about you that you're infatuated with someone you know you can't have?"

    I understand that he seems like "the perfect guy," but there's a little component that everyone seems to forget when they're looking for Mr. Perfect. You have to be perfect to him too. If he doesn't feel that way about you, it's not fair. Relationships need to be equitable and mutually enjoyed, of it will never lead to happiness or fulfillment.

    So I guess my advise would be to try to figure out why you're hung up on this guy, process the internal reason and get over it. But if that doesn't work, maybe it's time to move on.
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    Feb 11, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    He seems like a rare guy, and I mean RARE guy. It takes an unusual heterosexual man to hang out with a gay man knowing that the gay man wants to be sexual with him. Very rare man..so rare I have never seen him. Ever.
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    Feb 11, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidI've spent my entire life in love with the wrong guys. It's a painful existence.


    Wow, I'm not the only one that's happened to? Not knocking you, man, honest, just relieved I'm not the only one.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 11, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    JackHoffman saidHe seems like a rare guy, and I mean RARE guy. It takes an unusual heterosexual man to hang out with a gay man knowing that the gay man wants to be sexual with him. Very rare man..so rare I have never seen him. Ever.
    but you do not know every straight man so you can not make that assumption
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    Feb 11, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    JackHoffman saidHe seems like a rare guy, and I mean RARE guy. It takes an unusual heterosexual man to hang out with a gay man knowing that the gay man wants to be sexual with him. Very rare man..so rare I have never seen him. Ever.


    That's what really keeps me from letting go. It really gets my mind running. Maybe he's not comfortable with coming out? Maybe he's in denial of his feelings? Who knows.
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    Feb 11, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    ...I suggest you enjoy his friendship and make it strong - it may be much longer lasting than any sexual relationship icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 11, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    Gosh, this is exactly what happend to me in the past 2 yrs. He was my best bro and knew I had crush on him. We spent a lot time together in the library and parties.

    But at the end of day don't fool yourself, st8 dude will choose girls(not every girls) over you. If you can set it back on urself and enjoy the bromance with him then it's sweeet. But don't fall into him, both of you might get hurt


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    Feb 11, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    Rubidoux said
    JackHoffman saidHe seems like a rare guy, and I mean RARE guy. It takes an unusual heterosexual man to hang out with a gay man knowing that the gay man wants to be sexual with him. Very rare man..so rare I have never seen him. Ever.


    That's what really keeps me from letting go. It really gets my mind running. Maybe he's not comfortable with coming out? Maybe he's in denial of his feelings? Who knows.


    that bulls i have straight guy friends who totally love hanging out with me even after i came out them, infact they wanted to hangout with me more after i came out because i offer them different perpective and respect the fact i had to the guts to come out. they dont even mind gay clubs (obviously to pick up the chicks there), some guys just arent narrow
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    Feb 11, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    i think I can tell you from a somewhat similar experience years ago, that you are making a deep hole by spinning your wheels....if you can handle the friendship you both enjoy without anything more...........then run with it and quit picking holes in what you have.................Keithicon_wink.gif
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    Feb 11, 2011 4:11 AM GMT
    Keep it professional and keep it friendly. You now he is straight so why fuck up a nice thing that you have going on with him? Can't just being his friend be enough for you? Right now you are about to be your own worst enemy because you don't know how to control your emotions and are pawning over something you know you can't have. Let it go and move on to someone who is a lot more accessible to you particularly someone who is actually gay.
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    Feb 11, 2011 4:33 AM GMT
    Hey man, if he is straight it's not happening. Sorry. I don't want to sound like a dick but there is no beating around the bush here, if he is straight then he is romantically and sexually into girls and there is nothing you can do to change that.

    Not to mention it seems like you have put him on such a pedestal that you are missing the fact that nobody is perfect. A relationship with this guy will not make the world suddenly perfect, you'd be surprised at how similar it would remain. You'd still have the same problems, insecurities, etc. and you would quickly learn that he has his bad habits and that he can be an asshole in situations.

    Think of it this way, what if a girl was saying this about you? A close girl friend who said, "I'm in love with him, maybe there is a way to make this work." Could you do it even if you wanted to? I know I absolutely could not, and it is the same for him.

