This could be a problem with dating someone too young

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    We finally got some decent waves here in Miami and being a cold day I was the only one in the water. During the occasional break I chatted with the lifeguards most of whom know me. Today a new one was there. You can not be any more perfectly handsome than this guy is. His eyes are blue green hazel. His hair is dark brown or even black). He is a perfect example of what we think of when we think of beautiful Italian men.

    He also surfs so we had a good conversation about surfing and about my waveski. We talked about better places to surf in Florida and he mentioned one place where I have been on a few occasion. I know this one woman there. She is a grandmother who has been a short boarder her whole life before she was hit by a truck on her motorcycle. After the recovery she could no longer paddle out on a short board so she took up waveskiing and recently won a contest for all waveski surfers (men and women) over 50. She suffers from crest decease and was told as a teenager that she should expect to be in a wheelchair by 30. Very inspiring story right?

    So I share this with him and he tells me, "well my dad is 47 and he still surfs". That is when I had to say "I didn't start surfing until I was 50 and I didn't start whitewater kayaking until I was 48. I have your Dad by 5 years."

    I get approached on the internet by guys who are barely legal. Recently a hot 20 something French kid wanted to have cam sex with me. Its not my thing but during the chat he kept telling me how handsome he thought I was. I couldn't help but to mention that I am probably the same age as his dad. He asks my age and when I told him, he says, "no, he's not that old". I couldn't resist asking him if his dad was as hot as him. It was a joke but I scared him away on that one.

    So there you have it. Imagine dating a guy and then meeting his dad who is younger than you. Or if you are a young guy who likes mature men, don't you think it would be weird to introduce a guy to your dad who is older than him?
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    Feb 12, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    Stranger things have probably happened, but I can see where the older-than-the-dad boyfriend or the dad could feel very, very uncomfortable.
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    Feb 12, 2011 8:30 PM GMT
    In a small town, I get uncomfortable wondering whether I actually know their parents.

    "Big Bro" stuff like riding, sailing, or working on cars with them is cool, but I (generally) resist further advances.

    Once took a younger guy diving a couple of times. Shrugged off a pass he made at me. Later found out he was the son of my division exec. (Bullet dodged.)

    Recently got "hot listed" by the son of a friend of mine. I guess it's sort of an "I know you know I know" sort of gesture. Haven't seen him since or talked to him though.
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    Feb 12, 2011 8:35 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidIn a small town, I get uncomfortable wondering whether I actually know their parents.

    "Big Bro" stuff like riding, sailing, or working on cars with them is cool, but I (generally) resist further advances.

    Once took a younger guy diving a couple of times. Shrugged off a pass he made at me. Later found out he was the son of my division exec. (Bullet dodged.)

    Recently got "hot listed" by the son of a friend of mine. I guess it's sort of an "I know you know I know" sort of gesture. Haven't seen him since or talked to him though.


    icon_eek.gif

    Thanks for sharing that!
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    Feb 12, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    I slept with one of my dad's coworkers, he doesn't know, but that was one of the factors that made it so hot, he used to joke that when he was in a meeting with my dad, he was gonna say to him -Your son is great in bed- icon_eek.gif
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    Feb 12, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    Sounds like you are uncomfortable with larger age gaps. It's common on both sides of the spectrum. Usually younger guys get more shit about it when they publicly state they're uncomfortable dating someone as old as their dad.
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    Feb 12, 2011 9:04 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidSounds like you are uncomfortable with larger age gaps. It's common on both sides of the spectrum. Usually younger guys get more shit about it when they publicly state they're uncomfortable dating someone as old as their dad.


    You know.. you're right. If a young guy says he won't date an "old" guy he's labelled "agist".

    That said, I get hit on much more frequently by guys young enough to me my son. Probably because there are so many of them now.

    Give me a hot 50yo ANY day!
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    Feb 12, 2011 9:24 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidSounds like you are uncomfortable with larger age gaps. It's common on both sides of the spectrum. Usually younger guys get more shit about it when they publicly state they're uncomfortable dating someone as old as their dad.


    Though I'm not being judgmental and in fact fully understand why a guy my age would date a very young guy regardless of the age of their dad. I also understand why young guys don't want to date someone my age. While I prefer guys closer to my age, this lifeguard made it clear to me that I can be attracted to guys less than half my age. I'm not closing that door either for one simple reasons. I seem to be too old for most of the guys in their 30s and 40s and yet there are plenty of guys in the teens and 20s that have no problem approaching me. So why not eat a little chicken if the steak keeps being put in front of you and then quickly pulled away. The problem I have is that I'd feel responsible for them. Like if I hurt them I could change the course of their life. I think it would be hard for me to shut down my paternalistic instinct.
  • fitdude62

    Posts: 294

    Feb 12, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    I was out to dinner with a young man that I have been seeing for 4 years now and for the first time I was taken by suprise when the Hostess asked me if me and my "son" would like a booth or table....LOL.

    I guess I never thought of it but I am older than his dad.....It's never been an issue but it was funny. We just looked at each other and smiled.

  • Puppy80

    Posts: 451

    Feb 12, 2011 9:41 PM GMT
    fitdude62 saidI was out to dinner with a young man that I have been seeing for 4 years now and for the first time I was taken by suprise when the Hostess asked me if me and my "son" would like a booth or table....LOL.

    I guess I never thought of it but I am older than his dad.....It's never been an issue but it was funny. We just looked at each other and smiled.



    I had the same thing happen but kinda reverse. I was with my boyfriend at the hospital and he was having a something done and one of the nurses asked me if I was allergic to something like my dad. Of course my boyfriend was medicated and started giggling.
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    Feb 12, 2011 10:10 PM GMT
    kevinsbeach saidWell look at it this way, you're dating someone where you can beat up his father.


    LMAO!
  • Desmondlug

    Posts: 92

    Feb 12, 2011 10:59 PM GMT
    Its an interesting point. I tend to be attracted to older men, so bringing one home to meet my family will be strange. Especially if they are older than my father. I imagine my father would not be to happy about it.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Feb 12, 2011 11:07 PM GMT
    This is not a gay only issue though, this is a dating thing in general.

    I say if it feels right, go for it, Social perception be damned.
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    Feb 12, 2011 11:14 PM GMT
    friendormate saidWe finally got some decent waves here in Miami and being a cold day I was the only one in the water. During the occasional break I chatted with the lifeguards most of whom know me. Today a new one was there. You can not be any more perfectly handsome than this guy is. His eyes are blue green hazel. His hair is dark brown or even black). He is a perfect example of what we think of when we think of beautiful Italian men.

    He also surfs so we had a good conversation about surfing and about my waveski. We talked about better places to surf in Florida and he mentioned one place where I have been on a few occasion. I know this one woman there. She is a grandmother who has been a short boarder her whole life before she was hit by a truck on her motorcycle. After the recovery she could no longer paddle out on a short board so she took up waveskiing and recently won a contest for all waveski surfers (men and women) over 50. She suffers from crest decease and was told as a teenager that she should expect to be in a wheelchair by 30. Very inspiring story right?

    So I share this with him and he tells me, "well my dad is 47 and he still surfs". That is when I had to say "I didn't start surfing until I was 50 and I didn't start whitewater kayaking until I was 48. I have your Dad by 5 years."


    I get approached on the internet by guys who are barely legal. Recently a hot 20 something French kid wanted to have cam sex with me. Its not my thing but during the chat he kept telling me how handsome he thought I was. I couldn't help but to mention that I am probably the same age as his dad. He asks my age and when I told him, he says, "no, he's not that old". I couldn't resist asking him if his dad was as hot as him. It was a joke but I scared him away on that one.

    So there you have it. Imagine dating a guy and then meeting his dad who is younger than you. Or if you are a young guy who likes mature men, don't you think it would be weird to introduce a guy to your dad who is older than him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    offshore saidThis is not a gay only issue though, this is a dating thing in general.

    I say if it feels right, go for it, Social perception be damned.


    That sums up my experience to date. Pretty much everyone in my military contacts knows I'm gay. I have to hand to the young guys today for being mature about it and in fact supportive by not making it an issue. It isn't one.





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    Feb 12, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    I get hit on by a lot of guys in their 20's, for me it's very flattering, but I usually don't have much in common with someone so young. And to tell the truth it makes me feel even older :-)
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    Feb 13, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    age smage....wtf is this such an important issue to some gay guys....i hardly EVER heard this in the straight world but there are soooo many guys here who seem to take it upon themselves to be the witchburners of the 21st gay century.......if a guy 20 finds me attractive or vice versa, that is no one else's business to judge or comment on.

    I am fortunate to be able to look on the man first and not worry about age....i look for maturity and compatability........conversely, if I meet a hot 55 year old guy, the same shit applies.......put this age shit in its grave where it belongs or join the rest of the judges in the Supreme Court.................Keithicon_exclaim.gif