JackHoffman saidHe seems like a rare guy, and I mean RARE guy. It takes an unusual heterosexual man to hang out with a gay man knowing that the gay man wants to be sexual with him. Very rare man..so rare I have never seen him. Ever.
That's what really keeps me from letting go. It really gets my mind running. Maybe he's not comfortable with coming out? Maybe he's in denial of his feelings? Who knows.
Ok, seriously Jack? Must you encourage the romanticized death-grip on adolescent Disney/Twilight-esque hope?!? Shame ...
Time to stop the made-for-TV movie, Rubidoux. He's not going to wake up tomorrow, realize he loved you all along, and come after you with flowers and full symphonic orchestra soundtrack. It ain't happening.
Examine the possible scenarios:
Scenario #1: He comes out (yay!), and you run to him expecting a relationship. Because to you, you might as well have been dating for the past 2 years. Couple problems with this. A) He's just coming out, which always carries with it a certain level of baggage/issues/processing B) You've had your fun with boys. He never has. You really think it's fair (or rational) to expect him to want to settle down with you right away? If you're honest with yourself and you really have deep feelings for him, it's going to kill you if he's gay and can't (or doesn't want to) be with you.
Scenario 2: He gets drunk and you guys mess around. This is exponentially more likely than #1. In this situation, you hope it will lead to more. Welcome to the path of having your hopes, dreams, and heart truly crushed. There might be the possibility of him fooling around with you a few more times when the mood strikes him, but if he's predominantly straight, he'll predominantly choose women. So you'll always be the boy on the side. Then there's the possibility of him being a self-hating gay, fooling around with you, and then being so ashamed of himself that he doesn't ever feel comfortable around you again.
Seriously. Let these feelings go. You're idealizing instead of being rational, which at 18 is pretty much par for the course, but that still doesn't mean it's healthy. Take the advice of people who've been through it before and spare yourself the heartache, pain, and possible humiliation.
Or … completely disregard this and go after him anyway … which is probably what you're going to do. Hell, that's what I would've done when I was 18. *sigh* Oh, misspent youth.