    To be honest, focusing on a guy who is not scientifically even capable of being into you is probably distracting you from guys that can make you happy. I hate to say it but you have to find a way to move on.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Feb 11, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    I have a similar situation going on, my best friend is someone who I would deem perfect for me but he's straight and pretty good looking as well (he looks like patrick swayze). But I've came out to him and we have had many discussions about me being possibly into him sexually. I talked it out with him and pretty much came to the conclusion that if it came to it, it would never work out because we value each others friendship. We still sleep next to each other during drunken nights and sometimes cuddle (he's little spoon). I guess the best way to put it is really think about it, is screwing him having a possible relationship that may or may not last too long, worth losing what could be a lifetime friend? Learning to use your rationale versus your penis is hard for a lot of us to do but when you do it you will never regret it because you will make the best choice.
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    Feb 11, 2011 7:33 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    barriehomeboy saidI've spent my entire life in love with the wrong guys. It's a painful existence.

    And just think, I've been here all along. icon_biggrin.gif


    Yeah....heheheh.....

    No one can torture us better than we can.
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    Feb 11, 2011 8:29 AM GMT
    Been there, Done that, Read my blog, buy my autobiography book.

    LEAVE HIM.

    Find your Bliss.
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    Feb 11, 2011 8:58 AM GMT
    Rubidoux said
    JackHoffman saidHe seems like a rare guy, and I mean RARE guy. It takes an unusual heterosexual man to hang out with a gay man knowing that the gay man wants to be sexual with him. Very rare man..so rare I have never seen him. Ever.


    That's what really keeps me from letting go. It really gets my mind running. Maybe he's not comfortable with coming out? Maybe he's in denial of his feelings? Who knows.


    Ok, seriously Jack? Must you encourage the romanticized death-grip on adolescent Disney/Twilight-esque hope?!? Shame ...

    Time to stop the made-for-TV movie, Rubidoux. He's not going to wake up tomorrow, realize he loved you all along, and come after you with flowers and full symphonic orchestra soundtrack. It ain't happening.

    Examine the possible scenarios:
    Scenario #1: He comes out (yay!), and you run to him expecting a relationship. Because to you, you might as well have been dating for the past 2 years. Couple problems with this. A) He's just coming out, which always carries with it a certain level of baggage/issues/processing B) You've had your fun with boys. He never has. You really think it's fair (or rational) to expect him to want to settle down with you right away? If you're honest with yourself and you really have deep feelings for him, it's going to kill you if he's gay and can't (or doesn't want to) be with you.

    Scenario 2: He gets drunk and you guys mess around. This is exponentially more likely than #1. In this situation, you hope it will lead to more. Welcome to the path of having your hopes, dreams, and heart truly crushed. There might be the possibility of him fooling around with you a few more times when the mood strikes him, but if he's predominantly straight, he'll predominantly choose women. So you'll always be the boy on the side. Then there's the possibility of him being a self-hating gay, fooling around with you, and then being so ashamed of himself that he doesn't ever feel comfortable around you again.

    Seriously. Let these feelings go. You're idealizing instead of being rational, which at 18 is pretty much par for the course, but that still doesn't mean it's healthy. Take the advice of people who've been through it before and spare yourself the heartache, pain, and possible humiliation.

    Or … completely disregard this and go after him anyway … which is probably what you're going to do. Hell, that's what I would've done when I was 18. *sigh* Oh, misspent youth. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 11, 2011 9:28 AM GMT
    All these responses and yet nobody has pointed out one or two problems that I spot immediately.
    Rubidoux saidIt's long story but here's the powerpoint version.
    -Best friend intro's me to her potential lover.
    -I like him more than she does.
    -We hit it off and I develop feelings.
    -Admit it to him and he's cool with it and we hang out often.

    You would be willing to keep trying for your best friends (potential) lover? So far nobody has pointed out what they would have if you were trying to start a relationship with a gay friends lover: that it is just wrong. It makes me wonder what kind of trust your relationship would be based on?

    I would say best of luck; instead I will say that if you can not control yourself (and she is still interested in him) it might be time to distance yourself a little bit.
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    Feb 11, 2011 9:44 AM GMT
    West. We all caught on to that scenario which is why we said for him not to partake in pursuing the str8 bait. His best friend isn't the issue since she isn't actually dating him. What's at stake is the friendship he has with the straight guy and how if he continues this infatuation with him he'll up ruining a good thing i.e a platonic friendship with a straight guy.
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    Feb 11, 2011 9:55 AM GMT
    I have a crush on a straight guy as well. It sucks because I know nothing will ever happen but can't help it.

    My advice is don't do anything you don't want to ruin a good friendship for something that doesn't have much chance of happening.
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    Feb 11, 2011 11:16 AM GMT
    Are you for real? There's something about this story that just doesn't sound right.
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    Feb 11, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    Rubidoux said, "All this time i've dated gay guys, but I still find myself thinking of him. I know it's really pointless, but I still have this hope I will have him.He pretty much set the bar for all guys. He's like perfect for me."

    I don't think he's perfect for you at all. If he was he'd feel the way you do. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug