College Life

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    So, it's Friday night at college again and everybody's going out, as am I. Unfortunately, I never seem to have fun. My school is very heavily club oriented and, seeing as all my friends are straight and the clubs only cater to them, I just don't feel there's a whole lot for me to do.

    All there seems to be is get drunk, dance around a bit, and pick up girls.

    I hate dancing and I am certainly not picking up girls.

    Sure, standing by the bar all night getting shit faced is okay every once in a while, but I can't talk to anybody over the music and chatting with the smokers outside is only interesting for so long. My buddies also start to get annoyed if I hover for too long because I'm fucking up their "game," since I'm no good as a wingman. icon_rolleyes.gif

    This is my 5th year in college (that's what changing majors 4 times will do lol) and I'm really getting sick of this. There's a gay bar across the river, but taxis only stay on their respective sides, so that's out of the question. Regardless, my friends wouldn't go for that.

    How did you guys handle this sort of thing in college? I don't know if there's something else I could be doing that would be more fun or what. I'm frustrated.

    Any form of advice is appreciated. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 1:29 AM GMT
    Show the taxi driver a $100 bill.
    Works every time. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 1:38 AM GMT
    I had a different experience, as I was very much into the club/bar scene and found myself going out a lot (weekdays and weekends). I do have a close friend who was also in a similar situation as you though.

    We stayed in the same dorm and had 2 other roomates who liked to go out. Everyone hung out together and also went partying together, but eventually he found that it just wasn't right for him so he started hanging out with other friends who enjoyed the same things as he did. Maybe you should consider meeting new people who have interests that are more in line with yours. Or spend time with friends that do activities you like. Start cutting back on your nights out with them or suggest you go somewhere more relaxed, and see if they'd at least go for that. Maybe get some gay friends!!
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Feb 12, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    I never understood the allure of clubs/bars for the reason you stated: "can't talk to anybody over the music." If people enjoy blasting their ears out and getting wasted, good for them, but not my cup of tea.

    Now as for the original poster's question: I dunno man. I could honestly really use some advice myself; I want to get out there and meet new guys. Is there some kind of alternative venue place I can go to that is a gay bar minus the music?
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    Feb 12, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidShow the taxi driver a $100 bill.
    Works every time. icon_wink.gif


    I am not sure what you mean? When I lived in New York I used to pay my cab driver to drive me around for awhile, it was a lot fun. I miss New York!
  • misternick

    Posts: 234

    Feb 12, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    Find a place you want to go to instead of a place your friends want to go to.

    That's what I would do.

    Where's my drink...?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]misternick said[/cite]Find a place you want to go to instead of a place your friends want to go to.

    ^This

    Trust me I've been through it and you will start to get annoyed. I now tend to ditch my str8 friends a lot to go do my own thing and I found out there is one of them thats willing to go out with me. We have a blast and I'm so happy I started doing it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    Get some gay friends, or fag hags. Girls always love going to gay bars/clubs in my experience
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    I go alone to a gay bar...even with that, i dont make friends...people look other things on a friendship...i have straight friends...but i dont hang out with them, they dont know about me...maybe they did since i stop hanging with them...they start talking shits about me. Well, at least you have friends...i hope they hang out with you on a gay bar, that doesnt matter they dont have to be gay to hang out there, a gay bar is better than a straight one...xD

    Anyways, are you still in the closet to your friends? well, i am kinda still, but not to my girl friends. actually, some of them....not all...xD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 2:56 AM GMT
    There must be other gay guys in your college who are in the same boat. Start doing some things with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    Your college years are for developing yourself as a person.
    Your time there is too short to be wasting it doing things you don't like doing.
    Try new things. You've never done X, Y, or Z? Try doing them. You won't know if you like them until you've tried them. Eventually you'll find out what you like. Then make new friends doing these things with you.

    Your straight friends are pretty stupid. Who's a better wing man than the gay dude? All the pretty girls are/want to be your friend. The smart straight guy would hang around you since the pretty girls will come your way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    Straight bars have never bothered me. I still go to the fairly often with my friends. I just get drunk, but I honestly can't enjoy any bar unless I am drunk because bars and drunk people are extremely obnoxious. Plus I really don't mind dancing with girls. I usually get drunk, dance with my lady friends and have a great time.

    Some gay people are just too uptight about the whole being around straight people thing. We are all just people. If you don't want to pick up girls, then don't. Just go have fun and dance if you want to. I personally like dancing with girls more than guys anyways.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    I moved from the Twin Cities in Minnesota to a small town south of there.

    Don't beat them, join them. Or play monopoly and turn it into a drinking game. Your call.

    KSUOWL saidStraight bars have never bothered me. I still go to the fairly often with my friends. I just get drunk, but I honestly can't enjoy any bar unless I am drunk because bars and drunk people are extremely obnoxious. Plus I really don't mind dancing with girls. I usually get drunk, dance with my lady friends and have a great time.

    Some gay people are just too uptight about the whole being around straight people thing. We are all just people. If you don't want to pick up girls, then don't. Just go have fun and dance if you want to. I personally like dancing with girls more than guys anyways.



    DING DING DING!!! You ever tried to scissor with a dude? Someone's not going to have kids in the end.
  • ajlclimber

    Posts: 337

    Feb 12, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    How about you go to the bar to have fun with your friends and not worry about picking someone up?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    I normally don't have this issue because if I'm not out getting drunk then I'm doing something creative.

    "An idol mind is the tool of the devil" icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    Simple answer... don't go to straight bars.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 6:37 AM GMT
    Wow... back in my day, we spent the nights studying, sitting in line in a hallway waiting for a computer terminal, or both.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    I'm still in college like you. I did 5 years of undergrad and I'm on my 2nd year of grad school. Light at the end of the tunnel. I went to the #1 and #2 party schools in the US, and I don't drink, smoke, or like loud music either. I can count on two hands the number of times I've gone to a club and like 1 hand for the number of times I've been to a bar. All were times when I had to go with friends I had a the time.

    Don't think I would have made it this far without World of Warcraft for 4.5 years as an undergrad and now Aion Online icon_smile.gif

    Plus, I joined a club sports team in a sport I always wanted to try after being burned out on swimming as a life sport. This semester I'm teaching some, so I have my hands full. Kids send me emails way too often.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Feb 12, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    Dude...Doesn't your college have a gay student lounge...you could go there and connect with other gays your own age...BUD
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    Feb 12, 2011 2:46 PM GMT
    Ermine saidYour college years are for developing yourself as a person.
    Your time there is too short to be wasting it doing things you don't like doing.
    Try new things. You've never done X, Y, or Z? Try doing them. You won't know if you like them until you've tried them. Eventually you'll find out what you like. Then make new friends doing these things with you.

    Your straight friends are pretty stupid. Who's a better wing man than the gay dude? All the pretty girls are/want to be your friend. The smart straight guy would hang around you since the pretty girls will come your way.



    I finally agree with every word you have just said. icon_surprised.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    I have this same dillemna as the OP often does. I can and do play both fields and...it really depends on what I feel like that weekend. But I do find there are pluses and minuses for both. What I mean is...

    often when I go out to the bar/club with my roomie (straight guy) we have fun by hanging out and laughing and talking to other guys we meet, and then laughing with other girls we meet, and then laughing because girls walked away from us.
    The music is blaringly loud and it IS annoying as HELL to not be able to at least communicate with somebody you meet over the blaring music. No kidding, that aspect of it almost makes it too much effort to try to talk with somebody in that environment and I just lose interest. It is frustrating, I think many people share your feelings.
    I tend to have more fun going out with some of my gay friends out to gay venues....for different reasons. First, I feel like I can be more fully myself. I feel like people are less judgemental there, and I can actually let loose. I also feel its a somewhat less hostile environment. After a long work week the last thing I want to do is to stand around trying to look cool and not having fun; its not fun; its draining.

    One thing to consider is that you don't have to "go out" to have fun. Some academic circles look down on that, as do other groups. I know its hard because that seems like the easiest most direct way to let loose; but just try and find things and people that you like to do/be around (that sounded hilarious). Just be yourself.


    ajlclimber

    "How about you go to the bar to have fun with your friends and not worry about picking someone up?"

    Alot of times there is tremendous unspoken pressure when a bunch of guys go out to a bar/club to compete and try and score something. Whether its a conversation with a lady, whatever..it is written into straight guy code. So OP might be able to do this had he gone out himself; but he's most definately going to catch flak around his straight buddies.
  • leojock1985

    Posts: 76

    Feb 12, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    dude you are an hour and 15 min train ride from NYC!! get your ass to NYC and go to some real gay bars!! leave prime time far behind!! it's not good!! you are so close to NYC so suck it up and go have fun in NYC!!

    I should know because that's what I do.. well I drive down from Wappingers it's a peace of cake dude!! the bars around poughkeepsie even the straight ones are pathetic!! time to move on to bigger and better things
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    In my undergrad there was alot to do where I was at. I lived in the gayborhood so it was easy to find many interesting things to do.

    Now I'm doing my doctorate in a very small town/community. It's not appealing to me to go out anymore. I usually stay in and clean (OCD), play some piano and write, and then maybe head down to the dive bar a block away. It's chill there.

    Things will change for ya.
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    Feb 12, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    Hamburglar said.. My buddies also start to get annoyed if I hover for too long because I'm fucking up their "game," since I'm no good as a wingman. icon_rolleyes.gif
    if" />


    In terms of the "game" (straight boys picking up girls at clubs/bars)...

    a gay guy (in theory) would be the nuclear weapon to disarm and distract the "cloud of less attractive girls" that swarm the "targeted hottie" your wing leader is going after.

    Unless of course, the gay wingman is so personable and attractive to women that Targeted Hottie is hanging on his arm (and Gay Wingman becomes Chief Cockblock)...

    In theory, of course: I mention it only because your experience there reads a little like mine so many years ago. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    Thanks for the responses, guys!

    I'm not sure I was clear enough on this. I'm not bi. I have absolutely no interest in talking to the girls whatsoever. Actually, I try to avoid them. They ALWAYS are attracted to me (I really have no idea why) and they come on VERY strong. I've had girls literally ask me if I wanted to have sex in the bathroom more times than I care to admit. And then there's the rejection process and they never believe me when I tell them I'm gay and it causes drama and ruins the whole night for everybody. Not fun.

    Sylas said
    Alot of times there is tremendous unspoken pressure when a bunch of guys go out to a bar/club to compete and try and score something. Whether its a conversation with a lady, whatever..it is written into straight guy code. So OP might be able to do this had he gone out himself; but he's most definately going to catch flak around his straight buddies.

    This x 1000. There's sometimes way too much testosterone for me to handle.

    I really only go out because at the end of the night, everybody is absolutely hammered. We tend to get in a lot of trouble, so nights have a habit of ending with us running from the police or an angry cabbie. Those are the things I like to remember... or rather, not remember.

    hazardous said
    Get some gay friends

    I would absolutely love to. Unfortunately, a Catholic school in a relatively conservative area of upstate New York isn't exactly conducive to generating an LGBT community. I went to a couple LGSA meetings and they were absolutely abysmal. Of course, I have no one to blame but myself for getting into these circumstances.

    And those of you suggesting I go to a gay bar by myself...... I've never been before and I find the idea of going alone my first time very intimidating. icon_cry.gif

    I've found that I've been spending more time hanging around with friends who stay in and I do find myself more entertained, but I can't do that all the time.

    I dunno. At this point, I'm feeling sort of like I should just ride out the rest of my college career. I graduate in 3 months, so I can just deal with it until then. I mean, I've been doing that for the last 4 1/2 years, so what's another quarter?